'Twas the night before Christmas
In Beverly Hills,
And Genvieve was taking
One of her happy pills.
Zoila had sent regalos
To Africa with care
And was calling Valentina
To make sure they got there.
"Thanks for the pakage, Mami!
What a year filled with joy!
Remi and I got married,
And we're expecting a boy!"
Zoila was not happy
"She's too young to be a mother!"
"Who cares?" Genvieve asked,
"They really love each other."
With Carmen at the piano,
And Alejandro at the guitar,
They were merrily singing,
"We three kings of Orient are."
And while they were singing,
Little did they know
Sam and Odessa were planning
An attack with mistletoe.
Sam was oh so seductive
Acting all coy and cool
He managed to get Carmen
To strip by the pool.
Alejandro was resisting
"I don't mean to be rude.
But you already know
I'm more into dudes."
And over at the Powells',
Adrian was not at all sleepy.
He was working on his "gift" list,
All nice and creepy.
A blonde for Jason,
A brunette for Mickey,
A Latina for Howard,
An Asian for Ricky.
Then Evelyn walked in.
And said with dismay,
"Can't your disgusting little hobby
Wait for another day?
It's Christmas Eve, Darling."
Adrian looked at her and sighed.
How can such a lovely redhead
Ever be denied?
Meanwhile, the Westmores
Were all nice and cozy
Meester Spence was by the fire
Cuddled up with Rosie.
After a busy day of shopping,
These padres did quite well.
Sleepy Time Elmo for Tucker
And a train set for Miguel.
The boys were asleep,
Warm and snug in their beds.
With visions of dulces
Dancing in their heads.
But the best part of all,
The news that made them both merry,
A drunken actress got arrested.
Christmas sans Peri!
A devious Christmas to all,
And Feliz Navidad!
And may your pile of loot
Have you saying, "Oh, my God."