Catalina's POV
With tear filled eyes, I attempted to pack up anything meaningful or necessary I'd accumulated over the years. The task was much easier said than done. With two large blue suit cases filled to the top, I barely managed to fit the necessary wardrobe I would need. It didn't matter much; I could buy more in the future.
After going through the small amount of jewelry I owned, I took at my grandmother's wedding ring and a cross necklace that was my mother's before cancer took her years earlier. I grabbed the suit cases to bring out to my car, but stopped to check Hailey's, my sweet and beautiful 4 year old daughter's room. She was fast asleep, her last night in her room, although she was oblivious to that fact. I prayed to whatever being was above that she wouldn't grow to hate me for this.
I was running; running so far away from this life that I could never have the chance to look back. The series of bruises and gashes that decorated my body were going to be the last one. I was better than this; I wasn't going to be a weak woman. I would not stay with a man that treated me with less respect than what he would show for an animal. I'd been terrified to be a single mom, but as I looked at my daughter and her relationship with her father, I realized I'd been a single mother all along.
The father of my daughter, Ryan, had not always been this way. The Ryan I met and fell in love with years ago would have been ashamed of the person he was now. I couldn't wait around for him to change, there was such a huge possibility that he wouldn't ever be who he was before. People change; it was a basic fact of life. Everyday things seemed to be the same, but not as I look back on our relationship, things haven't been the same in years. I was wasting my time now, and even though I was sure I could never erase the internal damages, I could save Hailey from it.
I never thought this would be my life. I cursed the girls in books and movies for staying with an abusive man, but somehow I'd fallen into those character's shoes. I'd always thought I was stronger, that I would have been able to walk away after the first bruise he left on me. I wasn't as strong as I believed, but if I would have left, I would have never been given the gift of my daughter, which made every bruise and scare worth it.
"Mommy?" Hailey called as I returned quietly through the back door. I rushed down the hallway to find her standing outside her doorway tired eyed and clutching her favorite stuffed animal which was a baby pink teddy bear she named 'Little Bear'.
"Yes, baby?" I asked and kneeled down to face her, our identical green eyes connecting. Hailey looked everything like me; her eyes, her nose, and the waviness of her hair all came from me. She didn't look much like her father, Ryan, something he found great pleasure in using against me.
"You want me to support Hailey? Look at her Catalina, she looks nothing like me. Nothing! Knowing you, she's probably not even mine."
I learned to not let his words hurt me, they were only words, but I wanted to scream every time he denied our daughter. Our relationship was a failure, but Hailey was the purest part of it, none of this was her fault. There were times I wished she wasn't Ryan's, but she was undeniable his daughter. I'd only ever been with one man and it had been him.
"Why did you put my clothes in a bag?" Hailey asked and I froze. She was a very insightful child and while any other child wouldn't have thought twice about the duffel bag, Hailey wanted answers to everything.
"We're going to take a little trip," I told her and to my delight, her eyes filled with visibly joy.
"A vacation?" she gasped, "Where we going, can Little Bear come, please!" she begged and I smiled, her approval made this all a bit easier.
I helped her pack, throwing dozens of outfits into three duffel bags. I had her go around and pick out her favorite toys before carrying the last load out to my car. I wanted to bring everything, but my Honda was not intended to be a moving van. It was around 1:30 A.M. when I did the final check around the apartment to make sure I didn't miss anything important because once I pulled out of the driveway, I wouldn't be coming back. I'd taken all the pictures of Hailey and me, leaving him only one so he could never completely forgot what he'd had and lost.
I took a piece of paper out of a notebook that was on the kitchen table and ripped a page out. I looked at the blank sheet of paper in front of me and wondered what to write. How did I say goodbye? I took a deep breath and began scribbling any thoughts that came to my head, the last words I hoped I'd ever say to him.
Ryan,
You may call this the easy way out, but making this decision was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. You see, when I became a mother to your daughter, life changed. Everything I do in my life affects Hailey and being with you, affects her in a way I cannot allow anymore. We deserve more. You're the only love I ever knew and I will forever mourn the loss of the man you were before. You always told me you weren't ready to be a father so you no longer have to be. If you want to do one last thing for her, let us go. She'll have a good life, I promise.
Catalina
I left the note on the kitchen table and I wondered to myself how Ryan would react when he found it. Would he care and realize what he'd lost? I knew in my heart that most likely he wouldn't be very fazed; Hailey and I were always a pain to fit into his schedule.
Hailey had fallen back asleep on the couch and I gingerly picked her up to bring her out to the car. She looked up at me before falling back into her peaceful slumber. I felt the all too familiar thickness form in my throat and before I knew it, I was wiping fat hot tears off my cheeks.
I didn't cry in front of my daughter, 'mommies don't cry' Hailey told me once. Hailey looked up to me and I adored her for it, but sometimes I was ready just to collapse from holding in my feelings. I was a proud mother but at the same time I was just a girl whose heart had been shattered into so many unidentifiable pieces there was no hope of ever fixing it.
I placed Hailey in her car seat, buckling everything up expertly. I looked at the house for one last time before pulling out of the drive away and away from our once loving home. Once I reached the highway, I laughed, because we were finally free.
"Mommy, where are we?" Hailey asked and it was not the first time my daughter asked me a question I had no idea how to answer.
"Mommy, why do you have so many boo boos?"
"On the road, sweetie," I answered while trying to keep the complete panic I was feeling out of my voice.
I was lost; something I prayed wouldn't happen but assumed it would. I was never good with directions; the farthest I'd ever gone from home was from my small town Nevada town, Lovelock, to Vegas. When I became a mother at eighteen, I had to give up the hope of traveling the world like I thought I would. The only thing I knew was that I was somewhere in Washington and I wanted to be in Seattle. The big city of Seattle would give us options; hope for a better a life than the one we'd left behind. My old high school friend, Jenna, lived in Seattle and I most defiantly could use a friend.
I'd been on the road for roughly 6 hours when my eyes began to feel droopy, so I decided to start looking for a hotel room. I could finish the drive tomorrow and I was sure it would be a lot easier after I slept and it was light outside. I pulled into an empty hotel parking lot of the 'La Push Inn'.
A small bell rang when I walked in, signaling my entrance. A Native American woman that was maybe a few years older than me looked up and although she was stunning, the unusual claw mark scars that covered her face made me internally wince.
"How much is a room for the night?" I asked as I set Hailey down on the ground next to me. She yawned and lazily leaned against me.
"It's 35 dollars for one single bed and 50 for two," she explained and smiled down sweetly at my daughter who was too tired to do anything but wave at her.
"A single bed is fine," I told her and pulled the money out of my wallet.
"Follow me," she said and when she walked away from the counter, I could see that she was noticeably pregnant.
"Are you having a girl or boy?" I asked, I loved when people asked me what I was having when I was pregnant with Hailey. I was always proud to tell anyone that I would be having a baby girl.
"A boy, my husband is ecstatic," she said with a bright smile and it was then that I noticed her finger sparkled with a simple but beautiful diamond ring. I could only wonder how different things would have been if Ryan would have wanted to marry me when I got pregnant.
"Congratulations! Enjoy your sleep now," I said seriously and she laughed softly as she opened one of the rooms with her key.
"Don't worry about what time you check out, I'm Emily if you need anything," she said before disappearing back down the hallway.
I'd never been so happy to see a bed in my life.
I woke up to the bouncing of Hailey as she excitedly jumped from the bed and then onto the floor.
"Hales, what do you think you're doing?" I lightly scolded and she laughed the most heartwarming laugh in response.
"Trying to wake you up," she said and started jumping near the spot where I was laying down. I pulled her down and she squealed as I kissed every part of her face I could reach.
"Are you hungry?" I asked and she nodded with excited wide eyes.
I showered as Hailey watched cartoons and snacked on a granola bar that I'd bought out of the vending machine down the hall way. I glared at the fading purple bruises that filled my arms and legs. What had I done to deserve that life?
It's over now, I thought to myself.
I let my light brown hair dry air dry into its natural waves before clipping half of it up with a diamond barrettes I'd found at the bottom of my purse. I put on a little bit of makeup, something I hadn't done in awhile, and smiled at my appearance. I missed my confidence, but just like healing, I knew it wouldn't happen overnight.
I helped Hailey get dressed and smiled to myself as she picked out an outfit that was very similar to mine. We both left the hotel unnoticed in light purple shirts and dark denim jeans. The dreariness of the day hit me as I unlocked my car along with the oddness of starting off a new day in a place so far from the place that had always been home to me.
I found a small diner in a town called Forks that was hustling with a breakfast crowd. I felt a weird tugging sensation that I'd never felt before below my navel as the red headed hostess sat us down.
"Do you want pancakes or French toast?" I asked Hailey as I pointed out the two of her favorite breakfast dishes that were on the menu. She pointed to the French toast.
A trio of large Native American men walked past with a small Indian that looked a few years older than Hailey. They were all tall, muscular, and looked like they jumped straight out of a magazine.
"Hi!" Hailey chirped as they walked past and the little girl that they were with turned around and waved along with one of the three men.
They were all attractive, but the one that decided to turn around was truly stunning. He had midnight black shaggy hair that fell right before his black coffee colored eyes and his body looked like it had been sculpted by an artist. In a world where I still believed in love, I might have tried to get his attention with at least a smile. I came to the decision that when I left Ryan, I would not get into another relationship again. I would live solely for my daughter. How could I ever trust another man, when my own high school sweetheart grew to hate me with such a passion, he felt the need to push me around like I wasn't a human at all?
I was ashamed, when our eyes connected, the miniscule part of me that still had hope in love flickered dimly.