1. Because the strongest Nation in the world is apparently just looking for a reason to be suicidal.

Don't be insulted, please. Verbal abuse is a real thing that affects real people. It just doesn't seem to me like the sort of thing that would apply to thousand year-old semi-immortals.

"America, you stupid bastard why are you late?"

America stopped in his tracks coming through the door, and slowly blinked at that completely unwarranted and frankly uncreative insult from his former mentor. "Dang England, that stick further up your ass than usual, today?"

England spluttered and subsided, muttering under his breath about ungratefulness and tea.

Weird.

America went to his seat, ignoring all the eyes that were on him for some reason. Like, seriously, didn't they have a meeting to get through?

Then China shot him a petulant glare. "Aiyah, when are you going to pay your debt to me, aru?"

"We've been over that unpleasant topic a thousand times, Yao," the blond sighed tiredly. "The answer hasn't changed, yet. Take it up with the boss if you don't like it."

"Become one with me because no one likes you, pigheaded fatass American," Russia shot from the other end of the room.

"I'm so confused right now," America announced honestly. "Haven't we been trying to improve our relationship for the past decade?" He looked at Germany, who was being spectacularly useless as a peacekeeper right now. "And you're not doing anything about this?"

"They're not wrong," Germany reasoned uncharitably.

"Kill yourself!" Cuba yelled. Wait-where the fuck did Cuba even come from?

"Mattie, I might need an alibi some time later today," America said under his breath. "They're apparently confusing me with some other person who has self-esteem issues…Matt?"

Canada wasn't there. Which was strange because he'd been there just a moment ago, and he wouldn't just fucking disappear like that with all this stupid weird crap going on.

"Pastaaaaa!" Italy declared dizzily and completely out of context.

Fed up, America stood. Then in the most projecting and intimidating voice he could muster he demanded, "What the actual fuck is wrong with you people?"

Blank stares all around.

America scowled. "Your political tact is completely gone-like, completely out the window. We have thousands of years of experience in this room. Why the hell aren't you acting like it? This isn't a middle school lunch table, it's a World Meeting. And I am not going to break down into a bawling emotional mess because ya'll wanna be assholes. So there is literally no point in this exercise."

Completely stunned silence followed. America sat down again, still seething a bit but not going to let the sheer stupidity of the situation get to him anymore. As it was he wanted to tear his hair out.

Finally, Lithuania spoke u-and where the flying lemur fuck did he come from? That seat was definitely not there before. Nations are literally appearing out of flippin' nowhere today. Was the table magically accommodating extra space or something? Whatever happened to the Laws of-well, everything that made sense? His life was weird enough, damn it!

"Mr. America…you seem different, today."

"I'm not being different," the blond gritted. "You guys are the ones acting like twelve year olds. I mean, bullying? Verbal abuse? Seriously?"

The door opened again. America practically jumped out of his seat when he saw who it was.

A second America stared right back at him, equally surprised. But he seemed…different, somehow. Alfred couldn't quite put his finger on it.

"Bloody hell, there's two idiots, now."

The newcomer flinched at England's scathing tone. Alfred sent the island Nation the glare he deserved. "What an unworthy comment from the supposed 'gentleman'. Have you forgotten yourself entirely?"

England was suddenly rather interested in the wood grain of the table.

Alfred approached the door. He stopped and took the other America's slightly drooping shoulders. He didn't bother to lower his voice. "Remember. You're the superpower, here. Your military's gigantic, and you can literally crash their economies with a phone call. Not to mention you can bench press an eighteen wheeler. Don't let these immature, crusty old relics get you down, 'cause they ain't shit if they can't even act with decorum to their betters."

The other America straightened at those words of encouragement. There was gratitude in his smile, which had become much more genuine. "Thanks for reminding me."

With that, Alfred turned to face the collective of parodies that was playing at being his colleagues. "It appears that I am in the wrong meeting room. Or the wrong dimension. I'll figure it out when I retrace my steps. Have a glorious fucking day, you absolutely thoughtless bastards."

NO, I'm not trying to minimize the impacts of verbal abuse. It is definitely a real and legitimate thing that I've seen with my own eyes.

However this trope does not really make sense to me for Hetalia, because each character is at least several hundred years old. They'd probably have a more thorough awareness of consequence, forethought, and subtlety than any living being on the planet. They're not going to throw politics to the wind with blatant, uncreative, or straightforward insults that sound like they should be coming off of Kik. No matter how young they act.

I might make this into a series.

Thanks for reading, please review and tell me what you think! And if you've got any ideas for any other tired Hetalia tropes and common plots to dissect, please tell me!

Later dudes. ^J^