When we shut our eyes so we could See, a naruto fanfic

Words: 5,292
Rating: T
Summary: 'Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.' New school, new life, new everything. But in all honesty, is anyone ever really free? -Eventual NaruSasuNaru- -High School AU-

Warnings: (This Chapter)
Plenty of swearing, all sorts.
Too many deep meanings.
New wicked awesome writing style.
Future homosexual relationship.
Disclaimers:
Summary Quote - 'Rainer Maria Rilke'
Naruto - 'Masashi Kishimoto'
(No many is made and no credit falsely taken.)

When we shut our eyes so we could See

When you look at a forest, what do you see?

They were two boys alone in a playground with nothing but the dark and their own cynical thoughts for company.

And guess what? Sometimes you get tired of the routine. Sometimes you wanna break out of the mold and say, 'Fuck the Cynicism' And true, sometimes you can't do that, but what about the times you can?

"It's weird to see someone else here so late." An amused voice seemed to float through the spaces between trees, unbothered that it was answered only by the cold chill of silence.

Eye for an eye, Silence for silence.

Moments passed with no sign of movement or sound except for the brush of wind and the falling of leaves.

The eventual raising of insomnia-blurred black eyes seemed to be inevitable. Just as it is impossible to ignore the flittering voices in your subconscious it is impossible to ignore a mysterious stranger at night with a laughing voice coming upon you in a place which cannot be found unless you know where it is. "Fuck off." Because when you don't care about anything, what the hell does it matter if you curse at a stranger?

The dark was a good cover to hide the other's smug smirk. "So I can leave you here to get rained on?"

The impatience in the one-with-black-eyes' voice was evident in his aggravated exhale. "What?" He nevertheless stole a quick glance upwards to see troubled clouds hanging ominously over him.

"It's going to rain soon." The obviousness of the phrase was such that nothing could have rankled the other in such a way. Blue eyes flashed cheerfully, yet there was an obvious mark of steel in their cold depths.

The other's distaste was clearly apparent. "So?"

A seemingly indifferent shrug. "I thought you wouldn't want to be rained on."

The boy was starting to get infuriated by those taunting blue eyes. "I don't care."

"Somehow, I knew that." There was a smothered laugh which both know existed, because when you're alone with someone you just met in a deserted playground in the middle of the woods at midnight there is no room for judgment.

Black eyes flashed. The boy turned away, seeming to have forgotten the swing he was seated on. He drifted back and forth for a moment, shoulders tense and proud, head lifted yet turned away, feet swinging just above the ground – all painting a confused and contradictory picture. "Who are you, anyway?" Not a question, more a statement. Expecting an answer, yet careful not to show interest.

"Just a kid, really." There was the flash of blue that so unnerved the other, accompanied by a quite chuckle, followed by a hasty change of direction. "But you can call me Naruto."

"I'd rather not call you anything." The one-with-black-eyes' voice was not yet masculine, yet not completely feminine. A frame too miniature to be manly, yet the obvious definition of muscles too obvious to be delicate. Swinging on the swing, looking like a little child lost between two conflicting worlds, when all along he should have been put directly in the middle.

"It doesn't matter." Because what are names, in the end, but boxes?

"Exactly." There's nothing in this world so completely irritating as always being afraid that when you can't see someone, they don't exist. It's then and only then that you go one way or the either. Fight or flight. Stay or run. But sometimes it's so impossible to determine which is which when all you have in the world is yourself, the clothes on your back, the clouds above you and the thoughts in your head.

"Sure, but you're still going to get rained on." Empathy can be such a difficult thing to accomplish, because who wants to care about others when its so hard to get others to care about you?

"I told you, I don't fucking care." There was obvious irritation at having to repeat himself, yet the subconscious knowledge that the things he repeats are only polluting the air is unavoidable.

"Neither do I." There was the soft sound of rustling clothes as the one-with-blue-eyes sat down on a bench.

"Then why are you here?" A death glare aimed at nothing in particular, but the idea of having it turned on seemed to comfort the swinging boy.

"That's your decision." A careful, and needless, inspection of immaculate fingernails, all the while seeming to ignore the one in front of him.

Clear aggravation, seemingly impossible to contain internally, was let out in an irritated exhale. "Are you going to leave or not?"

"Are you going to stop asking me to?" A curious tilt of the head accompanied by that teasing lilt of the voice was making the air throb with tension.

"Who says I'm asking?" Impulsive blurts will really be the death of the one-with-black-eyes, the aggravated kicks of said boy's feet trying to reach the ground not going unnoticed by the other.

"Direct aren't you?" Poorly concealed amusement.

Distracted suddenly. "Whatever." Because the light was gone and the colors had blended into nothingness until all that the swinging boy could see was bright blue eyes shining at him from the darkness.

"So what's your excuse?" Naruto waved an arm around in a grand looking semi-circle. "This place isn't exactly welcoming." He shook his head in a futile attempt to get locks of blond hair out of azure eyes. "It's easy to get lost."

The other chose to ignore the last statement before the urge to maim overpowered him. "I could ask you the same thing." Turning away once more, studying the cracks between the trees which sunlight usually shone through.

Naruto casually rubbed his neck with one hand, his sudden nervousness not going unnoticed by the other. "But you won't." Cracks exist in the finest armor, after all.

Displeased scrunching of a pale nose. "What makes you so sure?"

Simplicity is sometimes the easiest way to avoid lying. "If you ask me, I'll answer. Then you'd be obligated to answer my question."

"I wouldn't be obligated to do anything." Defiance is sometimes the easiest way to avoid telling the truth.

Naruto teasingly smacked his own forehead. "That's right. I forgot. I assumed you were a normal person with some sense of common decency."

"How do you know I'm not?" The other's lips were curled up slightly, baring teeth.

"Judging by the snarl on your face, the spite in your voice, and the way you won't stop swinging even when someone is talking to you." Not cruel jabs, simply observations.

"You don't know what the fuck you're talking about." The swinging boy narrowed his too-dark eyes.

"How do you know I don't?" The-one-with-black-eyes absolutely hated when people threw words back in his face, because they are the one thing that even if you deny to others, you can never deny to yourself.

"Either way, I really don't care." Letting go is such a hard thing to do, In the end.

"At least get off the swing. Sit on a bench or something." Little irritations will be the death of Naruto.

The snarl on the other's face deepened and he jumped off his swing, violently shoved his hands into his pockets, and started to walk away.

Naruto scoffed a little, sending one last sarcastic statement the other's way. "Do you know how to find your way home, child?"

The other's shoulders tensed and he whirled around, eyes wide and blazing. "Fuck you, how else did I get here?"

Naruto shrugged, a mocking smile on his face. "Dunno. You just seem the wandering type."

The other looked away, his brow furrowing. "Whatever."

Always reminding others others of their impending doom is a truly thankless job. "Rain's coming."

The-one-with-black-eyes only rolled his eyes, turning back around and walking away, pausing for a moment to call over his shoulder, "You said.'

"Get home safe." Because sometimes it's easiest to hide in all the nearly invisible crevices that exist within hateful sarcasm, rather than come out in the open and be bludgeoned to death by concern itself.

The other's voice was getting fainter as he started walking faster and faster. "Like you care."

Naruto raised his voice only slightly to keep up with the other boy's distance, wondering if he was listening closely enough to catch his words. "I don't, actually."

He was. "Then leave me the hell alone!" Screamed words, followed by the pounding footsteps of a runner with nothing to lose.

Seconds turned to hours as dark turned to light and a smirk became a grimace.

"I would if I could."

When you look at a forest, what do you see? The forest, or the trees?

Because sometimes endings are just endings and beginnings are just beginnings.

There were only three colors in existence that day. "Imagine seeing you here."

Red, for a flaring of hatred and that unmistakable flash of intelligence present only in eyes that have seen hell and had its fires trapped in their irises. "Yeah. Imagine that." A dark scowl whose ferocity seemed to be calculated specially for this, Naruto.

And blue. Because sometimes when your eyes are blue and your heart is beating; all you can do is smile because you have to pass on the feeling to someone else. "Can you find your way around here alright? It's a pretty big school for a new kid-"

Not forgetting black. Because sometimes when your eyes are black and you're not sure what the hell happened to that thing called a heart all you can do is snarl and turn away. "I don't need your help, idiot."

"Would anyone care to show Mr.Uchiha around the campus?" They were interrupted by the amused voice of a smirking teacher whose suspiciously silver hair glinted even in the dim light of the classroom.

A number of hands raised once the teacher had pointed to the boy in question, and girls had already started to exchange vicious glares. The professor grinned, winking at a girl whose eyes already seemed to be have been made moist from true love.

"Alright, Sakura. Don't get lost somewhere, on purpose or otherwise." Noises exploded, but the loud whoop of Sakura was by far the loudest of all of them.

Sometimes people lose faith in fate. And sometimes there is no such thing as a coincidence where two people are accidentally thrown together, literally or figuratively, despite their issues of the world and of each other. There is only hard work, and that unstoppable determination that falls upon us when fate falls away. "I'm no good at showing people around anyway, Mr.Uchiha." A laughing dismissal, tainted by only a hint of regret. Those unmistakable blue eyes shone over the other's desk.

There was a moment of thoughtful silence, marred only by the dislike of formality and the even greater dislike that he minded it so. "I don't doubt it." The boy turned away.

Because if we stop and look around us we'll see the corruption and the hate and only the barely perceptible echoes of laughter. So we close our eyes and turn our backs and imagine ourselves to be in a world where we can touch the clouds and never fear that the stars will go out.

But when we must open our eyes again, as the inevitable life we lead so demands, we will always find that there is one star less in the sky. One tiny dot of light vanished from our sky, the real sky. And we'll look up and wonder where it went.

We'll look up and wonder whether it vanished into our minds, our imaginations, or our pasts.

But there's always that chance that a beginning is really an ending and an ending is really a beginning. The trick is, seeing through the disguise – and gambling. Gambling with your life - your beginning, and your end.

Don't blink, whatever you do. Because in that split second of time you aren't looking, you can lose everything.

"Mr.Uchiha" A mocking greeting seemed to be the only thing that could cut through the boy's own private haze.

Not a sigh, more an aggravated exhale. "What could you possibly want from me, dumbass?"

"Not much." With that blunt innocence capable only of those corrupted, "You look lonely."

Somewhere in between careless dismissal and serious consideration there is that blank space where all conscious thought is impossible and therefore the only response that could possibly exist is a carefully structured scoff. "Whatever." An afterthought, "Go away."

A humming sound, the careful crunching of grass.

"...Don't take that as an invitation to sit down." Indignation is usually hard to smooth over with a straight face, but not for this boy.

"I didn't." Sometimes those who appear stupid are those who prefer not to waste time on making their outside look intelligent.

Upon the realization this would be a one-sided conversation if he didn't do something about it, Naruto decried the best course of action would be an innocent question. "What kind of tree is this?"

"Sakura." The unthinking response was accompanied by a subconscious scowl at the name.

"No joke?" Soft chuckle.

Sudden realization that this line of conversation might lead to the sort of friendly exchange of words that is so utterly foreign to the both of them. "Are you still here?"

Naruto sighed dramatically. 'Obviously."

The Uchiha rolled his eyes. "Don't you have better things to do than bother me?"

There was a brief flicker of anguish at the realization that he really didn't, then Naruto was struck by abrupt inspiration. "Why do I bother you?"

The other clenched his fists and made the quick decision whether or not to actually elaborate for the idiot. "You have to ask?"

A light bulb turned on somewhere as Naruto realized the misconception. "No, I mean – why do you let me bother you?"

Confusion is not in the Uchiha dictionary. "I… don't."

Or maybe someone purposely whited out the most important words. "Then why haven't you left?"

But there was one world in large print, bolded and underlined. "I was here first!" That devastating pride.

Naruto shook his head balefully. "You're shaking."

Because sometimes just being around someone is an effort. Because sometimes when keeping yourself from screaming and yelling and hating everything that ever existed with every fiber of your being, the only way to protect yourself is to ignore it all. Because how can you hate something that doesn't exist? "With anger, dumbass."

"…Anger." Naruto loves his unexplainable ability to convey a smirk with his voice.

"You're fucking bothering me!" The other hates it.

"So you're saying you can't just ignore me?" One reaches an inevitable conclusion when all your life you've known one plus one is two and then suddenly someone jumps in and says that all along it equaled three.

And because hatred is almost always based off of simple ignorance, there was silence.

"That doesn't count, asshole." Saving yourself at the last minute doesn't count as saving yourself at all, because that always raised the question of whether or not you actually wanted to be saved.

"Whatever." Ignore something and it doesn't exist: A deadly hope to cling to so ignorantly.

"There are some things that you can't brush off with a dismissal, Uchiha." Oh, and the humor. The simple hilarity that Naruto understands more than any other.

"Fuck that." But no level of 'understanding' will ever be enough.

"Getting angry now, aren't we?" Red-hot, all consuming flames of absolute hatred which can be riled up so incredibly easily it's not even real hatred anymore.

"Why don't you just leave me alone?" A lowering of values, walls. "Do you enjoy being hurt?" And one wished one could say those words so quietly no one could hear them, no one at all.

An indifferent shrug. "I'm not a masochist, if that's what you're implying."

A snort. "Damn well seems like it."

There was silent relief at the realization that Sasuke really has no capacity to understand things outside of his own little world. "Sure."

"Explain to me how saying 'Sure' is somehow better than 'Whatever'." Glad he somehow managed to maintain his subterfuge, even at the expense of his silence.

"It isn't." Naruto didn't bother to conceal his delight at being able to confuse the smart boy.

"So you're a hypocrite." Why is he still talking? The words are coming fast and smooth, falling out of his mouth like butterflies falling to the ground with no wings.

"Not really. You dismissed my questions without consideration while I am actually thinking about what you're saying." Naruto hastily added on, "Not that anything you say is worth thinking about."

Sarcastic laugh, passed off as a scoff only by years of experience. "I can't begin to explain how much that hurt."

"Sure." Oh, that lovely feeling of revenge, no matter how small and how limited. One still gets that warm feeling that says that everything is right again, that justice has been served to the untouchable.

"Fuck off." A snarl seemed to contort the other's face.

"No need to get violent." But Naruto knows there's every need.

"Go burn in hell." The words were softer, because suddenly the anger had lost its meaning.

Because Naruto is the type who always has to pull that last straw off of the camel's back. "Not been going to your anger management classes lately, asshole?"

And then that lovely hate had flared up once more, burning up and leaving only ash and destruction in its wake. "Leave me the hell alone before I castrate you with a rusty goddamn spoon."

Light laughter seemingly coming from nowhere. "Silly little boy."

Flashing eyes. "Don't call me that."

Ignoring the rebuttal. "You're sitting here under this stupid tree; trying so hard to blend in, you stand out."

Echoing silence followed by a long glare whose sole purpose seemed to be to bore a burning hole through the now empty air in front of him.

A Sakura petal fell on his head, the wind slowed, yet his eyes remained open and staring, his body unmoving.

Is it absurd to be afraid that if I blink, I'll be gone?

Rainbows are so hopeless.

"At least you're not under that stupid tree again." Mocking laughter irritated the boy like nothing else, and he rapidly made the choice on whether or not to ignore in favor of ignoring.

"I know you're in there, asshole." The blonde leaned forward and knocked a fist against the raven locks.

"Don't fucking touch me!" The Uchiha whipped around, the slight flinch at someone having been close enough to touch him not going unnoticed. If they can touch, they can see. They can see you. (And who would want to see that?)

Naruto stuck out his tongue in passive defiance. "Ooh, a reaction."

A carefully aimed glare. "Fuck off. I've got a bus to catch."

"I know." One hand carefully placed on his hip, the other raised in the air as if in sudden understanding. "That's why you're standing at a bus stop!"

"Are you making fun of me?" Narrowed eyes.

Gasp of (feigned) indignation. "You actually believe I could do that, Mr.Uchiha?"

"You're making fun of me." Impatient sigh.

"Oh, you wound me so." All laughter purely mental now, Naruto seems to be aware that any audible signs of amusement would result in his immediate castration.

"You're definitely making fun of me." There was a level of resignation not yet visible to the naked eye.

"No shit." Naruto's eye was anything but naked.

The other only glared at him through strands of limp hair. "Whatever."

Moment of silence, awkward on one side, comfortable on the other - yet it was impossible to tell which side was whose. "I think your bus is here."

"Oh, that's what that is, fucktard"

"No need to get nasty, asshole."

"Oh, there's every need, dumbass." He hastily clambered on the freezing bus, trying to ignore the blond standing out on the sidewalk waving enthusiastically at him from the other side of the bus window.

"Call me, baby!" A blown kiss.

The other grinded his teeth, and stooped to mumbled promises. "I'll kill him."

Rainbows seem so beautiful on the outside, don't they? But can no one really see how lonely they are? All those beautiful colors that will forever remain separate, never whole. ...Oh yes, Rainbows are hopeless.

What's the point in telling the truth, if nobody knows believes you?

He made the wise choice to avoid cursing in a hospital, even when faced with the same blond-headed idiot from the past several days. "Why are you everywhere?"

Those intense blue eyes were even more so piercing when focused directly at you, almost as if they were trying to pick you apart piece by piece. "I work here, stupid."

Black eyes seem so pointless to him, they can't convey anything but emptiness. Emptiness, of course, gets old fast. "You're too young."

Naruto smirked slightly. "I have connections."

The other turned around and started walking away, back stiff and proud, steps controlled, yet it was still possible to clearing see his resentment for his surroundings.

"Hey! Don't just walk away from me!" Naruto voice had an air of incredulity that someone could be so stupid as to try to wander through the hospital without knowing where to go.

"Too late." The other paused, but refrained from turning around.

"You stopped walking just to tell me that?" The other's back tensed again, but he didn't walk away.

"Shut up." There was more malice in him than he knew what to do with, so he resorted to gnawing viciously on his bottom lip.

By then, Naruto had caught up to him. "Sure. Do you need help getting anywhere?"

Stupid contradictions. "No." It would be so much easier if people just didn't ask you for anything. Then you wouldn't have to deal with the fact that it really is so hard to ignore them.

"Let me put it this way, do you know where you're going?" Naruto raised an eyebrow, already knowing the answer so not completely sure why he had asked the question.

"Yes." And there it was.

"Ok, do you know how to get there? This is a really big hospital." But every hospital is overpowering in its own way. Maybe not physically, architecturally, or any other sense of solid awe – but in the minds of all the patients and their families. Those families who are grieving even while their patient is still alive.

But this boy is used to it. "Yes, what do you take me for?"

Naruto decided to express his exasperation by knocking the other on the head, with more force than he had originally intended. "I can tell when you're lying, you know."

The other hadn't even flinched, his eyes remaining steadfastedly locked on Naruto's. "..What?"

Naruto shrugged, not bothering to suppress a yawn. "Your left eye twitches slightly, and you swallow."

The other was getting tired of this, stealing longing glances at the elevators so very nearby. "So what?"

But Naruto knew this, and had started walking again. "You think you have such a good poker face, but it's the worst I've ever seen."

"I don't play poker." Looking to the simplistic, when the complex is too much of a burning fire to deal with the burns.

"Not the point."

"What is the point?"

"You don't know where you're going." (But in the end, do any of us? Whether we're going to the psychiatric ward, the terminally ill hospice, the retirement home, or an early grave? But more to the point, do any of us want to know?)

"Yes I do." (But apparently, this one knows where he's going. He's known all along, since the day his faith died. Because no one can survive forever running off of memories that have been corrupted.)

"How?" (The other, he refuses to believe. Because this blue-eyed wonder believes that no one can make your choices for you but yourself.)

"I looked at a map, dumbass." The other stopped biting his bottom lip as he caught sight of himself in a mirror.

Naruto nodded, pursing his lips. "Oh, really?"

The other raised an eyebrow. "Yes, really."

Naruto stretched languidly, keeping an eye on the other – who was undoubtedly a flight risk. "Because, there aren't any maps of the hospital on this floor; and by the way, your eye twitched again. You should really do something about that."

"Fuck off." The other snarled at him and sped up his pace.

"Don't swear in a hospital." Naruto caught up with him easily.

"Deal with it." There is no accounting for what makes some people feel better about themselves. Because it really isn't always that simple, and sometimes it's the last thing you would ever think of.

"Sure." Naruto laughed slightly at the infuriated look on the other's face. "Where're you going, anyway?" The soft murmurs in the corridor seemed to warm them up with the simple fact that people could talk normally, and that there was just something wrong with them.

The other looked away slightly so he could watch the other people in the corridor. He waited a moment before replying, expecting the typical response. "The psychiatric ward."

Naruto nodded, suddenly veering into a small elevator alcove. "Ok, follow me."

Shocked at not being asked 'why?' with a voice full of pity, nor the sudden spark of fear, the other accidently starts a conversation out of genuine interest. "How long have you worked here, anyway?"

Naruto thought for a moment, finger on his lips in a falsely pensive way. "I don't count it in days."

The other raised an eyebrow, and his voice grew just that bit more defensive. "What do you count it in then?"

"You know that saying, don't count life by the moments you breathe, but by the moments that take your breath away?" The elevator had arrived with a tiny 'ding'.

"No." They stepped into it.

"Oh. Well, I might have improvised a little." Comfortable laughter. "Anyway, I've worked here long enough to understand people a lot better."

There was that nagging feeling that perhaps this was all a bit too familiar. "Whatever."

Small sigh of disappointment that all good things must come to an end. "Way to ruin a decent conversation." The elevator door opened with a whoosh, revealing an empty corridor that looked like it stretched on for miles.

The other didn't bother with sighs, or subtle signs. "Just take me where I'm going."

Naruto didn't like the sound of their feet echoing in the empty corridor, so he drowned it out. "So... the psychiatric ward? Thinking about checking yourself in?"

"Funny."

"I spent hours in front of the mirror practicing that, I'll have you know."

"I don't doubt it." Contradictions can be infuriating, but when encountered in people they are much more. They are something addictive and worth killing for, yet at the same time they give you a perpetual feeling of when you know you have leaned too far back in your chair. The chair legs are dangling in the air and you're just waiting to fall.

"Here we are." Naruto pressed an intercom button on the wall next to an ominous looking grey door.

"I gathered from the sign on the wall." The boy was looking around him, everywhere but at that door.

There was a crackle from the intercom. "Can I help you?"

Naruto turned to the other, mouthing 'Number?' The boy coughed, reaching into his pockets and pulling out a slip of paper with a patient number on it.

Naruto cleared his throat. "I have a visitor here for a patient, Name – Uchiha. Number - 666." The intercom crackled once more in acknowledgment, and a loud buzz could be heard from the door as it creaked open.

They stepped through, all conversation ended in the solemn interior of the psychiatric ward.

Yet Naruto still waved cheerfully to a pretty girl behind the nurse's station. "Hey, Tenten."

The other watched the ensuing conversation with awkward confusion. "You're familiar with the people here." Making observations was always a strong point of his, getting him to say them aloud was another thing entirely.

Naruto looked around with an oddly fond look on his face. "I know this ward well."

"Oh." The other tucked a loose strand of hair behind one ear.

"So do you." Naruto subtlety intoned, eyes focused on the people wandering around them.

The Uchiha stopped in his motions, letting the piece of hair fall back down to obscure part of his face once more. "I know I do-"

"I don't mean in relation to other people. I mean that you-yourself know this place."

The other crossed his arms and glared expectantly at those oh so blue eyes.

"Don't worry, I'm not trying to confuse you." Waving his arm in a wide circle. "But look around. Doesn't this resemble somewhere?"

Admiring the white-washed walls, the carefully wrapped knives, the monitored rooms and empty eyes of doctors and nurses. "I don't know."

"Ever looked inside yourself?" Those blue eyes looked almost empty, save for a vague hint of resentment directed towards the other.

"What?"

"It'd look like this, I bet."

"A psychiatric ward?"

Naruto sighed impatiently, turning around. He paused for a moment to say over his shoulder, "Nothing is that black and white, Mr.Uchiha. You gotta learn to stop looking, and start seeing."

Alone again, listening to the clinking of instruments and murmurs of conversation. Body shoved and pushed on all sides by people rushing along the corridor that he was inconveniently standing in the middle of.

Yet all he could see was the echo of clear-blue eyes, and all he could feel was that empty feeling of waiting for his metaphorical chair to fall.

It all depends on how you define truth. Is truth in the eyes of new-born babies, resting in their mother's arms? Is truth in that one house at the end of the lane with a wrap-around porch that, for some reason or another, always seems to be blurring in a heat wave? Is it in the tears of a lonely old widow, who no longer has a reason to live?

Or is it in a psychiatric ward that seems all too familiar, even though you've never set foot in it before?

I will have regular updates, no worries. I'm looking forward to writing this. Also, if anyone could comment on the new writing style, where one character only exists in the other's presence. I'd like to know if it is overly confusing. Also, I put a lot into the double meanings of this chapter. Comments are lovely.