I don't own Squidbillies or make any money by writing this.
"I'd be dayumed if sum one done say that Georgia ain't got no class...hell...me and my sister Lil been born and raised here...bout 30 nah...At least I think thats how old I is...any who, growin up here you needed to be good at two thangs...Livin'...and gettin'....bout sixteen years 'go...Lil done her gettin' by gettin' in ta the pants of every man cross Georgia...I dids mine by hittin' up sum family convenient stores down town...Not really the best idea I reckon...but we got by, yes we did. It wasn't it 'till I 'bout fifteen years old that I met Crystal...the love of my life...my hefty, big old suga chunk...sure they laughed...they mocked...but I will admit...I do love me sum thick women...it ain't a bad thang...that what we do in the south...we like our women like we like our chicken...with a lot of meat on the dayum bones! I loved that woman so dayum much I got my ass thrown in jail fer her..that dumb bitch...that fat beautiful bitch...."
"Well fifteen years aftah that...don't you I'm a daddeh..."
"It really ain't that special...in fact I don't give much of a dayum, but I do want my boeh to turn up strong like his daddeh. He a good son...always takin' his ass woopin's like a man...knowin that I must never be crossed. Past few years the boeh been growin big...he 'bout sixteen nah...hell I was fifteen when I sexified Crystal up and was thrown in slammer...but times is changed...and Russell 'bout to go out on his own... but before he do he need a good back bone and sum strong shoulders...he ain't quite there yet...ain't no worries though...I'ma teach that boeh how ta be man..."
"Oh hell no!" Early shouted slamming open his front door and storming outside. Holding up his baggy jean overalls by the straps, Rusty followed his father who stomped his boot down on the lifeless, dirt ground.
"Whats wrong, Daddeh?"Rusty asked standing next to his small father who stared coldly down the road. About a hundred feet from their Shack, stood a fairly large wooden house with furniture and boxes surrounding the front.
"No good, land pickin' sons a bitch neighbors, thats what!" Early grumbled seeing the Sheriff carrying a box into the house. Pulling his loose fitting jeans up to his skinny waist, only to have them fall back down to his narrow hips, Early stormed over to the wooden house with Rusty fallowing behind him.
With his hands full, the Sheriff didn't see the angry squid coming up beside me until Early slapped the box out of his hands spilling it's contents.
"What the he-
Seeing that it was Early, the Sheriff lowered his head and sighed. "Ah...Lord..."
"What the hell is goin on here! I thahwt ya'll said this right here 'bout be a liquor store, nawt another dayum house!" Shouted the enraged squid, stomping his large black boot on the ground continuously. Rusty looked down on the dirt ground where the box fell to see scattered pictures all over the ground.
"Early...If I'dn told you there was another family movin up here in this house, you'd go off and destroy everythang..." The Sharif explained, ajusing his belt.
"You betch yer ass I would!" Early shouted, poking his finger in the Sheriff chest. "This here MY land!"
Laughing a little, the Sharif slowly pushed away Early green boney finger. "Early Cuyler, technically nothin' yours, you've lived there in that beat up ol' shack for almost 30 years since you been born and you ain't pay a dime of taxes!"
Stopping and thinking for a moment, Early locked down on the ground at her dirty black boots.
"Well...be that as it may...I ain't havin no dayum chalkies movin' up next beside me, that fo dayum sure!"
"They ain't chalkie, Daddeh..." Rusty said holding a dirt covered picture in his hands. In the picture was a dark creature with similar features to Rusty and his father, only no tentacles. Just hands and legs, but the tips of it's finger tips were a little bigger and round.
"Boeh's right...they ain't chalkies, Early...they frogs..." Replied the Sheriff. After saying this, he looked at both Early and his son head to toe. "Ain't...ya'll related to these folk sum how..."
"Hell no!" Yelled Early, resting his thumbs in between his belt straps on the side of his jeans. "We ain't related to no chalkie frog from the dayum swamp!"
"We ain't chalkie..."
A voice came from behind where Early and Rusty stood. Before the two squids managed to turn around to see who it was, they felt two hands push past them and watched as a young girl with light purplish skin bend down to where Early had knocked the box over. From what they could see, she wore a bright yellow tank top with red checkered pattern, blue jeans that had two apples on both sides of the butt cheeks, and her hair was black and nappy and was parted into two puffy pig tales on both sides of her head. After finishing picking up the fallen contents of the box, she stood up and faced Rusty. She had bright green eyes out lined in orange, and her dark brown lips where full and lovely. The redheaded squid just blinked as she smiled sarcastically, revealing pretty white teeth and snatching the picture from Rusty's hand.
"We black frogs...from Atlanta" She said with a smirk, turning to Early and resting her hand on her hip.
"This right here the daughter of the new home owner...'bout your age Rusty...ya'll should be gettin' along just fine" The Sheriff said with a smile, resting his hand on the girl's shoulder. "This here are the Cuylers..."
"Well..." Early said with a some what more welcoming tone as he looked at the young girl before him. "I hope ya'll don't think just cuz we neighbors n' all that we-
Early was quickly pushed out of the way by his tall son who was now standing in front of the young frog.
"I'm Russell!" The tall boy said, puffing out his built chest trying to show off the muscle that he had. He quickly let all the air out of his chest when he saw the girl laugh at him a little.
"I'm Uniqua Hicks..." She said in a laugh, holding out her hand to shake his. Rusty took it gladly in his hands and shook it. Uniqua was shocked to see Rusty be thrown down onto the ground by his father. Early then pointed his finger in Uniqua's face. "Where's yo daddeh, lil gal...if ya'll gonna live here with us, we gots to establish sum ground rules right quick!"
Looking at the green bony finger, then back at Early, Uniqua pushed his hand away and smirked. "Ain't got one no mo...if ya wanna meet 'em...take the next bus to Atlanta...cuz he ain't allowed at least 200 feet of us no mo..." She replied coldly, pushing past the Squid who just stood there. "Just me and my Mama...but she up town lookin' fo a job..." She walked up onto her porch.
Early just folded his arms, pretending that he didn't feel just a little somewhat bad that the young girl not having a father. Hell he didn't have dad...well...not very much of one that is. Turning to see his son brushing the dirt off his overalls, Early spit on ground. "Stop rufflin' yer dress and help the dayum gal carry in this junk..."
Looking down at the boxes on the ground then back up at his father, Rusty eye's shot open. "Uhh...yes'r!" He said grabbing as many boxes as he could in his hands, then using his tentacles to pick up small wooden furniture.
Walking past the tall young squid, the Sheriff made his way over to Early who stood there with his hands in his jeans.
"Hmm...gal's a hard worker...her and her mamma that is...apparently she got a restrainin' order 'gainst her boyfriend...figure they move to the country...why not...nice place to live in..."
"Hmm..."Early grumbled turning around and began to walk back to his shack. "At least they ain't no dayum chalkies..."