Finally Free
Freedom is a tricky thing
Something valued
Something gained
Something lost
Of the mind
Of the heart
Of the spirit
All able to be shackled like the body
Hard fought for some
More easily attained for others
All want freedom
All are free in the end
A/N I don't own anything you recognize. The above poem is mine however. This is of course in dedication to Alan Rickman as I was one of many touched by him. It is just hard for me to conceive that he is no longer on this earth. I was just watching him in Galaxy Quest a few days ago. May his work touch generations to come, and may he find peace. As for this story, I have been wanting to a Snape oneshot for a while, but never had the motivation till now. Enjoy.
I had always felt like I had been living on borrowed time. It seemed like ever since I was a teenager, ever since that day by the lake with Potter and his gang really, that all I did was make mistakes. Calling Lily that foul name being the worst of them really. If I could go back and change that day then I would in a heartbeat, I know I would
Things would have been different then. I might have had a chance with her. Things might have been different. We could have gotten together. She could still be alive. We would have been happy. Happy. Something I haven't been in a very log time. Not since that day that I lost her. The day I fully lost myself.
Before that day, I was already making mistakes. She was right. She was always right. Avery and Mulciber were not the best people to spend time around. They didn't hold a candle next to her. My lily. No, not mine. She was never mine. She was her own. She always had been. Why couldn't I have learned and listened?
The day I lost her truly, I had nothing left but my so called friends. The people I would follow to my death. I knew it even as I walked down that path and yet I still chose to follow them. I would never have admitted it then, but I was as much of a dunderhead as I would one day accuse Lily's son of being.
I never realized it till she died. Part of me died with her that day. The rest of me wanted to die with her. My only love going on without me. Not that she would want to see me. Then I found out that her son lived. I had a purpose. To spy on my former master when he returned and help Lily's son defeat him once and for all. If only he wasn't such a Gryffindor, it would have been so much easier.
Harry Potter, always running into trouble headfirst without thought to consequences. I kept him alive for Lily. Even though he hated me for it and I hated him. A blasted Potter through and through even with Lily's eyes. When Dumbledore, the conniving man that he always was informed me that he had to die, I was never more furious in all my life, except perhaps when Lily was killed despite Dumbledore's reassurances that he could keep her safe.
Dumbledore. It always came back to him. He could ave been a Slytherin as cunning and manipulative as he was if it wasn't for his more Gryffindorish qualities making themselves known quite often. Curse that man.
I would do my duty to the end though. And I knew I would end. War. It never ends well for spies, no matter who wins. The last thing I could do would be to let Potter know what he needed to know to hopefully take the dark lord down once and for all.
I knew my end was nigh as the Dark Lord summoned me to the shrieking shack. I didn't know why my end was coming. Had he found out about my being a spy? I wouldn't know how but with the dark lord anything was possible. None the less, if I didn't answer his call, I was dead anyway as he would not be happy if I didn't show.
Show up I did. I knew my end would come and come it did, with a vengeance. Pain, a fire like I had never known flowing through my veins. the worse part was that I had failed. Potter still did not know what I needed to tell him. I was sure I was going to die without fulfilling my last mission.
I don't know whose luck it was, certainly not Potter's or mine, that he and his golden friends chose that moment to show up. I knew what I had to do. "Take it." I said as I expelled the memories of all he needed to know. Granger conjured a vial.
I knew I was dying. I only wanted to see Lily's eyes one last time. Hopefully if I was about to meet Lily, she wouldn't be too mad but I knew she would be. Her temper had always been infamous after all. Oh Lily.
I could feel as I breathed my last and I finally felt free at last.
A/N This is unbetaed. Thanks for reading.