Hey everyone. This story is just a vague idea, I might or might not continue it. Hopefully I'll get inspiration to continue! Oh by the way there's something wrong with the uploading so if the italicised parts don't turn out italicised, I'm really sorry. But its not too hard to tell the difference between Malfoy and his diary is it? Hope not. So if you liked the story, please review! If you didn't, go ahead and flame me.

n/b: All characters belong to JK Rowling except for Idiot, Malfoy's wise-cracking diary.

**The Nefarious Scheme**

3rd March

Gel: Diminishing (put an owl to Dad pronto). Looking: Good. Homework: 2/7 (improving!)

Ha. Haha. Hahahahaha!

Oh cut the crap and get to the point!

Fine! But before I say anything, just to let you know I'm the smartest guy ever!

Oh geez. What happened that I should end up with an owner like you?

You mean what did I do that I should ended up with a diary like you?

Okay, how about this: You insult people all the time.

And so? I knew I should have just bought a normal diary instead of a wise-cracking smart-alec walking Aunt Agony columnist like you.

Sheesh, its only because I have to bring certain bloated egos back down to earth.

Riiight whatever. Now let me tell you why I'm so pleased.

Because I'm such a great diary?

NO. Because I just thought of the greatest plan in all the history of

Malfoy-dom. And that's speaking a lot.

Hey just let me finish okay?

Fine.

I've got the perfect plan to make Potter suffer.

Oh no not Potter again. What have you got against that poor kid anyway?

Everything! That little idiot did nothing, and he's one of the most famous people in history!

Dost my ears deceive me? Weedle Malfoy-kins is jealous

Geez hush up will ya? I'm trying to tell you my nefarious scheme to make Potter's life hell!

Ooh you're giving me the shivers!

Put a lid on it, Idiot.

Stop it!

Idiot Idiot Idiot Idiot!

Humph its not my fault you christened me that.

Haha Idiot, that's too bad.

All right I'll listen to your stupid "nefarious scheme".

Good. As I was saying, I've devised this absolutely perfect plan to

Make Potter suffer, yadda yadda.

Yes I have. Now guess what is it?

Make annoying faces at him? Do a tap dance in honour of him on Snape's head

NO!!! I'm going to seduce Cho Chang. You know, the Ravenclaw seeker.

Oi are you there?

HELLO!

Sorry, I was too shocked to say anything. Did I read that correctly? Did you just say you were going to seduce some seeker? Really, I lost my jaw. Help me find it.

Sheesh. Idiot, you're a diary, you don't have a jaw.

Figuratively speaking. And don't call me that.

Whatever. I was actually kinda hoping for a more enthusiastic response you know.

WOW!!! THAT IS LIKE TOTALLY THE BEST IDEA EVER!!

How's that?

Stop the sarcasm. Anyway, I'm not done with my plan yet.

Mmhmm ok go on. I'm all ears.

Alright you know how Potter has a crush on this Cho Chang person right?

Hmmm. You might have mentioned it once or twice, but I can't remember.

Can't remember! You're a diary! You've got everything recorded on your yellowing pages!

Ah well, some things are more important than others. Like when you were turned into that bouncing ferret. AHAHAHAHA now that was hilarious.

One more word, and it's the bin.

Okay fine fine go ahead. Yeah so Potter has a crush on Cho Chang?

Well what I'm going to do is I'm going to make Cho fall in love with me, then I'll rub it in Potter's face.

Hey, you know, that's not a bad idea.

Thank you.

Yeah, very subtle, smooth, and totally hits the mark.

Oh, yeah. Dastardly dashing and intellectually precocious Malfoy does it again.

There's only one itsy problem.

What?

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN SEDUCE CHO CHANG?

I knew you couldn't really be complimenting me.

Yes but the problem?

Doh there is no problem! Any girl would fall for my good looks and charming manners!

Oh yeah, meet Draco Malfoy, star chauvinist. Oh my gosh that's the funniest joke ever!

Whatever, Idiot. I'm going to catch up on my beauty sleep now.

Oh yeah you'd better, in case your good looks become ruined by wrinkles. Oh no! That would be a disaster! And don't call me Idiot.

Gah, Night.

And good riddance.

~tbc~

Hope you had a good laugh! Well ok, at least one pint-sized laugh would do. Then I can claim I've done my duty for mankind. Lol just kidding. But please review ok?

& fLiTwIcKe