Little L
He was the only thing holding my sanity together. When it came down to it, I really did cry when he died. I cried more when Misa reminded me… It was my fault. It was all my fault! I remember how the months felt like years, days felt like months and every hour creped past me as a day in itself. Matsuda sat on the couch and held me, cradled me in his arms. I felt like a child… not a man at all.
I no longer wished to be a God… I'd give anything to have my L back. Yes… I said it… MY L! No one can ever take that away from me! NEVER! Not Mello… Not Matt and especially not Near! I am God now… and no one can stop me. No one would dare to oppose me now. But with all this power, I find myself wanting a queen. Only one person will do… and He's not here.
I got rid of that pain-in-the-ass Shinigami but even that doesn't make up for my losses… and thanks to that cursed Mello… I lost my father along the way… But not even that compares to losing the love of your life. I remember it… all of it… all my fault. I never spoke clearly to him about that subject… I would keep it as cloudy as I could… on purpose. This way, the others wouldn't hear and wouldn't chase him themselves or cast my beloved aside, afraid to take his advice… Ide is homophobic.
"What do you want to discuss today, dear Yagami?" L would ask me whenever I called him away from the office to the coffee shop.
"Us…" I'd reply. "You and me, L." What I should've said after that still remains unsaid. "We were made for each other. I know it. L, please… be mine. Let me hold you forever and even an eternity after! I don't want Misa… never have. I don't want Takada either! I want... and need… you. Only you. We'll take this world together!" I never said it… and now I can't. Of all the things I've done, or haven't done… that is my biggest and only regret.