A/N: I just had this idea pop into my head and I just had to write it. It is set in season 1 sometime, before the 100 contact the Ark. It's basically if Clarke was not leading with Bellamy and was still seen as the spoilt princess. There will be bits and pieces from the rest of the season in here as well. Just as a sidenote, I have never read the books so this is based off the TV series.
Warnings: Mild language, major character death.
Clarke Griffin had always been lonely.
Clarke walked through camp with her head up, ignoring the jeers of princess that followed her everywhere. Entering the dropship she started caring for the first injured of the day. Clarke could feel exhaustion wrapping around her, her hands trembling slightly as she fought to keep the tiredness at bay. Along with being tired she was starving, having not had time to eat since-…actually, she could not remember when she ate last but she didn't have time to stop and eat. Not with so many people injuring themselves.
Around midday Clarke finally had a chance to sit down and rest. She had just put her head down when a harsh voice rent the air.
"Hey, Princess! We know you need your beauty sleep but we need you to actually do your job. Mason has hurt himself out near the wall and can't move, come look at him." Clarke looked up to see Miller, the second in command, standing at the entrance of the dropship looking at her with disdain.
Stumbling back to her tent late at night, Clarke wanted nothing more than to fall down and sleep but alas, she did not have that luxury. She gathered a pack with some supplies and slipped out the back of her tent, through a small hole in the wall and into the forest. She had to get more herbs and going in the day was not an option. Clarke had tried but no one would go with her and she wasn't allowed to go alone. No one got the importance of those herbs; no one even listened to her except for medical advice. She was simply a shadow in the corner until someone needed her skills as a healer and then, only then, was she actually acknowledged. Wandering down to the Butterfly Field, Clarke scrounged around for the precious herbs used for infections. Seeing that there was not enough there she had to go further into the forest, she hoped no one had hurt themselves back at camp and find her gone. Sometimes, she wondered what would happen if she just left. If she ran far, far away from that God-forsaken place and built a place of her own. She could see it now, a small house with a garden for medical herbs, no whining teenagers to have to look after every day.
Bending down to pick the herbs that were growing in front of her she noticed how beautiful it was here. There was a small clearing, with tall trees lining the outside and soft, springy grass underfoot. The moon shone high overhead, lighting it up. Sitting down for a moment, Clarke leant against a tree admiring the beauty of her surroundings. Ever so slowly, her eyelids drooped shut, and before she knew it, she was fast asleep.
Waking with a start, Clarke was first aware of the crick in her neck and the sun shining on her face. Scrambling to her feet, she started to run back to camp, cursing herself as she went. Finally, camp was in sight and Clarke hoped with all her heart that they had not noticed her absence but she highly doubted it. And it seemed she was right, for she could hear raised voices in her camp along with her name. It felt as though ice had been dumped on her head, she climbed through the hole in the wall and ran for her tent. Putting her pack down, Clarke walked out of her tent, almost fearfully. Immediately they noticed her and Bellamy came striding over, a look of anger covering his face. Clenching her teeth, she started to make her way over to the dropship, hoping to make it there before the tirade began. Luckily, she just made it in before he got to her.
"Where were you? You know you can't just wander off whenever you want to! What would we do if our ONLY doctor was killed because she left camp at night without telling anyone? Honestly, I can't believe you!" His face was set in a snarl, fists clenched; he towered over her short stature.
"I was collecting medicinal herbs and fell asleep." She replied almost tonelessly, staring out over his shoulder at some point in the distance.
"You fell asleep? Do you have a death wish? You obviously can't be trusted; you will have someone near you at ALL times. Do you understand?"
"Yes" She said. 'No, I don't understand what I have done to have to go through this' she thought. It was like she was crumbling at the edges, losing a bit of herself every day. Turning on her heel, she went to do her rounds.
That night, Clarke allowed herself to rest. Not like she could go anywhere with someone sitting right outside her tent to stop her leaving. But try as she might, she could not get to sleep, she had that feeling that something was not right and she could not work out what it was. Giving up on sleep, Clarke stuck her head out of her tent, seeing that she was at last alone she left her tent and headed to the dropship. Shifting things about, she straightened everything up and cleaned whatever needed cleaning. For a little while she was able forget about everything, able to let her mind shut down as she did these meaningless tasks.
Clarke started violently though when a figure stumbled through the dropship door. Rushing forward, she caught them before they fell. They were beaten and bloody, almost unrecognisable until she realised with a start that it was Murphy. He had been banished weeks ago and they hadn't seen him since. Hauling him up onto the metal table they had set aside for the worst injuries, she grabbed some moonshine to clean his injuries. She worked quickly, trying to figure out what was actually wrong with him. He had lost consciousness when she got him onto the table and he did not seem like he was going to be waking up anytime soon. It seemed, to her, that he had been tortured. He had cracked ribs, missing fingernails, stripes from a whip covering his torso and various bruises covering every inch. She could only hope that he didn't have any internal bleeding or anything she couldn't fix. As much as she didn't like him she didn't want his death on her hands. She fixed him up as best as she could but there still seemed to be something off about him that she couldn't put her finger on. Lost in her musings, she didn't notice Bellamy enter the dropship.
"For the last ti..." His words were cut off as he caught sight of Murphy lying still on the table.
"What is he doing here?" He asked with venom in his voice.
"He stumbled in here sometime during the night; he's been out cold since. "
"And why, didn't you come get anybody? You do realise he's dangerous?" And though his words spoke of care his tone was cold and deadly.
"It was the middle of the night and he was unconscious. It wasn't as if he was going to murder me in his sleep." She scoffed, rolling her eyes.
"What if he had woken up and attacked you? What then? We would have had a dead doctor and a murderer on the loose and who's fault would it have been?"
"Well that didn't happen did it? Just back off for fucksake!" She snarled, feeling all her pent-up emotions threatening to break through.
"Well, what do you know? Princess has a bite!" Bellamy smirked at her, his face losing some of its earlier tension.
"Just leave me alone." Clarke calmed herself down and locked her emotions away in the back of her mind where they couldn't be baited out.
"I'm not going anywhere, not while he's here. " She rolled her eyes and turned back to Murphy, noticing with worry that he was burning up. She grabbed a cloth and some water to wipe his forehead, trying to bring down his temperature. All of a sudden, Murphy's eyes shot open and he started to cough up sprays of blood. Most of it landed on Clarke's face, she jerked back wiping it off in disgust.
"What the hell was that?" Bellamy started forward, holding down the now thrashing Murphy.
"I-I don't know. Murphy! Wake up!" She could only watch on uselessly as he thrashed around, blood dribbling out of the corner of his mouth. Then he stilled, his eyes darting around feverishly.
"Hey, how do you feel?" His eyes came to a rest on her, his breathing erratic.
"Like hell froze over and then got heated back up." His reply was breathless and tired.
"What happened to you?"
"Captured by grounders not long after I was banished from camp, guess they wanted revenge for what we did to that grounder."
"How did you get out?"
"There was no one guarding my cage one morning, I broke the lock. Ran as fast as I could." He rolled to the side and coughs racked his body, blood spewing out of his mouth.
Clarke didn't know where the blood was coming from; it just didn't make any sense.
"I need to get something from my tent, I'll be right back. Bellamy, I need you to stay here just in case anything happens." And with that she swept out of the dropship, heading towards her tent in the early morning sun. Crouching down in her tent, she reached for her pack that had all the herbs in it from the night before. Clarke rummaged through her pack looking for a certain type of herb, cursing when it was nowhere to be found. Slipping out of her tent, she looked around to see if anyone was about before once again scrambling through the hole in the wall. She ran through the forest, searching desperately for a small herb that she found useful to make into a tea for internal injuries. When she found it she bent down to pick it but not before she was hit with a wave of dizziness that had her leaning against the nearest tree for support. Shaking her head, she stood up and rushed back to camp.
Walking into the dropship the first thing she noticed was Murphy. Alone. Bellamy had obviously left, where, she had no idea. Sighing heavily, she made her way over to where they kept water, hoping that the tea would help with whatever was wrong with Murphy. Without warning, she was once again overcome with dizziness and had to sit. She felt something wet trickling down her face and when she put her hand up it came away with blood. Gasping with horror, she leapt up to grab a cloth to wipe it away. 'But where had it come from?' She wondered. Shaking her head, she grabbed the tea and made her way over to Murphy who was now sleeping peacefully. But before she could get over there she found herself collapsing on the floor, struggling to keep consciousness. The last thought she had before she went under was 'I hope they manage alright without me.'
At first Clarke was aware of quiet voices in the background, and then there was the piercing light that hit her eyelids as they fluttered open. She felt cold and clammy all over, as if she was roasting but in an ice-bath at the same time. She looked around at her surroundings, realising that she was still in the dropship but someone had moved her to a bed. Sitting up, she tried to make sense of what had happened. The last thing she remembered was making tea for Murphy and then, nothing.
"Sleeping Beauty has finally awoken." An obnoxious voice roused her from her thoughts, looking round her eyes came to rest on Bellamy.
"W-what happened?" Clarke asked.
"I came in here and you were passed out on the floor. You had some sort of sickness, like Murphy."
"You do realise that whatever it was it's highly contagious and you've exposed yourself to it and you're probably going to come down with it now. Have you had contact with anyone else since?" Clarke closed her eyes when she thought how quickly this could spread, she would be run off her feet. Swinging her legs over the side of the makeshift bed she got off, hoping with all her heart that no one else had gotten sick.
"And what do you think you're doing?" Bellamy was suddenly right in front of her, pushing her gently back onto the bed.
"I'm going to start my rounds, what does it look I'm doing." Clarke rolled her eyes, trying to get past Bellamy.
"You've been out for three days, you're not going anywhere."
"What?" It couldn't have been three days, how could she have been out that long?
"You nearly died Clarke." For the first time, Clarke could hear a soft tone in his voice.
"Worried about me huh? Who would've thought? So people do care what happens to me, that's the first I've heard of it anyhow."
"Of course we were worried about you, you're our only healer." Bellamy exclaimed incredously.
"Right, I should have known. It's not actually me you're worried for; it's for my skills as a healer. Well, newsflash, I'm fine! Now if you'll excuse me I have my job to do." And with that she shoved past Bellamy and headed for the dropship exit.
"Clarke, wait! I didn't mean it like that."
"Oh really? Well let me remind you of all the other times you've bullshitted me about my 'safety'. Not once were any of you worried about me as a person. If I'm so important to this camp the only thing you are succeeding in is driving me away. If I could, I would leave here and never return." Clarke could feel her anger growing and for once, she didn't tamp it down like she normally did.
"You wouldn't leave; you care about these people too much."
"Do I? Because since we've landed not one person has shown me an ounce of kindness. So no, I don't really care." She glared at him, willing him to leave her alone.
"Look, I didn't know it was like that. But no offence, you are the privileged Ark princess and all…" Bellamy looked almost sheepish as he spoke.
"Privileged? I had to work for everything, and contrary to what other people think; I did NOT have everything handed to me on a silver platter. On most days, I would come home to an empty home; I practically raised myself I'll have you know. Honestly, have I ever acted spoilt?" Clarke stood there with her arms crossed, eyes narrowed.
"To be perfectly frank, you haven't, bu-"
"But what? But I was the daughter of a councilwoman and head engineer? But I was the perfect target for your hate? Someone to blame for everything? Is that what it was?"
"No. Kind of. It's just most of us grew up with nothing and you had the perfect life, or so it seemed anyway. I'm sorry ok? I didn't know."
"But that's the thing, not one of you bothered to hear my side of the story before you started to taunt me. And it's the fact that I'm saving your lives over and over again and nobody even thanks me. I haven't had a proper sleep since before we came down here, I barely get a chance to eat. In fact I'm struggling to remember the last time I did. And yet you call me privileged and spoilt? I think I deserve better if I'm going to be saving your asses every time one of you injures yourself doing something stupid." Clarke felt on the verge of tears, all her pent up emotions piling on top of each other,she was exhausted and starving. Bellamy seemed to deflate before her eyes, with something like concern hovering over his face.
"Clarke, why haven't you eaten anything?" And now that for the first time he actually looked he could see how exhausted she was and how her bones seemed to stick out much more than was normal.
"I have been busy looking after all of you." Clarke sagged against the wall, feeling the after effect sof being sick and hungry catching up to her. Rubbing her eyes to try and wake herself up a bit more.
"I really think you should rest. You're not well."
"I'm fine."
"No, you're really not. I'll get you something to eat and then you're going to go back to sleep."
"Wait, where's Murphy?"
"He has recovered and left camp early this morning. Now wait here, I'll be right back." With that, Bellamy left for some food. Clarke waited until she was sure he was gone before turning to climb the ladder to the second level of the drop ship which was used as a sick bay. She planned on getting back to work, hopefully there wasn't too many people. But before she could get up the ladder she felt a hand on her shoulder. The next thing she knew she was being scooped up in said persons arms and deposited on the makeshift bed. Looking up she saw none other than Bellamy Blake.
"And what do you think you're doing?" He asked with a smirk on his face.
"I was getting to work, what did it look like?" She rolled her eyes and tried to get up only to be pushed back down.
"It looked to me that you were disobeying a direct order from me. You will stay here and rest if I have to tie you down so you get it."
"You wouldn't dare. And besides, I feel fine now so I should get back to work."
"Right that's it, I'm going to sit here and make sure you rest and I'm not going to leave until you do get some." Now he was positivitely grinning, he was enjoying this! The pig!
"Ugh, fine. But then I'm getting back to work, ok?"
"Ok. Just so you know, it's late evening now so you'll start tomorrow."
"Where are you going to sleep? You can't just sit in a chair all night."
"Aww, you care about me…"
"You are the leader of this camp it wouldn't do well for you to get sick."
"If that's what you say princess. I'm going to sleep next to you, this bed is big enough. So shift over." Clarke could feel a light blush tinge her cheeks before throwing herself as far over as she could get.
"I don't bite princess, just relax."
"No." She pulled the blankets around as tight as they would go, feeling like every nerve was on edge. She could feel himself settle down next to her and she was instantly aware of how close he was.
"Have it your way then." Before she knew what was happening there was an arm around her waist and she was pulled closer to Bellamy.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Clarke wriggled around trying to get free but had no luck.
"I'm getting comfortable, now quit wriggling, I'm trying to sleep." Huffing, she stilled, her heart beating a million miles a minute. She swore it was about to leap out of her chest. Sighing, she forced herself to relax and soon sleep had her in its claws.
Upon waking up, Clarke was first aware of the strongarm cuddling her close, the warm body behind her snuggled up close. She gently started to extract herself from the bed but Bellamy only mumbled in his sleep and tightened his arm around her, effectively trapping her. Sighing, she gave up and just let herself enjoy the feeling of someone holding her, even if it was Bellamy. Although, after last night she had decided that perhaps he wasn't as bad as he seemed.
Grumbling, she knew she had to get back to work. Turning over she saw that Bellamy was still asleep, his face was very peaceful and all signs of stress and worry had been wiped clean. Clarke smiled, she had never seen him looks so peaceful before.
"You know it's rude to stare." His voice was husky from sleep, one eye cracked open to look back at her.
"Well now that you're awake, let me up so I can get to work. It's morning."
"But I'm comfortable. And I quite like having you here." He smirked at the blush that had spread over Clarke's face.
"Well I really do need to get up now. And for your information, I'm not part of your little harem so if you wouldn't mind…" Honestly, it was weird with his whole personality change, she thought he hated her. Then again, she had no idea what was going through his head and one person being nice didn't mean the rest of the camp was suddenly going to accept her.
"My little harem? That's one term I haven't heard before." He smirked that infuriating smirk before letting her up. Rolling her eyes, Clarke immediately started grabbing her things so she could start.
"Don't think that just because you're being nice to me all of a sudden means I like you at all, I tolerate you at the most. I would still rather be anywhere than here." With that, she swept out of the dropship and into the early morning sun. Outside, she took a moment to herself, leaning against the dropship walls. She should feel happy that someone was finally being nice to her but instead she felt almost angry at how he had ignored her except when she was needed to fix someone up and then it had taken for her to nearly die to get him to pay any attention to her at all. It still didn't fix the fact that the rest of the camp thought she was a spoilt princess. Mentally preparing herself for the day ahead she pushed herself off the wall and made a quick pitstop by her tent so she could grab the things she needed to make bandages.
In hindsight, it should have been obvious to Clarke that things could only go downhill from there. One minute she had been hard at work making bandages the next she found herself surrounded by some of the older delinquents.
"It looks like the princess has finally decided to grace us with her presence. What were you even doing sleeping for three days while we worked? You're lazy that's what you are." Clarke looked up to see Jax and his band of friends sneering at her.
"If you must know, I was busy trying not to die. And you might want to show a bit of respect to your only doctor." Clarke knew she sounded snooty but she had had enough of everyone being rude to her just because of who they thought she was.
"No need to get upset princess, we only wondered why you got to lie around all day for three days while we had to work with no time to rest until night." By this point Clarke didn't even bother replying, she was sick to death of the people in this camp. Standing up she turned to leave, needing to go somewhere to clear her head.
"Hey, where do you think you're going princess? You can't leave camp whenever you want." Ignoring them, Clarke started to run as soon as she made it out of camp. She didn't stop running until the camp was out of sight and hearing, although she kept an ear out in case anyone was following her. She came to a rest by a stream that she was sure wasn't in the usual hunting grounds so she should be safe. Clarke let herself drift off in the warm sunlight, feeling more at peace than she had for weeks. Letting her mind wander, she thought how nice it would be if she could just stay like this forever. But she knew she would have to go back eventually, she couldn't leave them without a doctor. She couldn't help wish that things had turned out differently, that people would respect her. She was sick of this life and wanted more than anything else to escape, but maybe she could.
Clarke Griffin had always been lonely. It only got worse when everything just started to pile up. Maybe they'll wonder why she did what she did, maybe they'll even feel bad. But none of that mattered now, Clarke Griffin was free and she was never going back.
A/N: I hoped you guys liked it even though the end was a bit morbid… I would love it if you let me know what you though in the reviews.