Title: Blue Christmas
Rating: G (and a mushy one, too)
Summary: Xander's alone in Africa on Christmas, and is definitely not feeling the Christmas spirit.
Author's Notes: This came from my rather nasty case of holiday depression, which caps off an extraordinarily depressing and disillusioning year for me. Dedicated to Kristi and Diana, who are, to some extent, my own Buffy and Willow. I miss you both.
Blue Christmas
If there was any day of the year that Alexander LaVelle Harris could live without, it was Christmas. Sure, the presents and Santa and the obligatory viewings of It's A Wonderful Life, A Charlie Brown Christmas, and every other holiday special under the sun were all fine and dandy, but try having to sleep outside on Christmas Eve for the better part of your childhood because of your parents' knock-down, drag-out fights every year and see how well you think of the day afterwards. Having a Jewish best friend whose father is militantly anti-Christmas certainly never helped, either.
But this year, the man known as Xander would have loved to be outside his childhood home, freezing in a sleeping bag in what passed for a cold night in the now crater-ized town of Sunnydale, California. Anything would be better than the empty feeling gnawing at him like a festering sore.
When he had accepted the Giles' offer to hunt for Slayers in Africa, Xander needed to be alone. Or, at least, he thought he had needed to be alone. Anya was dead, and his eye crushed by a madman saving a woman he wasn't entirely sure he cared for, her Slayer lineage and relationship to his oldest friend notwithstanding. Willow had pleaded with him to stay, much as he had expected, and Buffy was distant and aloof, again as he had figured.
But still Xander went away, undertaking a thankless task on a continent as far removed from his homeland as the carpenter could possibly imagine, which was no mean feat given the things Xander had seen since meeting Buffy nearly a decade ago.
At first, Xander had spoken with Willow via e-mail or telephone nearly every day. Buffy contacted him much less frequently, belying (to Xander at least) a lack of desire on both of their parts to make their strained friendship last. Of course, Xander's conversations with Buffy and Willow were stunningly shallow, mainly because he didn't want to make the effort to be their friends, or to address any of the nagging issues that had been affecting his friendships with each woman for years. Xander had wanted to be alone, and now, despite his near constant contact with the legions of activated Potential Slayers, he was just that.
Of course, Xander had pushed back his feelings for both women, either out of fear or out of some other foolish notion, and well enough that he now rarely thought about either woman, Buffy in particular. It had been harder for Xander to suppress his feelings for and thoughts of Willow, but he managed to do it-most of the time. But now, on Christmas, he couldn't help but think about either woman, and hate himself for the fool he had been.
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One of the benefits of living in Africa is that it's a great place to get away from anything remotely American. However, when one is feeling alone and depressed on Christmas, Africa is about the last place you'd ever want to be, as it's just another day for most everyone on the continent. And wallowing in the Music of Pain? Not bloody likely, as Giles would put it. Disregarding the massive cultural differences Xander had to deal with, there was the whole matter of how everyone on the planet thinks that an African mailing address means that you're some sort of e-mail scammer with poor grammar. Xander would have found the entire affair hilarious (up to and including the bad rhyme) if it didn't make him feel worse that he already did.
So, with no-brain-numbing sources of media to distract him, Xander was left to work on his Deadboy impression by brooding. And, given how much he despised Angel, it came as no surprise that Xander loathed the whole "woe is me, my life sucks" act that he associated with the cursed vampire.
Minutes ticked by with a depressing, agonizing lack of speed for Xander. Unable to sleep, and unable to distract himself, Xander wished for something, anything to happen.
Xander got his wish when someone or something knocked on the door to his modest home. Of course, since Xander had sent all of his charges home for the weekend, this was definitely not a good distraction. Preparing himself for the worst, Xander fished out a stake as he opened the door. What he got instead was the shock of a lifetime. Standing before him were Buffy and Willow, who both looked as if they had been up for days, and, based on their make-up, had spent a great deal of time crying as well.
The pair looked at Xander with guilt-ridden expressions on their faces, which were met with the continued dumbfounded look on their friend's face. Before Xander could blink his eye, he was on the floor, with the two women latched fiercely to his frame. "Um...hi."
"Hi, Xander," murmured Buffy and Willow, relief evident on their faces.
"So, what brings you here?"
"You," answered Buffy. "We..."
"Forgot," interrupted Willow, speaking for the first time.
"What'd you forget?" asked Xander, completely puzzled by the behavior of his dearest friends.
"You," whispered the redheaded witch almost inaudibly, tears streaming down her cheeks.
"We were all at Giles' house in England," continued Buffy, now herself crying, "Me, Willow, Giles, Kennedy, my boyfriend, Faith, and Robin, and then Dawn asked Will and I when you were coming, so we could all watch A Charlie Brown Christmas and watch you do the Snoopy Dance. And that's when we realized that we had..."
"Forgotten?" Xander finished Buffy's statement for her, the word filled with hurt and feelings of abandonment and rejection.
"I'm so sorry, Xander," replied Buffy. "This is all my fault. I should never let you go. I-"
"It's OK," reassured Xander as he squeezed the blonde woman closer to his chest. "We just managed to get a little lost, that's all."
"Which is why we dumped Kennedy and Mr. Immortality and came here," noted Willow. "We were hoping that you'd come home with us."
"Where's home?" asked Xander, ignoring the mention of Buffy and Willow's now (apparently) ex-lovers.
Buffy and Willow exchanged puzzled looks before nodding at each other. "Where do you want it to be?" questioned Willow.
"I hadn't really thought about it."
"Home is where the heart is," whispered Buffy, to the curious looks of both Willow and Xander. "It's something that Mom used to say."
"Smart lady, your Mom," responded Xander wistfully.
"Too bad it doesn't run in the family," spat out the Slayer ruefully.
"Buffy Summers, you are one of the smartest people I know," announced Xander sternly. "Whoever let you think otherwise needs to be fed to a pack of werewolves."
"Yes, sir," answered Buffy with a gleam in her eye. "One question, though: who's the smartest person that you know?"
Xander looked intently at Willow for a long moment, bringing a hopeful smile to the hacker's face. Those hopes were dashed, though, when Xander turned to Buffy and said, "Why, Giles, of course."
"Hey!" shouted Willow as she smacked Xander's arm. "I'm right here, you know."
"Yes," answered Xander as he let a smile form on his face, "and that's exactly why I said that."
"You do realize that it's a bad idea to tick off Will, right, Xander?"
Xander considered Buffy's statement for a moment before answering. "I do have more sob stories than the yellow crayon thing, Buff."
"I'm not talking about Willow, turning evil again, Xander," replied the Slayer. "I'm talking about how that by us coming down here, you've just lost the right to even look at another woman who isn't one of us again, much less have sex with them."
Xander's expression paled greatly as he considered the ramifications of what Buffy was saying (and particularly the fact that she was enjoying herself, as well). "You two are evil."
"We try."
Glancing at his two friends, Xander stated, "You do realize that I'm getting extremely turned on right now, correct?"
Buffy and Willow sat up immediately, looks of displeasure written on their faces. "Way to spoil the mood, Xand," remarked Buffy.
"What?" he asked. "What did I do?"
"Sex and cuddling are two very different concepts, Xander," replied Willow.
"But, I-"
"No 'buts' Xander," declared Buffy. "We've got the upper hand here, so give us that arm."
Xander did as commanded, taking his arm smackings like a man. To his surprise, though, Buffy gave him a smoldering kiss after she and Willow meted out their punishment. Surprised and upset at the gesture, Willow did the same to Xander, though with even more passion than the Slayer. Satisfied with herself (and Xander's dazed expression), Willow stuck her tongue out at Buffy petulantly.
"Oh my God," whispered Xander, his face the very definition of contentment, "I've died and gone to Heaven."
"What a drama queen," declared Buffy as she helped Xander to his feet.
"Merry Christmas, Xander," replied Willow as she kissed his cheek.
"Merry Christmas, guys," answered Xander as he thought that maybe, just maybe, this Christmas thing wasn't all that bad after all.