I don't know what to do.

Don't give me that look.

No, don't do it, you fucker.

Because I can't look at it.

I trusted you, but I trusted myself too; then why. I remember that day, when we came back to Tommy's; I remember your face, your words; your tone. You were happy, while you were talking about your daughter, Sarah; you should've noticed, but we both kept it secret, like a non-written rule that made my heart sink whenever I'd think about it.

She's dead, isn't she?

You can't say it, but we all know what happened and we decided not to talk, not to think about it, but here we are; Maria is dead, Tommy is missing… I can't go on. Did you have to wait until this to talk? No, we both waited, while thinking about it being impossible.

But then why can't I hate you or me? I just want to hear a solution, now more questions. I'm losing myself right here, and all you're doing is staring at me while you´re trying to get the right words, even when we both know they just don't exist. Nobody said it was easy, but now we know it's hopeless as well. But you're the one I trust, the one I care about, and I can't even think of myself without you; I just can't.

Are we both responsible for what happened today? Are we just that blind? All we wanted was to be left alone, but deep inside we just didn't care about the world enough, which sucks if you're the world.

I want to be able to say something. I can see you struggling, and I have to admit that in the end I kind of understand you, but even then I can't just accept what you did, or what I did.

But I just want you by my side. Why is that so hard to do?

Are we just not destined to be together? I waited a long ass time to meet you, and to think that it's going to happen again… are you just another one? Mom, dad, Riley, Marlene…

All I ever wanted was someone to rely on, to love, to trust… just someone that would be next to me to laugh, cry or just to kill time knowing that even then we'd both be comfortable.

I won't make it out alive, am I? Haha, I should've known. And it hurts. I just hope I would've known sooner. Dammit Marlene, you screwed up… At least I would've known to keep my mouth and my head shut. You knew about it, Marlene? It surely was hard for you, it should've been. I remember when you discovered I was immune; maybe you knew since that moment, that you can't make a vaccine out of a chick and expect her to survive; that would explain the bad night you had after that; I thought you were so happy that you just couldn't sleep… and that made me happy too.

But in the end we all failed, and your only sin was being killed by the only one that would make me feel again at home. I'm sorry Marlene; my mother put you in charge of me, but I know being the leader of your group left you with little time for me, after all I'm just another messy human being, and as such I demand time and effort. But don't worry, even when we would only see each other during mornings and nights, I truly loved you as the mother I didn't have, and is because of that that I can understand what you felt at that moment… maybe you didn't tell me my fate because of that… and oh God, isn't that what I feel right now.

Reality is tough.

I can't hate you, just as I can't hate him.

Even when we know we all made mistakes, and I'm just the queen of fools.

I want to cry.

But I'm already crying.

So it's fine, I guess.

I can't see him… I guess I ran away.

That's what we all did, isn´t it, Marlene?

I still don't know what to do… and I wonder if I ever will.