Hey guys! This originally started as a chapter for "Luke and Lorelai: A Playlist". But then it sort of took on a life of it's own and became a really long one-shot that I am pretty proud of. It's set after the finale, after the big kiss and after Rory leave for Chicago. Both Lorelai and Luke make promises to Rory they are determined to keep. And Luke decides to take a chance and play a little game to get them both to finally open up to each other. I hope you like it. :)
Lorelai pushed her plate into the middle of the small table at the Diner. It felt good to be back here in this place with the two most important people in her life. Yet she couldn't deny the pain she was feeling inside at the moment. Her daughter, the light in her life was heading off to her first real big girl job leaving Lorelai behind. And Luke...well she wasn't sure what was happening with him at all.
Yes there had been an amazing kiss last night. Yes they had whispered words of love to each other but still...what did it all mean? With a sigh she glanced behind the counter at the man who she now knew would always hold her heart and wondered what he was thinking in his own head. She turned towards her daughter and tried to look encouraging and happy. "Ready to hit the road kiddo?"
Rory glanced back at Luke, "Um...sure. I'll meet you at the car?"
Lorelai followed her daughter's gaze, she smiled gently. She knew how much Luke meant to her daughter, and she was sure that this past year had been difficult for her too. Lorelai gave her a nod and then picked up her bag, she caught Luke's gaze, gave him a little wave and then headed out of the Diner. Rory took a deep breath, she pushed herself up and walked up towards the counter and sat down on her favorite stool.
"Time for you to leave already?" He asked with a nervous smile.
Rory smiled and folded her hands on the counter, "Looks like it…"
He took a deep breath and reached for two to go cups, "Sustenance for the road…"
Rory laughed, "You know us so well…"
"I do." He said with a nod as he fit the lids on tightly, "Which is why I know neither of you got any sleep last night because you were up talking."
Rory smirked, "That's exactly what we did. We talked about a lot of things…" She pulled the two cups towards her, "Including where things stood with the two of you…"
Luke's face reddened, he shifted in his spot, "Oh yeah?"
Rory lifted her head straighter, she gave him a stern but loving look, "She loves you Luke. She loves you more than she has ever loved anyone. And I know that you love her." She swallowed hard, "But I also know you both said and did some terrible things…"
Luke grimaced, "Rory I never meant-"
"I know." She said reaching across the counter to squeeze his hands, "I know you didn't. And neither did she. You just got lost…" She sighed and squeezed his hands again, "But I'm trusting you to get it right this time Luke. I'm not going to be around to pick up the pieces you leave behind this time…" She bent her head slightly and looked directly at him, "So I need to know now if you are serious or not...if you're going to fight for her no matter how much she drives you crazy or how much dredging up the past hurts...I need to know I can leave her in your hands and I'll get her back the way I left her." She paused, "Actually…I need to know that I'm going to get my old Mom back...she hasn't been herself for a very long time…"
Luke frowned, "Well I haven't been myself either…"
Rory nodded in understanding, "Maybe if you work together you can find yourselves again…"
He smiled, "Maybe…"
She took a deep breath and stared directly into his eyes, "So...can I trust you this time Luke? Are you going to let her walk away again?"
Luke took one of his hands she was holding and placed it on top of hers, "I will NEVER let her walk away again."
Rory's eyes welled up with tears, "Good. That's really good. Because I've missed you too…"
Luke swallowed hard, "I've missed you too Rory. And I'm…" He sighed and pulled his hands away just so he could walk around the counter, "I am so proud of you. I have watched you grow into such an amazing woman and I just…" He smiled softly, "I can't believe you're really leaving…" He took her hands again, "You're going to take the world by storm Rory. But no matter where you end up…" He put one hand on her shoulder, "Just remember we're always going to be right here for you to come home too."
Rory took a shaky breath and leaned forward to envelope him in a hug, "I'm really glad we met you Luke."
He squeezed her tight, "I'm really glad I met you both too Rory." He kissed the side of her face, "I'll walk you out."
Rory smiled and pulled away as she wiped at her eyes, "Donuts?"
Luke smirked and grabbed a bag from the end of the counter, "And I ordered danishes."
She gasped and placed a hand over her heart, "It's not even danish day!"
Luke shrugged, "It was a good reason to go off script…"
Rory smiled and grabbed the two cups of coffee before following him out the front door. Lorelai was leaning against the side of the car and smiled when she saw them both walking towards her. Rory handed her a cup and cocked her head back towards Luke, "He got us danishes!"
Lorelai gasped and placed a hand over her heart just as her daughter had done, "But it's not danish day!"
Luke chuckled to himself, "You two are so alike it's scary…"
Rory giggled, "No wonder you adore us so much." She said with a twinkle in her eye before turning back to her Mom, "Hey Mom I promised Lane I'd wake her up before I leave. Mind if I run over there real quick? We said our big sad goodbye's last night...she just wants one last hug plus I want to kiss the boys."
Lorelai nodded, "Sure. We have a few extra minutes." She took the coffee cups from Rory and watched as her daughter turned back to Luke.
"Be good." Rory said pointing a finger at him, "Don't kill Taylor. Don't' be too grumpy…" She smiled gently, "Let yourself be happy…"
Luke chuckled and pulled her in for another hug, "Go kick some ass kid."
Rory gave him a tight squeeze, smiled at her Mom and ran across the street towards Lane's house. Luke watched as Lorelai placed the coffee cups in the cup holders and then reached for the bag of goodies he was holding. She nervously glanced back at him and he could tell she felt just as unsure as he did.
He cleared his throat nervously, "Car running okay?"
Lorelai smiled at his use of an ice breaker as she patted the hood of the jeep, "Like the day I first bought her."
Luke smirked, "Good. That's good."
She bit her lip nervously, "I know you still think I'm crazy for not wanting a new car…"
He chuckled and shoved his hands in his pockets, "I stopped questioning many of your crazy decisions years ago…I've learned to just accept them."
Lorelai smiled and glanced down, "Safer that way." She paused and then sighed as she looked back up at him, "The jeep was the first big purchase I made on my own...the first thing that I was able to give to Rory. I mean I know I didn't give it to her but…" She shrugged, "Something about it felt big...like I finally did something right."
Luke nodded slowly before whispering softly, "You did everything right with her Lorelai…"
She laughed sadly, "I don't know if I would go that far…"
"I would." He said with a smile, "You've given up so much for that girl. The way you have taken care of her...I envy it. If I could give April half of the love you've given Rory I'll be lucky." He sighed.
"She adores you." Lorelai whispered, "Rory and April...you never saw it Luke but you were an incredible father to them BOTH."
He swallowed hard, he felt like his heart was going to burst right out of his chest, "Lorelai last night-"
She shook her head, "Not now…" She glanced across the street and saw Rory walking back towards them, "I can't...I'm already emotional enough about having to drop her off. Can we just...can we just let it be for right now?"
He nodded in understanding, "Okay...but...can we talk later? Please? I just...I think we really need too."
"I know. And yes...we will." She said with a gentle smile, "Just…" She sighed, "Maybe not tonight?"
He reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze, "Okay. I'm here though...you know that right? No matter what...I'm here."
She smiled, "I know…"
He cleared his throat and glanced back at Rory, "Come by later…" She raised an eyebrow to protest but he shook his head, "I promise only for food and some comfort...nothing serious."
She looked down at the ground and then up at him again quickly, "Okay…"
He took a deep breath and smiled, "Okay…"
Rory smiled at them both, "Guess we should go. Don't want to miss my flight and I'm sure you and I are going to need at least 10 minutes just to get through the tears to actually say goodbye…" She teased.
Lorelai frowned, "Twenty…" She glanced at Luke, "So...I'll see you later."
He nodded, "Drive safe. Both ways." He said sternly, "Call a cab if you can't drive home...you can get your car another time."
Lorelai smiled, "Okay Dad…"
He rolled his eyes, "Geez…
Lorelai giggled and hopped back into the car, Rory turned back to Luke and smiled, "See you in a few months…"
"Be safe." He whispered, "Be good. Have fun." He said squeezing her hand, he watched her open her mouth to say something else but he shook his head, "Don't worry about anything here. I'm going to keep my promise."
Rory smiled and gave him a quick nod, "I know."
"See ya kid." He said reaching out to give her hand one more squeeze, "We'll be right here…"
"I'm counting on it." She said in a choked voice as she walked around the side of the car and climbed in.
Luke stepped back onto the curb and lifted his hand in a gentle wave as the girls did the same. He watched the jeep pull away and he couldn't help but feel a mixture of pride and sadness wash through him. He took a deep breath, and turned back towards the Diner but not until the jeep was out of sight.
At the airport, Rory was going through her carry on bag to make sure she had everything she needed. Lorelai was standing beside her watching her. It felt like in that moment she was watching Rory grow from a tiny baby to the grown woman before her. She took a deep breath and tried to remind herself that though things were changing...some things would stay the same. Rory would alway sbe her daughter. Rory would always be her rock and her life line.
No matter how far apart they were they would always be connected. They would always find a way back to each other because nothing could tear them apart. Taking a deep breath, Lorelai smiled as Rory zipped up her bag and turned towards her Mom.
"Got your passport and everything? Boarding pass? License? Emergency credit card?" Lorelai asked.
Rory nodded, "Got it all."
"Picture of me that I snuck into the back pocket so you don't forget what I look like?" Lorelai said quickly as her eyes welled up with tears.
Rory frowned and reached for her wallet again, she unzipped it and found the picture her Mom was talking about, "Huh…"
Lorelai giggled and shrugged, "Don't forget me."
Rory lifted her head quickly and shook her head, "I never could."
Lorelai let out a shaky breath and pulled her daughter into a fierce hug, "I am so proud of you."
Rory clung to her Mother, "Mom…"
"I am so damn proud of you. And I…" Her voice cracked and she whimpered softly as she pressed a kiss to her head, "I love you kid. I love you more than you could possibly ever know. And no matter what happens...no matter where you go...I'm going to be right here." She pulled away and looked into her daughter's matching blue eyes, "And if you need me...you call. I'll be on the next flight out...no questions asked. I'll be there."
Rory swallowed hard, "I know…"
Lorelai smoothed her hair back and smiled, "You're gonna take the world by storm."
"Only because you supported me my whole life. Because you let me follow my dreams...you let me make mistakes...fall and learn." She shook her head as the tears fell, "You let me be me Mom."
Her Mother held her face in her hands, "That's the only you, you should ever be. You're incredible the way you are. Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise."
"Thank you for being my Mom." Rory whispered in a emotion filled voice.
Lorelai smiled, "Thank you for being my daughter. Best thing that ever happened to me…"
Rory took a deep breath, "Mom…"
"What?" Lorelai asked as she started to smooth out her hair.
"Let him in." Rory whispered, she saw her Mother's features falter slightly but she pushed on, "Don't be afraid...let him in."
Lorelai frowned, "Rory...it's complicated…"
"I know." Rory whispered, "But I also know you've been miserable without him...and I have it on good authority that he was miserable without you too. So stop fighting it and face it...own it. Let yourselves be happy...no one deserves it more than you two."
Lorelai pouted slightly, "I'm not sure the last year and a half would attest to that statement...I'd say I don't deserve to be happy at all."
Rory sighed and glanced up as the first warning for her to board sounded through the speakers, "You made mistakes. You both did. But you've always taught me to start over and work harder when things don't go as planned. So do the same for yourself. I know he wants too. And I think you do too…"
"I do…" Lorelai whispered softly, "But…"
Rory shook her head, "No. No buts...promise me you'll try…" She smiled knowing exactly what to say to get her to crack, "If not for you...then for me."
Lorelai rolled her eyes, "Not playing fair…"
"You never play fair." Rory said with a laugh, "I learned from you."
Lorelai sighed and took her daughter's hand, "Okay. I'll...I'll try."
"That's all I ask." She smiled and and squeeze her hands back, "Besides...I have a good feeling about this time around."
The speaker called Rory's flight again and Lorelai sighed, "Guess this is it…"
"For now." Rory whispered, "I'll be back before you know it. And we'll talk everyday."
Lorelai nodded, "Everyday. That's a must. I need to hear all your stories and just know that you're okay."
Rory smiled, "I'll be fine I promise."
"Be careful. Be good. Have fun." She pushed her hair back again, "But don't forget all the crazy people in Stars Hollow who love you…"
"Never." Rory whispered as her eyes welled up with tears again, "I love you Mom."
Lorelai sighed and pulled her into her arms again, "I love you more kid."
Rory pulled away and grabbed her bag again, "Drive safe please."
"I will." Lorelai whispered as she wiped her tears away, "Call me when you land. And again when you get to your hotel."
"I will." Rory whispered with trembling hands, "See you soon?"
"Not soon enough." Lorelai whispered as she stepped back, "Bye sweets."
Rory smiled, gave her a wave and walked to get into line. Lorelai watched her until she couldn't see her anymore and noted that Rory never turned back to her as she once did as a child. She wondered if it was because she didn't need her or because she didn't want to see her cry. Taking a deep breath, Lorelai wiped at her tears and gathered her wits before turning and walking back out of the airport.
When she climbed into the jeep again and gripped the steering wheel trying to keep it together. With a heavy sigh, she turned the key in the ignition and heard the familiar rumble of the engine. She turned the car in the right direction and drove towards home.
The entire drive was spent contemplating whether or not she should see Luke again today. And doubt and fear seemed to win despite her talk with her daughter. She pulled up in front of the crap shack and dragged herself into the house. She fell onto the couch as Paul Anka walked right up to her side. She reached for her cell phone in her purse and dialed a number she hadn't called in a long time but knew by heart.
She wasn't surprised when she got the machine, she knew he would be downstairs in the Diner. Probably waiting for her...she sighed and waited until she heard the beep. "Hey. It's uh...it's Lorelai." She cringed slightly at how raw her voice sounded to her, she sat up and tried to make herself sound stronger, "I decided just to come home...Rory made it onto the plane. She promised to call when she landed. But I uh...I'm super tired. We didn't get much sleep so...I think I'm just going to hang here with Paul Anka. Maybe...maybe I'll see you tomorrow or in a couple of days or so." She paused and cleared her throat, "Anyway...uh thanks for breakfast and thanks again for the party last night…" She frowned and glanced around, "So...bye."
She quickly shut her cell phone and tossed it onto the coffee table. She grabbed a pillow, kicked off her shoes and curled into a ball and finally let the tears really fall. Paul Anka let out a whimper as he jumped up onto the couch and rested his head on her hip. Lorelai lifted one hand and put it against his furry neck, feeling grateful she wasn't fully alone right now.
At the Diner, Luke felt his heart jump in his chest every time the bells above the door chimed. And each time he saw that it wasn't her...he felt it sink back to his stomach. They seemed to be swamped that day. Lots of hungover Stars Hollow residents were looking to fill up on greasy food to cure whatever Patty had put in her punch last night. He didn't have time to ask questions about whether or not anyone had seen Lorelai, but they all asked him questions. He did his best to ignore them, mostly because he wasn't sure what the hell to say.
By mid afternoon he was beginning to really worry when he hadn't heard from her. With a sigh he started to clean the counter, the bells chimed again and he looked up hopefully. He couldn't help but frown when he saw it was only Babette.
Babette smiled and walked up to the counter, "Hoping I was about two feet taller, skinnier with brown hair?"
Luke pretended to act confused, "Huh?"
Babette rolled her eyes, "Oh don't play dumb sugah. We all saw that kiss last night…" She smirked, "And what a kiss it was…"
Luke sighed and put his rag down, "Babette I don't even-"
"I know it's complicated." She said with a quick nod, "But I also know that you've both been really sad in the last year...maybe even longer than that for her." She saw the way Luke's face fell slightly at her words, "She's at the house...jeep pulled in a few hours ago."
He frowned again, "Really?"
"I suspect she's exhausted...and emotionally drained." Babette said with a smile, "And I also assume she could use some food...and some company."
Luke sighed and glanced around, "Babette…"
"Diner will still be here when you get back." She whispered, "Go get her…"
Luke's frown slowly turned into a smile as he glanced back at Caesar, "I gotta run Caesar. May not be back again tonight."
Caesar poked his head around the corner from the kitchen, "I was planning on that. Go. I got it covered."
Luke smirked as his face turned red, he walked around the counter and went to make his way upstairs to the apartment. He paused, turned back to Babette, walked up to her and pulled her into a hug, before giving her a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks Babette."
"Nothing to thank me for sugah." Babette said as she gave him a wink before he turned and walked back towards the stairs.
He quickly jumped in the shower, freshened up and gathered what he needed to go see her. It wasn't until he was just about to leave that he noticed the blinking on his answering machine. He walked over to it slowly, pressed the button and felt his heart jump in his chest when he heard her voice ring through the small speakers.
"Hey. It's uh...it's Lorelai. I decided just to come home...Rory made it onto the plane. She promised to call when she landed. But I uh...I'm super tired. We didn't get much sleep so...I think I'm just going to hang here with Paul Anka. Maybe...maybe I'll see you tomorrow or in a couple of days or so." She paused and cleared her throat, "Anyway...uh thanks for breakfast and thanks again for the party last night…So...bye."
Luke frowned, looked down at the keys and bags in his hands and realized this was going to be harder than he thought. But he had made a promise to Rory and he wasn't about to break it. Taking a deep steadying breath, before he turned, walked out of the apartment and down the back staircase out to his truck. He drove the short distance to the Gilmore house...the place he had thought would be his home too. Deep down he knew he had abandoned her long before she slept with Christopher and he had to face that head on if they ever had a chance.
He pulled up behind the jeep, grabbed his supplies and walked up the path and up the front steps. He knocked on the door firmly and waited. It took a few moments, but suddenly a bleary eyed, tousled hair, gorgeous Lorelai standing in front of him. "L-Luke?" She croaked out in a sleep filled voice.
He smiled sheepishly, "Hey...sorry...did I wake you up?"
She frowned and rubbed at her eyes, "I guess I fell asleep on the couch…" She sighed and looked outside, "Hours ago…."
He nodded slowly, "You were tired…"
She rubbed the back of her neck, "Did you not get my message?"
He frowned, "I got it…"
She stared at him for a moment, "Luke…"
"I know you're tired...I know you're sad. And mostly I know there's a hell of a lot of things we need to discuss but…" He sighed and lifted his arms, "I brought food...and beer. Some wine too if you want it and I just thought…" He shrugged, "I thought just for tonight you could use a friend."
She watched him carefully, "Are we friends?"
He swallowed hard, "We've always been friends...just got a little lost along the way."
She glanced down and leaned against the door frame, "We got really lost. I'm really lost...I don't know where Lorelai is anymore…"
"I don't really know where Luke is either but…" He took a deep breath, "I was thinking if we worked together we might be able to find them again."
She lifted her head slowly and crossed her arms over her chest as her eyes filled up with tears, "You shouldn't be here…" She watched him frown and she pushed on, "You'd be safer staying away...I'm no good for you."
He shook his head, "Lorelai...this last year has really sucked. More than any other point in my life if I'm being honest...and that says a lot. I don't know what happens next...I don't know if you even want to try but I do." He smiled softly, "And this morning I made a promise to Rory that I don't plan on breaking…"
She narrowed her eyes, "You shouldn't make promises you can't keep. Especially to my kid…"
He leaned in slightly, "I guarantee I can keep this one."
She felt her heart leap in her chest and she took a deep breath, "Luke…"
He sighed, "Please? Please Lorelai...I'll beg if you want me too. I just...I think we both need this."
She swallowed hard and thought back to her conversations with her daughter. She knew that so much had happened between them in the last few years. She knew there was a lot of unspoken pain and fear. But she also knew that there was a lot of love left there too. She'd be lying if she said that she didn't want him here. Slowly, she stepped aside signaling she was letting him enter. She caught his small but hopeful smile as he walked in and went straight to the kitchen just as he had done so many times before…
She took a deep breath as she heard him rummaging around in the kitchen and she wondered just where this night was going to go…
An hour later, Lorelai was sitting at the kitchen table watching him move around the kitchen with ease as if he had never left. She was holding a bottle of beer in both hands as she rolled it back and forth. Every now and then he glanced back at her and offered a small smile. She smiled more when he pretended to "drop" some scraps for Paul Anka.
He was just about to say something when he heard Lorelai's phone ring. She excused herself, stood up and walked back towards the living room to answer her cell phone.
"Hello?" Lorelai asked softly.
"I miss you already." Rory said with a sigh, "Come get me?"
Lorelai smiled sadly, "You know I would...but I also know that you don't really want that."
"No. I guess I don't but…" She sighed, "I still miss you."
"I miss you too sweets." She paused, "Can I ask you something?"
Rory smiled on the other end of the phone, "Can I ask something first? Is Luke there?"
Lorelai glanced back towards the kitchen where she heard him rummaging around, "He is…"
Rory smiled, "Good. I'm guessing you want to know what he promised me?"
Lorelai smirked, "Uh yeah…"
"He promised to never let you walk away again. And I gotta say...I believe him this time Mom." Rory whispered.
Lorelai sighed, "Rory...it's not that easy."
"Nothing that is worth it is ever really easy...I think we both know that. And I think we both know that you love him and he loves you." Rory said.
"But what if love just isn't enough?" Lorelai asked.
"You made a promise too...you promised to try. Don't you go breaking that promise...I'm counting on you both." She said sternly. "And I know one thing you value is keeping your promises to me."
"Unfair...using your Mommy's love to corner her into submission." Lorelai said with a pout.
"Whatever works right?" Rory teased.
"So mean." Lorelai said with an eyeroll, "And yet I am so damn proud of you all at the same time. I've taught you well."
Rory laughed, "So I can count on you then?"
Lorelai glanced back towards the kitchen again, "You can count on me…"
"I always have." Rory whispered, "I've counted on you both. Now go let yourself be happy...I need to go to orientation now anyway."
"I love you kid. Thanks for always having my back…" Lorelai whispered.
"Hey, we're a team right?" Rory whispered, "Gilmore and Gilmore. Lorelai and Lorelai. Nothing can break us."
"Damn straight." Lorelai said proudly, "I'm always here babe. Go kick ass and remember I'm right here when you need me."
"I always need you." Rory whispered, "Always have….always will. Love you mom.
"Love you more." Lorelai whispered before waiting to hear the click of the phone.
She took a deep breath and held her tears in as she gathered her thoughts. She pushed herself off the couch, wiped her tears away and walked back to the kitchen. She sat down at the table again, took her beer in her hands and took a long swig of the brown liquid. She felt his eyes on her, and she felt the familiar burning sensation rush through her from head to toe.
"She make it there safely?" He asked as he wiped his hands on a towel.
She nodded slowly, "Yep."
"You okay?" He asked gently.
She smiled, pulled her legs up onto the chair and stared at him, "Nope."
He sighed, took three giant steps and sat next to her at the table. They sat in silence for a moment, and then he did something unexpected. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a pack of cards. She stared at him curiously as he started to shuffle the deck.
"What are you doing?" She asked as he began to deal the cards.
"You need a friend. When we were friends we played cards a few times…" He said with a shrug, "Seemed like a safe bet…"
Lorelai smiled softly, "Luke…"
"I was thinking." He said as he set a pile of cards to the side, "We know a lot about each other...but there are some things we've never really discussed. And not just things about us…"
She let her feet fall to the ground, "I guess that's true…"
"You ever played twenty questions?" Luke asked as he glanced back up at her.
She laughed slightly, "Yeah I guess. Probably not for a long time...maybe when Rory was a kid."
He nodded, "But you're familiar with how it works?"
She smiled and took another swig of her beer, "I am."
"So let's play." He said, "Ask each other anything we want to ask...but if you want we can steer clear of the deep questions about...us...at least for now if you want."
She swallowed hard, "Anything?"
He nodded, "Anything...I'll try and be as open as I can. But...if you don't want to answer something you don't have too."
"Luke…" She whispered nervously.
He glanced back at the stove, "We have about forty minutes until dinner is ready...and if this is ever going to work we have to start somewhere right? Maybe if we dig a little deeper we can get to the root of where things went wrong for us…"
"Or maybe we'll just end up killing each other." She said with a smirk.
He chuckled, "That's a possibility too...but I guess it's a risk we're going to have to take. I told you...i made a promise to Rory that I'm not about to break."
She narrowed her eyes at him, "She told me what that promise was...and I may have made one of my own."
He reached for his own beer and took a sip, "Oh yeah? What was yours?"
She sighed and took a sip of her drink, "To try…"
He smiled softly, feeling a burst of emotion run through his body, "That's a good start…"
She put the cards down and smiled "Can I go first?"
"Sure." Luke said leaning back in his chair, "You not interested in playing cards too?"
She ignored his question and pushed on, "We played cards another time...the night that Sookie and Jackson had their first date. Do you remember? I was there with Jackson's cousin…"
Luke smirked, "Rune…"
She raised an eyebrow, "So you do remember…
He nodded slowly, "I remember…"
"Were you going to ask me out before Mrs. Kim interrupted us?" Lorelai asked quickly. "Because it felt like you were...and I've always wondered…"
Luke sighed and placed his own cards down, "I was…"
She sighed, "But then she came in…" She paused, "I tried to give you another opening after that but…"
"But I chickened out." He said with a laugh, "As per usual. I can't tell you how many damn times I chickened out trying to ask you out."
She frowned, "I wish you hadn't…"
Luke nodded, "Me either...but maybe it was supposed to turn out this way."
She raised an eyebrow, "Like what? Us hating each other for a year?"
He pouted and shook his head, "I never hated you...not once."
She glanced down, "You should have…"
He cleared his throat, "Okay...we can't go there yet…but for the record I didn't. Maybe I hated myself...but not you." She opened her mouth to protest but he shook his head, "My turn to ask a question…"
She shivered slightly, worried about what he would ask, "Okay…"
"Why did you really run away from your parents after you had Rory?" Luke asked softly.
She frowned, that wasn't what she had expected him to ask, "Um…" She sighed and shrugged slightly, "Because...I wanted a different life for her. For me...I didn't want to be trapped under my parents rules. I was afraid I'd lose Rory if I stayed there...and she was the one thing I had that was truly mine. All mine." She said the last part just as her voice caught in her throat, "I was afraid that...they'd find a way to push me away...to make Rory theirs and not mine...I was afraid I'd be lost. And I thought if I could get away...I could control the way things turned out."
"I can understand that." Luke whispered.
She stared at him for a moment, "My turn?" He nodded, "What do you miss most about your Mom?"
He felt a pang of hurt run through his heart, "Huh…"
She smiled softly, "We've talked about your Dad...a little. But you never mention her…"
Luke sighed and leaned further back in his chair, "My Mom was…" He paused, "My Mom was incredible and I miss her everyday. Just like I miss my Dad...but mostly I guess I miss the way she saw good in everything...in everyone. Something you see too...must be why I was so drawn to you from the start. You both had this ability to light up a room...to make people feel welcome and special. I miss her heart…" He paused and glanced shyly at her, "I miss yours too…"
She took a deep breath and grabbed her beer quickly, "This game seems dangerous…"
He shrugged and whispered in a deep voice, "Maybe...but if I remember correctly you always liked a little danger."
She smirked at him, "And you didn't…"
"Maybe not...but I think it's time I add a little into my life...otherwise I'm gonna be stuck here forever aren't I?" He asked with a shrug.
"Is that your next question?" She challenged.
He shook his head, "Nope. Not getting off that easy Gilmore…"
She sighed and leaned back in her chair, "Didn't think so...so what's your next question?"
Luke took a deep breath, and thought for a moment, "When Rory was little…" He paused and she sensed he felt uncomfortable, "Why did you always stick up for him when he didn't show up like he said he would?"
She knew he was referring too even though he didn't say her name, "Because he was her father…"
He nodded slowly, "But he disappointed her time and time again. You too."
Lorelai sighed and was quiet for a moment, trying to think about her answer, "Yeah. He did. But I guess I just hoped at some point he'd snap out of it...that he'd realize what he was missing. And I didn't want her to hate him...I had such a strained relationship with my own parents and I didn't want that for her. I guess that's why I tried so hard to make my relationship with her as strong as it was. I hoped at some point she would have that kind of relationship with him but it just wasn't meant to happen...I know that now. It just took a long time to get there…"
He stared at her for a moment, his mind swirling with a million more questions but he knew it wasn't' his turn yet, "Okay. What's your next question?"
She was surprised he didn't push her further on the subject and was confused for a moment trying to think of what to say. After a few moments, she shifted in her seat and looked back up at him slowly, "Why did you never leave with Rachel? I know your Dad got sick...but why not after? Didn't you ever want too?"
He let out a puff of air and shrugged, "Yes and no...I wanted to travel a little but I always wanted to come back here at some point. I knew that she would never be okay with that. I knew she would never settle for Stars Hollow but it was my home. People can say I'm stuck but I like it here...I like who I am here even when I pretend I don't. This is where I grew up and this is where I want to be. I thought about it once after my Dad died...there wasn't really much holding me back but…" He sighed, "But my heart wasn't in it...and she knew that so I didn't go."
"But then she came back…" Lorelai whispered, "And she seemed like she was willing to stay...I mean I know I didn't know her that well but I actually believed her when she said she was serious about you."
He narrowed his eyes at her, "One question at a time…"
She smirked, "That wasn't a question...it was a statement and observation."
He rolled his eyes, "She may have meant it that time...I don't' know. But it wasn't here. I didn't want her to stay." She opened her mouth and he knew she was going to ask a question and he shook his head, "My turn."
She huffed loudly and crossed her arms over her chest, "Fine. Go."
He lifted his beer, brought it to his lips but didn't take a sip at first, "What did you see in Max?"
She sighed and shifted in her seat again, "He...he was smart. He made me think...he challenged me. He was different than anyone I had ever really dated and he was…" She smirked, "He was persistent...I guess I liked that. He was there when he said he would be...didn't come with a lot of baggage other than the whole him being Rory's teacher thing…" She said with a laugh, "And he was interested…"
"But did you-" He started but she shook her head.
"One question at a time Luke. My turn again." She said with a smirk, she saw him sigh as she reached for her own beer, "Why didn't you want her to stay?" She asked going right back to her previous question.
He smiled, "Because I didn't want her anymore...and she figured that out. She saw right through me she saw that there was someone else on my mind…"
She swallowed hard, "Someone else?"
He smirked, "That was a question…"
She glared at him, "Luke…"
"She knew I wanted you." He said with a shrug, "She saw it. Just like everyone except you...she knew that I was in love with you. And she told me to not wait too long to tell you."
She frowned, "You waited a hell of a long time…"
He smiled, "That's because The Professor showed up...do you remember that day I came over to tell you she left?"
"Is that one of your questions?" He shrugged, "Yes...I do. You came to get Bert but you didn't say anything to me…" She paused, "Because...because Max showed up for our date."
Luke nodded, "Exactly. Timing was never our strong suit."
She sighed, "No I guess it wasn't." She took the last swig of her drink, "But…" She laughed, "That night after you left...he assumed you and I were…" She smirked, "He assumed we had slept together while he and I had been apart...he said he felt a vibe."
He raised an eyebrow, "So he saw it too…"
She nodded slowly and stood up, "I think I'm gonna need another drink...you want one?"
He stared at her, "Is that one of your qu-" He paused when he saw her glare, "Sorry." He said with a chuckle, Yes. I'll have another beer please."
She gave him a nod and grabbed two bottles from the fridge, she popped open the caps and sat back down at the table sliding his over to him. "So...is it my turn?" He nodded as he reached for his bottle, "If...if Max hadn't showed up that night...would you have said something?"
He frowned, "I would like to think I would have...but I guess I don't really know. I'll never really know. I always chickened out like I already said. I never thought you'd be interested so I just got scared every time."
She stared at him for a moment, "This isn't a question, just a follow up." She challenged and he laughed, "Why would you think I wasn't interested?"
He smiled, "Because you're Lorelai Gilmore...and I'm Luke Danes."
She huffed, "What the hell does that mean?" She rolled her eyes when he gave her a look, "And don't start about the question thing...I want to know. That...that bothers me." She whispered, "What you just said bothers me…"
He sighed, "I don't mean to upset you…" He sighed, "It's how I always felt...you were so far above me in my book. We came from different worlds...different backgrounds. I always felt like you deserved so much more than a guy who lived above his Diner. And back then when you were with Max I was nothing like him...he was so dignified and I was just…" He chuckled, "I was a no one."
She gasped, "You were never no one Luke...never."
He smiled and raised his beer to his lips again, "Maybe not...but it's how I always felt."
She frowned and looked down at the table, "I'm sorry you ever felt that way. That hurts…" She sniffled slightly, "I'm sorry if I ever made you feel that you weren't good enough because that's never how I felt…"
He went to reach for her hand but stopped at the last minute, "You didn't make me feel that way...it was my own insecurities."
She lifted her head slowly and stared straight into his eyes, "I always thought you were too good for me." She smirked, "Guess we really did have trouble with communication. We were on opposite ends of the spectrum there." She paused again, "So maybe this game was a good idea…" She took another sip, "What's your next question?"
He took a moment before answering, "Why didn't you end up marrying Max?"
She smirked, "I assumed that was coming." She sighed and pushed her beer away, "I didn't love him. Not the way you should love someone that you are supposed to marry. I cared about him...but I wasn't all in." I realized I cared more about whether or not you would come to our engagement party than if I actually got married. I assumed that was probably a bad sign." She laughed, "And...partially because of something you said to me."
He frowned, "Something I said?" She raised her eyes in a challenge and he rolled his own eyes, "Not a question...just a follow up…" He teased.
She sighed and pulled her legs up against her again, "The day you brought the chuppah over...you talked about how if you find the right person...they won't want to change you...that they won't make you eat french food."
He smirked, "He made you eat french food?"
"No. But...sometimes I felt like I couldn't actually be myself around him. I felt like he was always looking from more from me...more than I could give him. I didn't feel comfortable...it didn't feel right. And I hate that I let it get as far as it did but...I really did want it to work. But I had the dress...I had it all planned out and it just didn't feel right." She paused and smiled, "I didn't feel the way I felt when I planned…" She let out a shaky breath, "When I planned our wedding."
He swallowed hard, "Oh."
She shook her head, "Sorry...we weren't supposed to go there yet."
He shrugged, "It's okay…" He watched her carefully, "You want to ask me something next?"
She licked her lips and nodded slowly, "Why'd you ask out Nicole?"
He smirked, "You had fish boy. I had the lawyer."
She frowned, "You asked her out because of that guy I went fishing with?" She paused, "God I can't even remember his name...how terrible is that?"
He smirked, "I was jealous. When I was teaching you to fish and you said it was for some guy...some other guy it just hurt. I knew I had know hold on you but it still hurt."
She nodded slowly, "I can understand that…"
He stared at her for a moment, "My turn?" She nodded, "Why'd you hate Jess so much?"
She frowned, "I didn't hate Jess. I…" She laughed slightly, "I was terrified of him."
He cocked his head to the side, "Terrified of him? I know he was a tough kid but he never did anything dangerous or anything...nothing that I can think of."
She nodded, "I know that. He terrified me because he reminded me of myself when I was his age. Lost teenager with a lonely past...searching for something to make him feel better. I was just like him...and I got pregnant." She said with a smirk, "And I hurt a lot of people along the way...I didn't want Rory to get mixed up in that. Plus…" She frowned, "Rory was the thing that saved me from all that...and I was feeling a little selfish and didn't want to share her."
Luke was quiet for a moment, "I guess I can understand that. I never really thought about it that way." He paused, "I guess you had reason to worry though. He broke her heart...and her wrist." He said with a smirk before frowning again, "Why'd you think I didn't care about her? That night of the accident...why did you think I wasn't worried about her?"
She sighed, "That was another question Luke…"
He rolled his eyes, "I'll let you go twice next...just answer the question."
She glanced down and then back up at him, "I never actually thought that Luke. I was just...I was totally panicked. When I heard she was in an accident it was like everything in the world slowed down and I felt like I was going to die. I didn't know what her injuries entailed and I wasn't mad at you...or Jess. I was mad at myself because I felt like somehow it was my fault. I felt like I should have somehow saved her from that." She stared at him thoughtfully, "I knew you cared...I always knew you cared. You'd do anything for Rory."
He paused, "I would."
"I know." She said taking a sip of her drink, "Why did you let me into the Diner that night? We hadn't' talked all summer after the big 'Go to Hell' fight but you let me in and you were nice. Why?" She asked.
"Because you looked upset...because it had been too long since we talked and…" He shrugged, "I missed you."
"I babbled on about…" He cringed slightly and she sighed, "Him...again. I'm sorry...I guess I shouldn't be surprised that you hated him so damn much…"
Luke sighed and and grabbed his drink taking a long deep swig, Guess not." He cleared his throat and looked back at her, "Said you could get a second question in...so shoot."
She licked her lips nervously, "I...I can't think of anything right now. Can...can I save it?"
He cleared his throat and nodded, "Sure." He glanced towards the timer, "I should check the food anyway…"
She nodded, "I think I might change quick...is that okay?"
He smiled as he stood up, "Of course."
Lorelai stood up quickly, downed the last of her beer and put the empty bottles into the sink. Luke watched her walk away for a moment and tried to pull himself together. They had already covered a lot of ground but he knew the hardest parts were just around the corner. He just hoped she didn't run away before he could make it there...and he hoped he didn't chicken out again either.
Upstairs, Lorelai stood in the bathroom that Luke had designed form them together. Every piece of it was wrapped up in him. This is house was supposed to be where they grew old together and yet it had all fallen apart. And now here they were playing a game...a game to try and figure out what the hell had gone wrong. She glanced up at herself in the mirror and frowned, she had never felt so tired in her life. But she knew that she owed it to Rory, herself and to Luke to not give up just yet. They had discussed a lot already but the hardest part was coming up...they were getting closer and closer to the scary part.
Taking a deep breath, she changed into a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt before walking back downstairs. She found him pulling plates out of the cabinets, "Can I help?"
"Jumping back in with the questions already?" He teased.
She rolled his eyes, "Jerk…"
He smiled and handed her a plate full of food, "Just trying to ease the tension…"
She nodded and took her plate over to the table as he joined her, "This looks great. Thanks."
"No problem. I figured lasagna was still a safe bet…" He whispered.
She smiled, "It is. Haven't had it in a long time actually…"
"Well then bon appetite." He said with a smile as he reached for the glass of water he had poured for himself.
She lifted her fork to her mouth and gestured her heads towards the water in his hands, "Off the sauce already?"
He smirked and put the cup down, "I thought it might be safer...we're treading into dangerous waters and wanted a bit of a clearer head."
She swallowed her bite of lasagna and stood, "That's probably smart…"
He frowned as he watched her get her own glass, "I didn't mean that you needed to switch to water too."
She shrugged, "No. My head's already not screwed on straight...gotta help myself out in anyway I can. I don't want to mess things up just yet…"
Luke was quiet as he watched her fill her glass up and then walked back to her table to sit down. They ate in silence for a few moments before Lorelai glanced at him nervously, "Still my turn? I think I have my next question…"
Luke nodded, "Okay. Go ahead."
She swallowed her food and then put her fork down, "Why'd you marry Nicole?"
He smiled and it down, "I was waiting for that one…"
"I mean you married her but you couldn't marry m-" She paused and her face flushed, she let out a shaky breath and stood up, "Screw water I think I need something even stronger than beer."
Luke sighed as he watched as she reached into the liquor cabinet and pulled out a bottle of tequila, "Lorelai…"
She shook her head and poured a shot, "Liquid courage...if you expect me to get into all this...then I'm gonna need it."
He stood up slowly and grabbed the shot glass from her, "Don't...don't do that. You know you don't want too. It's not going to help...it's not going to make it any easier really. It's just going to make you not remember it in the morning and I need you to remember this."
She frowned, "Luke…"
He bent his knees slowly so he could meet her gaze, "Please Lorelai...I really need you to remember this. I need you to be totally here…"
She swallowed hard and glanced down at the shot glass in her hand, "Tequila…"
He glanced down at the shot, "Yeah..I know that that is what it is."
She sighed, "No. I meant...I drank tequila. That night...I don't remember it at all. Not one second of it…"S he sighed, "Doesn't make it right but...I was so upset I needed something to erase the pain and I drank...and then it was just over…"
He didn't need to ask her any questions to know she was referring to the night of the ultimatum when she went to Christopher. "All the more reason to skip it tonight. We need to be thinking clearly here."
She took a deep breath, "Okay…" She put the shot glass down and walked back to the table, she lifted the water to her lips and took a sip, "Okay. Hydrated...thinking clearly."
Luke took a deep breath and sat down in his seat across from her again, "I believe you asked me a question...about why I married Nicole."
She pushed her lasagna around with her fork, "I think that's where we were yes…"
He was quiet for a moment, "I married her because I was drunk…" She raised an eyebrow and he smiled, "See...alcohol only causes more problems." She smirked but let him continue, "We were on the boat...we were surrounded by all these happy couples and we just got swept up in it. But I didn't love her. And she didn't love me. But I didn't think I had a chance with you...so I just jumped and it was the stupidest decision I have ever made." He paused, "Well no let me take that back...the stupidest decision I ever made was letting you walk away and letting you think I didn't want to marry you…"
She blushed, "Luke…"
"You're right I married her and not you. I married her because…" He sighed, "Because it didn't really matter to me what she thought. Which was stupid and wrong. I feel bad about that. But with you...I wanted it all to be perfect. I needed it to be perfect. I needed to make sure I did it right and when April showed up things got a little muddled and I felt like I couldn't give you what you wanted and needed."
She leaned across the table and put her hand on his wrist before pulling her hand away, but she said what she needed to say, "You were what I wanted and needed…"
He swallowed hard, "Not sure I'm ready for all that just yet…" He paused, "So can we backtrack again? I have another question."
She nodded slowly, "Okay…"
"That night we broke the bells...why did you care whether or not I actually lived here or not? Why did it matter so much to you?" He asked.
She frowned, "Because I realized I was in love with you…"
He let out a puff of air and sat all the way back in his chair, "Whoa…"
She laughed and felt tears prickling in her eyes, "Yeah. Wow. Took me by surprise too. Didn't realize how far my feelings went until that night I don't think. I knew I cared...I knew that you were more than just a friend. But the idea of you not being here in Stars Hollow...not fully. It bothered the hell out of me. And it scared me. And my jealousy for her reached a totally new level and I just...I was standing there and feeling like everything was slipping away from me. I was in a dead end relationship of my own and I felt sad that I had never taken the chance to see what could have been with you...and it killed me."
He let her words sink in, "But you didn't say anything when I asked why…"
"I couldn't." She said with a shrug, "I couldn't risk losing our friendship. Plus you were married. I didn't want to be the other woman...no matter how much I didn't like Nicole. And we got interrupted before I totally broke anyway…"
Luke sighed and pushed his plate away, "I'm not so hungry anymore…"
She shook her head, "Me either…" She paused for a moment, "Why'd you officially get divorced? Was it only because she ch-" She grimaced, "Damn...I was no better than her…"
He shook his head, "Totally different situation…" He paused, "Well no I guess it wasn't…"
She cocked her head to the side, "What do you mean?"
"Both of you needed more than I could give. You needed me to be honest...to talk about how I was feeling...about what I was thinking. But I couldn't. So you both turned to someone else." He said with a shrug.
"I never meant…." Her eyes welled up with tears, "I didn't want to do that to you…"
He swallowed hard, "I didn't get to answer your question." She glanced down at the sudden change in subject, "I divorced her partially because of the cheating thing...but also because I had known for a long time that it wasn't right. I knew I didn't love her...but I felt obligated to try and make it work. I took marriage seriously ya know? I wanted what my parents had...and I didn't just want to give up right away. But I just realized it wasn't worth it anymore. She knew I wasn't in...so I just signed the papers." He shrugged, "The worst part was that I wasn't even sad about it...I felt relieved."
She swallowed hard, "Luke…"
"I mean it." He said with a shrug, "I felt such a release when it was finally over...like a weight was lifted off my shoulder. Like I could finally move on." He paused.
She snorted, "And you stupidly moved on with me…"
He frowned, "It wasn't stupid. It was what I wanted…"
She sighed, "I'll never figure out why."
He narrowed his eyes, "It's my turn…"
She sighed and leaned against the table, "Luke...maybe we should just-"
"What did you see in Jason?" He asked ignoring her comments.
She sighed and tried to focus again, "Nothing really." She paused, "I mean...he was crazy and had a weird sense of humor like I did so we complimented each other that way. But I knew it was never going to be anything serious. It started as a joke...as a way to make my parents angry." She smirked, "Daughter of the year award again." She sighed and shrugged, "And then it was just easy...it was there. But I didn't feel anything...and then he sued my father and it just wasn't worth it anymore…mostly he was just there because I was lonely once Rory was gone."
"You could have turned to me." He said with a shrug.
She smiled, "But you had Nicole...and she didn't like me."
He smirked, "Only because like Rachel she knew I wanted you…"
She sighed and ran a hand through her hair, "We're messed up, you know that?"
He smirked, "Oh I know." He nodded his head at her, "Your turn."
She narrowed her eyes slowly at him, "What book were you referring too?"
He groaned, "Man I thought after all this time I had finally gotten away with that one…"
She lifted a hand and pointed to her head, "It's a steel trap up here buddy. I remember a lot more than you may think…"
He sighed and looked towards the liquor cabinet, "Too late to switch to the tequila?"
She smiled, "You wanted clear heads, remember?"
He nodded slowly and looked back at her, "Remember the day I came to check out the Inn? And Sookie tried to set you up with that poultry guy?"
Lorelai nodded slowly, "I remember. Shel…"
He smiled, "Right. You mentioned something about Doctor Phil books in our future…"
Her eyes widened slowly, "You didn't…"
He sighed feeling embarrassed, "I did. I was feeling totally lost and I just...I went to the bookstore and jumped. I bought the book and the stupid tape that went with it. And then every time the guy asked a question it was you I saw…"
She shook her head, "I don't understand…what do you mean you saw me?"
He smirked, "That was another question."
She rolled her eyes and glared at him, "I'll let you ask two later...answer the question Luke."
He sighed, "The guy asked who I wanted to share good news with...who I wanted to see after a long day...that kind of stuff. And every single time it was you."
"You asked me to go to Liz's wedding after that…" She whispered, "And that wasn't a question...a statement. An observation." She said with a smirk.
He nodded, "I asked you to Liz's wedding after that…"
"So was that considered a date?" She asked and rolled her eyes when he gave her a look, "And yes I'm aware that that was a question but let's be honest...we haven't been keeping track of how many questions we even asked. So let's go off script a little shall we? Was that a date?"
He smiled, "Uh...I guess kind of? I did get all dressed up…we ate. We drank. We bickered, I walked you home…"
"So then that was our first date." She said with a smile, "Not the night at Sniffy's…"
He shrugged, "I think Sniffy's was our first official date because we were both aware that it was actually a date. Liz's wedding was a pre-date date for me to try and see if I even had a chance."
She giggled slightly, "A pre-date date?"
He rolled his eyes, "I don't know what else to call it. And you have asked about four questions in a row so it's my turn now…"
She smiled and leaned back in her chair, "Touche. Ask away…"
He leaned his elbows against the table and stared at her, "Why did Jason show up the night of the test run?"
She sighed, "Because he didn't think it was actually over...even though I had made it clear that it was. I didn't ask him to be there. He was an invited guest."
Luke nodded, "Okay. What happened after we kissed? You were distracted. You've never told me what happened after and it's bothered me…"
She frowned, "Now who's the one asking more than one question?"
He gave her a pointed look, "Lorelai…"
She sighed and rubbed her hands on the surface of the table, "I don't know if I can tell you that...it wasn't my story to tell."
"So it was something with Rory?" He asked softly, when she didn't respond he grimaced, "Did she start something with Dean before he broke up with Lindsey?"
Lorelai sighed, "Luke...please don't judge her. Please don't let it change your opinion of her-"
He shook his head. "It doesn't. We all do stupid things when it comes to matters of the heart…"
She nodded, "Sadly that's true…"
He took a deep breath, "Well now I know why you were so distracted. I thought it was because you were angry that I kissed you. I thought you were going to turn me down."
She shook her head, "No. That was never an option. I really wanted that third kiss...I just was so caught up in everything. I was opening my dream Inn, my parents were becoming legally separated, my ex boyfriend showed up despite the fact that I wanted nothing to do with him. My daughter had made a giant mistake and I didn't know how to fix it and…" She sighed, "My best friend...finally crossed that line that we had been dancing around for years. I was a little overwhelmed and didn't know how to deal with it."
He pursed his lips, "I can see why you would feel that way…"
"And then the next thing I knew…" She whispered, "You were heading off to Maine and I didn't get a chance to really talk to you about it."
He groaned, "Stupid renaissance faire…"
She smiled, "You were helping your sister out like the good brother that you are. Like the good man that you are…"
"Yeah...except it kept us apart for another seven weeks. Sucked." He said with a frown.
"We had waited that long…" She whispered.
"Yeah well...I didn't want to wait any longer." He said with a huff, "The entire time I was gone I was so afraid that you were going to change your mind."
"I told you I wouldn't." She said softly, "You didn't believe me?"
He shrugged, "It wasn't' so much that I didn't believe you. I just thought the longer I was away the more time you had to think about how you could do better...or you'd find someone better. Or you'd just get scared and run away…"
She sighed, "Running away is the one thing I'm really good at…"
"Hence why I made that promise to Rory…" He said with a smile, "And I still plan on keeping it."
She took a deep breath, "We're heading into pretty dangerous territory here."
He nodded and scooted his chair closer to hers, "Yes we are…"
She sighed softly, "Luke...why'd you give up so quickly after my parents vow renewal? I know that I lied...and that was wrong. But...you said you were all in. I didn't think you'd walk away so fast."
He smiled sadly, "The thing is I didn't realize that I had broken up with you. I didn't see it that way. I thought you knew it was just a little break...that I needed some time to think. I didn't want it to be over. But then you called...and you left that message…" He watched her grimace, "And you called me your ex-boyfriend and it hit me...that it was just over…"
She felt her eyes well up with tears, "Oh Luke…"
"I should have said something. But like the millions of times before...I chickened out. And I let myself think that it was just better that way. But the next couple of months were miserable...and I absolutely hated my life. And so I tried to think of ways to get in the same area as you...and then there was the stupid play and so I went because I thought I could get you alone. But then you weren't showing up…"
"Because I was to afraid to be in the same room as you. I was afraid I'd break down in front of you...I wanted to look tough because you seemed to be handling it so much better than I was." She said with a sigh, "I didn't want to look anymore vulnerable and stupid than I already had that night I called you…"
"Your Mom came to the Diner and told me to go back to you." He blurted out.
She narrowed her eyes at him, "What? When?"
"After the first break up…" He said with a sigh, "She told me I had won…"
"That was the night you came here? The night you just kissed me and we got back together?" She asked angrily.
He nodded, "Yes. But I was going to come to you anyway. I was done waiting but she helped push me in the right direction…"
She frowned and pushed her chair back, "My Mother…"
He grimaced, "I know...I know it sounds bad. But I really would have gone to you eventually…"
She laughed and stood up throwing her hands up in the air, "Eventually? Like you would have married me...EVENTUALLY?"
He sighed, I guess we're just gonna take some big leaps here now aren't we?" When she gave him a death glare he put his hands up in surrender, "Okay. Okay...uh well...yes I was always a little slow with things. I know that. I should have moved faster...I should have asked you out sooner. I should have talked to you sooner about wanting to get back together. I should have told you about April-"
She smiled, "Yes you should have. Mr. No secrets kept that huge secret from me."
He sighed, "We aren't there yet…"
She groaned, "Oh God...fine. What Luke. What's your question to fit into the timeline?"
He took a deep breath and looked at her as he spoke in a soft unsure voice, "Why did you ask me to marry you that night?"
She sighed and ran a hand through her hair, "What?"
He walked closer to her, "Why did you ask me to marry you? Was it because you were upset about Rory? Because you wanted to not be alone?"
Her jaw dropped slightly and she shook her head, "It was because I loved you."
"Lorelai…" He said with a said smile, "You could have just said that...why'd you ask?"
"Because I loved you. And you were standing there planning a way to kidnap my daughter so that we could force her to go back to school. I knew that you would do anything for me. Anything for Rory. I had already messed things up with my kid...I couldn't risk messing things up with you. I needed you with me forever because you were the only thing I was sure of. So I asked. And yeah…" She shrugged, "Maybe the timing was off but I asked because I really did want to marry you. Not just because I felt lonely."
He took a deep steadying breath, "Okay…"
She watched him carefully, "You didn't think I wanted to marry you?"
"I did. And I didn't…" He whispered, "I wasn't sure since you didn't want to plan anything."
"Only because things weren't right with Rory." He opened his mouth to respond and she nodded, "And I know I should have tried harder with her but I was scared. I didn't know how to handle it. I didn't know how to fix it. Rory was turning into someone I didn't like and that scared me. And I should have explained that to you but I was afraid to even admit that things were falling apart to myself. I wanted to keep things with you and I good...I needed them to be good. Because if they weren't...if they broke too then I would totally fall apart."
He sighed, "I just wanted to help…"
"I know." She whispered, "And I wanted to help with April." She took a deep breath, "Which brings me to my next question...why did you wait so long to tell me about her?"
He sighed and walked back over to his chair to sit down again, "Because I was scared…"
"Scared of what?" She asked stepping up to him, "Of me? I mean did you think I'd judge you for having a kid? I have my one Luke...how could I judge you for that?"
He shook his head, "I just felt like I had failed. I had spent so long hated Chris for missing out on so much of Rory's life and now here I was missing out on twelve whole years in my own daughter's life."
She frowned, "How can you even compare those two situations? You didn't even know about her. If you had known she existed you would have been there from the start. I know that. I know you." She said reaching out to touch his cheek gently.
He stared up at her as his heart started to pound harder in his chest, he felt the familiar ache for her, "Lorelai…"
"I never questioned your ability to be a great father. I wanted that with you. I wanted to share those things with you. With April and Rory...and someday with our own kids." She said with tears in her eyes, "But now I'm afraid it's too late for that…"
He sighed and put his hand over hers, "God I hope not…"
She took a deep breath and moved on, "Even after I knew about her...why'd you keep her from me? Did you not trust me with her?"
He shook his head, "No. I was being stupid. I was compartmentalizing…"
She frowned, "I can't be compartmentalized Luke…" She said sadly, "If we were going to be married we had to be doing things together. We needed to be a team...not separate. But all of a sudden you were pulling away all the time. You never stayed here. I had scheduled times when I could come by the Diner...I knew how important it was for you to spend time with April but it felt like the closer you got to her the less you needed me. The less you wanted me around…"
"No." He whispered, "I hate that it felt that way for you and I get it now. But I never, ever meant it to turn out like that. I just got lost. I didn't know how to juggle it all. I felt like I had to fix it all with her before I could be all in with you again. And I hate that…" He whispered.
"I missed you before you were even really gone…" She said in a choked voice.
"I know…" He said as he stood up slowly, "I know...I get it now. I see it all now...I get why you got to that point. Why you gave me that ultimatum...why you went to…"
"It was still wrong what i did. All of it." She said with a sad smile, "I handled it all wrong but I just snapped Luke." She let out a shaky breath, "I never loved anyone until you Luke. I never saw a future with anyone until you...and then it was all slipping away so damn fast and I couldn't handle it. That night I just totally lost it...that was when I really lost myself. I didn't even recognize the girl standing in front of you begging you to marry me…"
"I didn't recognize her either. And it scared the hell out of me." He said with a frown. "I didn't realize how much until the next morning...that's why I showed up there. I had to find you. I had to fix it but it was too late…"
She whimpered, "Luke…"
"Why'd you go to him?" He asked, "I know you said you were drunk...I get that but you still went there...why?"
She sighed and stepped back slightly, "Because he was there…" He narrowed his eyes at her, "I knew that he'd listen. And yes he took advantage of the situation and it was wrong. But I just needed someone to listen...and Sookie was busy and Rory was busy and my parents…" She rolled her eyes, "They bought us a house and I didn't know how to explain that once again I was going to disappoint them again."
"Lorelai…" He whispered, "When you said you slept with him I saw red. And..nothing had ever hurt that much. I went to his place and punched him. And God it felt good…" He said with a laugh.
She smiled, "I can imagine it did…"
"And then you married him." He said with a sigh, "For a moment when you showed up at the hospital with April...I thought maybe there was still a chance but then I saw the ring…"
She sighed, "I married him because I thought I couldn't have you. My heart wasn't in it. And I think he knew that too but he thought he could change the way I felt about you...but he couldn't. And I couldn't. And when he found the reference letter he knew it was no use anymore. That's when it ended."
He sighed, "He found that?"
Lorelai nodded, "That's why he wasn't at the hospital when my Dad had his heart attack...he was upset. And he had every right to be. I tried to make it work because I figured it was my last chance but it was all wrong. All of it…" She said with a sigh, "He wanted more kids and the thought scared me to death. He wanted to have a real ceremony and I would have rather had a double root canal. He wanted to move away but then I'd have to admit that it was really over between me and you."
"You didn't want to move when we were together either." He said with a frown.
"Because I love this house. And I wanted to raise our family in this house." She said with a smile, "This was my first real home...and the only person I ever saw myself sharing it with other than Rory was you."
He sighed, "I should've have moved in completely...I don't know why I didn't."
"You were preoccupied." She said with a shrug, "Things were complicated."
He swallowed hard, "God I'm tired…"
She smiled, "Me too...we've gone over a lot of really hard topics so far."
He took a deep breath and turned his body straight towards her, "Lorelai…"
She lifted her head slowly and smiled at him, "Hm?"
"Did you mean that song?" He saw her blush, "You told Babette and Patty that it meant nothing…"
She sighed, "You heard me say that?"
He nodded, "I did. And it killed. It felt like I was losing you all over again."
She shook her head, "Luke of course it meant something. But I couldn't admit it. Especially not to them. I didn't know what it would lead too...or what you were thinking. And I wasn't ready to talk to anyone about it...especially the editors of Stars Hollow weekly…"
He nodded, "I guess I can understand that…"
She watched him carefully, "Why was it so important to you that the party happened last night?"
He smiled, "Because Rory deserved a real send off. And I knew what it would mean to you too. I want you to be happy...I knew how hard today was going to be and I needed you to be happy at least for a few minutes."
She smiled, "Luke…"
"What did you want the kiss last night to mean?" He asked as he stepped up to her and searched her eyes carefully, "What do you want this all to mean?"
She felt her hands begin to shake slightly, "I know what I want it to mean...but I'm also afraid of what it does mean…I'm afraid my heart won't' be able to take it…"
He took a deep breath, "I never said it enough...and that's another one of my greatest regrets but…" He too her hands in his, "I love you Lorelai."
Her eyes squeezed tight and she knew the damn was about to break, "Luke…"
He ignored her and pushed on, "I love you. And I'm tired of pretending that I don't. I'm tired of settling. I've been miserable all year and if I'm ever going to find myself again...I have to know that you're in this too. And I know you're scared and I am too...but doesn't that show you that we are supposed to make it work?"
Her eyes fluttered open and the tears cascaded down her cheeks, "I love you too."
He smiled, took a deep breath and leaned forward to cup her face in her hands, "God I missed you."
"Are we crazy?" She asked softly, "Are we crazy to think we can do this again? I mean God Luke we tore each other apart...there is barely anything left of my heart. Are we really going to jump back on this roller coaster?"
He smiled, "I am...are you?"
She took a soft breath, stepped into him and put her hands on his chest, "I don't think I have much of a choice...Rory might fly back from Chicago if I walk away again."
He shook his head, "You forget that I made a promise to her. I'll just keep following you if you try to even bolt."
She gripped his shirt in her hands, "This is isn't it? We either make it work this time or it's really going to be over...there's no going back…"
He shook his head, "I don't want to go back Lorelai...I want to go forward."
Her gaze felt to his lips for a moment, she licked her own lips gently, "Luke...I have one more question…"
His breath was slightly labored now, he was consumed by the scent of her, the feel of her again, "What's that?"
"Are you gonna kiss me or what?" She asked as he eyes lifted up to his again with a gentle twinkle in her eyes.
He let out a soft breath as he caught it, "There it is…"
She cocked her head to the side, "There's what?"
"That sparkle in your eye…" He said rubbing her cheek gently, "It's been missing for a long time…"
She smiled, "I think you may have helped me find Lorelai again…"
He leaned closer, "Thank God...I missed her so much." He pulled her flush against his body and crushed her lips to his before pulling back slightly to whisper to her, "Well what do you know...looks like you found Luke again too. He must have been hiding somewhere in you this whole time…"
She giggled, "There's a dirty there...but my mind is running a mile a minute so I can't put it together."
He chuckled, "Lorelai…" He lifted her off her feet slowly, "My Lorelai…"
She wrapped her arms securely around his neck and held him close as she nuzzled her neck, "I like this game of yours...twenty questions. We should play it more often. Make sure we're on the same page."
He smiled, "I'll do whatever the hell you want me to do Lorelai...as long as it keeps you right here with me...I'll do it."
She smoothed her hands over his chest, 'This is going to work." She paused, "It has to work. Right?"
"It's going to work." He whispered, "We can do this. We just have to keep talking like we have today…"
"You don't like talking…" She pointed out.
"But you do." He said with a shrug, "And I like you...so I'll figure it out."
She smirked, "Just like?"
He chuckled and pulled her face towards his, "Love…"
She inhaled sharply as he pressed his lips to hers, "Love me Luke...I need to feel again…"
He took a deep breath, gathered her in his arms and pressed her as close to his chest as humanly possible. The feel of her in his arms like this after so long was almost too much to take. He was overwhelmed with emotion as he watched her step back, she glanced towards the sink "I think those can wait until tomorrow…"
Luke nodded, "I think so too…"
"We may have found Lorelai and Luke…" She whispered as she lead him towards the staircase, "But we should probably double check...make sure it's really them. Make sure nothing's changed…"
He smiled as the reached the bottom of the stairs, "Nothing's changed…"
She turned to him slowly, "You're wrong. Everything's changed...we're both finally all in. Right?"
He smiled, squeezed her hand and nodded, "Right."
"Good." She whispered, as she pulled him back up the stairs again, "Let's prove it."
Luke smiled as she led him all the way up to her room. To their room and he knew that this time around they were finally going to do it right. There were still going to be difficult days. There were still going to be hills and obstacles to overcome. But he knew they could do it. She knew they could do it. They had faced so much already today alone...and now they had all the tie in the world to figure out the rest…
And they would do it together.
Well I hope you liked it. It was just an idea that popped into my head and I kind of ran with it...I really enjoyed writing this one too. I tried to cover a lot of important parts of their relationship as friends and a couple that they often glossed over. But I am sure I missed some. Either way, I hope you enjoyed it and will send some feedback. Thanks you lovely readers!Ps-Who else has started their countdown for November? Can't wait!