Hello my wonderful readers. I am sorry I have been gone so long. Here is an angst filled story for you! (I left cookies out for you)
MAY 2, 2013.
The day was dreary like it was every year. The sky was dark, covered in unusually black clouds, even though it was already well after noon. Every so often a bolt of lightning filled the area in a strange glow. It had the same effect every year- those who remembered the day's details drank or became sullen and closed themselves off to the world. The passage of time didn't close the wounds inflicted upon society.
The dated village was just that- old. Children only filled the streets only when they had come home for the holidays, paint chipped off houses, and the town was, painstakingly, the only place that had been monotonous enough to have a cemetery that affected so many people. The gate to the cemetery creaked in the distance as it swung wildly on it hinges. It was rusted over and only added to the distinct lifeless ambiance. The graves were stacked with flowers, as to remember the events of fifteen years prior.
In front of one of the grave sat a young man. His hair was tipped with turquoise but, it quickly changed to a sweet bubblegum. His eyes were a piercing grey as he stared at the cold cement grave. Teddy was his name, which was in remembrance of his grandfather.
His heartbeat almost doubled. The horrid feeling of monotony overtook his fragile mind in a swish of impending doom. Teddy lunged forward in subdued agony and opened his mouth, not letting a single whimper of pain out. Beads of sweat fell of his brow, down his face before disappearing into the sodden ground.
He let his mind wander, wondering if his whole life had only been a dream. He vaguely wondered if he was still a babe, his life some kind of contorted nightmare. Physiological questions plagued his adolescent mind with tremors of rage and sorrow. His emotions were uneasy in a way that felt him hopeless. He wondered, if only briefly, if his parents were still alive but he quickly dismissed the thought as his fingers traced the names in front of him.
The headstone in front of him became more of a blur as the weather stormed around him, only maximizing the feelings of melancholy. His hands shook even with them clasped on the small headstone. The headstone in its self was nothing special. It was the same concrete color as the other surrounding it. The flowers around it lay wilted from days of blistering hot weather.
It was the only day he could come to mourn. It was too much for his fragile soul any other day. He couldn't even bear to leave a flower when he came.
Teddy caressed the headstone. His parents' names were bluntly stated in the same calligraphy font as the rest of the headstones. His face contorted with pain. His breath caught in his throat as he tried to scream with internal rage. He knew his godparents loved him. He really did. But, with their real children, his brothers and sister in all but blood, he felt out of place. Teddy wasn't supposed to be a burden on his godfather. He shouldn't have had his own room. He should have not been a bother.
He could never forget the day his younger 'brother' had screamed and hollered because his mum had grounded him. Teddy had smacked James across the face. It wasn't if Teddy couldn't fathom the undying love of his real mother but, he had drawn the line.
His cries were once again silenced as the sound of thunder echoed through the empty cemetery. He grabbed his chest wondering why his parents had left him. He knew their sacrifice was necessary or else, the world might not be as it was. But, sometimes he wondered why his mum hadn't have stayed home for an hour longer. Why had she left her new born son to face the world without parents?
His brothers and sister had their parents. They weren't bothers. They were supposed to be there. Teddy was just there, an orphan. He didn't matter as much. Sure, James had been the only one they planned but, their parents loved them more than anything. When his godparents had told them about their youngest child Teddy smiled and acted happy about his new sibling. He told them she could have his room for the nursery and he would move into the attic.
No matter what anyone said he wasn't welcome anywhere. His parents had left him a burden to him grandmother and 17-year-old godfather. The gripping feeling of breathlessness took him. He couldn't breathe. The world closed in around him. The anxiety and hatred left him in despair at the grave.
He wouldn't ever mention his inner demons with anyone. Deep inside he knew he wasn't alone. His sorrow and anger at the people who sacrificed themselves for him clouded his daily thoughts. He lay on the earth in front of the grave silently praying to his parents. The pain of his life barely kept him from locking away his emotions completely. He let out a hoarse scream.
"It's unfair," Teddy wailed into the air, "I hate them. I hate them for leaving me."
A warm hand spread along his back pulling him into a comforting hug. Whispers of love came to him, "Why did they have to go." Teddy sobbed into the man's chest much quieter than his wails from before, "If only mum stayed home. She didn't have to go." He started coughing 'Why did she leave me?"
Another sob racked his body. A handkerchief was thrust into his hands. His eyes burned with tears that poured from his ducts. Snot ran down his face, a bright sullen green.
"I knew your parents- still do. They would never leave you. " His godfather pointed upwards, "They're right here, always watching over you."
The hatred dissipated away from him. It went as fast as it came. Teddy closed his eyes letting his feelings flow. His sobs quieted until they could barely be heard. He breathed in, collecting his godfather's scent and finding comfort in it. For a moment he felt a swell of guilt for finding comfort in not his father but, his godfather. He felt guilty for being so selfish. Every other gravestone had people in just as much pain. There had been other children left behind in worse conditions than he was. He had people who cared for him.
Teddy had people to turn to. He had his godfather's family and his gram. His godfather was the only one who could understand his predicament; even still, Teddy had never felt more alone.
Teddy grabbed his chest as another wave of breathlessness took him over once again. A dry sob echoed through the small cemetery. He pushed away from the man and clawed at the dirt, "This is the closest I can ever be to them..." Teddy's voice got quieter, "Six feet of dirt will always keep me from them."
The man patted his back, gently comforting the boy. Both were soaked to the bone. Their clothed clung to the mud clad ground. Pain crept its way through both of their hearts, leaving each emotionally stripped.
Teddy's sobs subsided after a while. His eyes began to dry and his breathing became a pattern. Teddy's hands felt frozen from the rainstorm. His entire body shook. And his hair clung to his face which resembled that of his mother. His eyes stayed the same steel grey as his fathers. Though, his eyes held much more emotion than his father's ever had.
The hole in his soul closed, if only slightly. The ache was still there, it always would, but, it wasn't too much for him to handle. With a glance at the headstones, Teddy threw himself at his godfather whispering words of thank you. His bubble gum colored stands of hair turned back to their natural dark shade.
"Teddy, come on, son, let's go inside. Victoire and everyone else are waiting for us." His godfather coaxed the boy back into the house. Teddy only had one place to belong, everywhere around him, every minute of every day. He had found his home- where his real family was.
Thanks for reading, Please R&R, stay golden, and remember I love you all.