Hey! Just when you thought you'd got rid of me, I came back! It's been a pretty tough few months but I'm starting to feel a bit more like myself again, so have decided to come back to writing. I will return to 'Friends' soon, but as someone who has been through similar, it's hard for me to write about. This little story has been playing around in my mind for a few days now, and I figured it might be a good way to ease myself back into the swing of things. I really hope you like it!
Prologue
"I know its part and parcel of the job, but it gets harder each time you have to leave."
"It's only a short tour and it's only Cyprus."
"But still. If you really want to go to Cyprus we can easily take a holiday there."
Molly chose to ignore Charles' last comment and proceeded to pack her bag. She knew deep down that she wasn't keen on going out there; she'd barely been home for a few months. But this was her job and she needed to go. There was a real possibility that this could be her last ever tour and she wasn't prepared to miss it. Yes, a few more months at home would have been nice, but her decision had been made and she wasn't going to change her mind on the matter.
"What time's your medical?"
Molly glanced down at her watch, cursing under her breath for not keeping better track of the time. It wasn't something she'd normally had a problem with, but she'd had far bigger things on her mind recently. She grabbed her phone and keys and after hastily kissing her husband's lips, she ran down the stairs and swung open the front door, the typical British weather forcing her to slam it shut once more and reach for her coat.
"I'll grab my car keys," Charles said, retreating back up the stairs from his position half way down them. Molly contemplated arguing, her stubborn mind wanting her to be independent and just jump on the train, but the realistic part of her knowing that she would only end up soaked and miserable. She was already feeling unbearably nauseous, the last thing she wanted to do was catch a chill.
Neither of them spoke during the drive, Charles was busy concentrating on the roads, whilst Molly spent the time lost in her thoughts. The silence was filled with nothing but the occasional squeak of the wiper blades as they worked to clear the rain as it hammered down on the windscreen.
As they pulled into a parking space, she snapped out of her daydream, relieved to see that the rain had finally passed. Something was telling her that this wasn't going to go well, but she knew it was a ridiculous thought. She'd been deployed three times before and there'd never been an issue, so there was no reason for there to be one now. There was a potential problem in the future, but she was fit and healthy now, which was all that mattered in her mind.
"I'm just going to nip to the shop up the road and grab a drink; do you want anything?" Molly shook her head. She just needed to get this over and done with. "Ok, well call me when you're finished up and I'll meet you back here. I love you."
"Love you too."
As Molly hopped out of the car and into the imposing building, she gave herself a moment to pause and take a breath before approaching the person at the desk. She could feel the thud of her heart and the dampening of her palms as she spoke her name and was directed through to a waiting room. The seats were the same hard plastic chairs she remembered from school; both uncomfortable and unattractive. For a moment, she toyed with the idea of turning one upside down and checking for discarded chewing gum stuck on the under-side. If nothing else it would distract from the thoughts that were churning over and over in her mind. The same ones that had found a permanent home in her mind for the past two weeks.
"James."
The voice startled Molly, but auto-pilot quickly kicked in and she found herself following the female medic through into a small room. These places were always the same, like a doctor's surgery, all pristine and tidy; yet seeming to have everything they could possibly need hidden away in one cupboard or another.
"So this will be your fourth tour?"
"Yep, first one to Cyprus though."
"Do you feel fit? Any injuries at all?"
"Nope, I'm fine." Molly attempted her best smile, but she felt nervous. She'd done enough of these pre-deployment medicals to know what to expect. It was inevitable that she would be asked that one question that she really didn't want to be asked; that one question that would turn her whole world upside down.
"Afghanistan must have been tough."
"Course it was, but you've gotta move on or you'll be fragged forever."
The medic seemed satisfied with both her mental and physical health, happily ticking the necessary boxes to each and every question. For the briefest of moments, Molly thought that perhaps she'd gotten away with it. She allowed her mind to trickle away as she planned the next few months. She didn't know anything for definite yet, so there was no point mentioning it and causing loads of trouble when it might not even be the case. She was just stressed, that was all, and if it was more than that, it wouldn't even show until she returned home. Her cheeks dared to twinge with a smile, hopeful that that one question wouldn't be asked.
"Lastly, I just need to check if there's any chance of pregnancy?" And there it was.
Molly could feel the heat rising up her neck. She was an awful liar. She patted her phone, willing for it ring in her pocket. The simple fact that she'd placed it on silent was irrelevant; she needed it to malfunction and to ring. She turned to the door, pretending to have seen the shadow of someone walk past. Of course that was impossible too, the solid door was securely shut. She turned back to the medic, her breath catching in her throat. The expression that met her gaze was full of disappointment.
"James?" The previously jovial voice was now stern, like a mother preparing to berate her child.
"I haven't had a positive pregnancy test, no." Well that was true at least.
"Have you done one at all?"
"Well…no."
"James," the medic leaned forward, resting her weight upon folded arms on the table, her face beginning to relax. "You know if you are pregnant, it's not the end of the world. You can stay in the army, you won't get booted out."
"Really?"
"But I will have to inform your Commanding Officer and you will be restricted on what you can do."
"Such as?"
"Your CO is in a better position to discuss that with you. James…Molly… you know there are reasons why pregnant women aren't allowed to deploy overseas. It's too much of a risk, even if it is only Cyprus; so I need to ask you again, and please be honest with me, is there any chance of pregnancy?"
Molly closed her eyes, took a long, deep breath and then nodded her head. One swift movement that had potentially brought her career to a grinding halt.
It was just ten minutes later when Molly was sat back at the desk, having handed the medic a urine sample that she had promptly tested. As much as she had convinced herself of a negative result, she knew it was time to face the facts. The missed period, the nausea, not to mention the fact her boobs were hyper-sensitive. She knew what the result would be without having to hear it; she just wasn't prepared to accept it yet.
She and Charles had discussed having children from the moment they got married, but Molly wasn't ready yet and Charles had agreed that they would go at her pace. She knew she wanted to have one by the time she was thirty, but that was years away, she was only twenty six. She was supposed to be going to Cyprus and climbing her way up the ranks, not dealing with an unplanned pregnancy. This was going to disrupt her whole life, pure and simple.
She gathered her things together and walked out of the building in a trance. She'd forgotten that Charles had driven her, her feet carrying her down the road and to the bus stop. She didn't even check the number on the bus as she stepped on board, paid the fare to the train station, and then stepped onto the waiting train. For just a moment her brain clicked to check that she was on board the right one, before resuming her stare into thin air. Of course Charles would be overjoyed; he'd made it perfectly clear that he wanted to have children with her. But this wasn't just about him, this was about her too; it was her body and her life.
The cold air caught her as she stepped off of the train and started walking towards their house. Her coat was draped over her arm, but not for a second did she consider wearing it. Instead she pulled her jumper further up her neck and over her trembling lips. Her eyes remained cast on the ground, shutting out the world around her as she lost herself in her thoughts.
It was only when she opened the front door and pulled her phone out of her pocket that she noticed it light up as Charles called her. She lifted it to her ear and listened to the panicked tones of her husband on the other end.
"Moll? Where are you? I've been trying to call you for the past half hour."
"I'm…" She glanced around, almost double checking that she was where she thought she was. "I'm at home."
"What the bloody hell are you doing there? I was sitting in the car park for bloody ages and when I went to check if you were ok they said you'd already left."
"We need to talk."
"What's wrong?" The concern in his voice was unmistakeable.
"Just come home."
Molly discarded her phone on the side table, then made herself a mug of tea and sunk into the arm chair, pulling a thick blanket over herself. The hot drink soon heated her hands, each sip of the sweet liquid warming her inside. The house sat in perfect silence, allowing her a much needed moment of calm to weigh up whatever options she had. But as far as she could see, the only alternative to seeing through the pregnancy was something that she wasn't even prepared to consider.
She allowed one hand to fall and rest over her stomach, feeling herself overcome by a strange emotion that she as yet couldn't understand. This was one of the biggest decisions she was ever going to make, but she knew that she had to stick to it, because there would be no going back.
The front door banged shut as Charles ran inside in search of wife, throwing his keys on the floor and crouching beside her, worry etched on his face. "What happened, Molly?" He ran his hand over her knee, gently squeezing in an attempt to evoke a reaction. "Please talk to me, what's wrong?"
Molly forced herself to look up, seeing him through her tear filled eyes. His hair was wet and windswept, his cheeks flushed from the cold. She couldn't help but smile as his eyes met hers. As he reached up, stroking his thumb along her cheek, Molly instinctively leaned into it, before flinging herself forward and into his waiting embrace.
"We're having a baby."
Charles remained silent for a moment, taking in the words that she'd just said and trying to determine whether or not she was being serious. He held her face in his hands, taking every inch of her in, before gradually his eyes filled with tears of joy. He pulled her back into his arms and held her close, a gentle laugh escaping his lungs. The smile upon his face as he placed a solitary kiss upon her lips, told Molly everything she needed to know.
It was going to be ok.