Good for You, Bad for Us
Chapter 1: A Nice Cup of Jo
The day felt like it was the end of an era. It was the first day of school, the first day since the end of summer, and Doofenshmirtz's first day of not being evil.
He was so bored.
Doofenshmirtz was lazing about on his couch with a remote in his hand. On the tv in front of him was the 'uncovery' channel. Some bland documentary was playing. Behind him, Norm was vacuuming the carpet.
"I don't get it, Norm." He said. "How do people live like this? Waking up and not doing anything evil, all day. A-a-and they do it three hundred and sixty five days a year, too. That's the part I don't get."
"Those people have jobs!" The robot told him cheerfully.
Doofenshmirtz's expression soured. He was not getting a job. The only jobs he qualified for were minimum wage or evil. And sometimes the two weren't separate.
"No, no jobs. Not until I find an employer who takes graduating from an evil college seriously." He said. "What else do good people do?"
Norm thought it over.
"Good people do good things!"
"Of course!" Doofenshmirtz leaped up from the couch." It's so obvious!"
He ran over to his work bench and grabbed a fist full of wires and a steel plate.
"Just because I've always made inators for evil," He said as he grabbed a screwdriver and got to work. "Doesn't mean I can't make inators for good, right?"
"I can't see how this could go wrong." Norm replied.
Later that day, Doofenshmirtz stood before a finished inator. It was large and shaped like a Styrofoam cup with a gun barrel sticking out of it.
"Ah ha!" He yelled. "I call it, the Express-inator!"
He then rolled it out onto the balcony. Norm followed behind, at a safe distance.
"This inator will fire little Styrofoam cups full of coffee all across the tri-state area," Doofenshimirtz explained. "Free coffee! For everyone! Forever! What could be better than that?"
He smiled and turned the machine on.
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Perry was sleeping in the backyard peacefully. Then a cup smashed into the ground next to him. Startled awake, he stared at the mess of coffee and Styrofoam. Just as he wondered who had thrown it at him, several dozen more fell from the sky.
He dove to the right to avoid them, but ended up jumping into the path of another. There was a splash and he was covered in hot coffee. He stumbled back towards the fence and blindly pressed for a button to open the secret entrance. Coffee continued to rain from the sky, dousing him in more coffee. He finally opened it and fell backwards through it, falling all the way down to his chair and landing upside-down with a wet plop.
Major Monogram appeared on screen.
"Agent P! Wow, I hadn't even called you yet, how did you know-"
He suddenly got a good look at the coffee drenched platypus. He received an indignant glare in return.
"Ah, I see you've noticed the problem. Anyway. We have reason to believe Doofenshmirtz is involved with this. I knew his turn to the side of good wouldn't last long." Monogram said. "Get out there and put a stop to him, Agent P."
Perry righted himself, saluted and took off running.
"Pay up, Monogram." Carl said from somewhere off-screen.
"Dang it Doofenshmirtz!" Monogram said. "Five more minutes and I would have won the bet."
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~Doofenshmirtz *mvnmnm* Incorporated!~
Perry crashed through the window holding an umbrella. He was surprised when a trap failed to appear.
"What the- Perry?" Doofenshmirtz said. "What are you doing here and why did you break my window? I told you, I'm not evil anymore. You don't have to keep smashing my things."
The platypus gave him a glare and pointed to the inator.
"Oh, that?" Doofenshmirtz walked over to the machine. "No, no, no. This isn't evil. It's good!"
Perry put his hands on his hips and started to tap one foot.
"What? It's not good?" Doofenshmirtz asked.
Perry shook his head.
"But... It's free coffee. Who could find free coffee evil?"
Perry walked over to Doofenshmirtz and grabbed his hand. He led him to the edge of the balcony and he pointed down. Below them, people were cowering under any cover they could find as coffee continued to pelt them from above.
"Oh." Doofenshmirtz said. "It's not the coffee that's evil, is it?"
Perry shook his head. He let go of Doofenshmirtz's hand and headed over to the machine. With little effort, it was just a giant Styrofoam cup, he lifted it up and over the balcony, where it plummeted to the ground and smashed into pieces.
"Yeah, I guess that's fair..." Doofenshmirtz said. "Hey, you wanna stay for some coffee, Perry the platypus? I've got a lot."
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