She didn't know why it hurt so much.
She barely knew them. She was tough; an attribute instilled in her by necessity. For twelve long years she'd survived, alone and forgotten on a backwater desert planet, savaging what she could, when she could. She was shrewd, clever and independent, more than capable of handling herself in sticky situations.
But…something spoke to her when she met BB8, and again when she encountered Finn.
Han Solo and the Wookie had just been another addition to the insanity that was taking place.
So she hadn't expected the sharp jab of hurt when Han Solo's words registered in her mind; the fierce jealousy that crawled up her throat like bile. A sour taste dried her mouth and she'd wanted to turn away even as she looked on, the scene below too intimate, too raw. Then there was a bright flash of red. Her scream of denial was an involuntary reaction, her eyes tracking his body as it fell.
She didn't know why it hurt so much.
She hadn't known him, not really. They were acquaintances, and he…he was a hero. A legend. But he'd stood there in the flesh and talked to her. They connected over bypasses and broken couplings, faulty hyper-engines and drained cores.
When she spoke, he understood.
But there was a history there that she didn't know and couldn't hope to understand.
Even Finn, comatose in a room not too far away, was a complete stranger. But they'd joked and teased and ran through a snowy forest hand in hand as the world collapsed around them.
Then his voice, his eyes as he cut and swung: aiming to kill.
Jab.
"I can teach you."
Swing.
She'd lashed out and struck him, a line across his face.
She didn't know why it hurt so much.
Bitterness roiled in her stomach as the chasm opened between them, frustration and hopelessness yawning like the breaking ground. His eyes had been begging, like a child unable to stop the fear, but his actions were resolute, the actions of a man set on his path.
And like with all the others, there was a connection.
Something told her they would meet again.
She didn't know why that thought hurt so much.
These people had had more impact on her in the last few days than anyone had had in the entirety of her life. She'd always been a loner, unconcerned with everything but her own business. But now, Rey was confused.
Why did it hurt so much?
She had waited. For so long she had waited, faithfully watching the stars for any sign. The old pain was still there, aching, pushing her to find the truth.
Change hurts.
Within a darkened room on the south side of a well hidden Rebel base, Rey reflected over resent events and marveled at the change of perspective.
Perhaps… she wasn't meant to wait.