***Every year, at the end of March, Zidane traveled to the Eastern Continent with Mikoto for a little period.
Zidane always said to me it was because they wanted to greet the Genomes that remained at the Black Mage's village, and the Mages too.
But I knew there was another reason.
It was because of what happened eight years ago...
Why Zidane wouldn't openly tell me such a thing, I could only imagine. He was afraid to hurt me.
Zidane was brave, Zidane had always been brave.
The kind of person that isn't afraid of doing whatever he had to do to help someone... But when what he do would end to hurt someone, he started to have fears.
That was the way he had always been.
For this reason, I guessed it was up to me to let him know that I understood what he felt.
That I had finally came to undestand everything, that I... could accept the past.
For this reason, that time I decided to go with him, ignoring how many times he said that I needed to stay home because Alexandria needed me, and he would had been back soon.
I knew he would have been back soon, but I knew also that everytime he went crying on his brother's grave, I wasn't there.
How many times Zidane had whatched me walking around my mother's grave? How many times he had offered me the same warm comfort, the same helping hand, the same sweet smile?
To Zidane, queen Brahne was a hateful woman who killed many people, and many people she killed were dear to Zidane, because she destroyed Lindblum, his hometown, for Zidane she was the person that tried to kill even me.
Even so, Zidane accepted that to me was an important loss, and comforted me when I missed her.
He was strong enough to di such a thing, and it was my turn to let him know I was also strong enough. That's what I tought.
The sky was clear, I could see it from the airship.
Zidane was gazing at the horizon, and I wished the light in his eyes could be serene as this sky.
I wished to wash away that sad look from his face. Zidane had always been there for everyone, but he didn't let others to be there for him...
To me, Kuja was the person that destroyed Alexandria, Cleyra, Burmecia, that killed my mother, that gave Vivi such a short life he had already dead, the person that took away Zidane for so much time I tough he was dead. Kuja was the one that corrupted my mother's soul, and used it to reach his aim. He was the one that tried to kill Eiko, and even me. The person that destroyed my home place, Madain Sari, and took away my real family.
As the memory of the first phase of my life came back I could remember he was the one who killed them.
A queen hasn't the right word in her vocabulary to describe what he had been for me, but among all the things Zidane taught me, there were many words, so that I could surely say, to me, Kuja was a bastard.
Even so, I wanted to accept Zidane feelings for him, because I wanted him to feel me by his side.
When Zidane returned back to Alexandria, that time, he confessed me the last thing he saw in his brother eyes was loneliness.
I tought Kuja deserved it, and trying to hide my mind, I became bitter towards Zidane and we argued.
We could overcome a little fight or two over serious matter, love is stronger than that, but what really hurted me, was that a trace of the same loneliness was left in Zidane's eyes. That was a reason good enough to be with him in that travel.
When we arrived at the village, the black mages offered us all the better goods they had. It was amazing how they had such a strong sense of hospitality.
The first thing I did was to visit Vivi's grave.
So many years had been passed... the grave was just a place under the green grass, illuminated by the sun warmth. A rod, the magic rod he held during the final battle stood on the ground, pointing at the sky, on it, Vivi's hat rested.
If Zidane hadn't been stuck with Kuja, during that time, Vivi could have greeted him one last time. Altough, Vivi had told me he didn't hold nothing against Kuja anymore.
Instead, he was grateful. Even for a short period, even if he was created for the wrong reason, Kuja gave him the chance to exist in this beautiful world, and explore it with us.
In front of Vivi's words I felt like a child for not being able to forgive Kuja.
Still, I hadn't forgiven him.
I lowered at the ground, caressing the grass filaments.
Will I be able to do it this time?
I hoped to catch a glipse of Vivi's strenght.
The first two days passed, neither Zidane nor Mikoto dared to call Kuja's name. We spent the time with the mages and the Genomes, they were all so excited about the chocobo Bobby Corwen having his first egg with a wild chocobo around the area.
Zidane and Mikoto were both in a low mood.
In the late evening, I reached for the upper bed in the inn, the same were I was lying when I first heard Zidane talking about himself.
He teased to tell me a bedtime story, and then he started "Once upon a time... there was a man..." I could stll recall almost every word. Zidane story's was so dear to me.
Zidane hadn't still returned at the inn, he told he needed a little fresh air before sleep.
While the toughts were running in my head, I was lazyly gazing out of the little window near the upper bed, but my attention increased when I noticed Zidane walking on the little wooden bridge on the water. He was walking slowly, and seemed in a contemplative mood.
He stopped and gazed down at the flowing water underneath.
The village hadn't change much, it was almost as I remembered it to be, it was like a little jewel harmoniously integrated in the nature. I felt like this eight years didn't passed at all.
Maybe Zidane was waiting for Vivi to come back and they would have entered the inn together, maybe Eiko was in the nearby bed deeply sleeping and dreaming about marrying Zidane. I found myself smiling at that, remembering how Eiko viwed me as her love's rival.
Maybe I was still the sixteen years old girl as that time. The same weak girl that Zidane felt like he had to protect.
"You are 24 years old now..." The voice brought me back on reality.
It wasn't directed towards me, tough.
Mikoto had reached Zidane, I noticed looking outistide the window.
"Yeah" Zidane voice sounded tired.
"The same age as Him when all that happened." Mikoto remembered.
I was right, they didn't dared to tell Kuja's name in my presence, because Zidane, once again, wanted to protect me.
I felt a little guilty for overhearing their conversation without them knowing.
"I know... Anyway, I don't think I will be able to visit him this time, greet him for me tomorrow."
"Don't worry about that." Mikoto reassured him.
Zidane didn't come to bed for hours, and eventually, I fell asleep.
I awakened as I felt a little movement on the underneath bed.
"Zidane" I called.
"Trouble sleeping?" He whispered in the silence of the inn.
I could have told the same to him, anyway I chose for other words because Zidane was the kind of person who prefer to help, rather than be helped. "Would you like to help me?" I invited him on the upper bed.
"I am not sure that's a good way to help you sleeping, but wait for me!" I saw him giggling in the little light of the moon that filtered from the windows, while climbing on the wooden little stairs that leads on the upper bed where I was.
Even when he was down, Zidane always managed to joke around and look cheerful.
He crawled as near me as possible, than we embraced and kissed.
As I distanced a little to look at his face he rested a hand on my hip and leaned forward, like as we kissed he couldn't stop himself, but I rejected him placing a hand on his shoulder.
He pouted the same way he did eight years ago, when I used to reject him because I just felt ashamed, afraid and confused about my feelings.
The feelings I was ashamed of now, were different.
Love was not a thing to be afraid anymore, hate was.
After all this years, I became used to Zidane phisycal contact.
As a queen, to sleep with a man with whom I was not even married, was not even possible to imagine some years ago.
But things change, people change, and ideals changes too.
Alexandria, and probably the entire world saw us embracing during the show, back then, and they accepted me as a queen the way I was, and the way I chose to live, as long as I had guarantee peace and prosperity of the kingdom, surely Beatrix and Steiner's help was really precious to accomplish that task.
The people even accepted Zidane as part of my life. They accepted that he had been living at the castle even if he was not the king, even if we weren't married.
The reason we hadn't marry yet, was because, afterall, Zidane was reluctant to become a King.
Cast away thy trappings of royality, and I shall swaddle thee in a gown of pure love!
That was from "I want to be Your Canary."
And that is what I had done.
When he returned home eight years before, as I pulled myself in his arms, I was ready to loose the power, not only the power of being a queen, but also my summoner's power. That's the reason I left behind the Jewel when it fell, and I freed myself from the crown between my hair that time, I wanted to be free by power's symbols while holding Zidane. I was ready to loose it all, if that would turn out to be necessary to have Zidane by my side.
But, people accepted me and my love for Zidane as it was.
So I become used to sleep with him.
I become used of his intense eyes, of his kiss, of his hands on me... of his tail, always tickling me under the sheets.
"Dagger let me help!" He leaned again towards me with a playful look on his face, this time I escaped his kiss pressing my hand on his mouth.
I couldn't help but giggle at his face, hoping no one in the inn had been awakened by us.
"Zidane!" I whispered transforming the hand pressed on his mouth in a caress along his cheek up till the blonde hair. "You are upthere to listen."
He shifted his gaze faraway outside the window, like considering the idea of stop whatever he had in mind.
As I talked I had his attention back again. "To tell the truth, I came here to talk with you."
Zidane expression turned serious, "I am listening."
"Since you had trouble sleeping, and I have to exercise myself telling goodnight stories, I will tell you one." I smiled.
With a hand I caressed my stomach. Zidane already knew that we were about to have a baby, no one could have guessed it, but I was at the beginning of a pregnancy.
Only Zidane and Beatrix already knew it.
The creature that was growing inside of me was involved in my decision to follow Zidane in his travel.
I wanted to free its father from loneliness, and I wanted to free its its mother from hate.
I wanted us to be free from the past before our baby's birth.
Zidane smiled back.
"Once upon a time, there was a woman.
There were time when she felt like a child, because people around her wanted to protect her like she was not strong enough, not capable enough to understand.
She found out, her most loved one preferred to hide her the truth, to protect her from pain.
She realized, she showed her weakness in the past, but it had came a time to be strong and face the pain.
She was five weeks pregnant, and made a promise to the baby who was growing within her, to face the past and free the parents of the creature before its birth."
I paused and gazed in Zidane eyes, finding glipse of a painful but heartwarming emotion, as he was getting what I was talking about.
"Garnet..."
When he was really serious he always called me by my real name, despite still calling me Dagger all the time.
"Zidane, let's go visit Kuja tomorrow."
I had to admit, in the previous years, I exercised myself to say Kuja's name when I was alone, to be sure to say it without my negative emotions getting in the way and cracking my voice. Finally, it become a just a word. Either way, it felt different saying it in front of Zidane.
A surprised and pained look was all over his face, his eyes widened a bit, his tails calmed down, resting on my calf.
"Okay." Zidane whispered.
He didn't bother to find better words, but to me his eyes said enough, finally we closed our eyes, resting in each other's embrace.
I might have prepared to talk with Zidane, and to pronounce Kuja's name, but surely I wasn't prepared for what happened next.
The next day we awakened really late in the morning as a consequence of not sleeping until deep night.
Mikoto had still left the inn, not knowing that Zidane and I would visit Kuja too.
Still in bed, as Zidane awakened he slightly pinched me on my tigh and grinned.
"Hey!"
"I had to make sure I didn't dreamed last night." he explained, turning his back on me so I couldn't see his grin.
"You should have done that on yourself!" I playfully hit his back, than I prepared myself to go out.
Zidane asked me about four or five times if I was sure and if I really meant what I said.
Sure, I was sure.
I gazed for the last time at the place where Vivi was resting, and greeted him mentally.
Next time I will bring someone new, Vivi.
I supposed Kuja's grave was out of the village, maybe it was at the Lifa Tree. I just followed Zidane out of the village, letting the silence be.
I had to stay strong, in the eventuality I had to face Zidane's sorrow, because I wanted Zidane to lean on me.
A little pain came across my somach, and I couldn't help by smile, thinking that even from there came a powerful strenght, it was like I had a fragment of Zidane's courage inside of me.
I feel your strenght.
Luckyly we didn't have to walk and fight monsters, we were riding Bobby Corwen.
I caressed his golden feather.
"He's about to become a father too!" Zidane stated, cheerfully smiling at me, and I tightened my grip on him.
After some time we reached some little buildings, I was right, the Lifa Tree was visible, but I didn't remember similar buildings being around that area.
They were somehow similar to the Black Mage's houses and the widmill, just not surrounded by the forest.
During the previous years I had imagined Kuja's grave to be in a dreary, lonely spot under the shadow of the dying Lifa Tree, like an enormous monument to death itself, near the rotting roots of it. That's how much I hated Kuja.
I couldn't figure out the reason we stopped near that kind of village, but I was right about the Lifa tree dying, it was a view that deserved to be in an horror story.
Around there mist was still around and very dense, like the roots slowly took it all back there from the rest of the world, it was so dense the light of the sun shifted towards a sinister color.
I wondered if breathing such a air could hurt my baby.
"Zidane" I called, as we started walk by Bobby Corwen's side "What's this village?"
Zidane lingered, like he was unsure of what to tell. "Not all the Genomes and Black Mages were happy to live near the place were Kuja was." He said, avoiding eye contact with me.
He still wasn't comfrotable to tell Kuja's name in front of me.
"When I made my way out of the Lifa Tree, I took Kuja in their village, searching for help, that somehow created a crack between them."
He continued softly "Those who accepted Kuja are here in this village, those who don't are still in the original village."
How could they accept him?
"I see." I answered, hiding my bitterness once more.
I wondered why they were still living there in the mid of the mist, after Kuja's death, tough. Could it be that the crack between them never healed?
Kuja still continued to cause problem even efter his death.
We entered the village and directed towards its core. I imagined Kuja's grave to be at least slightly outside the village, but Zidane stopped in front of a door and then looked gravely at me.
Zidane had beautiful blue eyes, even if they were clear, I never found them cold, but in that sinister light they looked icy.
There are no words to describe how I didn't like that look on him, it was almost out of character.
I had seen him looking like that only when we were on Terra and he kept telling the blue light made him tired.
"Do you really want to enter? I appreciate that you came, you can even stop here, Garnet."
"I want to be with you."
"You are stubborn!"
"Look who's talking!"
Zidane forced a smile and pressed his hand on the door.
My anxiety increased at the slowness of his movement. Was Kuja buried in a building? That was strange.
The room had been invaded by the dense mist, the light seemed even colder than outside, on a corner, the first thing I noticed, was Mikoto sat on a chair, giving us her back.
She turned to us, a look of stupor on her face. During the previous years Mikoto had became pretty expressive, but the look she was wearing was almost the look she had when we met her on Terra. Her eyes seemed so cold they iced the blood in my vein.
Behind her there was a bed, on it Kuja's body.
Is that the way to keep a dead body? I felt like it was all a fake, a dream, a nightmare.
The forced smile on Zidane's face from before, the coldness in Mikoto's expression, the mist that was burning my eyes, that white bed, that light, the rotting Lifa Tree out there, Kuja's body in that empty room.
It had to be all a fake. Maybe the mist was so dense it was gaving me allucinations.
A storm of memories danced in my head, and I felt like my senses were fading away.
Can you faint while dreaming? What happens next?
The storm of memories become just a storm, a red eye in the sky, taking all away-
I need your courage.
I asked the strenght to the baby, that's how miserable I was.
The images were out of focus, and my heart felt like it jumped between my ears, in the middle of my head.
I need your strenght.
I asked the spirits to assist me, Lamu, Shiva, Ifrit, even Alexander, I preyed them all.
I focused on a memory of some weeks ago, when I announced to Zidane that the creature was inside of me.
That smile, was what I wanted to achieve again, what I was aiming for.
I managed to stand on my legs and the images returned clear.
Zidane's looked worried, and Mikoto stood up with a confused look on her face.
"Garnet...?" Zidane was anxious.
"I'm here." Even my voice sounded kind of cold.
Mikoto took the chair she was sat on as far as possible from the bed, "Sit here, please.".
I obeyed, I sat sticking my eyes on the floor.
"I'm okay, go on with your visit, please." I said, hoping to remove their attention from me.
They were standing at at the opposite side of the bed, Mikoto giving me her back and Zidane the front. For a moment I alienated myself. I felt surrounded by an unreal silence.
I didn't expect Kuja's body to be exposed.
Was that really his corpse? Exposed for all that time? The fast look I gave it, I saw his skin still on it, still clear and clean. Does the Genome's body last forever as it is?
When a little awareness come back, I managed to slowly look at the scene.
Mikoto was talking to Zidane in a really low voice, but I heard enough.
"Didn't you told her he was still alive?"
How many beats a heart can skip?
I didn't count them.
I was glad to be sat down, because at that my legs would have failed me.
Kuja... Alive?
Please, please die.
My hands and my lips started tingling and shaking. I managed to free my hair from the hairpin, and lowered my head, so that hair covered my face and my shaking hands, hoping in the favour of the mist too, as I was slightly out of breath.
Zidane had just lowered his eyes on his own chest with a guilty expression.
"No."
Does a mother hold the soul of her still unborn baby?
I would say yes, because there was no other way to explain I was resisting that new painful, storm of memories, if not the fact that I had two souls in me.
And I was not only resisting, I was finding the strenght to make sure it was not all fake.
The courage to look at Kuja.
Without the armour on his shoulder Kuja was really slender, he had on a jacket like that of the black mages, it was enormous and empty on his thin figure. Maybe he was even thinner than he was back then. The black of the jacket caused him to look even paler than before.
His long hair lied down on his shoulder, they had grown reaching his hips. At the lenght of his hips rested his hand, tightly held by Mikoto.
I leaned forward to catch glipse of his face, facing my fears.
The feather on his hair casted a shadow on his pale face.
Zidane's shaking hand reached for it and lightly brushed the hair near the brow.
Zidane loved many people on this planet, but I had never seen him being so affectionate with other person out of me. I wondered if Zidane felt the same tenderness and pity when he saw me held and caressing dying queen Brahne hand's.
Without the red paint around, Kuja's eyes were less intense, and the murderous look was gone from his face.
Kuja should have been around 32 years old, but he didn't look older, strangely, without the red signs on his eyes, he looked even younger and feminine.
I would say, he looked so innocent.
Do you want to see closer the thing from I want to be freed?
As I stood up, my hairpin fell on the floor making Zidane turn to me, he looked so jaded.
Afterall, I wanted to be there for making him feel that I was with him, that he was not alone even in front of that situation.
The fact that Kuja was alive, could not change this.
I walked slowly to reach him, and placed a hand on Zidane's shoulder, I rested my face on it, leaning on him, from that special place I felt enough safe to look at Kuja's eyes, I could even dare to touch Kuja from there.
But once again, nothing ever could have prepared me to what was about to happen.
Kuja could move his eyes, from distance I tought they were closed and he was in some kind of coma state.
He seemed to stare down and avoid to look at his brothers face, I didn't know if his degree of awareness was enough to know we were around.
Even if Kuja was alive, and that was not his grave, in the end, it was really a lonely place as I imagined it to be. As I wished it to be.
I want to be freed from this wish, when you will born, I want to be free from this hate, from this fear.
I lifted hand and lingered at some centimetres of distance by his one.
I was severly shaking, but it was okay, since even Zidane was shaking before.
When I encountered Zidane's eyes the same tenderness I felt before was there.
I want to replace the lonliness on the bottom of your eyes with this tenderness.
I pressed my face against Zidane shoulder, and while embracing him with half of my body, I mastered the courage to reach for Kuja's hand. I held it, and closed my eyes.
He didn't move even a finger, probably, he could not move nothing other than his eyes.
I could sense no trace of the power he once held. He once held so much power, he had been able to erase the entire Terra by the only power of his hands, the same hand I was finally holding. I could barely feel his warmth. I wondered if he could feel mine. I wondered if my baby's soul was feeling it, that weak exchange of warmth.
When I reopened my eyes, I found Kuja's eyes straight in mine, looking terribly aware that I was there, and for a moment I believed the murderous look was back.
'Queen Garnet...'
Startled, I let go of his hand and stepped back, taking away my touch even from Zidane. Mikoto turned to me, and so did Zidane.
"Are you okay?" Zidane caressed my hair, I was glad the sweetness from before was still there in his eyes.
"I... am sorry. I'm okay."
Was I really allucinating things? I heard Kuja's voice, but didn't see he moving his lips, and I clearly was the only one who heard it.
Kuja's eyes were still deeply staring at me.
'Listen...'
"That's enough for today." Zidane took my hand and dragged me towards the exit.
Mikoto followed us.
"See you, Kuja." Zidane greeted his brother like all that was a normal situation, and we left. Mikoto didn't said anything all the time, and silently closed the door behind her back.
We reached the nearby inn where the entire population of Black mages and Genomes that accepted to take care of Kuja were in.
There were three Black Mages and five Genomes. They were a lot less lively than the ones that remained in the original village.
The mist was dense even inside the inn, so dense even the sounds felt softened. The only thing that was the same as the original village, was the hospitality.
They offered us to have dinner coocked by them, and to sleep in the inn.
Before dinner I would have took fresh air outside this time, but I didn't wanted to be in the dark with that dense mist, and the sinister atmosphere, so I limited myself to alienate from others looking out of the window.
Mikoto reached for me.
"Thank you for letting Zidane come today."
Mikoto had always said she was created in March eight years ago, a little before we arrived on Terra. That wasn't true for her body, that was older, but she counted her age from the moment she received her soul.
Saiyng that she was eight years old, didn't felt right looking at her, that felt at least a teenager.
Her hair almost reached her lower back, and resembled that of Kuja eight years before, when serious, even the look on her face was similar to Kuja's one, intimidating.
I forced a smile to answer back. "No problem."
"Zidane didn't told you He was alive, because he feared your reaction." In a naive way, she was straightforward.
Curiously, in those past years I noticed Mikoto usually didn't pronounce Kuja's name, I didn't know why, she just referred at him as "He". "Mikoto" I lingered, not sure if it was the case to ask. "Is Kuja damaged in his body, or mind too?"
"Are you asking if He was aware of our presence before?"
"I would like to know..."
Her gaze shifted out of the window, in the distance, in a pained expression.
"We don't know." She briefly paused "At first, He was just paralyzed in his body. He could speak right trough our mind."
I remembered Zidane once told he could hear Garland's and Kuja's voice, when we were in Memoria and at the Lifa Tree.
"Genomes are supposed to have such an ability, even me and Zidane, but most of us don't know how to use it."
"Then, what happened?"
"About five years ago, three years after what happened, when we returned here he was not able to speak that way anymore." She gave me a scanning look. "I went back here more than one time a year, even without Zidane, and I felt him speaking until some weeks before that time, I didn't imagine he could loose his ability. Maybe I should have spent more time here before that time."
I didn't think for people like genomes this soulles place was a good place to spend time. It was not a good place, for anyone in his right mind, to tell the truth.
"I see."
During the time I chatted with Mikoto I noticed Zidane keeping an eye on me from distance, while he was chatting with the Mages and the Genomes.
"What is the last thing you heard from Kuja?"
Mikoto looked pained again. "He... Asked me to kill him."
I let the silence be, not knowing how to keep the conversation, nor how to comfort her pain.
"He was the one that had freed me from the Angel of Death's role, He couldn't force it on me."
She considered Kuja the one that gave her freedom, I could finally understand the admiration and affection that she had for him. "That was my answer." With that, Mikoto ended the conversation, leaving me in front of the window alone.
Was it possible that Kuja didn't lost his ability?
It made sense that what I heard in that room was really his voice. Queen Garnet... Listen.
But to listen I had to be alone with him, I couldn't bear with Zidane and Mikoto observing my reactions, and I couldn't answer back with my voice.
Why was I anxious to listen? Could he set me free as he had freed Mikoto?
I reached for the others and helped them to finish with cooking.
I think I had never coocked in my life, and there's just an ingredient I knew how to use. I already had used it once.
After dinner Zidane invited me to walk a little outside with him.
In the dark, sinked in the mist, the Lifa Tree had really the shape of Death. It resembled a screaming hopless monster, begging for more soul to swallow.
Please, don't be scared.
I placed both my hands on my stomach, hoping the baby didn't see such a view.
Zidane noticed the scenario too, and shivered, if he was in a better shape he would have joked around, but he felt very tired.
"Don't worry, I will make you sleep this night." I warned him. He looked at me with a jaded smile.
"What do you mean? The beds here are too small?"
"And they creak too!"
He turned on a little fire in the middle of the square of the village, from there was visible the door of the place where Kuja was.
We sat on the dry ground, close to each other.
"I am sorry I never let you know the truth." He lowered his head, looking at the fire.
"It was me the one who didn't give you the chance to say it." I admitted, he leaned his head on my shoulder. "I was impressed by your reaction today." He considered with a hint of playfulness in his voice.
"I have a piece of your strenght right now, inside of me." While holding me, he caressed my stomach, and smiled. "You two endured such a stress... and I am the one that feel so tired..."
"It will be for the better."
I made you a promise.
"Zidane?" "Yeah?" His voice was even more sleepy than before.
"What's the last thing Kuja told you?"
Zidane looked genuinely surprised by my sudden curiosity.
"Something like... What an idiot!"
"Did you spoke to him when you visited him during all these years?"
"Yeah" He kept silent for a bit. "I told him he's the worst idiot on Terra and even on Gaya." He joked, but the silence had been long enough to let me know it was not the moment for me to know everything.
As I kept silence Zidane fell asleep on me.
"I told you..." I dragged him towards the inn, regretting not to stay inside since the beginning. As I entered the inn I saw the Black Mages and the Genomes, even Mikoto, all asleep at the table, some of them had fell at the ground, on the wooden floor.
That was thanks to my coocking, the same sleeping draught I used long ago was in the kitchen of the village...
I left Zidane on the floor, heading for the exit again. "Sorry Zidane, I'll see you in the morning." I greeted.
When I was outside with Zidane, I didn't noticed the night was cold.
I took a torch and used the fire Zidane lit up a while ago, I didn't knew if Kuja's room was dark or lighten up.
I reached for the outside of Kuja's room, and stopped for a while, leaning on the door and focusing on my breath to calm down.
My eyes stuck on the Lifa Tree for a while, the night was even darker than before, and it seemed a scary shadow in the distance.
Was really loneliness inside Kuja's eyes?
My great friend Vivi ended up to be greatful to this man for bringing him to life. Mikoto was greateful too, she spoke of him like almost an hero, the one that gave her freedom, the one that alone defeated the fate of all the Genomes. Maybe the thoughts of the people in this village were the same as Mikoto and Vivi's one.
I would have liked to know what Zidane really felt , but I asked silence for eight years, and I couldn't expect him to spit it all out that day.
Was he greatful to Kuja? Did he cherished Kuja? Was it because they were brothers? Because they were from Terra? Because they both were meant to be Angels of Death?
Was something happened in the Lifa Tree while I was heading home? Was it because Kuja was paralyzed? Was it love or pity?
Kuja heavily influenced both my life and Zidane's life, from the childhood. I will not let him influence your life too. Can you feel me?
I took the shiver on my back as a yes, and turned towards the door, opening it.
I caressed the pendant that leaned on my chest. It was not the jewel I used to wear, me and Eiko decided to fragment that jewel in even smaller pieces, and to bury it forever, after all the destruction we caused because of Alexander. I started to wear a garnet as a pendant, garnets were the stones that simbolyzed Bahamut.
Bahamut was chained to my bittersweet memories, it was the spirit that ended my adoptive mother's life, the one that destroyed Alexandria, but it was also the jewel that Zidane throwed at me when I was on my mother's grave, giving me back my powers, and my hopes for the future.
To made it simple, this garnet suited me the best, Zidane had said, so I started wearing it everyday.
I wanted to remember that hopes, before facing Kuja.
Luckily I had the torch with me, because it was really dark, in the dense mist I couldn't see from distance if Kuja was whatching.
He can't move, he can't cast spells, he can't do anything.
I calmed myself down and reached for the side of his bed.
Kuja was awake, his eyes seemed annoyed by the fire I was holding. I managed to fix the torch on the wall behind him, so that the light came attenuated without casting creepy shadow on his face. Afterall, I was scared enough. I gazed at him with the same look he was giving me, but he said nothing.
"I'll listen." The voice didn't fail me, remaining cold as I wanted it to be. The silence invaded the room. "I know you can speak telepathically. Didn't you asked me to listen?"
Kuja sifted his eyes on the wall.
'It's a favour...'
The same man that caused so much trouble had been paralyzed on this bed for eight years, and was powerless lying in front of me, still managing to sound a bit intimidating and arrogant while asking a favour. What was Kuja's good side that kept Zidane visit him here, year after year?
I couldn't see it.
As I didn't gave any sign of rejection or acceptance, Kuja continued. 'I don't like to ask you, but no one listened my request'
I shifted my eyes at the floor, this way the only thing of him that I could still see was his slender white hand, in the same position as I let it fell this afternoon, lying powerless with the palm towards the ceiling.
'Just bring the torch to the wooden floor and let the fire be until the morning...'
Mikoto was right, he wanted to die. But I was there to free myself from the hate, not to become a murder. I was not there for revenge, even if deep down revenge was tempting.
I didn't bother to let him know I heard his voice, I just remained inexpressive, looking at the ground.
'Did you know? Your father... he burned the same way. After the storm caused by the Invincible, I had to make sure no summoner survived. I caught him looking for you and you mother, I trapped him in the temple and with a little fire... It was a good show. Fire is beautiful... Let me see it.'
Had his mind in those eight years worsened? I didn't wanted to fall down in the whirlpool of his madness. I slightly shook my head, and his voice hit me again.
'Even your mother, your true mother, I hurted her so deep that she could not made it out alive to Alexandria. Do you remember her blood? Or did she hid it under the cloack to protect you?'
"I... I know my past yet. You don't need to tell me!"
'Then, don't play nice with me.'
"Is it because you are paralyzed that you want to die so hard?"
'If I wasn't I would have ended this life myself in the Lifa Tree that day.'
He closed his eyes and kept silent, I could see his chest slowly inflating, and then lowering, we were breathing more mist than air. 'Even Queen Brahne, she bursted that way between Bahamut flames'
I felt the pendant on my chest growing heavier.
Memories, during the years, had came back, and I remembered praying the spirits everyday before leaving Madain Sari. In those eight years, together with Eiko I started praying them again, beacuse I felt greatful to have them with me again. I had never known their importance until I felt the loss when Kuja stealed them from me eight years before.
The only one that I never preyed was Bahamut. I... Blamed Bahamut.
The stone on my chest, that bloody red stone, was also the symbol of my sorrow, of my lost innocence as I started to hate and blame. I hated Kuja, I blamed Bahamut. I should have found a way not only to forgive, but also to be forgiven.
'...She suffered even after death, when I used her soul to achieve the trance state...'
Kuja was letting the words flow like a river, but I was lost in my mind, he had done something like a list of all the sufference and manipulative things he did to Queen Brahne.
I hadn't preyed Bahamut for such a long time, I didn't even knew how to do it.
Powerful Bahamut, king of the dragons, sovereign of the skies...
Something like that, as I remembered those words I felt like an energy field raising in the surroundings, I had the uncomfortable feeling it was centred in Kuja's body, but the source should have been my garnet.
"I am not here to kill anyone." My voice came out kind of insecure, but I meant it.
'Then, why?'
I am here to be forgiven. I had finally found my answer, but Kuja needed not to know it. I am here to set me and Zidane free.
"The thing that is bothering me the most..."
Kuja just glared at me.
"It's that you are making Zidane feel lonely, all those eight years he felt that way."
You ifected him with your loneliness.
"Why did you stop talking to him and Mikoto?"
'I asked them to kill me, or at least to let me die, to order the Black Mages and the Genomes to stop keeping me alive. But they couldn't accept. I hoped that if I stopped the only thing I could still do, they considered my life not deserving enough to be lived... but this is going to be an agony. I didn't kill your parents so slowly, Garnet.'
His tone turned more hopless and humbler, as he shifted his role from executioner to victim.
'Kill me, and Zidane will be free from this loneliness, not waiting for me to speak again.'
'Let me feel your amazing magic power, let me feel the eidolons power on my skin again...'
How does it feel to be drained from your power, Kuja? Does it feel like dying?
'Please.' It turned in a whispered, hopless prayer.
I closed my eyes as I let the magic flow, I felt the tingling on my entire body, a soft, still powerful energy, a rainbow of light colours, but white. Did he deserved to taste this power again?
'Energiga...?'
'I am not some kind of Zombies...' Sure he sounded offended.
"My bad. But didn't you know I am a white mage?" For a moment I just hoped to made a miracle, made Kuja be able to walk away and fly on dragons again, and finally set me free from blaming him, and set Zidane free from the eight years old silence of his brother, but white magic hadn't worked.
'Spirits are destructive.'
Powerful Bahamut, king of the dragons, sovereign of the skies...
...Please listen this humble summoner's words...
"It depends on the will of who is using them."
Kuja shutted himself in silence, maybe using the same strategy he used on Zidane and Mikoto.
It was almost dawn, and a little red light filtered in the room, leaning on the dense mist.
"How is your body damaged? Why white magic don't work with you?" I asked.
'They had already tried this on me, the Genome can use either whith and black magic, it's just Zidane that isn't able to do it because he's an idiot. But my body isn't damaged anyway, this is the reason it can't work.'
"Then, why are you paralyzed?"
'it's a seal.'
Kuja's gaze become forbidding, it was surprising how a man in his condition, completely dipendent by others could still spread such a hostile feeling.
'Bahamut' He dryly let out.
Powerful Bahamut, king of the dragons, sovereign of the skies...
...Please listen this humble summoner's words...
...Please, defend this world.
Bahamut's prayer, that was it. There was no references to distruction, nor to death. What on Gaia did Kuja meant with that answer?
Surely, Kuja abused Bahamut's prayer when he summoned it to destroy Alexandria, for Kuja, to defend his own world, and by that I mean himself, not Terra, it meant to destroy my reign.
'Powerful Bahamut, king of the dragons, sovereign of the skies...
...Please listen your master's words...
...Please, defend this world.'
Kuja told the prayer himself.
Did he just dropped the "humble summoners" part replacing it with "your master" on purpose?
'When you learned to control Bahamut again, it considered you to be your master, that's the reason why, even if I had it for myself I couldn't summon it again. I had planned to use it against Garland, but Bahamut turned out to be in your control again. I had Bahamut rebel spirit inside of me, fighting my powers from the inside.'
Since the time I left Madain Sari at six years old, no one talked about eidolons so clearly with me, not even Eiko. I wondered if Eiko was aware the spirits could had their own will, even the will to desobey one master for another. It was a story that deserved to be listened, even if told by Kuja.
'I had even Brahne soul joined to mine to achieve the trance state. She had been a master of Bahamut too, and they also were in conflict with each other. I could manage it all, because still, I was the strongest.
I understood it too late, but Garland created me to have the lifespan as a Gaian creature, when on Terra, he said I was about to die, because he noticed the changes in my soul. Joined to Bahamut spirit and Brahne's soul, my own soul was unstable.'
So, Kuja had been willing to melt his own soul with other's soul and spirits too, to achieve freedom from Garland. That surely was impressive.
'When I casted Ultima, and the trance power faded away, Brahne's soul went destroyed causing Bahamut to be my only opponent, as I become weaker, while falling in the depth inside the Lifa Tree, stability increased, and Bahamut put a seal on me. Letting me live, but sealed this way.'
"Why are you telling me your story?"
'Can you imagine Zidane silently listening? And understand the whole story?' His tone was weakly sarcastic. Deep down, behind the usual joke about Zidane being stupid, I could spot something disturbing... it was affection.
Did Kuja wanted to protect Zidane by his own sorrow? Did Kuja protected Zidane the same way Zidane protected me?
"A summoner could set you free."
'Death can do it as well.'
"You would move your body again, ride dragons again, feel your powers again... You would be free to live your life on Gaia the way Gaians do."
As I stopped, the silence seemed to take all away, draining all the energy, the light, the hope, dragging it all in an unreacheable place, sealing them away. I felt like I was speaking nonsense.
Had Zidane saw right trough his brother? Was that loneliness?
"You would have Zidane as a brother this time." I was sure that was what Zidane wanted.
Kuja's eyes seemed kind of hurt, he lowered them under my chest, then even lower. 'Is that Zidane's...?'
"What?" Had Zidane told him I were pregnant?
'Zidane's daughter?'
I blinked. Surely Zidane had said he preferred a female as a first baby, but we still didn't know the gender of the baby.
'I can sense souls. Angels of Death are given such a power, but Zidane's not smart enough for it.'
So, a five weeks fetus really had already a soul.
'It's a girl.' His voice was pretty emotionless, but the news almost moved me.
Suddenly Kuja started to convey images instead of words.
I saw the scene of me near the bed from his point of view, the garnet was shining bright on my chest, refletting the flames on the wall, my face had a pained expression and my eyes were a little too wet, the mist nearby my lower body was slightly lit up.
It was a warm light. I saw myself smiling between the tears.
The way he interrupted to convey the images had been almost a shock, the world turned the same as some minutes before, but Kuja seemed different.
He whatched at my tears and conveyed words again 'I don't want to bring sorrow on this world anymore' He moaned, finally sincere.
It was the final answer at the question that probably tormented Mikoto and Zidane for eight long years.
Why do you want to die?
Did he knew that I was crying in happiness? The happiness brought by the vision of my daughter's soul... Did he even ever know what happiness is?
"Then live on."
If I could, I would have conveyed him the images of Zidane thinking of him during all this time.
I closed my eyes, figuring out the scene in my mind as I saw it before.
Are you a summoner too?
I took Kuja's hand in mine without fears. The way it we weighed down made it seem like an object, but the warmth of a living creature was in it.
"This way we all will be free."
Bahamut, Zidane, Kuja, my daughter, and even I.
It was not only an exchange of warmth, it was an exchange of powers.
If you are, please, let's pray Bahamut together.
Powerful Bahamut, king of the dragons, sovereign of the skies...
...Please listen this humble summoner's words...
...Please, defend this world.
Each of the worlds that remained chained for all this time. The world of each one of us.
Bahamut welcomed me under its warm wing, I knew from its gentle warmth that he had forgiven me for all the time I had blamed it, the time I had stopped to pray it, rejecting its power.
Bahamut had always been by my side fighting against Kuja from the inside, Bahamut had choosen me as its master, but it was the time to really break the chains.
I felt Bahamut returning to the sky, where it belonged.
When I opened my eyes, the sun had raised enough for its light to enter directly in the room. The garnet on my chest bursted in a rain of shining fragments.
Kuja's eyes were closed, and his entire face was squeezed in a pained expression. Obviously, he must have felt the loss of Bahamut leaving his soul. I knew the sorrow. I was feeling it too, but I already had felt it once.
The hand that I held, was holding mine back with a grip surprisingly strong, almost painful, but I didn't let it go.
In order to heal the loneliness inside Zidane, Kuja's loneliness had to be healed too.
He was heavily moaning from his mouth, and maybe I let go some moan too.
I asked Bahamut to leave forever.
"DAGGER!" Zidane voice was screaming outside in the square.
"GARNET! Where are you?"
Even Kuja heard it, and while still moaning he brought himself in fetal position on the bed, hiding his face between the pale hair.
Zidane was so anxious that instead of opening the door, he almost knocked it down.
"Dagger you are safe! They were all asleep like dead on the floor... I don't know what happened, but... Oh, Thanks Shiva you are safe!" I taught Zidane something about the spirits, and then he started to say "thanks Shiva", "dear Shiva", and so on, because among the spirits, she was the only beautiful woman.
His eyes widened as he noticed the scene, Kuja moving and moaning, our hands twisted tight, the garnet broken on my chest, the tears running down my face...
"Holy shi-"
Kuja let out a cry that interrupted whatever Zidane was about to say. "What happened here?" Zidane slowly stepped forward, while I couldn't help but being speechless.
I gazed in his eyes and told the only words that were in my mind.
"It's a girl." I smiled, still crying.
"WHAT?!" It had been his answer. ***
Zidane is bringing a hand on his head apologetically. "I tought you were referring to Kuja..."
Almost everyone of the people at the village burst out laughing, even Mikoto. Kuja rolls his eyes.
A year have passed and we are here again to visit the village, the people that lived here are now ready to return to the original village and leave this place forever.
I have finally decided to tell all of them the whole story, here in the square of this place, around a little fire.
Zidane said that is common for the kids in Lindblum to tell scary stories around the fire, possibly in a scary place, but mine wasn't supposed to be a horror story.
Kuja decided to live... He's raising a dragon, born two months ago from an egg. He called it Silver Bahamut, and it's my little girl's best friend, she's born two months ago too.
Right now She's in her dad's arms smiling and sweetly swinging her little golden tail.
I think she's also a summoner, because between the dark hair, over her blue eyes, right in middle of the brow, a little white summoner's horn shines.