Disclaimer: I own nothing from lord of the, I have nothing but my own
twisted ideas!
Notes: Don't be offended, this wasn't intended as a sam/frodo, I like LOTR very much
"Sam?"
"Yes Mr. Frodo?"
"Can I talk to you for a moment?"
"Anytime, Frodo. I'm going to be here pretty much until the end of the book."
"I'd just like your opinion on something…"
"Tell me about it, Mr Frodo."
"It's about Strider. Do you think he's gay?"
"What makes you say that, Mr Frodo?"
"You don't need to end every sentence with "mr Frodo" you know."
"Alright, Frodo. Why do you think Strider's gay?"
"It's just…he keeps hugging me."
"Does he, Frodo?"
"Yes, he does. It's a bit unnerving. Every time we're in trouble, or being attacked, and sometimes just after the danger's gone, the first thing Aragorn does is come up and hug me."
"Hmm."
"It's true! When I got stabbed by the Ringwraiths, he picks me up and hugs me. When the Crebain flew overhead, he was hiding under a rock, hugging me. When we were walking over Caradras, well, I know he was carrying the both of us, but he seemed to be hugging me then, too. When I got speared by the cave troll, he rolled me over and hugged me. When we were stuck on one side of the steps in Moria, and the rest of the fellowship were on the other side, he hugged me."
"Very true, Mr Frodo. But I don't think all of that counted as hugging."
"Easy for you to say, you're not the one being cuddled by a guy who hasn't taken a bath or washed his hair for about ten years!"
"Steady on, Frodo. Even if your convinced, I don't think you need be worried he's gay."
"Why not?"
"Well, if you ask me, and I think you are, then I'd say he's just insecure."
"Insecure?"
"Yes Mr Frodo. He's terribly stressed, what with having to deal with being the heir to the throne, and leading the fellowship in Gandalf's absence, and being expected to look after Merry and Pippin (now that's a sore trial!). All that would make anyone a little stressed. He's very insecure, so he thinks of you as a sort of security blanket, or a teddy bear, for him to go and cuddle whenever he's scared or worried."
"He…thinks of me as a teddy bear?"
"Yes, Mr Frodo. It's sort of a maternal urge as well. He needs to protect his teddy bear, so he goes and hugs it. It's quite normal. Nothing to worry about."
"Alright Sam, that's all very well I suppose…"
"And it's really not that bad, is it? Gandalf and I hug you all the time, and Merry and Pippin hug each other every five minutes. Even Gimli and Legolas hug. When Borimir dies, he and Strider are going have a great long cuddle then. Does that mean we're all gay?"
"I guess not."
"And it seems to be a theme of Tolkien's, really. In the second book, Merry and Pippin get hugged by an orc, sort of. The Ents are constantly hugging each other. You wait until The Return of the King! There's enough hugging to make you feel sick."
"Really?"
"Yes, Mr Frodo. If it's really bothering you, you should talk to Strider himself about it."
"Ok Sam, I'll have a chat with Aragorn then. Provided he doesn't hug me."
"That's the spirit, Mr Frodo. Why don't I give you a hug now?"
"Alright Sam. Give me a hug."
Notes: Don't be offended, this wasn't intended as a sam/frodo, I like LOTR very much
"Sam?"
"Yes Mr. Frodo?"
"Can I talk to you for a moment?"
"Anytime, Frodo. I'm going to be here pretty much until the end of the book."
"I'd just like your opinion on something…"
"Tell me about it, Mr Frodo."
"It's about Strider. Do you think he's gay?"
"What makes you say that, Mr Frodo?"
"You don't need to end every sentence with "mr Frodo" you know."
"Alright, Frodo. Why do you think Strider's gay?"
"It's just…he keeps hugging me."
"Does he, Frodo?"
"Yes, he does. It's a bit unnerving. Every time we're in trouble, or being attacked, and sometimes just after the danger's gone, the first thing Aragorn does is come up and hug me."
"Hmm."
"It's true! When I got stabbed by the Ringwraiths, he picks me up and hugs me. When the Crebain flew overhead, he was hiding under a rock, hugging me. When we were walking over Caradras, well, I know he was carrying the both of us, but he seemed to be hugging me then, too. When I got speared by the cave troll, he rolled me over and hugged me. When we were stuck on one side of the steps in Moria, and the rest of the fellowship were on the other side, he hugged me."
"Very true, Mr Frodo. But I don't think all of that counted as hugging."
"Easy for you to say, you're not the one being cuddled by a guy who hasn't taken a bath or washed his hair for about ten years!"
"Steady on, Frodo. Even if your convinced, I don't think you need be worried he's gay."
"Why not?"
"Well, if you ask me, and I think you are, then I'd say he's just insecure."
"Insecure?"
"Yes Mr Frodo. He's terribly stressed, what with having to deal with being the heir to the throne, and leading the fellowship in Gandalf's absence, and being expected to look after Merry and Pippin (now that's a sore trial!). All that would make anyone a little stressed. He's very insecure, so he thinks of you as a sort of security blanket, or a teddy bear, for him to go and cuddle whenever he's scared or worried."
"He…thinks of me as a teddy bear?"
"Yes, Mr Frodo. It's sort of a maternal urge as well. He needs to protect his teddy bear, so he goes and hugs it. It's quite normal. Nothing to worry about."
"Alright Sam, that's all very well I suppose…"
"And it's really not that bad, is it? Gandalf and I hug you all the time, and Merry and Pippin hug each other every five minutes. Even Gimli and Legolas hug. When Borimir dies, he and Strider are going have a great long cuddle then. Does that mean we're all gay?"
"I guess not."
"And it seems to be a theme of Tolkien's, really. In the second book, Merry and Pippin get hugged by an orc, sort of. The Ents are constantly hugging each other. You wait until The Return of the King! There's enough hugging to make you feel sick."
"Really?"
"Yes, Mr Frodo. If it's really bothering you, you should talk to Strider himself about it."
"Ok Sam, I'll have a chat with Aragorn then. Provided he doesn't hug me."
"That's the spirit, Mr Frodo. Why don't I give you a hug now?"
"Alright Sam. Give me a hug."