Everyone says Father is wrong, even Frau Steinhauser my teacher, and she knows everything and she's always right. She even knows the names of all the Kaisers going back hundreds of years.

But sometimes when she talks about Jewish people her face gets ugly. I don't know how that happens because she is very beautiful, with soft blonde hair and blue eyes. She looks a bit like the photos of Mama even though those pictures are black and white.

But Fraulein Maria says Father is right about the Anschluss. I love Fraulein Maria with all my heart and I wish she would stay with us forever.

I don't understand why grown ups don't agree on big things like this. Frau Steinhauser has a photo of the German Fuhrer on her desk next to a flag with a black spider on it. She says we should all be proud that the glorious Third Reich is led by a heroic son of Austria. Sometimes when she talks about him she gets tears in her eyes and we all squirm with embarrassment at our desks. It's uncomfortable when grown-ups cry.

When Frau Steinhauser talks about Jewish people I feel so awful because I know my friend Lily has a Jewish mother and I feel so bad and ashamed. It makes me want to cry. I want to hug her because she looks both frightened and sad. She looks like she is trying to make herself invisible so that no one can see her.

Lily's mother has the kindest eyes and she lets me taste her delicious hamantaschen cookies. But there is a sadness in her eyes as well – I don't know why she has to look so sad all the time. I wish she would just look happy like Fraulein Maria.

Fraulein Maria's smile is like the sun lighting up the whole sky and when she laughs it makes me feel warm and safe and I want to laugh too because it makes me so happy. Fraulein Maria has a laugh that makes everyone want to laugh, even Father sometimes. The first time I heard him laugh I was so surprised. It changed his whole face and made it look nice. And his eyes twinkled.

Lily's mother looks like she has not laughed in a long time and she often looks scared too. Once when I went to her house there was a heavy pounding on the door. Lily's mother made me and Lily hide in the upstairs cupboard. She said it was a game of hide and seek but I don't think it was. When she let us out she looked relieved. She said it was just the postman and we don't have to play hide and seek anymore.

I think she was scared it was one of the young men who hang around on the street outside. They have these horrible boots that make loud noises when they stomp around and they laugh a lot but it is a mean laugh not a happy one. They show all their teeth when they laugh - like fierce dogs, and their eyes are hard and angry.

They remind me of Josef in my class who is always looking for a fight with other boys. His father hits him a lot so he is always looking to hit someone back. He enjoys hurting the other children, kicking and pinching them until they cry and beg to be let free. Sometimes he chases the girls too but we keep out of his way as much as possible.

I hope he never picks on Lily because I am scared that I will never be brave enough to protect her. I am not brave like Father. He won lots of medals in the war long ago. I wish Father would come to my school and scold Josef so he would not be so mean anymore, and maybe he could scold the hateful young men outside Lily's house too. He is brave enough to do things like that.

I don't know why people seem to dislike Jewish people now. Fraulein Maria says it is wrong to dislike anyone and I think she is right. She says that when we have hate in our hearts we get ugly inside and it makes us feel bad, and it makes it easier to do bad things.

Everyone is so angry all the time now. Except Father. He is never angry any more though I did hear him shouting at Uncle Max recently. I get a worried feeling inside my tummy and I want to hide when he shouts. It reminds me of when he used to see us but not really see us, as though he were far away somewhere where we cannot reach him even though he would be standing right in front of us.

He used to talk to the boys in an angry voice but he never did that with the girls even though I was always scared he would. When he made us line up my stomach always felt tight with worry and it hurt a lot. Sometimes I would start dreaming about the fairies that live under my bed so that I would not have to think about what was happening right then and then Father would get irritated that he had to repeat something to me.

Since Fraulein Maria came Father has changed so much. Liesl says he is back to the way he used to be before Mama died but I don't remember that. He kisses me and hugs me and carries me all the time now. It feels like heaven when he does that, like I am floating on a cloud of happiness. When he picks me up it feels like he is the strongest man in the world.

The first time he kissed me on the cheek it felt like butterfly wings on my face - so soft and delicate. I didn't want to wash my face ever afterwards but Fraulein Maria made me. She said not to worry Father has plenty more kisses for me for the rest of my life. When I hug him now I can hear the funny noises in his stomach and I can feel him breathing. He has a nice smell too.

Once when I sat on his lap on the terrace I even heard his heart beating. I still think about that a lot. Fraulein Maria had told me to show my drawing of a pony to him. I showed it to him and before I knew it he had pulled me onto his lap. I couldn't believe it but I kept talking and pretending nothing was happening in case he changed his mind and put me down again. He said it was a beautiful picture and I wanted to cry, which is silly because I was happy not sad. I remember that I very slowly and carefully leaned closer against him but he did not push me away, in fact his arm tightened around me.

I was so close that my cheek was resting on his chest and I could hear his heart beat steady and strong. The material of his shirt felt clean and crisp and I wanted to touch it with my fingers but I was scared to move in case everything changed. I wanted to stay like that forever. While I was looking at the knot in his tie – I had never been that close to it before - Frau Schmidt called us in for lunch.

I was so sad that I had to get off his lap. But then most wonderful thing happened. He carried me into the dining room! My face was so close to his neck I just hid it in there not even sure if I was dreaming. His skin smelt so nice, warm and clean. I couldn't speak to anyone for hours after that because I felt so happy.

I notice all these things because it is still so new to me when he holds me close. Brigitta says I won't notice it so much when he has hugged me for the hundredth time. Even now when he smiles at me I feel like my heart is going to burst with joy because there is so much love in his eyes.

The other night I asked Fraulein Maria about Jewish people and why people are mean to them. She and Father looked at each other for a moment and then she answered. It's funny that he did not look at Baroness Schrader who was sitting right there. Louisa told me once that he is thinking of marrying her because she is so pretty, but when it comes to anything to do with us it is always Fraulein Maria he talks to.

Fraulein Maria said it is terrible to be mean to anyone. Jewish people have a different religion from us but that does not matter. They are Austrians just like everyone else. Father added that the Nazis are blaming Jewish people for things that have nothing to do with them and that the awful thing was that people believe those lies. I did not know what a Nazi was but Father explained it quietly to us and there was a terrible sadness in his eyes, a bit like Lily's mother.

I wanted to run to him to hug him and comfort him and tell him everything would be alright but I wasn't brave enough. Father said it is a great shame on Austria that so many of its best artists, musicians, doctors, scientists and writers were leaving because they are Jewish and they are scared about what may happen in Austria.

Then he used that big word that I hear a lot now – Anshct schluss, I think. But I was proud that I knew a little bit about it from Frau Steinhauser so I told Father and Fraulein Maria how I knew it was going to be like a happy marriage and that Germany and Austria were like Prince Charming and Cinderella and were going to live happily ever after together. Father looked at me and again at Fraulein Maria and I could tell he did not agree but he did not get angry about it.

Fraulein Maria said that a lot of people believed that, but it was not true. She said that Austria is a beautiful country with its own wonderful history and music and art and it should stay on its own. She said the people who are leading Germany are bad people so it would not be a good marriage.

I thought about that for a long time, still puzzled why Frau Steinhauser and everyone else I knew seemed to think it would be a good marriage while only Father and Fraulein Maria – and Lily's mother probably, though I am not sure why - think it will be a terrible thing.

I asked Fraulein Maria about it when she was tucking me into bed. She said that Father was one of the bravest people in the world because he stands up for what is right when everyone else disagrees. And that just because a lot of people believe something it does not mean it is right.

She said one day when I am older I will realize how lucky I am to have such a courageous father who can see so clearly the difference between right and wrong and not be afraid to do the right thing. While I was thinking about this Father came in to kiss me and Gretl goodnight.

He does this every night now and it's why I don't mind bed times anymore. Gretl and I don't even fight anymore at bedtime. As he kissed me, I suddenly felt very brave. I felt so proud that he was my father so I flung my arms around him before I had time to think about it and stop myself. I held tightly to his neck and he held me tightly back and I could hear him swallow something. Maybe there was something stuck in his throat because I could hear him swallow again.

We stayed like that a long time and when I let go I could see Fraulein Maria was watching us with what looked like a shimmer of tears in her eyes which was puzzling. She and Father exchanged a look. I couldn't see Father's face, but Fraulein Maria looked at Father the way she does at us sometimes – the look that tells us that she loves us with all her heart, forever and ever.

Then they both wished us a good night.