Sephiroth built walls. It was what he did. Genesis couldn't blame him, not after the childhood the man had. Still, he didn't think it was fair. Sure, he'd come a long way with Sephiroth, but not far enough—not to his liking. Their friendship was years in the making. Since before he even met Sephiroth, he had had conversations with newspaper clippings of ShinRa's boy wonder. He kept a scrapbook of pictures and newspaper articles about the silver-haired young man who was touted as the finest soldier in the military—the youngest to make it to the title of General. He often dreamed of fame and glory, and of becoming a SOLDIER warrior like Sephiroth. Now that he had gotten what he wanted—SOLDIER 2nd class and making his way to 1st class, and a friendship with Sephiroth—it wasn't enough.
The walls Sephiroth built up were impenetrable. Sometimes they would all be talking and then Sephiroth would take on a far away gaze, an unreadable expression in those glowing jade eyes. From an early age they had been infused with mako, and Genesis remembered seeing them for the very first time. The pictures did them little justice, did Sephiroth little justice. The man was simply hauntingly beautiful. His eyes were that of a much older soul, even though he often times possessed the innocence of a child. Sephiroth was sheltered by ShinRa, by the world, and so he was, at the very beginning, agonizingly quiet and very formal. Even now after ten years he was a man of few words. He simply preferred to listen, to watch. It was Genesis who often dragged words out of him.
Genesis fell in love with that quiet faraway gaze, fell in love with the man of so few words, filling in the spaces Sephiroth left. Genesis didn't mind filling silence. He had learned to talk early, and his parents wasted no time influencing him to do so often and injected him with as much culture as they could. Their house was the biggest in Banora, with the largest Banora White tree, and in that house was his father's study, and that study rivaled the town's public library. Genesis could recite over a hundred poems by the time he was ten, but his favorite was LOVELESS. By the time he was fifteen, he lived to recite it to Angeal.
"The three friends," he'd said, "you, me, and Sephiroth." And it had come true. Genesis was used to getting what he wanted.
That was why this was so hard. He'd wanted Sephiroth since before he could remember. Wanted to be him, wanted to be with him, wanted to best him in battle; it was a maelstrom of emotions, and he'd always felt that way. But then, Genesis was mercurial, capricious, fiery, all those things and more. The total opposite of Sephiroth, who was mysterious, quiet, had a fierce sort of intellectualism that had come from studying people and their mannerisms and interactions all of his life.
Sometimes Genesis could see Sephiroth mimic emotions. Feign the part. Other times, after the labs, he was too weary to be anything but himself. Genesis made a point to always show up after Sephiroth was done with Hojo …or rather, when Hojo was done with Sephiroth. Sephiroth was most childlike in this state, and although Genesis felt bad for thinking it, it was his favorite version of Sephiroth because he was the least guarded, almost vulnerable.
This night, though, Genesis mused, he was almost too vulnerable, too childlike. He had never seen Sephiroth so shaken. He was injured—that was part of it, of course, but he was also haunted in a way Genesis had never seen him before.
"Talk to me about it," Genesis whispered, as if speaking in his normal voice would make Sephiroth bolt.
"There's nothing to discuss," Sephiroth said harshly. But then, almost as an after thought, he softened his deep voice and regarded Genesis with an unreadable look. "I must rest."
"What did he do to you? You're hurt," Genesis pointed out, watching Sephiroth clutch at his side.
"It's nothing. Nothing I haven't dealt with before."
Those walls were insurmountable.
"Sephiroth, share your burden to lighten it," Genesis said softly. Sephiroth sighed, weary.
"It was worse….when I was a child," Sephiroth said with a faraway look.
Ah, a chink.
"What was worse?" Genesis pried.
"He fears me now," Sephiroth said, "and that makes all the difference." It was all he said on the matter.
"I've come to help you to your apartment," Genesis said. It was unnecessary, as he was always there to escort Sephiroth to his quarters after a visit with Hojo. He was never sure how or what Sephiroth felt on the matter, just that he had tolerated it. Angeal joined them sometimes, although he was often summoned to Hollander's lab around the same time, after their training was over. But Hollander was no Hojo. Genesis knew the man was cruel to Sephiroth. Intensely cruel.
"Why do you let him hurt you?" Genesis asked. He wasn't sure how the silver-haired man would respond.
"He's my….never mind," Sephiroth had answered. His what? Sephiroth had no parents. He spoke affectionately of a man called Professor Gast, telling Genesis that he reminded him of the man a little. But that was it.
"He was an avid reader of poetry, though he was a scientist," Sephiroth told him once about the man that was called Gast. It was clear this man was as close to a father figure as Sephiroth had in his life, though it was unclear why Sephiroth put up with Hojo.
"You wouldn't understand," Sephiroth said simply.
"Try me," Genesis sighed.
It was then that it happened. Sephiroth collapsed. Genesis had never seen Sephiroth so weak before and he hoisted him up as if he were a rag doll, nearly carrying him into the elevator, where they rode in silence to Sephiroth's floor.
"Thank you, Genesis…" Sephiroth said stonily as the doors to the elevator swooshed open. "I can manage from here." But he couldn't, nearly crumpling to the ground once more. Genesis wrapped his body around Sephiroth's, held him up, and used his copy of Sephiroth's keycard to get into the apartment. Once inside, he led Sephiroth to his bed and gently rested him on the soft surface. Sephiroth had a slightly sad expression in his mako eyes, which glowed softly in the dark. Genesis reached his hand out to touch Sephiroth's cheek, stroking it lightly. Sephiroth surprised him by not turning away, simply gazing into Genesis's eyes with an unreadable expression.
"Why do you come to see me like this?" Sephiroth asked.
"I'm your friend. I see who you truly are, who you hide to the world," Genesis answered.
"It's not easy for me to have you see me like this," Sephiroth sighed.
"I know. The hero has no faults, no weaknesses. The hero does not feel pain. But the man, the man behind the mask does."
"There is no mask," Sephiroth stated coolly.
"So smug," Genesis said sadly. "There is one. Carefully constructed since childhood, built to exclude everyone so they don't get too close."
"I'm afraid of getting hurt," Sephiroth said after a long silence. "Is that what you want to hear? Even with you and Angeal."
"I know," Genesis said, sitting beside Sephiroth. "May I?" He asked, hands gently resting on the buckle that held Sephiroth's coat closed over his stomach. Sephiroth gave him a bland look, not saying no. Genesis opened the coat and gently removed it, sliding the pauldrons down off his shoulders and revealing more skin. It was then that Genesis saw the expanse of bruises that made up Sephiroth's shoulders and arms, as if he'd been squeezed the life out of. The bruises would heal quickly, but he knew the emotional weight of years of a bruised ego.
"Sephiroth," Genesis breathed.
"It's nothing," Sephiroth said, almost a whisper. Genesis's eyes lowered to Sephiroth's side where a gash was being covered by smooth leather-clad hands, blood sparkling in the moonlight, almost looking black against the stark contrast of milky white skin.
"I have a hi-potion. You should drink it."
"I'd rather feel the pain," Sephiroth said enigmatically.
"Why?"
"It is one of the only times I feel alive," Sephiroth said lowly. Genesis cringed at that. There were plenty other ways to feel alive, he wanted to say, ways that he could show the man. But he stayed silent, only ghosting his fingers over Sephiroth's.
"You are alive," Genesis finally said. "And I'm right here. There's more to life than pain. Take the hi-potion," he urged. Sephiroth sighed exasperatedly and held his hand out while Genesis fished for it in the pocket of his red leather coat. Sephiroth took it from him and drank it down slowly, its bitter taste staying on his tongue.
"There," Sephiroth said. His side ached less, and he no longer needed to hold onto it, though when his fingers came away bloody he went into the bathroom attached to his bedroom and came back with a first aid kit.
"Let me," Genesis breathed, taking the kit from Sephiroth. Sephiroth sat down on the bed and Genesis pulled out a small bottle of alcohol and some gauze and used it to clean the wound, covering it up with a fresh gauze pad and tape. His fingers then brushed up his side, resting gently on Sephiroth's chest as he leaned in, face inches from the other man's. Sephiroth's eyes searched Genesis's.
"What are you doing, Genesis?" He asked.
"Let me kiss you," he whispered. "I want to know what it's like to kiss someone I've always wanted to kiss."
"Genesis," Sephiroth started, but the other man was already sliding his fingers into silver hair, brushing his lips against Sephiroth's.
"If you don't want me to, I won't, but I really want to kiss you."
"I've never…."
"I know," Genesis said. "I want to be the first."
"Why? Why do you want to kiss me?" Sephiroth asked, as if a child asking why the sky is blue.
"Because….don't you realize I like you? That I've always liked you?"
Sephiroth shook his head. "On occasion I would notice your heart rate elevate when near me with no reason for that elevation, but I did not realize…."
"Since before I met you," Genesis confessed. "I wanted to kiss you then." Sephiroth's eyes widened slightly, searching still. But he didn't move, didn't shy from Genesis's intense gaze, as if challenging him. There was a curiosity there, a desire to see what Genesis would do. Not taking the opportunity lightly, the young redhead slowly, very deliberately, pressed his lips against Sephiroth's. He felt what he always expected to feel when he could only dream of kissing his friend, which was a rush of exhilaration, a fire burning deep in his belly. Sephiroth's lips were soft, and though he did not kiss back, he had let him kiss him. That was enough to make the fiery 2nd class happy.
Sephiroth seemed confused, hiding behind the fringe of his hair. "I…didn't imagine it would be that way," He said softly. How did he imagine it? Genesis wondered, and with whom? Moreover, what did Sephiroth think of the kiss?
"Have you ever thought about kissing anyone?" Genesis asked, curiosity getting the best of him.
"No," Sephiroth answered honestly, "But I am not displeased that it was with you." Genesis was mildly taken aback. Such a declaration from Sephiroth was like saying he enjoyed the kiss.
"Would you like me to do it again?" Genesis asked, realizing that he might be pushing his luck. He was quite shocked when Sephiroth leaned in and kissed him much in the same manner as he had just been kissed, his lips pressing firmly against Genesis's. Genesis closed his eyes, savoring the feeling, touching his crimson leather-clad fingers to his lips when the kiss was over.
"Did I please you?" Sephiroth asked, tilting his head slightly.
"You have no idea how much," Genesis smiled.
"Good. I am…happy that you got what you wanted," Sephiroth said. Realization dawned on Genesis at that moment that Sephiroth might have let him kiss him, had actually kissed him back, not because he wanted to but to make his friend happy out of a sense of duty.
"You didn't just do that just to make me happy, did you?" Genesis asked tentatively. Sephiroth shook his head.
"I was curious," he responded. "Now I know what it is to have kissed and to kiss someone."
"To be honest, Sephiroth, I never thought I'd kiss you," Genesis said softly. "I never thought you'd let your guard down to let me. You've built so many walls around yourself…"
"I do not mean to…." Sephiroth sighed, looking uncomfortable until he schooled his face to appear emotionless.
"I know…it's how you've always been. But I've always wanted to show you another way," he said, placing a hand on Sephiroth's thigh. "You live in an impenetrable fortress, away from us humans," Genesis joked, though what he said rang true.
"It is…hard for me," Sephiroth said, looking away into the darkness past Genesis. "You and Angeal are my only friends…the only friends I have had."
"I know," Genesis said gently, not unkindly. "But I want to be more than friends with you," he added, surprising himself with his boldness, but subtlety wasn't Sephiroth's strong suit. Dropping hints….lingering touches….searing looks…all of them were lost on him. "Let me show you what I mean," Genesis leaned in close, fingers sliding along the nape of Sephiroth's neck, massaging the base of his skull when he felt Sephiroth stiffen uncomfortably at the touches.
"Genesis," Sephiroth breathed, his hands pressing down into the bed at either side of him.
"Touch me," Genesis said huskily, reaching for one of Sephiroth's hands, pressing it to his heart. "Do you feel how hard my heart is beating ?"
Sephiroth nodded slowly and gently slid his hand up and into Genesis's hair, mimicking his actions. Next he took Genesis's hand and placed it over his bare chest, letting him feel the way his heart was beating. Genesis was surprised to find that the steady beat was fast too.
"Where should I touch you?" Sephiroth asked. Gods, but did he have to ask that question so innocently? There was a place Genesis had in mind, but he'd never begin to even imagine ….. "here?" Sephiroth asked, his hand sliding down Genesis's chest and down…..and down…. Gods, but what was he doing? He didn't want to have to admit that he was shamefully hard, even the little touches and the nearly chaste kisses making him feel heady, but then Sephiroth was cupping him through his pants, putting a slight pressure into a small squeeze. Genesis hissed through his teeth, hips instinctively snapping forward into that hand.
"Sephiroth, do you even know what you're doing to me right now? What it means?" Genesis asked, hand covering Sephiroth's. What if he was unconsciously, with his body language and level of heightened arousal, leading Sephiroth to believe he had to do what he was doing to please one of his only friends? Part of Genesis felt bad that he didn't just stop at liking the other man platonically, but the other part of him almost came right there.
"You're very aroused," Sephiroth said simply, as if it was all that black and white. Yes, of course he was aroused, but he didn't want to take advantage of Sephiroth.
"You don't have to touch me there," Genesis said simply, about to bat Sephiroth's hand away when the other deftly opened the button of his pants, lowered the zipper, and slipped his hand inside. Genesis moaned raggedly, pushing his hips up against that hand. "Sephiroth…are you sure?" He asked breathlessly.
"Do you ever think of me and touch yourself here?" Sephiroth asked with a veiled expression.
"All the time," Genesis confessed.
"Hm," Sephiroth said, gently starting to pump his hand over Genesis's erection."Like this?"
"Sephiroth…you don't have to," he said, moving his hand over Sephiroth's, but he didn't stop, continuing to slowly jerk him off.
"I know," Sephiroth said.
"Then can you take your gloves off?" Genesis asked. "I want to feel your hand on me." Sephiroth did what was asked of him, removing both gloves, and then gently gripping Genesis's erection again.
"Like this?"
"Yes…just like that." Curiosity got the better of Genesis and he asked, "do you do this to yourself, Sephiroth?"
Sephiroth shook his head negatively. "I did…once, when I was 15.. Hojo wanted a sample to test my motility. He locked me in a room and put this movie on…..I turned it off. I found it to be…indecent."
"What did you think about to get yourself off?" Genesis panted, senses overwhelmed.
"It just…felt good. My mind was blank. I thought of nothing but the pleasure."
Genesis smiled softly and leaned close to Sephiroth, removing his gloves and placed his hand on the belts above Sephiroth's pants. "Can I touch you?" Sephiroth rubbed his thumb over the sensitive head of his erection and spread the fluid he found there, making Genesis shudder. Sephiroth nodded his head and Genesis wasted no time opening the belts and unzipping the pants, hand sliding inside. He was not all too surprised to find that Sephiroth was hard too. He made a pleased sound in the back of his throat, thumb circling the head of his friend's erection and collecting the precome there, using it to slowly jerk Sephiroth off, matching the pace with him.
So much was being said through their silence, the only sound in the room the panted breaths between them. Genesis kissed Sephiroth again, this time heatedly, tongue asking for permission even as Sephiroth parted his mouth. Genesis moaned into the kiss, tongue seeking Sephiroth's out. Genesis could feel the walls around Sephiroth slowly being let down, the man's tongue gently responding, tentatively seeking Genesis's out too, the two of them dancing lazily, slipping around each other. Genesis moaned into the kiss, finding it more amazing than he ever imagined. Here he was, breaking through the walls Sephiroth carefully constructed, enough to make the other shudder against him. Genesis pressed his chest against Sephiroth's, his free hand in that beautiful silver hair, stroking it gently. It was just as soft as he imagined, even more so. It was Sephiroth's only vanity, whether he admitted it or not.
Eventually the kiss ended and their lips parted. Genesis, not realizing he had closed his eyes, opened them, eyelashes fluttering. He found Sephiroth gazing at him in wonderment, his green cat-like eyes clouded with pleasure. It was a beautiful sight, the soft glow of mako casting shadows on the other's cheeks, illuminating bow lips.
"Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?" Genesis asked, thumb brushing those kiss-swollen lips.
"Hojo….he calls me a beautiful child," he said, frowning slightly.
"You're a beautiful man," Genesis corrected. "And fuck Hojo. Don't think about him. Focus on what I'm doing to you. You like it, don't you?" Sephiroth shuddered, nodding slowly as Genesis sped his hand up. He matched Genesis's pace.
"Can I kiss you again?" Sephiroth asked.
"Do you find me attractive, Sephiroth?" Genesis asked, curious.
"You are a beautiful man," Sephiroth said, repeating what Genesis had said about him. "I have always thought that to be true." Genesis smiled and pressed a kiss to Sephiroth's forehead, which now had a slight sheen of sweat. Genesis could tell Sephiroth was close by the shuddering he felt against his chest. He was close too. They both fell silent, breathing together, eyes on each other. It was the most intense thing Genesis had ever experienced, and he knew Sephiroth must have thought the same thing, as those green eyes flitted from Genesis's lap to his own, and then tried to focus on Genesis's eyes. Genesis himself was alternating between looking at Sephiroth's hand moving up and down in his pants to the hooded eyes before him.
"I'm…hahh…close," Genesis shuddered. "Don't stop. I can tell you are too. Come with me, Sephiroth." Sephiroth planted his free hand on the bed beside Genesis and tipped his head forward, a cascade of silver hair falling to frame them both. His breath hitched and then he went still, muscles contracted as he came with a gasp. Genesis bit his lip as he watched Sephiroth's face, his own muscles seizing up as he came hard, spilling his seed onto that perfect white hand.
"You came first," Genesis said with a mischievous lilt to his voice, because everything was a challenge to the two.
"Don't be so smug," Sephiroth retorted, lifting his chin haughtily. "After all, you wanted me first."
"Touché, General Sephiroth," Genesis laughed musically.
For a little while, those walls came down and, triumphant, Genesis began to wear away at them. Sephiroth may have a billion of them, but Genesis—always up for a challenge—took on each and every one of them until all that Sephiroth could do was accept Genesis as he always was. He still put up walls, but occasionally Genesis was surprised when Sephiroth let him in for a time. Just a little while. But to Genesis, it was enough. Sephiroth had always been enough. If Sephiroth would continue to build walls, Genesis would continue to climb them.