So one day Gaston decided he was going to hunt down the famous OwlBear so that he would no longer be seen as the village stooge and would be back to his former glory. He takes off in the woods after tying Le Fou to a barrel so that he wouldn't follow him because he wanted the glory all to himself. He bares his chest to release his pheromones and attract the beast. But not the actual Beast because he was off on his honeymoon with Belle in the south of France getting drunk off cheap wine they told them was expensive.
Anyway, Gaston is traipsing around on the rocks shirtless hollering for the OwlBear, when he hears a rumble of rocks from above. He dives into a nearby cave that is populated with badgers, and starts kicking and punching in their general vicinity and yelling at them to get out of his spot. The badgers leave and immediately start cleaning up the rocks and gravel that has cluttered up their front lawn. Meanwhile Gaston is preparing for his plan by wanking. He is just getting to the good bit when the OwlBear shows up, which is good timing bc any sooner and he would be at risk for losing his boner to the region's Apex Predator's not-secret weapon: Words.
The OwlBear flaps its wings and begins to proclaim in a voice like LeFou, "Moist. Sputum. Phlegm. Knockwurst. Kerfuffle. Juices. Chunky." etc., until Gaston, with deft aim and precision, hits it in the eyes with his spunk. Blinded, the Owlbear twists around, and Gaston, tucking his grand saucisson back into his trousers, leaps onto its back.
Knowing that in an alternative universe he is killed for trying to kill a beast, Gaston instead ropes the OwlBear around the throat and makes it his faithful servant, and successfully manages to use it to terrorize the village people into making him popular again until one day he dies and it eats him .
THE END.