It all happened so fast.
Yes- I have to admit, he'd been complaining about migraines for the past few months, but I told him he'd been staring at the computer for too long.
I was wrong.
Which I realized when he fell to the floor.
Still.
The ride the the hospital was the longest. It seems as if every time the ambulance paused, the time did. I watched him, with the ventilator over his face. He was calm, and at ease. It wasn't something I saw from him very often.
When we finally made it to the hospital, I realized only 15 minutes had passed since he'd conked out on my bedroom floor. I thought it'd been 45. The hospital staff whisked him away in the speed of light. I was half expecting him to sit up-make a noise, I'd even accept him screaming- if he'd just wake up. He didn't.
At some point Maya and Lucas came; not that I really cared. Vocally, Lucas was the worst. Crying, yelling, squeezing the arms of the hospital chair until his knuckles turned white-but I couldn't help him. I was doing worse than him inside.
Lucas hurt his hand at some point. I don't know how. He asked Maya if he should get it checked out. It reminded me of something.
"My head has been killing me lately. Do you think I should go to a clinic or something to see if there is a problem?"
"Stop overreacting. You'll be fine."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
The barrier was broken.
In that moment, I realized that if anything happened, it'd be my fault. He could be paralyzed. He could be brain damaged. Anything could happen, and it'd be my fault. My fault.
The doctor called his name; I stood. It was late, maybe two in the morning, Lucas was sleeping. Maya told me to go anyway, she'd stay with him. I agreed.
He was so peaceful. The doctor said something about a medically induced coma- I wasn't paying much attention. I was staring at him. He looked so beautiful. My thoughts were interrupted.
Seizing, seizing, seizing….
Still.