Hi everyone, if you don't want to be offended stop NOW! This fanfic the I'm writing a commentary to is the worst story EVER. Trust the Christian writing this.
Now for a quick introduction. Hi reader, I'm Alyx. I'm the sarcastic, witty one.My name is Mimi. I'm pretty... Ferocious, fierce, evil (or so my brother and friends insist). I'm Whitney, and I like sugar.That wasn't what the quick intro was supposed to be.I was being funny...You failed.Ok, I like to know the real facts. I hate those who insist that things that are not facts are true. Yet I still am really religious due to personal experience. That's how I'm confident Christianity is totally the way to go, but I have a sense of tolerance.Anyway, on with the story that we are proud to say we don't own.
Believer in Christ: Hello Jesus!
Jesus: Hello my son. This means either Tommy has skitzo or he has an imaginary dad named Jesus. Or a real dad named Jesus... Though I doubt anyone would want to be associated with this...Or an imaginary friend that's supposed to be Jesus. Or he's seeing things...
Believer in Christ: Am I saved by writing this story. No!
Jesus: Yes my son. His imaginary dad's gonna save him for writing this monstrosity?
Believer in Christ: Good. Now should I go hunt down those Satanists.
Jesus: Yes my son. Is that all his imaginary dad can say?Remember, he said "Hello my son." at the begining. But the "my son" thing is pretty repeatitive.Maybe ending sentences in "my son" is his imaginary dad's thing. Like Yoda saying things backwards.Yes, but this is just really lame.Yep.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Bible, God does. I will not feel sorry for using Percy Jackson Actually, I think Rick Riordian deserves a written apology. as it is evil Yeah, I forgot that stories where the protagonist fight evil are SO evil! Riiight... and should not have a disclaimer. Don't worry reader, he doesn't own it. Neither do we.
Being Together The Army Just so we're clear, that wasn't me. I would say The Army Being Together. What is he, a Yoda wannabe? I also didn't put the Bible quotes that usually don't relate to the story.
Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall. -Proverbs 16:18
I am Jerry and I am a prayer warrior. I'm Alyx and I'm a sarcastic, sassy female.I'm Mimi and I really hate you. I'm Whitney, I'm smarter than you. Ha. I am a servent of the lord and will do anything to get rid of evil Gods. Lately the Satanic leader Percy Jackson has taken over much of the land, along with his Satanic Army and his girlfriend prostatute*. Funny, that was never mentioned in the books...She has sex with other people just to get Satanic money. And in other news, religions now have their own forms of currency.And in other other news, we all know what prostatutes are!
That means that I have to get an army together of Christians,Because she's a prostatute, he has to get an army together... What?Guys, I think he's talking about Percy supposedlyHeld this back for a while but: taking over the "land"The land *snickers* what is this, a fairy-tale?He does act like he's some sort of king... Probably because he is king. Of the idiots...so that we can defeat the servents of Satan, and defeat his evil puppets, the false greek gods, who are in fact a lie created by Satan to poison people`s mind. 1. I was right. We were picking at him for phrasing it wrong. It explains that Annabeth is a prostatute in his own little word then immediatlt says "That means that I have to get an army..." Whatever. 2. Can't defeat something that isn't real smart one.
Take heed to thyself that thou be not snared by following them, after that they be destroyed from before thee; and that thou enquire not after their gods, saying, How did these nations serve their gods? even so will I do likewise. – Deuteronomy 12:30
"Hello my fellow Christian" I told Mary, who is named after Jesus`s Mother. I and her are not dating, if you Satanic scum think that there is something Satanic going on. So dating's Santanic...We're probably gonna be so dead.We are dating, He just said "I and her" which should be She and I, "are not dating..."but we are not having Sex until we get married. But because we are 15, it means that it is going to be while before we do such a thing.
"Yes If you think about this conversation it goes "Hi!" "Yes." the typical response is hi back, ya know. Jerry, how are you. The correct puncuntuation is a question mark... Just saying...Have you been doing the lord`s biddings?" She means "Hi Jerry, how are you? Killed anyone just over their beliefs like Hitler?" I picture her on a sugar high.she asked me. I nodded my head and then she took out the bible and we read the first Chapter of Genesis, which is about the the creation of the world. We talk about how God was so good that he was kind to create a great world as we live in.
He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him. -Proverbs 18:13
Then we discuss about how Satan had poisoned the world by inventing false gods such as Zeus and Venus, Aphrodite? 'Cause Venus was Roman. who were sex gods, The sky and love and beuaty, dude! which is against the Ten commandments. The missing 11th commandment: Thou shall not magically create sex gods. Who aren't really sex gods.
"I need an Army to defeat the evil leader Percy Jackson" I asked her.Seemed more like a statement to me... I wanted an army so that I could defeat this Satanist and his ungodly army.Anyone else get an odd sense af deja vu? Cause we already knew what the army was for... This is America which is a Christian nation, so Satanist, athesit, hindu, muslims, buddhist, and any other non-god fearing people, who worshiped false gods, should not be allowed in this God fearing Nation.Correction. This nation was kinda pre-founded by Protestants. Christians who were not Catholic. It didn't become America until later, after the Revolutionary War. Then long story short, first amendment says that we have freedom of religion among other things. Meaning you can be whatever religion here. We must get rid of them, and make them slaves, if they agree to being a fellow Christian. So let me get this straight. If they do what you want, they get turned into slaves? Yeah, that'll get people to convert because it makes SO much more sense then showing them the love and compassion of our Lord. Once they truly believe in God and his son, Jesus, then would we release them to bring glory to God and his son. But you just said they would be slaves if they decide to be Christians, so wouldn't they believe then? Otherwise, why the heck would they convert? If they still did not believe, we would burn then, see Mimi's coment. Another Paradox: if you convert, you will be turned into a slave, if after you're turned into a slave, you convert (after converting turned you into a slave) you're freed. But if after being turned into a slave (for converting into a Christian) you don't convert to Christianity, you're burned... That's what I got too. Too bad Google translate doesn't come with Moron as a language. just as their fellow Satanist did when they refused to worship our lord Jesus Christ. 1. They just converted and became slaves because of it. Even if he meant something other than what he put, there are other religions. 2. Jesus is God's son. Not God himself. Maybe he's thinking 'The father, the son, and the holy ghost,' but he should say God."I want to bring Glory to God" Because we all know murder isn't a sin! Jerry, you fail.
Their bows also shall dash the young men to pieces; and they shall have no pity on the fruit of the womb; their eyes shall not spare children.-Isaiah 13:18
"Then I will show you my Christian friends. You will not find a ungodly one among them. There are as clean as you can get them" she told me. She had a her hair tied back so that it would not get in her *laugh while picturing her hair getting stucked into her shoulder* and not look like a Satanic hooker*. *flips hair that's down* What does HAIR have to do with anything in the Bible? Hair ties weren't around with Adam and Eve. Did Eve panic because she had her hair down? Didn't think so. She also made sure that her skirt did not show any of her legs, or else it would be a sin for a man such as myself to look at it. More like boy. Legs is plural, so unless that's a typo and she only has one leg... And where in the Bible does it say that seeing any of someone's leg is a sin? Couldn't she wear jeans if they were THAT concerned?
And that was when I got message that a follower of the Satanic leader Percy Jackson. He was there to force people in believing in false gods that made their followers get naked and perform Satanic killings. That is no where in Greek mythology! Were they killing *cracks up* in the buff? *Laugh hysterically*
Also thou shalt not approach unto a woman to uncover her nakedness, as long as she is put apart for her uncleanness. -Leviticus18:19
But the prophet, which shall presume to speak a word in my name, which I have not commanded him to speak, or that shall speak in the name of other gods, even that prophet shall die. -Deuteronomy 18:20
So I went down stair to face the false prophet. He was a believer in false nature gods, such as Pan, who is Satan in disguise. Facepalm. That's all I can say. Once again, if something isn't real, it's pretty hard to fight it. He had big Satanic horns, so that everyone that was Christian could tell that he was a Satanist. Dude, he's part GOAT! Hence Satyr. What did you expect?
"Believe in my god Pan" said the Satyr. "I am Grover and I am servent of Pan and Satan, who are great gods. They are better then God and Jesus" Since when does Grover worship Pan? I don't remember that. I also don't recall him EVER worshipping Satan... Don't worry, he didn't. This was awkwardly OOC.
He that sacrificeth unto any god, save unto the LORD only, he shall be utterly destroyed. -Exodus 22:20
So to defeat this Satanic scum, dont insult Grover! You obviously had a lot of wax in your ears when he was talking *rolls eyes* me, Mary and one of her Christian friends always using bad grammar to put yourself first, huh Jerry? that was there, her name was Ruth, prayed to God and our lord Jesus Christ, See comment a few paragraphs ago to bring down this false prophet. And behold, a group of locus came from the heavens and ate Grover alive. No part of his body, other then his guts and his brains, was left. No even his bones remained. Ewww! He will be missed... All that because they couldn't clean their ears... And were too stupid to think twice... Why guts and brains left? Only you would ask that!
And the LORD said unto Moses, Stretch out thine hand over the land of Egypt for the locusts, that they may come up upon the land of Egypt, and eat every herb of the land, even all that the hail hath left. -Exodus 10:12
So we brought glory to God. How? We killed a sheep so that we can say thanks to God. That's so Old Testiment of you! Then we went back church and prayed some more. We read the Bible and how Paul convert many people to God. Why do they always tell us what they read? Then Mary`s friends came and we made them members of the Order of the Phonix? Prayer Warriors. Darn. Just when I thought the story might get better.
Their children also shall be dashed to pieces before their eyes; their houses shall be spoiled, and their wives ravished. -Isaiah 13:16
Believers in Christ: Thank you for read this and I hope you have turn I am reminded of something someone wrote at school "me don't know no grammar" to the glory of God and his eternal son Jesus Christ, the greatest thing to ever happen to this earth. You can't threaten people into Christians. May all that read this be save. Me don't know no grammar!
Jesus: You done me well son. No, no he hasn't. That's SO his imaginary dad!
Believer in Christ: Thank you my lord haha! Alyx was wrong, he's hallucinating! for giving me live and allow me to write this. Still reminded of it! Amen.
Thank you reader for bearing with us as we take on this troll. And thank you God for finally letting that activation Email get to me. Everytime it wouldn't go through. And for giving me enough courage to tell this person how messed up they are and maybe eventually stop them from pushing people away so good Christians can convert them.
I got a bit carried away. Anyway, I'd also like to thank everyone else who's written one of these, complete or not, and my brain for thinking of the comments.
You still are getting carried away.
As always, Me, Myself, and I
Aka MeBeMe, Alyx1373, and I heart ?
Aka Mimi, Alyx, and Whitney.
*=changed cuss word cause I'm that much of a goody two shoes! Sorry for any misspelled word on our part, I'm the one typing and I'm a terrible speller! Hopefully there's no Thomas Brown epic fails!