Disclaimer: Sadly Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling and not me, even though she is an amazing writer, and only my OC belong to me.

I was dead inside.

I knew it.

My friends knew it.

My family knew it.

Everyone did.

Everyone but her.

All those years ago I made the stupid decision to fall in love with my best friend. I've been with her through thick and thin, was her shoulder to cry on when a boy broke her heart, and she was my nurse when I fought with the boys who hurt her. She was my guilty conscious when I played tricks on the unsuspecting Slytherins, but yet she was my partner in crime when breaking some of the rules. She was perfect in every way. Her straight brown hair shimmered in the sun as we ran through the fields of Hogwarts. Her blue eyes made my heart melt when she looked up at me after crying, her eyes still moist from all of the shed tears. Her petite frame and hourglass figure fit perfectly by my side as we took a prom picture, even though she wasn't my date.

I have loved her for as long as I can remember, but I was too chicken to tell her how I feel. I've tried before to tell her how I feel. I would find her curled up like a cat in her favorite chair by the fire in the library. Her nose deep into a book. Her hair strung up into a messy bun and her black rimmed glasses on the edge of her nose. I would take tentative steps towards her and just as I was about to blurt out my deep emotions she would jump up.

"James!" she would yell, "guess who asked me out today."

My timing was unlucky, my heart plummeted to earth as my eyebrows drooped lower. I really didn't want to know but her beautiful smile and her big round eyes would draw me to her. Trying my best to act nonchalant I would ask who, but I always knew my voice sounded strange. When she told me Scorpius Malfoy I almost dropped dead. Anger bubbled inside of me as all of my hatred centered itself around my friend. I was going to kill him.

"That's great Kim," I said shoving my hands into my pockets.

Sensing something was wrong she made to give me a hug but a voice rung out through the bookshelf's. Scorpius Malfoy was calling, wanting to take my Kimberly away. Giving me a quick kiss on the cheek that made my heart soar she grabbed her book and ran to go find him. My anger settled down, it wasn't his fault. Even though he was my best mate he didn't know of my feeling for her. He only figured out after he left her for another girl, one with brown eyes and and brown unruly hair, my cousin Rose Weasley.

The years at Hogwarts were the best. Most likely because I saw Kimberly everyday. When we finished our schooling life in the real world seemed impossible. Finding time to spend together got harder. But that didn't stop my love for her. At night I would lay in my bed and look out of the window in my flat. The dark London sky was dotted with stars and a full moon shone illuminating the furniture in my room. I would always wonder if she was doing the same things, my head filled with unanswered questions. One question that always came to mind is whether she ever had feelings for me. Than one night as I stared at a photo we took when we were younger my courage came and I decided I was going to finally tell her. The only problem was how I was going to tell her.

My answer came the next day. Walking through Diagon Alley I saw two students who I went to school with. They were standing in front of Ollivander's. A crowd had formed next to them so I was forced to stand there waiting for it to thin, and I heard their conversation.

"Selena... I have to tell you something," said the boy who I thought was named Mason said.

"Mason, what's wrong," Selena asked putting an hand on his arm.

Scratching the back of his neck awkwardly he spoke. "We've known each other for years, and I've never had the courage to say this but... I've sort-of, kind-of, been in love with you since we were nine years old. And I understand if you don't like me back, I just needed to get my feelings out. But just promise me our friendship won't get ruined by this."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Selena's mouth open a little. Then Selena jumped into his arms and snogged him senseless. That's when I got the idea. Just tell her straight out. I apparated to her flat and rang her doorbell. I thought this was going to be great but as she opened the door her perfect eyebrows rose.

"James, what are you doing here?" she asked, "I was just about to call you." Indeed she was because a muggle cellphone was in her hand.

"Just wanted to know if you wanted to come take a walk with me in the park," I said before I could register what I said.

We found ourselves on the park bench ten minutes later staring at the trees in front of us. I turned to her and saw her looking down.

"Everything alright?" I asked her. I could tell she was thinking about something because her eyebrows were furrowed and her foot tapped on the ground.

Kimberly looked up and sighed. "James, Daniel asked me to marry him."

My whole world stopped then. Has it ever happened that you get shocking news and the whole world seems to slow down. I had completely forgotten about the guy she had been seeing since Hogwarts ended. Daniel Thomas.

"I don't know what to do. I mean I- I think I love him."

My heart stopped. I winced at those three words that I wish she would say to me.

"He told me ten minutes before you came. I want your opinion James. You are one of the most important people in my life."

My heart began beating again. I wanted to scream No but I couldn't. "Do what your heart desires."

She smiled and kissed my cheek turning around and running back home. Once again she had kissed my cheek, just to run away to go to another man.

A month later I received an invitation to their wedding. I didn't want to to go but I had to. She was my best friend, and I had to be there to support her on her special day. Even though this day would be the death of me.

I sat in the first pew, dressed in tuxedo. At the front of the church stood Daniel. Next to him his best man. The music started and everyone stood up. I turned to look at the bride and my breath caught. She was beautiful, but she wasn't mine. Her hair rested on her shoulders in a curly half-up half-down look. Her dress was strapless and beaded at the breasts, it was tight until the waist where it puffed out a little bit and reached the floor. I watched as each step she took a delicate rose petal was lost under her dress. Each step was one step closer to the rest of her life.

When she reached the alter the music stopped and the priest began I spaced out. My eyes were on her. I heard the priest say 'if anyone does not wish for these two to be together speak now or forever hold your peace' our eyes locked. I tried my best to smile but the best I could manage was a weak smile. The priest continued and I saw them smile, and kiss. That was it. It was over. I had lost the love of my life forever, not even telling her the way I had felt about her.

The party afterward was filled with laughter and joy. But not for me. I sat at the bar and watched as Daniel slow danced with Kimberly, and watched as they stole quick kisses every so often. My heart ached. My head hurt. I was on the brink of tears. And somehow I knew I was going to end up drunk. I felt a hand on my forearm and turned to see Kimberly standing there, her face flushed, and a smile covered her face.

"Wanna dance?" she asked.

I nodded and led her out onto the dance floor. Putting my hands tentatively on her waist as she wrapped her hands around my neck. We swayed to the music and she put her head on my chest, I rested my head on hers.

"Thank you for being here James. I don't know what I would have done with out you. Your my best friend and I love you," Kim said into my shirt.

I mumbled a thank you even though I knew those words weren't true. Sure she loved me but not the way I loved her and not the way she loved Daniel. Her words made me hurt but I didn't dare let her know that. After that day I was nothing but an empty shell of despair. A month later Daniel and Kim took their honeymoon. I spent that month either drunk or locked away in my house. Anyone who tried to get me out of my depression was pushed away, hard.

I was 23 years old, alone, depressed. After much coaxing from Kimberly I came out of the house. I never told her why I was like that, and she never asked. We continued with our friendship, but with Daniel in the mix it wasn't the same. My 15 year crush was ruined by my stupidity.

Kimberly was my friend.

My secret crush.

My desire.

And it all came crashing down.

Our friendship was the only thing left. Nothing more.

What could have been can now never happen.

Right now I am alone.

All alone.

In this topsy turvy world.

HOLY CRAP! I think I did REALLY good on this one. I may be totally wrong about that but please review. Flames if you want. Just comment I want to become a better writer.