Gilmore Girls: Funless In Seattle
Plot: Lorelai, Rory, and Jess go on Lorelai's pre-wedding trip, but Lorelai doesn't have much fun. Meanwhile, Luke gets jealous of Richard letting April call him Grandpa and gets sad about the fact that April will never meet her grandfather.
Note: This is Part 2 of a 2-part story. For the first half, please read Getting To Know Emily.
Disclaimer: I do not own Gilmore Girls.
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Chapter 1: 3 AM in Chicago and Very Hungry
It was 3 AM in Chicago and Rory Gilmore was lying down on her hotel bed and couldn't sleep. She looked over to other bed to see her mother Lorelai Gilmore fast asleep.
Lorelai, Rory, and Rory's boyfriend Jess Mariano were on a pre wedding trip for Lorelai, who was engaged to Jess's uncle Luke Danes. Jess had come because Rory's grandfather Richard Gilmore had thrown a fit over the fact that Rory and Jess were in an intimate relationship and Rory was afraid Richard would kill Jess and thought that this could give Richard time to cool off before talking to Jess.
"Mom?" Rory asked. "Are you awake?"
"No!" Lorelai said in a groggy voice.
Rory got up, slipped on her shoes, and walked out the door to the door across the hall and knocked.
"Jess?" Rory asked. "Are you awake?"
Jess opened the door and Rory could see he had just woken up.
"I am now," Jess said. "Come in."
Rory walked into Jess's hotel room and Jess closed the door.
"I couldn't sleep," Rory said.
"Neither can I now," Jess said.
"I'm sorry," Rory said.
"It's okay," Jess said.
Jess and Rory began kissing, but then their stomachs began growling. They began laughing.
"I guess we're hungry," Jess said.
"We need food," Rory said, "and we need it now."
"Just let me get my shoes on," Jess said.
Jess put his shoes on quickly.
"Let's go," Jess said.
Jess and Rory walked down the lobby, and went into the dinning room.
"We're in luck," Rory said, "they still have Raisin Bran."
Thank goodness," Jess said. "As long as we have Raisin Bran, then we'll survive."
A hotel employee came into the room.
"I'm sorry," the employee said, "but the dinning room is closed. We open at 6."
"But we're hungry," Jess said. "Can't you just let us have some Raisin Bran?"
"I'm sorry," the employee said, "but I can't let you."
Rory walked up to the man.
"What if I kiss you?" Rory asked. "Then would you let us have some Raisin Bran?"
"No," the employee said.
Jess got out his wallet and took out a 20.
"What's this?" Jess asked. "20 dollars?"
"You're not bribing me," the employee said. "I'm sorry. But you can try our 24/7 spa."
"Is there food?" Rory asked.
"No," the employee said. "But you can get massages. And you ma'am can get a pedicure."
Rory stomped her feet and screamed, "I don't want a massage or a pedicure! I want Raisin Bran!"
Jess took her girlfriend by the hand.
"Come on sweetie," Jess said, "let's go."
Jess and Rory walked out of the dinning room and Rory saw the spa. There was a bowl of sliced cucumbers on the desk.
"See those cucumbers?" Rory asked.
"Yes," Jess said.
"You distract the receptionist and I'll grab the bowl," Rory said.
"Okay," Jess said.
Jess and Rory walked into the spa and Jess walked to the desk.
"Can I help you?" the receptionist asked.
"I was wondering," Jess said. "Is it possible to get a hot stone massage on my feet?"
"A hot stone massage on your feet?" the receptionist asked. "Are you serious?"
"I'm dead serious," Jess replied.
The receptionist looked over to see her manager.
"I'll go ask my manager," the receptionist said.
The receptionist got up and Rory grabbed the bowl of cucumbers.
"Let's take this up to your room," Rory said.
A woman waiting for her appointment pointed at them and screamed, "Hey! They're stealing the cucumbers!"
"Run!" Rory screamed.
Rory and Jess took off running with the bowl.
"After them!" the receptionist screamed.
Chapter 2: Duke's Diner
Lorelai, Rory, and Jess were in the car at 8 AM.
"I'm so hungry," Lorelai said. "And we would be eating breakfast if a certain couple hadn't got us kicked out of the hotel at 3:30 in the morning!"
"Look on the plus side," Jess said, "we covered a lot of ground."
"They were supposed to have Danishes at for breakfast!" Lorelai shouted. "Danishes! I wanted one! And bacon! And eggs! And hash browns! Hash browns! And I didn't get my seaweed massage!"
"We still have some stolen cucumbers," Rory said.
"I don't want stolen cucumbers!" Loreali screamed. "I want all the food that I just screamed about!"
Jess pointed at a diner.
"There's a diner," Jess said.
Lorelai quickly parked her car.
"You two are so paying," Lorelai said. "And I'm ordering everything on the menu."
Jess looked at Rory.
"She's serious," Rory said. "When I was arrested for stealing that yacht, I had to pay for breakfast for a whole week."
Lorelai, Rory, and Jess entered the diner to see that it looked just like Luke's Diner.
"Oh my god!" Lorelai said. "Pinch me. I must be dreaming."
Rory pinched Lorelai on the shoulder.
"Ow!" Lorelai screamed.
A man who looked just like Luke walked up to them.
"Hello," the man said. "Welcome to Duke's Diner. I'm Duke Lanes, the owner."
"Oh my god!" Lorelai said. "You look like my fiancé Luke Danes!"
"Okay," Duke said weirder out. "Have a seat anywhere."
Lorelai, Rory, and Jess sat down at a table.
"This is so creepy," Jess said.
"I'm calling Luke," Rory said.
Rory got out her phone.
"Hey!" Duke shouted, pointing to a "No Cell Phones" sign.
Rory walked out of the diner and dialed Luke's number.
"Hello," Luke said when he answered.
"Luke!" Rory said. "This is Rory!"
"Hey Rory," Luke said. "What's wrong?"
"The most creepy thing ever possible is happening!" Rory shouted. "We're in a small town in Illinois that looks just like Stars Hollow! We're eating at a diner called Duke's Diner that looks like your diner! And the owner is Duke Lanes who looks just like you! Are we being Punk'd?"
"No," Luke said. "This is just one of those scary things that seem to always happen to you and Lorelai."
A girl who looked just like Lane walked up to Rory.
"Hello," the girl said, "I'm Jane."
Rory screamed.
"Nice to meet you too," Jane said weirder out.
Lorelai and Jess ran out of the diner.
"We just saw a man who looked just like Kirk!" Lorelai screamed. "Let's get out of here before our doppelgängers show up!"
They quickly got in the car and Lorelai sped off.
Chapter 3: Richard Meets April
The next morning, Luke was sitting at a barstool in his diner talking to Lorelai on the phone.
"I'm glad you made it to Seattle," Luke said. "I love you. Well, bye."
Luke hung up the phone and his daughter April Nardini, who was visiting for a week, walked into the diner.
"Hey Dad," April said. "Where are all the customers?"
"I've decided not to open today," Luke said. "I'm really missing Lorelai."
"Did they make it to Seattle?" April asked.
"Yes," Luke replied.
"Can I ask you something?" April asked.
"Of course," Luke replied.
"Are Rory and cousin Jess together?" April asked.
"Yes," Luke said. "I told you, they're dating and they love each other and they're happy."
"No," April said, "I mean are they "together"?"
"Oh," Luke said. "Well um.."
"Dad," April said, "I know what sex is. My mom and I already had that talk. So are they?"
Richard stormed into the diner.
"Luke!" Richard shouted.
"Who are you?" April asked.
"This is Lorelai's father Richard," Luke replied. "Richard, this is my daughter April."
"Oh," Richard said. "Hello April."
"Are you mad?" April asked.
"No," Richard said. "I'm not mad."
"Why were you shouting?" April asked.
"Because I'm so excited to see your father," Richard said. "And I'm so glad to meet my soon to be step granddaughter."
"Can I call you Grandpa?" April asked.
"Of course you can," Richard replied.
Luke got a sad look on his face and Richard saw.
"Can I talk to you privately Luke?" Richard asked.
"If it's about my nephew and Rory.." Luke started to say.
"No it's not," Richard said cutting Luke off.
"April," Luke said, "please go upstairs."
April went upstairs.
"What's wrong Luke?" Richard asked concerned.
"What's wrong?!" Luke angrily shouted. "How dare you tell my daughter that she can call you Grandpa?!"
"Well," Richard said, "she's about to.."
"No!" Luke screamed. "You will never be her grandfather! Just because I'm marrying your daughter doesn't mean April is your granddaughter! She already had a grandfather, and a really good one!"
"Luke," Richard said, "I'm not trying to.."
"Get out!" Luke screamed loudly.
Richard walked out and Luke angrily knocked over some pans and began crying on the bar. He looked at the window of the soda shop to see town citizens staring at him and walked over to the window.
"Don't you peoples have lives?!" Luke sobbed loudly.
"You need a hug," Kirk said.
"Shut up Kirk!" Luke sobbed.
April came downstairs into the diner.
"Dad?" April asked. "Are you okay?"
"I'm really not," Luke said trying to hide his crying. "I need to be alone. Go upstairs and watch TV."
April walked over to her father and hugged him. Luke continued crying.
Chapter 4: Funless in Seattle
Lorelei and Rory were walking through Downtown Seattle.
"I can't believe we're actually going to see the Space Needle!" Lorelai exclaimed excitedly.
"Mom," Rory said, "quit acting like a giddy school girl."
"I've always wanted to see the Space Needle," Lorelai said. "You go inside and up to the top, and you see the whole city and for miles on end."
Lorelai and Rory walked up to the Space Needle.
"It's so big!" Rory exclaimed.
Rory and Lorelai got in the elevator.
As the elevator went up, Lorelai squealed with excitement.
"We're going to see the whole city!" Lorelai squealed.
The elevator opened and Lorelai and Rory rushed over to a window.
"What the hell?!" Lorelai screamed. "I can hardly see a thing! Someone please clean the windows!"
"Mom," Rory said, "I don't think it's the windows that are the problem. Seattle has a lot of smog."
"Damn it!" Lorelai shouted. "Why don't people recycle more?!"
"I'm sorry Mommy," Rory said. "At least we can eat. I'm starving."
"I don't want to eat!" Lorelai whined. "I want to see the whole city and for miles on end!"
"It'll be okay," Rory said.
"No it won't!" Lorelai said. "I can see it now! From the creators who brought you Sleepless in Seattle comes a new adventure of Lorelai and her daughter Rory who come to Seattle and don't have fun. Presenting Funless in Seattle. Coming to a theater near you."
Later that day, Rory and Jess laid down on a hotel bed cuddling.
"I'm sorry I didn't go with you and your mother," Jess said. "It's just that I'm afraid of heights like that."
"You do realize we're on the 38th floor," Rory said.
"But I closed the curtains," Jess said.
Rory got up and opened the curtains.
"What a view!" Rory exclaimed.
Jess hid under the covers.
"Close them!" Jess screamed.
"Oh don't be such a baby!" Rory said.
Lorelai walked into the room.
"You are not going to believe what I just went through!" Lorelai said.
Lorelai saw that Jess was under the covers.
"Were you two about to.." Lorelai started to ask.
"No," Rory said. "Jess is being a baby."
"Lots of people are afraid of heights!" Jess shouted.
Rory closed the curtains and Jess came out from under the covers.
"So I put on some of that complementary facial cream," Lorelai said, "and my throat starts to close. I just got back from the ER where I got an insulin shot. Apparently I want about to go into Anaphylactic shock!"
"Oh my god!" Rory exclaimed.
"First the Space Needle and now this!" Lorelai shouted. "I want to go home! I miss Luke!"
"We'll go home in a few days," Rory said. "I just know you're going to like what we planned for you tonight."
"But we didn't..." Jess started to say before Rory flicked him.
"Yeah," Jess said. "It's going to be off the wall!"
"I can't wait!" Lorelai said excitedly. "Until then, I'm going to take a nap so that nothing else can go wrong. So please wake me up if I'm not up by 8."
"Okay," Rory said.
Chapter 5: Luke and Lorelai's Telephone Conversation
Lorelai laid down in her hotel bed and yawned.
"Why am I so tried?" Lorelai said out loud to herself. "It must be all the smog."
Lorelai's phone began to ring.
"Hello," Lorelai said when she answered.
"Lorelai," Luke said. "It's Luke."
"Hello Sweetie," Lorelai said. "I miss you."
"Did your father by chance call you?" Luke asked.
"I got a missed call from him but I haven't been able to call him back," Lorelai replied.
"Before you call him," Luke said. "I have to tell you what happened."
"Oh no!" Lorelai whined. "Did you punch my father?! Damn it Luke!"
"No I didn't punch him," Luke said. "He came to complain about Jess and he met April. And not even 2 minutes after they meet he says she can call him Grandpa. It made me think of my dad, and I took my anger out on your father. I screamed at him to leave and he left."
"Is that it?" Lorelai asked.
"No," Luke said. "After he left, I threw pans and started sobbing uncontrollably. April came down and hugged me while I cried for like an hour."
"I wish I would have been there for you," Lorelai said.
"I'm glad you weren't," Luke said. "I don't ever want you to see me cry. I never cry. I use anger to express my discomfort. Why did I cry?"
"You miss your father," Lorelai said. "It's okay to be upset and cry. It means you're human."
"I'm so embarrassed that April say me cry," Luke said. "I'm supposed to be her tough father."
"It's okay," Lorelai said.
"So how's the trip going?" Luke asked.
"Terrible," Lorelai said. "Rory and Jess got us kicked out of the hotel spa in Chicago for stealing the cucumber bowl and I didn't get my seaweed massage. Then we went to a diner where everyone's doppelgänger were eating. And then I didn't see from miles on end from the Space Needle due to smog. Rory and Jess are planning something fun, but I'm afraid that'll go wrong too. Oh, I'm sorry."
"For what?" Luke asked.
"I'm going on and on about me and I'm not even trying to comfort you," Lorelai said.
"It's okay," Luke said.
"That's it," Lorelai said, "I'm coming home right now."
Lorelai hung up and Luke smiled.
Before Lorelai left for the airport, she slipped a note to Rory and Jess to enjoy the rest of the trip and that she'd see them soon.
As the plane took off for Hartford, Lorelai looked out at Seattle.
"Goodbye Seattle," Lorelai said. "I'll be back someday."
The lady sitting next to Lorelai looked at her.
"Excuse me," the lady said, "but you're saying your thoughts out loud. Please don't do that the whole way to Hartford."
"Moment killer," Lorelai said.
Chapter 6: Home Again
Lorelai got out of a cab with her suitcase in front of her house at exactly 8 PM.
"Hello Stars Hollow," Lorelai said smiling.
Lorelai walked into the house to see Luke and April looking at an old photo album.
"And that's your grandfather when he was your age," Luke said.
"Wow," April said.
"I think you have his eyes," Luke said.
"Hello," Lorelai said smiling.
"Lorelai!" Luke exclaimed.
Luke ran over to Lorelai and hugged her tightly. April walked over to them.
"I'm happy to see you too," April said.
Lorelai walked over to April.
"It's so nice to see you again," Lorelai said.
"I think I'll leave you two alone," April said. "I think I'll go to bed early."
"You can take Rory's room if you want," Lorelai said.
"Thank you," April said.
As April went into Rory's room and locked the door, Luke and Lorelai kissed.
"Do you think we can go for a walk?" Lorelai asked.
"Yes," Luke said. "April's old enough to stay by herself for a little bit."
Luke and Lorelai walked around town-square.
"Luke," Lorelai said. "I know you miss him."
"I don't want to talk about it," Luke said.
"My father isn't going to replace your father as April's grandfather,"
Lorelai said.
"You know what Kirk did today?" Luke said.
"Don't change the subject," Lorelai said.
"I can't believe he died when I was so young," Luke said. "He'll never met April. He won't stand next to me when you and I get married. He was a wonderful father and he's gone."
"Come here," Lorelai said softly.
Lorelai and Luke tightly embraced as Luke cried. Tears fell from Lorelai's eyes as well.
The next morning, Lorelai called Emily.
"Hello," Emily said when she answered.
"Hey Mom," Lorelai said. "I just wanted to let you know that I'm back from Seattle."
"You're back already?" Emily asked.
"Yeah," Lorelai replied, "I felt really homesick so I took a plane home. Rory and Jess are still there."
"Well I hope you got to visit the Space Needle," Emily said. "The view is magnificent."
"When Rory and I went," Emily said, "there was so much smog that we couldn't see a thing."
"Well what time did you go?" Emily asked. "Because if you went early in the morning then that's when the smog is the worst."
"I didn't keep track on the time," Lorelai replied.
"Did you see the aquarium?" Emily asked.
"No," Lorelai replied. "I only went to the Space Needle. Oh, I went into anaphylactic shock from the complementary skin cream at the hotel and had to go to the emergency room."
"One of these days I am going to take you to Seattle and actually show you stuff," Emily said.
"Is Dad still mad about Jess and Rory?" Lorelai asked.
"No," Emily replied. "He's over it. It's safe for Jess to be near him again. He's happy that Rory is happy. How's Luke doing?"
"He's doing so much better," Lorelai replied. "But he's really missing his father."
"Well I've got to go," Emily said, "I have to get to tea."
"Hey Mom," Lorelai said, "I love you."
"I love you too Lorelai," Emily said. "Goodbye."
Lorelai hung up and gasped.
"Luke!" Lorelai shouted.
Luke came running downstairs.
"What's wrong?" Luke asked.
"Nothing's wrong," Lorelai replied. "But something interesting just happened. I had a normal conversation with my mother and I told her I love her and she said I love you too! No fighting!"
"I wonder if she's sick," Luke said.
"I hope not," Lorelai said.
Chapter 7: Rory and Jess Home Again
Rory and Jess were on their way back to Stars Hollow.
"We'll be back in Connecticut in 3-2-1 and yes!" Jess exclaimed as he drove past the Welcome To Connecticut sign.
"Well that was a fun pre-wedding trip for Mom," Rory said. "Except for when Mom left the first day."
"At least we had a good time," Jess said.
"And Grandpa doesn't hate you anymore," Rory said.
When Rory and Jess arrived in Stars Hollow, they saw the town citizens waving at them.
"Oh no," Rory said. "They'll want to know the dirt."
"At least we like being the center of attention," Jess said.
"Yeah," Rory agreed.
Jess pulled into the driveway of the Gilmore house.
Once Rory and Jess entered the house, Lorelai and Luke immediately greeted them.
"I'm so happy you're back," Lorelai said. "Tell me all about the trip."
"Well after you left," Rory said, "we went to the Space Needle and there was no smog. The next day we visited the aquarium. The day after that we visited the zoo. Then our last day before we left Seattle, we saw The Bangles in concert."
"You saw the Bangles?" Lorelai exclaimed. "That's the best wedding pre-wedding trip I never had!"
"And," Rory said reaching into her bag, "they signed this piece of paper for you."
Lorelai excitedly took the paper and read aloud, "Dear Lorelai and Luke. Good luck on getting married. We wish you a long happy life together. Love Susanna Hoffs, Debi Peterson, and Vicki Peterson."
Lorelai began to cry.
"This is the best present anyone has ever given me," Lorelai said crying.
"What about your engagement ring?" Luke asked.
"I repeat," Lorelai, "this is the best present ever."
Luke snatched the paper.
"Okay Blubber Girl," Luke said. "I'm going to go frame this before you cry all over this."
Thank you Luke," Lorelai said. "Oh and Jess. My parents want to have lunch with just you tomorrow."
"I'll be there," Jess said.
"Now let's give you some advice,"
Rory said.
"Here we go again," Jess said.
The End