A/N: A short piece of angsty fluff as a (belated) birthday gift for Melinda (SamAndDianeFan10)! Set right after 09x03 "The First Temptation of Daphne".
"Can we just go home and… not think or talk about this?" Daphne asked while still in Niles' arms. She was reluctant to let go of him. As long as she held him like this she felt safe. His words had put her worries to rest – mostly. There was a shred of doubt left and she feared it would grow bigger and bigger until it blew up again.
"I think I'm going to stay a while longer." His words broke her heart and she knew she only had herself to blame. Niles gently pushed her away and Daphne's first instinct was to reach out to him again. She knew he needed time to think, though. Daphne tried to remember a time when she'd seen him like this; so disappointed and uncertain of what to do.
"Will I see you tonight?" Daphne swallowed the tears. This was her fault and she didn't need to burden him with seeing her like this. She didn't want his pity, not after what she'd done to him.
"I – of course. I'll just finish some reports before I head home." Daphne nodded slowly, knowing it was merely an excuse. Niles usually finished up his reports at home. He leaned forward and gently kissed her cheek.
"I just need a moment to… process this." He whispered. Again, she merely nodded. Only a moment ago, when she was still safely engulfed in his arms, she was certain all of this would turn out fine. Now the doubts grew like weed inside her mind, her heart.
Daphne turned her back on Niles and left the office. He didn't stop her and he didn't say another word. Never had her heart felt as heavy as on her way back to Niles' apartment.
Distracting herself at the Montana should have been an easy task. Despite having spent so many days and nights there, Daphne didn't even know all the rooms. Some were hidden for whatever reason and she didn't feel like going into them without Niles. The panic room freaked her out and she never would have set foot into it, not even as a distraction. Apart from the rooms, there were books. So very many books. One Sunday morning she'd found Niles in his library with a book in his hands, fast asleep. She'd gently taken the book away from him afraid it might fall and wake him. It had been early on in their physical relationship and she was still getting used to sleeping next to someone again. Daphne had just watched him sleep in that expensive armchair, wondering how uncomfortable it must have been. A person like Dr. Niles Crane needed a good night's sleep to function properly. Yet, instead of waking her, he had simply got up himself. Overcome by how much love she felt for this man, she had softly kissed his head and prepared a grand breakfast.
Daphne saw the memory play out as she entered the library and she willed herself not to cry again. Instead she picked a book. She let her index finger travel over their backs until she stopped randomly. She carefully took the book out; it didn't matter what it was about. She knew she wouldn't be able to pay attention anyway. As she began to read the book, however, she found it rather interesting. Losing herself in the theoretical world that Niles usually inhabited, she didn't notice the time passing.
Niles stayed in his office longer than he'd planned. He didn't work; he couldn't think of anything but Daphne. His anger soon subsided and made way for a much worse feeling: disappointment. He was not only disappointed in Daphne; and that was a feeling so strong, so strange he could hardly grasp it. Rather, he was disappointed in himself. Had he not shown Daphne how much he loved her? Had he not made her see that she was the love of his life? Compared to their friendship, their romantic relationship was still so new. But having been her friend for so long, Niles knew her. He knew that Daphne never willingly would have jeopardized his career. She didn't do this out of spite or to hurt him – she wasn't like Maris or Mel in that respect. She did it because she was scared. Because he had done something he'd never believed possible; he'd failed her.
When he finally turned off the lights in his office, it was after 11 p.m. The empty roads were a welcome treat for his preoccupied mind. Niles' hand shook slightly as he unlocked his front door. Part of him feared that Daphne was not here; she had gone home, hid in her own room. Maybe she told Frasier what had happened. As quickly as these ideas fired through his head, they were gone. Daphne wouldn't do that. But she was nowhere to be seen. Niles checked the kitchen and the bedroom and didn't find her. He shouldn't have let her leave all by herself, Niles thought when he saw the door to the library ajar.
"Daphne?" He asked into the open space. She sat in his armchair with a book in her hand and her eyes closed. Upon hearing his voice, however, she opened them.
"Niles? Did I fall asleep?"
"You must have." He said gently and took the book from her hands.
"You read a book by Masters and Johnson?"
"I just needed something to do. It's rather fascinating, though." Niles smiled at her, but then he remembered the emotional turmoil.
"I'm sorry, Daphne."
"Why are you sorry? You didn't do anything. You're right to be angry with me."
"Yes, but… I played a part in this. You were right," Daphne's eyes grew wide and Niles realized that she completely misunderstood. He took her hands into his, hoping to make it better. "I never thought of you as the other woman. Never. For me you were always the only woman. Even when I was married, you possessed my heart. Everything, really. I knew Maris way before you. Had I known you existed, I would have waited. I never would have settled for what I believed was love. It's always been you, Daphne. The first and only woman I ever truly loved. Why are you crying?"
"Because… because I hurt you. I disappointed you." Niles shook his head no.
"I am still mad at you – or I was mad at you, but you didn't mean any harm. I am so sorry I ever made you doubt my love."
"You didn't. I was just so scared. I'm still scared. I don't want to lose you, Niles. I love you so much."
"Not as much as I love you." Niles couldn't wait any longer; he leaned forward and kissed her deeply. She kissed him back just as passionately and was reluctant to let go when he suddenly broke the kiss. Both breathed heavily, knowing they wanted – needed – more.
"I just need to tell you this: you're never going to lose me. I'll never stop loving you. I might not always like you," he grinned sheepishly at her and she smiled too, both thinking of several instances when their opinions and interests had clashed, "and I might be mad at you. But I couldn't stop loving you if I tried. Believe me, I tried."
"I know." Daphne whispered against his lips and they both surrendered to their feelings.
THE END