A/N
Just some Rikkai Dai craziness, since I felt bad I did some Hyoutei craziness but ignored Rikkai. Maybe I'll do some Seigaku or St. Rudolph next? Chuckles I don't know.
Excuse the out of character-ness due to the fact this is a humor story.
Disclaimer: I own nothing…don't sue me please…well I claim Love Cow if he's not a real thing because I made that name up a long time ago.
Enjoy…
Kirihara was in heaven. Granted little devils could BE in heaven.
A few hours ago, our favorite second year ace was quietly observing a happy cow dance around on a stage being applauded by small four and five year olds.
Today Yukimura-Buchou and Yanagi-Sempai took him to see Love Cow Live.
Alas all good things must come to an end, now he was lounging around Buchou's living room with the other regulars. Telling his Sempai-Tachi about his awesome day.
"You do realize your dear Love Cow isn't real, just some middle aged guy in a suit, right?" Niou blanched, tired of hearing the boy rant for so long about a stupid animal.
Kirihara looked beyond perturbed at the trickster's notion.
Love Cow not real? Middle Aged? A Suit? DEAR?! Kirihara stared blankly at the white haired boy …No I just saw Love Cow, he most certainly looked real to me and is not a deer. Niou must be lying, stupid sempai.
All the third year regulars stared at their kohai, as he began twitching and mumbling incoherently.
"Eh? You okay there, Brat?" Niou poked him in the cheek, but quickly pulled back when he almost had his finger bitten off. "What the hell?!"
"Liar!" Kirihara accused, glaring at Niou "Love Cow is real! You're just jealous YOU didn't meet him!"
Marui popped his gums and rolled his eyes "For once Niou is right, Love Cow is fake! He's a guy in a costume that sings and entertains little kids. I don't even know why you still watch him. I mean it's not like…" The tensai trailed off after Kirihara started hyperventilating.
Latching onto the nearest person Kirihara started shouting. "Tell them Love Cow is real! Tell them right now!"
"No can do, sorry." Jackal pried himself out of the younger boy's vice grip and sat closer Yagyuu, A.K.A the only other sane guy.
Tears threatening to leak out Kirihara ran over to where Yukimura was sitting, "Buchou! Make them stop lying!"
Yukimura patted his head softly, fruitlessly trying to get him to calm down.
"It's alright Akaya. Quiet down, you needed to find out someday."
Staring in disbelief, Kirihara withered to the floor.
Love Cow…how could you? NO! It can't be true! Love Cow is real and he brings joy and love to all the little boys and girls who follow him, …I've got it!
Shooting up from the carpet, Kirihara quickly took Yukimura's hand and stood him up as well.
Dragging the blue haired buchou out the door, he frantically hailed a taxi van.
A few seconds later Sanada rushed outside only to see Yukimura being driven away in a big yellow monster.
Reminiscent in the style of Darth Vader, Sanada dropped to his knees and shouted up into the heavens. "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
After having the longest angst session know to man kind. Sanada stood, trudged back inside, picked up Yanagi and proceeded to walk down the street.
"May I inquire as to where we are going." Renji asked, head bobbing up and down as he was carried off. Taking note that the other regulars were following.
"We need to find Yukimura." Sanada stood Yanagi up on his own two feet.
The two starred at each other for a few moments. Well, that is Sanada starred at Renji and Renji had his eyes closed, but we can assume he's starring back.
"WHERE IS HE?!" Sanada demanded, shaking the data master.
Slapping himself free, Yanagi took his time to adjust himself. "Data shows, there is a 90 percent chance Kirihara took Seiichi to find 'Love Cow'." Doing the little quoties.
Nodding his head in comprehension, Sanada picked up Yanagi again glancing briefly at his team mates he choose to sling Yagyuu over his shoulder that is not already occupied and balance Jackal on his back.
We can safely presume he was 'In The Rhythm' since Sanada ran down the street at nearly 60 mph.
"Akaya, What are we doing here?" Yukimura questioned softly, his ever present smile becoming strained as he was pulled along via sleeve.
"We hafta' find Love Cow so we can prove he's real." Kirihara stormed around backstage, desperately trying to find the dressing rooms. "AHA!"
Success! A big golden star adorned a small door, the words 'Love Cow' were etched in.
Tugging his buchou closer, Kirihara gave three polite knocks, waited 5 seconds than started to throw a tantrum.
"LOVE COW! HURRY, I NEED YOUR HELP!!" Kicking and banging Kirihara clawed for all it was worth until a tall man appeared at the door holding in his arms Love Cow's head.
With wide eyes Kirihara jabbed a finger in the man's direction, "MURDERER!"
Of course he would have gone demon on this mean man's butt, if a hoard of middle school students hadn't busted through the wall.
"Yukimura!" Sanada yelled, unceremoniously dropping the others and rushing over to the sickly boy "Are you okay?"
"Genchirou, I'm fine…but…" Yukimura led off dramatically, biting his lip.
Naturally the regulars formed a circle around the captain to see what had made him so sad, sans Niou and Marui because they weren't there and Kirihara because he was writhing on the floor in emotional pain.
"Akaya's so sad." Yukimura whispered out for all the world looking as though he would bust into tears at any given second.
Sanada nabbed Kirihara and started shaking the spazzing second year, barking out commands
"TARUNDORU, STOP BEING SAD!"
Jackal, being one of the groups few normal people around gently took Kirihara away and caringly discussed the problem with him. Nodding his head Jackal walked back to Sanada and gestured to the bewildered man standing in the door way. "Kirihara thinks he killed Love Cow."
Sanada took a minute to register this then grabbed Yagyuu and shoved the gentleman into the dressing room locking the door behind him.
Jackal, Kirihara, Yukimura, and we suppose Renji watched the door until a dopey cow walked out.
"Hello there lads!" A voice that suspiciously sounded like Yagyuu called out.
"Love Cow! You're alright!" Akaya hugged the cow, like he never hugged a cow before…which he hadn't, so I guess he did a good job.
"Y-Yes, I am…Can't b-breathe…" The living hamburger gasped out.
Kirihara paid no heed as he continued to hug the cow suit in glee until Yagyuu passed out with a barely audible 'adieu'.
Yukimura smiled his saintly smile at the scene as Sanada watched him to ensure giant yellow monsters and little devils wouldn't try to kidnap him again.
Who knows what Yanagi was doing since his eyes were closed, for all we know he could have been passed out like Yagyuu.
The mystery man and Jackal just tried to edge away from the group and go home.
Can't you just feel the love?
--Omake One--
"…What just happened?" Niou asked watching the small black dot that was his fukubuchou shrink as he ran away.
"I don't know…and I'm a tensai…" Marui mumbled out also watching the group.
"…"
"…"
"Wanna raid buchou's fridge?"
"Sure, I saw some cake in there earlier!"
--Omake Two--
Kirihara skipped out of the clubroom, clutching his favorite stuffed Love Cow plushie and racket.
He was on his way to tennis practice, wearing his brand new orange uniform.
Apparently Sanada now twitches violently at the color yellow. Just last week fukubuchou almost had to go to the hospital after Echizen Ryoma glanced at him with golden eyes.
--Final Omake--
Sakaki Tarou quietly made his way into the Hyoutei club room, stuffing a large tennis bag into and empty locker.
"Kantoku?" a quiet voice uttered. Ha, if only David were around.
Whipping around Sakaki faced the questioning face of Ootori Choutaro and several other Hyoutei tennis players.
"Um…" Clearing his throat and drawing up to full height Sakaki looked down sternly at his team. "Itteyoshi."
"…"
Sakaki stalked out of the room, trying to maintain his dignity. Failing to maintain his dignity is what I meant.
Taki peered inside the locker Kantoku forgot to close and unzipped the bag, pulling out a black and white cow suit.
All the regulars looked bewildered.
"Hmph…Just a music teacher, eh?"
--Owari--