Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note. Or My Chemical Romance. Both are very unfortunate.
AN: This is the 3rd little Matt x Mello one-shot type thing. I am obsessed. And I'm sorry I'm not updating Konoha High, I have a short attention span for my stories. :(
It would be a lie if I said that I didn't miss Mello. The way he laughed when he hurt people, seeing his beautiful face everyday, how he studied his hardest to be best, even if he was already best to me. Sure, some things about him pissed me off, but I loved even those things. It's true, I'm head over heels for this guy, and he's gone. And now he will never know.
[It's the tearing sound of love-notes
Drowning out these gray stained windows
And the view outside is sterile
But I'm only two cubes down
I'll photocopy all the things that we could be
If you took the time to notice me
But you can't now, I don't blame you
And it's not your fault that no one ever does]
The memory of how we met – him ripping up all the mandatory Valentine's the other orphans gave him and me being the only one who didn't cry, get angry, or sit in the corner the rest of the day. I laughed. He said I had spunk and that we would one day be best friends. We were like 7 at the time.
Needless to say, we did become friends. Mostly because we smashed open a window that wouldn't open together. We got in so much trouble for that, but we found Roger's anger hilarious. At the time, I knew that I was going to fall for him one day. I don't know how I knew, I just did.
I don't know whether he knew, but something tells me he did. He just didn't acknowledge it. I don't blame him. If I was him, I would have ignored it, too. But sometimes I wonder what would happen if he did acknowledge it.
[But you don't work here anymore
Its just a vacant 3 by 4
And they might fill your place
A temporary stand-in for your face
This happens all the time
And I can't help but think I'll die alone]
But it's too late for 'us' now. He left after he heard of L's death, which was sooner than most of us orphans, but probably because he was number two. Near also left, which made me number one. It doesn't matter. I didn't even want to be L. I don't want to be a fill-in. I want to be my own person.
I am succeeding in that so far. However, I am alone and I am unkown. I am nothing, nothing at all. I will be nothing forever, until I die. And I will be alone then also.
[So I'll spend my time with strangers
A condition and it's terminal
In this water-cooler romance
And it's coming to a close
We could be in the park and dancing by a tree
Kicking over blades we see
Or a dark beach with a black view
And pin-pricks in the velvet catch our fall]
So of course I was surprised when I met Mello again. It was in a park in LA. Small world, right? No. He knew where I was because he was keeping tabs on me. The only reason he contacted me was because he needed my help. I wanted more, so much more. I was deep in love with him and seeing him again just added to that feeling.
[But you don't work here anymore
Its just a vacant 3 by 4
And they might fill your place
A temporary stand-in for your face
This happens all the time
And I can't help but think I'll die alone]
Even though we've been reunited, it's Kira 24/7 for him. He hasn't even asked me about my life and he won't answer my questions about his life. To tell the truth, I was pretty fucking curious about his scar. Stretching over the left half of his face, his normally pale skin had become a shade of pink-red. It extended over his shoulders, so I imagined it stetched over his chest.
I wanted to know what happened to him. What harmed him this way. Even if he answered me, it would be brief and I would get barely any information from him.
At least that's what I thought.
[I know you don't work here anymore
I know you don't work here anymore
I know you don't work here anymore
I know you don't work here anymore
I know you don't work here anymore
I know you don't work here anymore]
"Matt, come here for a second," Mello instructed me. Probably something about Kira. But of course I'll listen to him. I am faithful, his motherfucking golden retriever.
"Sure, whatever," Of course I would replyto him, why would I not?
I walked up to him and peered over his shoulder at what he was looking at. Or at least I tried to, but before I knew it he was pinning me against the wall and kissing me. But he didn't mean it, of course he didn't mean it. I didn't deserve him. He just wanted me to be happy. That was the only reason.
[Sometimes I think I'll die alone, sometimes I think I'll die alone
Sometimes I think I'll die alone, live and breathe and die alone
Sometimes I think I'll die alone, sometimes I think I'll die alone
Sometimes I think I'll die alone, I'd think I'd love to die a-]
Needless to say, kissng wasn't the only thing that happened that night. But no matter what, he didn't mean it. He doesn't love me.
[Just take
I think I'd love to die
Me down
I think I'd love to die
Just take
I think I'd love to die
Me down]
"Matt," Mello gasped as he reached his climax, "Fuck! I love- Aggh!"
"Mello! Ugh! You- I- Love-" I came, too.
We fell asleep in each other's arms.
[I think I'd love to die alone
I think I'd love ot die alone
I think I'd love to die alone
I think I'd love to die alone]
It was the next morning, and I had finally decided that enough was enough. I slowly got out of bed, making sure not to wake Mello up and got dressed.
I then left the the apartment by window and climbed up the fire escape.
[Live and breathe and die alone
I think I'd love to die alone
I think I'd love to die alone]
Standing on top of the roof, looking down, I smiled. I was finally getting what I wanted, what I deserved. And Mello's smart enough to find the note I had left in the pillowcase.
"Matt!" Shit. Mello.
"Matt!"
Jump! Jump! I yelled to myself.
"Why?"
Mello was behind me now. He snaked his arms around my waist and started pulling me backwards.
"Because," I replied monotonusly, "You don't mean it."
"I don't mean what?"
"Everything."
I broke away from him and ran towards the edge, his last cry of my name still echoing in my ears.
I am alone again.
But I still fucking love him.
[I think I'd love to die alone]