Declivitous Recursion: A tale of temporal chaos
Chapter one: In which it begins again.
Naruto opened his eyes to see the crummy ceiling that he's come to associate with new beginnings, and old garbage.
"Hmm, I believe that this is my four hundred and fifty-sixth trip back. Which makes me about... Er, nine hundred and eighty years old!"
A deep rumbling in the back of his mind spoke of discontent. Words seemed to carve themselves in the back of Naruto's mind. They painfully spelled out the following: "You're forgetting the hundreds of years you spent as a woman."
Naruto chuckled. "Silly fox, that makes Naruko about three hundred and ninety years old... It doesn't effect how old Naruto is!"
The headache returned, and imparted him with this message: "I worry about you sometimes... And then I remember I hate you, so I laugh at how crazy you've become."
Naruto frowned. "Naruto's not crazy! Naru- Wait, you might have a point there... But that doesn't really matter, for today is graduation day!"
Naruto rushed through his morning routine, and made sure to remind himself to pick up real food when he gets time.
"I don't see why you don't just hunt for rabbits like a real man would!"
Naruto pinched his nose. "Stop that, it hurts you retarded fuzzball!... And I am so a real man!"
The pain returned, even worse than before. "Don't tell me what I can and cannot do! You're not the boss of me, you seem to be forgetting just who and what I am! I am the nine tailed demon fox you insignificant worm! Why, when I was your age-"
Naruto groaned, and tried to ignore him. With a leap he flung himself out his window, and landed on top of the neighbouring building. With another bound he began his journey to the ninja academy.
Along the way he made sure to wave and smile at everyone he came across... Even the Anbu that were hidden so well that most Jounin would overlook them, even if they were actively searching for them.
The Anbu team made note of the suspicious child, and sent word to the Hokage.
Naruto landed on the academy grounds, and made his trademarked glamour pose. With a foxy smirk, he winked at Hinata... Who was the only one who actually noticed, or cared that he arrived.
"Naruto-kun seems different..."
Naruto walked into the school, making sure to wish Hinata good luck as he passed by. In the classroom Naruto sat near the back, close to Shino.
"How you doing there bug boy?" Shino was wary of him, as the two of them haven't really interacted much over the course of their learnings.
"I am fine Naruto-san." Naruto frowned, as if he was expecting a different reaction.
"Hmm..." Shino quivered ever so slightly under Naruto's inquisitive glare, to him it seemed as though Naruto was accusing him of something.
After a bit of a seating kerfuffle, Iruka established order. "Alright, I'll call your names one at a time-"
Naruto yawned, and decided to take a quick nap.
"-uto... Naruto... Naruto... Naruto!... Wake up!" Iruka threw his eraser at Naruto who woke up, and caught it. He then sat up, and walked over to the door.
Naruto stood before Iruka, and the other guy. He thought about failing, but settled on using shadow clones and hoping Iruka doesn't notice. With a motion of his hand two perfectly formed clones poofed into existence.
Iruka narrowed his eyes slightly, he felt far more chakra being dumped into the technique than a clone could possibly hold.
He walked over to one, and examined it closely. He scribbled something into his notes, and turned back to Naruto.
"Well done Naruto, you pass! Grab a headband from the pile, and return to your seat."
Naruto smirked as he allowed his clones to dissipate.
Kakashi peered at his potential students, and slumped towards them. "Tell me a little about yourselves."
Naruto perked up. "My name is Naruto, or at least it was... No wait, it still is. Where was I? Oh yes, My name is Kakashi... I mean Naruto... Yes... Naruto. That's my name. You're Kakashi. What was your question again?"
Sakura looked at Naruto with disturbed bemusement, and scooted as far away as she could. Sasuke just ignored the dobe.
"Uh... Let's have someone else take a turn, and you can come back to it later." Kakashi's eye betrayed none of the thoughts going through his mind as he appraised the clearly addled child in front of him.
Sakura decided to have a go. "My name is Sakura, I like anmitsu and reading. I hope to get stronger, and to be a proper kunoichi." She made several suggestive glances at Sasuke to show what she really had on her mind.
Naruto decided to try again. "My name is Naruto. I like anmitsu and reading. I hope to get stronger, and to be a proper kuno-"
Sakura cut him off. "Sensei, Naruto's stealing my introduction!"
"Naruto, don't steal Sakura's introduction. You're a shinobi now, stand on your own two feet... Right, now Sasuke, it's your turn."
Sasuke looked up. "My name's Sasuke, I don't particularly like anything. One day I will kill some one. I don't hope that it'll happen, I know it will."
Kakashi gave the oddest of his students one more chance. "My name is Naruto, I like ramen... I hope to, uh... Hmm, I guess I don't really have a hope. So I suppose I'll settle for having fun, and living life until I die! Naruto I mean, until he dies... I am him."
Kakashi sighed, he would have to talk with the Hokage about this. "Uh, that was... That was, good enough I suppose. Meet me at training ground three, at six or so in the morning... You're dismissed!"
Sakura chimed in. "Uh sensei, you never... introduced yourself."
Kakashi looked at her oddly, then smirked under his mask. "I am quite sure that I did, I remember doing it. Yes, distinctly so."
Sakura tilted her head. Sasuke just huffed... Naruto nodded his head. "Yeah I remember that too, he was the first one."
Sasuke sniffed at him. "Oh yeah, Then what did he say?"
Naruto slouched, and closed one eye. He proceeded to perfectly imitate his sensei's mannerisms... But spoke in his own voice. "I am Kakashi Uchiha... I mean Haruno. My name is not important, and my likes are even less so. I like icha icha paradise, and all the trashy romance therein. Also my name is Kakashi!"
Kakashi nodded. "I agree with the... Uh, with Naruto completely."
Sarutobi looked at the three scrolls on his desk. Each were open, and they were sorted to form a time line of events. The first is a report of Naruto casually locating a hidden Anbu unit while in transit, the second is an academy report detailing the inappropriate use of a kinjutsu, and the last is a request from Kakashi for a face-to-face meeting. The third Hokage summoned Kakashi into his office.
"Yes?" Sarutobi leaned over.
Kakashi scratched his face. "Well... Naruto's acting strangely. He seems to, at best, have a tenuous grasp on who he is at any given moment."
Sarutobi lit his pipe, and sat back in his chair. "Do I have to summon Ibiki to have a 'chat' with him?"
Kakashi shook his head. "Nah, it's not like that. It seems to me as if he was hit in the back of the head by an earth jutsu or something."
The Hokage nodded. "Keep an eye on him, I have some theories as to what's going on."
Kakashi turned back as he opened the door. "Are any of them good?"
Sarutobi looked at Kakashi as if he had made a rookie mistake. "Are they ever good?"
Kakashi closed the door.
To be continued...