A/N: Erm, I have porn on the brain. O.o Commiserate probably wasn't the best word to use, haha. Spoilers for chapter 213 (I think…)
Saturday Nights
It was yet another Saturday night in the life of Asano Keigo. Saturday nights always meant the same thing these days…
Porn marathons with Chizuru.
These days, Mizuiro was too busy with real women to bother with the porn marathons, sadly enough, and Ichigo was too… asexual to have ever participated anyway (well, there was that one time, but he fell asleep before there was any sex…). So Keigo had fallen back on an older hobby and made it a weekly activity.
The doorbell rang, and Keigo gleefully ran to get it. Chizuru had been promising to bring over 'Amazon Women from Mars', so Keigo was eager to get the evening started. He had to admit he had been a bit worried about his houseguests – for all he knew, they might not like porn! They were strange enough as it was… But Ikkaku had been dragged off on a date with his sister, and that Yumichika character was nowhere to be found.
Keigo flung open the door and jumped onto Chizuru, "It is so good to see you, Chizuru!" He let go and stepped inside, leaving room for her to pass him, "You brought Amazon Women from Mars, right?"
Chizuru squeezed past him (and, even though he knew she was only interested in girls, he felt a small thrill when her chest knocked into him), and tossed her head, "Why, of course I did! I even brought 'The Monoloka Brothers and the Cave of Snakes'…"
"Aww, I don't wanna watch any of the gay sex stuff!" Keigo whined, following her down the hallway to the living room (thank god his parents were never home).
"Well, have you ever tried watching it? I always put up with that awful straight stuff you seem to love; can't we watch some gay porn for once? And the Monoloka Brothers' movies are the best gay porn there is!"
They had settled onto the sofa by now, and had laid out the various DVD's and videos they had procured for the evening on the table. It was then that Keigo felt a sudden chilly hand on his shoulder and he jumped, his heart leaping into his throat. He spun around expecting to find himself face-to-face with his mother or father…
"Did somebody say gay porn?" Yumichika asked, leering eerily. Keigo yelped and fell backwards off the sofa, and Chizuru seized Yumichika's hands, "Finally, a person with good tastes! Now Keigo'll have to give up and let me watch The Monoloka Brothers!"
"Please, dear," Yumichika practically purred, "I have something much better. I hope you haven't seen 'The Beautiful Boys of Studio 3C'. The actors are simply beautiful, no ugly people anywhere."
"Oh, I've been dying to see that!" Chizuru let go of Yumichika's hands and turned around again to lean over the sofa's edge. "Oi, Keigo." She said, poking the shell-shocked teenager's head, "We're gonna watch Yumi's stuff first, and then we can watch Amazon Women from Mars." She straightened up (1) up, and turned back to Yumichika, "I hope you don't mind lesbian porn."
"Oh, of course not. It's not my favorite but it's still enjoyable."
"Keigo, hurry up and put the damn video in!"
Ichigo frowned. No one was answering the doorbell at Keigo's, and he needed to speak to Ikkaku and Yumichika – there was some new information out of Soul Society on the Arrancar threat. He tried the door, and it easily gave way. Ichigo let himself in, but his frown deepened; why had the door been unlocked?
He could hear a low rumble of noise coming from the living room down the hall, and he cautiously made his way towards it. There was bluish light dancing on the far side of the hall's wall, apparently filtering forth from the living room. Ichigo flattened himself against the wall and took a careful look around the corner. That was all it took for him to fall over.
Yumichika looked up, and glanced in the direction of the thud. He was greeted with a bewildered looking Ichigo, sprawled on the floor. Ichigo caught his glance and blinked. Yumichika smirked, winked, and looked back to the screen – after all, he didn't want to miss any of Amazon Women from Mars – it was turning out to be quite the movie!
Ichigo stared at the three, and then buried his face in the floorboards. He could only hope to never see something so disturbing again in his life.
(1) Bad joke, snort, giggle.