It's weird to consider, but when Aubrey Posen stops to think about it, the truth of the matter is that she's dating Stacie Conrad.
Well, no, her life would definitely be a whole lot less complicated if that were actually true, but she's a romantic at heart and had decided to double down and focus on her schoolwork if she wanted to maintain her GPA and stay in her graduate program, and Stacie's…
Awesome. Smart. Beautiful. Amazing. Wonderful.
Basically Stacie deserves better than sub-par college boys who were only looking for a girl who would sleep with them just for buying dinner, and that's the primary reason why Aubrey had allowed herself to get talked into this artifice.
So, no, technically, she's not actually dating Stacie.
But somehow, she's become the go-to person for every guy and girl who wanted to go out on a date with the girl.
Honestly, she's just glad Stacie had become more discerning in the people she went out with and after a sexually active freshman year, Stacie had slowed down considerably on dating. Although she was occasionally still hooking up with random people she met at parties, Stacie was also allowing herself to date more, and sleep with people just because less.
So if she's helping people in setting up perfect dates for Stacie Conrad, well, it's just because Stacie deserved to date people who made that kind of effort, and she wanted Stacie to have a good time on these dates.
Of course, she didn't always help those who asked. There were a few who were only in it for what they hoped would happen after the date, whom she'd threatened to the point where they broke off the date before it even happened. And Stacie had also gone on a few dates with people who hadn't sought Aubrey's advice.
It's been five months into this... assistance, halfway through Stacie's junior year in college, and so far Aubrey has helped Todd, John, Kyle, Matt, Dean and Jessie, and she was meeting Owen later that afternoon to hear out his ideas for his date with Stacie on Friday.
Todd had been the first one who had approached her, having seen her and Stacie having coffee regularly at the coffee shop he liked to frequent, and when he'd asked Stacie out and she'd said yes, he had admitted that he had absolutely no idea what Stacie could like, so he'd sought out her friend. She hadn't even really thought about it, and mentioned that one of Stacie's favorite bands was performing nearby that weekend – Stacie had been trying to convince her that the concert was much more worthwhile than the ten-page paper she was supposed to finish – and suggested he should take Stacie to the concert. It had been successful enough to earn him a second date, but for some reason, Aubrey's suggestion of him taking her to an independent film festival Stacie had been eager to go and see had been a disaster; even though Stacie took Aubrey to the same event the next day and she'd liked it fine.
John was a writer and poet, studying Literature and Creative Writing, and it was only because Stacie had recently mused during a dinner with all the Barden Bellas – dinners which Chloe insisted that Aubrey attend, even if she's already graduated and no longer eligible to compete with the Bellas – that she's never attended a poetry reading that Aubrey had suggested the same, when he'd approached her and asked what kinds of things Stacie liked. Aubrey had no idea how the date went, but Stacie didn't go out with him again.
Kyle had had a list of things he thought Stacie would like, which was enough for Aubrey to take pity on him and approve and veto items on his list, but their third date had been a romantic comedy – which Aubrey knew Stacie barely tolerated – which was pretty much the kiss goodbye for Kyle.
Aubrey met Matt after his lackluster first date with Stacie, when they had run into him during their morning run around campus, and it was only because Stacie had already agreed to a second date with him that Aubrey had forced him into something more unique and special, something – anything – a little more romantic than the same Italian restaurant that Stacie liked but only knew about because Aubrey and Chloe loved it and all but force-fed the Bellas the diner's garlic bread. She wasn't sure what a college boy knew about putting a picnic together, but it had earned him a third and fourth date, and then Stacie abruptly ended things.
Jessie was a Film and Photography major, which had momentarily worried Aubrey as she's dated members of the male species who shared Jessie's major and had been unimpressed with them, but Jessie was earnest and a hopeless romantic, which should have been a good thing. She had asked Aubrey for help because she didn't want to make a fool of herself after successfully – finally, Jessie had admitted – asking Stacie out, and Aubrey had suggested going with her strengths and taking Stacie to a photography exhibit or a good movie. They had gone on only one more date before they had agreed it wasn't really working.
Finally, there had been Dean. Dean was, on paper, perfect for Stacie, being a Chemistry major (so he was also into Science), and a big fan of science fiction and fantasy novels. When he had run into Aubrey and recognized her as Stacie's friend, he had asked her on what Stacie would likely enjoy for their date, but unfortunately he'd taken Aubrey's advice of exploring their mutual interests literally, and had dragged Stacie to a convention for cosplayers of a certain MMORPG, which Aubrey had to drive out to pick Stacie up from after she'd deliberately lost Dean in the crowd.
Which brought Aubrey to Owen. Aubrey had no idea what to make of the guy, only that he was a little more serious than Stacie's taste in dating partners, and from her initial meeting of him, he had struck her as a little… intense. He was the kind of college student who focused mainly on the future, making friends only with the people he likely considered would be helpful to his end goals, and honestly, if Aubrey was being honest, the guy was kind of a jerk.
But he'd sought her out, and from their brief interaction it had been clear that he genuinely liked Stacie, and he readily admitted he didn't really like a lot of people. He knew he could come off as abrasive, even arrogant and obnoxious, but he really wanted Stacie to like him.
Aubrey had absolutely no idea what help she could offer him, or what kind of date he could take Stacie on that would make an impression, but she was willing to try.
"Aubrey," Stacie drawled, moving closer to Aubrey on the bleachers they sat on and leaned in close until her front was pressed to Aubrey's side. "You're not listening to me."
Aubrey rolled her eyes. "You haven't said a word in ten minutes."
Stacie pouted, because that was true. "Well, if I had been, you wouldn't have been paying attention."
Aubrey glanced briefly at her but returned her attention to the textbook she was reading. "You know you have me absolutely riveted, Stacie."
"God, get a room." Beca groaned from her own seat on the bleachers two rows ahead of them, and yelped when Stacie threw a towel at her. "Not cool, you two."
"That was all her," Aubrey informed her, pointing at the unapologetic Stacie.
"Yeah, but you two are like a package deal these days." Beca grumbled. She frowned at Aubrey. "Weren't we supposed to cut down on cardio when you graduated? Why are we still the most athletic a cappella group in history?"
"Why do you make the same complaints every time I sit in on rehearsals?" Aubrey retorted.
Before Beca could offer a response, Jessica approached the bleachers from her brainstorming session with Chloe by the piano, and looked up at Aubrey. "Chloe wants to talk to you."
Aubrey gently eased Stacie off her, but before she could leave, Stacie grabbed her wrist, making her turn to look at the other girl inquiringly.
"Are you coming over for dinner and movie night at the house?" Stacie asked.
"Or is it another thrilling evening with your homework?" Beca added.
Aubrey gave her a withering glare before turning back to Stacie and smiling. "What're you watching?"
"Chloe wants to watch a selection from the Jude Law oeuvre to study how he went from hot to not." Stacie informed her. She gave Aubrey a sad expression. "Please come?"
Aubrey rolled her eyes in exasperation. "You've been taking lessons from Chloe with the pouting and the puppy-dog eyes, haven't you?"
Stacie's lips jutted into a pronounced pout.
Aubrey shook her head. "You're ridiculous. Fine."
Stacie grinned brightly at her.
"Who knew you were a pushover?" Beca noted, earning herself a brief hit on her shoulder with the sheet music in Jessica's hands. "What? You too?"
Jessica shot her a poignant look. "We like Aubrey when Stacie deals with her. Don't ruin it."
Aubrey shook her head again, and made her way down towards Chloe, making it a point to glare at Beca as she passed.
"Stace, why did you invite her?" Fat Amy asked. "You know she and Chloe will just talk the whole way through."
It was annoying, but admittedly true: after four years of living together, Aubrey and Chloe had pretty much watched almost all the exact same movies, so movie nights when Chloe made the selection were pretty much a matter of listening to Aubrey and Chloe making their own commentary track… and sometimes it was even about the movie they were watching.
"She's a Bella. She should get to hang out with us." Stacie answered.
Surprisingly, the next wry remark did not come from Beca, as Ashley finally voiced what they were all thinking, what they have all been thinking since Stacie started hanging out with Aubrey the previous year and they became nearly inseparable. "Just ask her out already."
Stacie rolled her eyes. "It's not like that."
Which nobody really believed, but it was kind of hard to making a convincing argument when Aubrey and Stacie both insisted there was nothing romantic happening between them.
Although Stacie couldn't deny that she wasn't entirely opposed to a physical encounter if Aubrey ever offered. After all, Aubrey was hot; that was just fact. She wasn't in any way visually impaired.
But they were friends, platonically, and Stacie had come to value Aubrey's friendship in a way she didn't think would be possible considering how grating she'd once found Aubrey. She hadn't had a lot of close female friendships in her life, and the Bellas were definitely special to her, but Stacie would readily admit, Aubrey was just a little bit more special. One might even say Aubrey was her best friend.
And as much as she loved hanging out with Aubrey, she could admit that she couldn't imagine what a relationship with the blonde would be like. And Aubrey was obsessive to a fault, Stacie could only imagine what fresh hell dates with the blonde could be.
And as much fun as spending time with Aubrey could be, Stacie still had needs, and that's why she had a steady stream of people lined up for her to date.
People like Owen. Owen, who was a Finance major and lived and breathed soccer and lacrosse. Stacie had had all of one conversation with Owen prior to him asking her out, and while she'd kind of been bored by his lengthy analysis of why the MLS wasn't as popular as the NBA or NFL, she'd liked that he was obviously capable of being passionate about something, and in the event that she wouldn't be able to get him to ease up during their date and be more appealing, at least he was nice to look at.
She did not expect him to bring her to an art exhibit.
Sure, he talked about how art from up and coming artists were an arguably secure investment, but when pressed, she'd managed to wrangle from him an honest opinion on some of the mixed media work around them, and a few drinks in and he was even able to relax a little.
Generally, Stacie was weary of college boys who were in pre-law or business majors, especially those who were legacies or belonged to the big name fraternities around campus. Being called the Big Men on Campus tended to do things to their egos, and Owen was definitely part of the Greek system. But despite his apparent blandness, his intense focus on sports Stacie only partly appreciated (imported soccer players were ridiculously good-looking, she was so watching the world Cup the next time it was on) and his Greek status, there was something oddly appealing about him. He had a strange awkwardness that sometimes fell on him, and his passion for his chosen sports sometimes overwhelmed even him, and he'd catch himself and smile at her sheepishly.
She's not sure whether or not she genuinely likes him, but he's piqued her interest enough to warrant a second date.
"You're an idiot." Beca groaned, watching Aubrey and Chloe play a fast-paced card game that seemed to have no rules and basically served to have both of them occasionally yelling at each other.
Aubrey had confided in Chloe about what she was doing around the time Stacie was dumping Kyle, so naturally, Beca knew about it already. Aubrey supposed she should just be glad Chloe had held off a few weeks between Aubrey's disclosure and telling Beca about it.
"Because she won't date Stacie?" Chloe guessed, before suddenly pointing at Aubrey. "Dangerously In Love!"
Aubrey stopped distributing cards. "That's not a Beyoncé song. That's a Destiny's Child song."
"There's a difference?" Chloe asked.
"Why does it matter?" Beca asked. "But technically, it is a Beyoncé song."
Chloe shot Aubrey a look of triumph.
"Calm down, there's a technicality." Aubrey reminded her best friend. She looked over at Beca. "Explain?"
Beca sighed. She was kind of glad that Aubrey had learned to appreciate her knowledge of music trivia, but she hated it when Aubrey used it as a means for Trivial Pursuit or as a walking encyclopedia. "The remix on Beyoncé's first album was Dangerously in Love Two."
Chloe's gasp of affront was exaggerated in every way. "Traitor!"
"I don't even know what you're playing." Beca muttered. She turned back to Aubrey. "You're an idiot."
Chloe smiled triumphantly at Aubrey, apparently having already forgiven Beca for the momentary treason. "I told you."
"Beca worships the ground you step on, she'd agree to anything you say." Aubrey retorted, taking the cards back and shuffling.
"True," Beca conceded, "but you're still an idiot."
"Because Stacie and I are friends and I want to make sure she has a good time on the dates she goes to?" Aubrey asked, pausing her shuffling to take a sip from her cup of coffee.
"Because believe it or not, she might actually be better off just dating you." Beca argued.
"She and I are friends."
"And you've been dating vicariously for months." Beca countered.
Aubrey shook her head. "That's not-"
"Bree, deny it all you want, but Beca has a point." Chloe pointed out. "I know you think you're just being a friend and you mean well, but maybe you have to start thinking more seriously about why you're doing this."
"Admit you're in love with her already." Beca grumbled. She took a sip from the cup in front of her, and made a face, handing it to Chloe while reaching for the other cup on the table near the older girls. "How much sugar do you have them put in that?"
Before Chloe could answer, Aubrey interrupted with, "What makes you think I'm in love with Stacie?"
Beca glanced at Aubrey, and then at Chloe, who was looking at Aubrey with a perplexed expression. "Because… you're inseparable, you like the same things, and you've been taking her out on her ideal dates through a bunch of strangers?"
"It's kind of obvious." Chloe added for good measure.
Aubrey shot Chloe a wary look. "How long have you been sitting on this?"
"Since the selfie war she started between the two of you." Chloe replied simply. "But I wasn't really sure until she got you to watch a bunch of subtitled foreign films with her."
Beca stared at Aubrey. "Voluntarily? Why not just propose already?"
"For the last time, Stacie and I are just friends!" Aubrey protested.
Beca gave her a skeptical look. "I can see your toner through those jeans."
Aubrey rolled her eyes, and even though Beca and Chloe had given her something to think about, she couldn't help but return Beca's assertion with a rejoinder the girl had once given her. "That's my dick."
It was easy for Beca to talk to Aubrey about the situation, given Chloe's own meddling, but it was different when she thought about broaching the topic with Stacie, because Stacie was the wildcard in the situation.
Stacie was the one who was going out on a series of dates, and the one who was, in a way, being deceived by both the people she was dating and the girl she considered her best friend. Stacie was the one who was most liable to get hurt, and both Beca and Chloe knew the truth could backfire in terrible ways.
But two dates in and it didn't seem like Owen was going anywhere.
Jessica and Ashley were the first to meet him, since they hung out with Stacie fairly regularly away from the rest of the Bellas, and after they did, they were both flushed with excitement.
Beca and Chloe weren't sure what to make of that.
"Do we like him?" Chloe asked in trepidation. She wasn't sure she was ready to make nice with a guy who could very well be taking away Aubrey's opportunity to date Stacie.
Both girls shook their heads, but they were still both brimming with nervous energy.
"What's going on?" Beca pressed.
"You have to meet him." Jessica told them, grinning, unable to control the part where she knew it was almost manic.
"Why…?" Beca asked.
Jessica shook her head instead of answering, and when Beca turned her inquiry to Ashley, the brunette shook her head as well.
"He's picking her up for dinner." Ashley managed to share, and repeated, "You have to meet him."
Neither Beca nor Chloe understood, and neither did any of the other Bellas when they were informed they would be meeting Stacie's date – the third date happening only two days after the second, which was intriguing – but when Fat Amy ushered him in to wait inside the house while Stacie finished getting ready, the well-meaning "friendly" interrogation answered their unvoiced questions.
He was the captain of Barden's lacrosse team, and the reason he was taking Stacie out to dinner so early was because he insisted on morning practice for his team, their fitness level imperative, and training was important so that if all else failed, they could fall back on their training.
"And you're a business major?" Denise asked skeptically.
"Finance." He corrected. "But I can see where you'd be confused, being in Liberal Arts."
Okay, he was kind of a dick. But as he went on to explain the different branches of Barden's business school, and admitting he only really pursued the concentration on the insistence of his father, citing the opportunities a degree like that could lead to, it was becoming evident to everyone in the room just why Stacie, who had no patience for people who were jerks, was willing to go out on a third date with the guy.
And when the door closed behind the couple, the Bellas all looked at each other in wide-eyed bemusement, daring each other to be the first to say it.
Fat Amy couldn't help it. "He's Aubrey!"
"I know!" Everyone exclaimed in unison.
"He's even more Aubrey than Aubrey, which I didn't think was possible." Chloe admitted.
"Do you think Stacie knows?" Cynthia Rose asked, looking shell-shocked.
"We should get him in a room with Aubrey." Jessica suggested.
"The universe would implode." Beca noted.
"Should we tell her?" Flo asked, concerned.
"Well, we can't tell Aubrey, we'd basically be telling her she's a dick." Fat Amy observed.
"And telling Stacie could put her on the defensive." Denise agreed.
"Yeah, we don't want her to double down on dating that douche." Beca nodded.
Lilly, had anyone heard her, pointed out that someone should just tell both women they were meant to be together.
But nobody knew how to start that conversation, which was why Stacie and Aubrey kept their coffee dates and Stacie kept Owen around.
"Hey."
Aubrey jumped, startled, and sat up straight from her defeated slump in a chair in the library, her laptop and a handful of books open in front of her. She turned in time to watch Stacie take the seat beside her. "H-hey…?"
Stacie glanced at the books in front of Aubrey and asked, "Are these urgent, or can I bribe you to have coffee an hour earlier than our usual?"
Aubrey looked at her, suddenly realizing just how much she had been taking Stacie for granted, and looked away quickly once she realized she had been staring. She frowned at the books in front of her, and for a moment couldn't actually figure out what the words in any of the books in front of her meant, and sighed. "Yeah, we can go for coffee. Just let me check these out?"
Stacie waited until Aubrey had relaxed into her seat, leaving behind whatever had what she had been working on in the library, when she made her announcement.
"I broke up with Owen."
Aubrey paused in the middle of lifting her coffee cup, and lowered it back down. "I'm sorry?"
"Don't be." Stacie waved her hand, as if waving off the sentiment. "It wasn't really going anywhere."
Aubrey frowned, because while she'd stopped helping Owen after Beca and Chloe had confronted her about her reasons for helping people date Stacie, she hadn't figured how Owen could have screwed up so badly already.
Stacie studied Aubrey's expression closely, watching the way Aubrey's brow furrowed, deep in thought. "So I have a question. A few, actually."
Despite her contemplation, Aubrey shook off her confusion to focus on Stacie. "Fire away."
Stacie took a sip from her cup of coffee. "I know you hate hip-hop—"
Aubrey conceded that point.
"What about R&B?"
"If this is your thinly-veiled attempt at asking me if I like Rihanna, I like her fine, as long as she isn't performing as the counterbalance to the sexist, misogynist pigs that she tends to duet with."
Stacie stared at her for a moment, struck dumb, and nodded. "Rock music?"
"No metal."
"Deal." Stacie quickly agreed. "Romantic comedies?"
"You know I love them." Aubrey reminded. "You've teased me through way too many of our movie nights not to."
"Poetry."
"When it's done well."
"Cosplay."
Aubrey frowned, tilting her head. "Like, role-playing, or…"
"So not in public."
"Stacie, what—"
"You want to tell me why you've been helping a bunch of random people with dates I'd like?"
Aubrey froze, not knowing how exactly how to answer that question.
Stacie looked at her expectantly.
Finally, Aubrey found her words. "You—"
"Know?" Stacie finished for her. "Of course I do. And if you're wondering how, you're kidding, right?"
Aubrey really had no idea.
"I talk about a band I want to see in concert and a guy I just met is able to get tickets in two days? Come on."
Okay, stated like that, it was stupidly obvious.
"And the poetry reading?" Stacie continued.
"And you didn't say anything?" Aubrey asked, instead of answering.
"The dates were awesome, why would I give that up?" Stacie questioned.
Aubrey nodded, acknowledging that justification.
"But I just went through a bunch of dates I loved with people I liked," Stacie continued.
"Just to be clear, I had nothing to do with that cosplay convention." Aubrey quickly defended herself.
Stacie smiled, and reached out to take Aubrey's hand in her own. "I know this sounds like it's coming out of nowhere, but I'd like for us to go out sometime."
"Really?"
"Really." Stacie nodded.
"Well, there is an exhibit of Neo-Impressionism art opening in—"
"I'm planning it." Stacie cut her off. "Maybe dinner and a movie." As an aside, she added, "But maybe the exhibit afterwards."
Aubrey quirked her lips. "Like a date?"
Stacie's smile blossomed into a full grin. "Exactly like a date."