Summary
He left the job but he didn't leave her. He would never do that. He didn't set foot in the 1-6 again for years after that fatal shooting in May of 2011, but how could he leave her after all those years together? If the past twelve years had proven anything, it was that their friendship was unbreakable. So what really happened aside from what was shown on screen?
Underlined print is directly from the show, which I don't own. NBC and Dick Wolf do.
...
1.
It wasn't easy getting used to the new detectives. It just wasn't the same. The cases were still heartbreaking and she was still working all hours but Olivia Benson couldn't quite find her groove again. Not since he had left the squad.
It was almost like a mourning process. They'd been partnered for twelve years. Working together had come so naturally to them. They'd been in sync from day one. It wasn't easy to leave that behind. Their partnership had its ups and downs but their friendship had only grown deeper. And while they had kept things professional at all times, they had looked out for each other beyond the call of duty.
They still did.
It had taken Elliot ten days before he finally picked up the phone when she called him. He'd broken down as soon as she asked him how he was doing and he had agreed to meet her. Being cooped up at home was suffocating him and he needed to get out.
In all their years together they had made sure to keep touching to an absolute minimum. But when she saw him at the café, waiting for her in a booth in the back, she'd been so relieved that she had wrapped her arms around him even before he had gotten up completely. He had laughed, stumbling back a little because she crashed into him like that and she had laughed with him. It turned out to be the first long talk of many.
...
June, 2011
Elliot was taking it very hard. He knew that taking a shot at Jenna had been his only option but he was racking his brain, wondering why he hadn't aimed for her hip, her leg, her shoulder - anything other than her chest. Olivia kept telling him it was a split second decision and he had to be sure he'd hit her so she wouldn't squeeze the trigger again. But she knew it wasn't really helping. He still blamed himself and she could feel his pain.
"I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to do my job again," he told her one day.
He had dropped by her apartment unannounced, again. Olivia could see how tense he was. He had been on paid leave for weeks but the timeout didn't seem to be helping at all. IAB had already determined that it was a good shoot but even that didn't make Elliot feel any better about it. Besides, they were now looking at his entire jacket and he knew they would find more incidents.
"All I ever wanted was to help people, protect them and what do I do? I end up shooting a victim ..."
He was sitting on her couch, elbows on his knees and his forehead leaning in his hands. Olivia scooted a little closer to him and put a hand on his shoulder hesitantly. He relaxed a little under her touch and admitted that it actually helped that she didn't blame him. She'd had a good rapport with Jenna and was heartbroken herself about the young life that had ended so abruptly. But she had not blamed Elliot for one second.
She smiled.
"Of course I don't. I know you, remember?"
He looked at her and nodded.
"I know," he said softly. He seemed so sad though and she wondered what was going on in that head of his.
"Are you sleeping at all?" she asked.
"Not much."
"Talking to Kathy?"
"Not much."
...
IAB was sniffing around the office again and Olivia asked Cragen about it. He explained that they were still looking into Elliot's jacket and that the whole squad was now on notice.
"So what, so he's the sacrificial lamb? You're just gonna give him up?" she fired at her Captain.
"You know me better than that," Cragen replied. "He's like a son to me. I've been pushing as hard as I can. I just don't know how it's gonna shake out."
"What does that mean?" She needed to know so Elliot would know what he'd be facing.
"That means, if Elliot wants to keep his job, he's gonna have to submit to a psych eval, anger management, a lotta hoops."
She could see in Cragen's eyes what she already knew herself.
"He'll tell them to go to hell."
...
July, 2011
Kathleen had invited her to her twenty-second birthday, which she would celebrate at her parents' home. All Elliot's kids were going to be there and they really wanted her to come. Olivia had been a part of their family for so long and the children were missing her now that their father no longer worked with her. She had to admit she missed them too and was happy to come. All the children greeted her warmly and Maureen introduced her to her boyfriend proudly. They had just moved in together. It was her first serious relationship and Olivia hoped it would work out for the eldest of the Stabler girls. Eli was three already and she was amazed at how fast he was growing up. Elliot was happy to have all his kids in one house since that didn't happen very often anymore. She could tell he was enjoying himself, even though he did seem to get tired after a while.
Olivia offered to help Kathy out in the kitchen and Kathy was grateful.
"I'm just happy to help," she told her partner's wife.
They worked side by side in silence for a while, putting all kinds of snacks on different plates while Kathleen received her friends that were coming in in two's and threes. When they were almost finished Olivia finally asked the question that had been burning on her tongue ever since she got there.
"So Kathy ... how is Elliot really doing?"
Kathy stopped what she was doing and sighed, leaning her palms on the kitchen counter and bowing her head.
"You tell me," she said softly.
Olivia frowned.
"What do you mean?"
Kathy straightened her back and looked at her.
"Olivia, he's home all day now but he might as well not be. I have no idea how he's doing."
The blonde looked defeated and Olivia had not expected this. She had thought it would be good for the couple to spend more time together so they could get closer again. Their marriage had always had ups and downs but they always found each other again. She felt a pang of guilt when Kathy told her,
"He still talks more to you than to me, Olivia. I hear him on the phone sometimes and ... well, I guess I should be glad he talks to someone."
She bowed her head again and Olivia tried to think of something to say to make her feel better. But she couldn't. Kathy was right.
"That someone should be you Kathy. You're his wife."
Kathy looked at her, with sadness in her blue eyes.
"In all the years you've worked with him, you've always been more aware of that fact than he has."
...
Back in her apartment, Kathy's words just kept repeating in Olivia's head. On the one hand, it had been a great compliment. Kathy had acknowledged that she had never, ever done anything to stand in the way of Elliot's marriage. In fact, she had often been the one to encourage him to go home, spend time with Kathy and the kids, reminded him of the kids' events, told him to go talk to her after an argument. Kathy was right. She had always been aware of the fact that Kathy was his wife.
On the other hand, it wasn't the best starting point for Kathy with her husband, now that she had more time to spend with him. Kathy had confided in her even more after Olivia had put an arm around her in the kitchen. She had really hoped that the new pregnancy would be a fresh start for them. That things would be better after their two years apart. Olivia told her that she had thought the same and for all she knew, it had been.
Thinking back, she knew it had never really been all good. When she went over to their house to tell Kathy that Elliot had gone undercover unexpectedly, Kathy had been on the verge of leaving again. And again, she had been the one to convince her to stay. She wanted Elliot to keep his family because his family was what made him happy and kept him grounded. Made him see what was really important in life.
Family was what she was missing. It was almost like wanting to keep his family together was as much for her own benefit as it was for his. She needed that perfect picture and she was grateful that they allowed her to be a part of it sometimes, like today, on Kathleen's birthday. But she had to admit, even the most perfect pictures had cracks in them. And maybe this picture was damaged more than she had realized after all. Or maybe she just never wanted to see it.
...
August, 2011
The finality had hit her when Cragen told her Elliot had put his papers in. Despite the fact that she already knew and supported his decision, she had broken down anyway. There was no going back now. She called him late that night and they spoke over the phone for a while. He assured her she could do the job without him. Probably better, he had joked, because she wouldn't have to reign him in so much when his temper got the best of him. She laughed but felt like crying a little too. Elliot noticed of course, and he offered to take her out for drinks soon.
And he did.
...
September 2011
It was actually relaxing to meet him outside work these days and not have heavy cases on their minds to worry or argue about.
"How's the new partner?" Elliot asked.
She glanced at him from across the small table they were seated at.
"He's not my partner. I'm just showing him the ropes," she told him.
Elliot nodded.
"Hmhmm. You keep telling yourself that."
She smiled weakly. There was no going back. She knew it but it would take time. More time.
"Well, he's not you," she admitted. "But he's a little like you."
Elliot's interest was piqued.
"How so?"
Olivia counted the similarities on her fingers for him.
"He's married, Catholic, and he has a temper."
"My kinda guy," Elliot agreed with a grin.
Then his face turned serious.
"What?" Olivia asked. "What is it El?"
"Liv, I ehm ... Kathy and I have been talking and ... we've decided we are going to move."
Olivia suddenly had the ominous feeling something bad was going to happen.
"Move? Where to?"
"Santa Cruz."
He might as well have punched her in the gut.
"Santa Cruz, California?"
She couldn't hide the slight panic in her voice. Elliot just nodded and stared at his drink.
"Why?"
Her question almost sounded like a sob. He was moving across the country? Santa Cruz was just about the furthest he could get from New York City without actually leaving the US.
"Kathy always wanted to go there. She thinks that maybe a clean break will help us make a fresh start."
She knew Kathy was desperate for a fresh start but she had not expected her to take it this far.
"What about your kids?" she asked, trying to ignore the nauseous feeling in her stomach.
"Eli is coming with us, the others have their own lives now and want to stay here. I ... I'm sorry Liv."
He glanced at her and he looked sad. Still, he should't apologize to her. He didn't owe her an explanation or an apology. But she was going to miss him. So much. She already missed him at work and now there would be no more spontaneous meetings anymore either. He was her best friend. Her only real friend. The only one she had allowed to get close to her. But he needed to go, for his wife and his son. He belonged with them.
Olivia bit her lip and looked down at her hands on the table, trying to think of something meaningful to say to him. But she couldn't think of anything. All she could think of was the emptiness ahead of her. Elliot put his hands over hers and she looked up at him.
"Liv. I have to do this. You understand, don't you?"
It was almost as if he was asking her for permission. And as if he was telling her he'd rather stay in New York. With her. But that wasn't his place. He should be with his wife and their young son.
"We'll be in town from time to time, visiting the kids," he added almost reassuringly while rubbing her hands with his thumbs. "And we can keep in touch long distance right?"
He was looking at her so hopefully, needing to know she would be alright that she forced a smile.
"Yeah. We'll do that."
She knew they wouldn't keep in touch. Not regularly anyway. That never worked. He would soon have his new life there in California and she would be busy with work as well. She cried herself to sleep that night. She hadn't lost him completely but he was drifting away and soon he would be out of her life. And so her mourning process continued.
...
Please leave a review. Isn't this much more likely than what we saw on the show? Should I continue?