I don't know what this is… maybe a one shot? I don't even know. I based it off the tiny promo they gave us about eclare at frostville. Do you know that part when you see Eli walking down the hallway and then Clare turns around to look at someone? That's what I'm basing it off of. If you don't know what I'm talking about you can read anyway or look it up on youtube. I think there's about 1-3 different promos revolving on the same thing. Hope you like it
Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi, the characters, etc.
Clare's P.O.V.
I let out a long breath as I wrote down the different ideas the model U.N. had come up with right before lunch. Mr. Perino's classroom was empty. I waited impatiently for the bell to ring so the whole group could reassemble and I wouldn't feel so lonely. I'd been feeling a lot of that lately. I don't even know why. I'm finally getting used to the idea of having a step-dad, Jake and I are getting along, I see my dad every other day, and I'm friends with Alli again. But why do I feel so isolated? This is the reason I agreed to help Alli with Model U.N. I can't stand the idea of sitting in my room… alone…waiting. I don't even know what I usually wait for. More like who I usually wait for. I squeezed my eyes shut as I cut off my thoughts. Don't even think it, I told myself. Finally, the bell rang and I heard kids make their way to the classroom. The sound of footsteps and conversation eased my mind and I smiled as we got down to business.
"Alright everyone," Alli started, "Let's start brain storming again. Our next topic is the economy. The whole world is suffering from the downturn, what are some ways we can help? It's hard to come up with ideas I know, but let's try to think outside of the box! Ok, you have a half hour… go!" She ended with an encouraging smile.
I looked at my friend with pride. She had come such a long way from last year. She was finally coming in to her own and she was so much more confident, I could tell. Not to mention she had her loyal boyfriend, Dave, who was perfect for her. Alli made her way towards me.
"What's with the sad attitude?" Alli asked, nudging my shoulder. My eyes widened slightly, I though I had been hiding my odd feelings pretty well.
"Umm… I don't know what you're talking about…" I lied.
Alli's eyebrows raised, "Clare, you've been my best friend for three years. I think I can tell when you're upset… and when you lie to me about it," she added with a giggle. I sighed. I was about to confess when I saw someone enter the classroom. I looked over and felt myself blush immediately. Get yourself together Clare! Alli looked over to see who caused my reaction.
She looked at me in shock, "Oh no Clare… please don't tell me…" she didn't finish her sentence.
I stuttered helplessly, "What? Don't tell you what?"
"Do you have feelings for Eli again?" she asked cautiously. Before I could process her question, I saw Mr. Perino walk over towards us. He stopped at Eli though,
"Can I help you? Are you a new member of the Model U.N. group?" Mr. Perino questioned.
"Uh no. I'm doing and article on this class for the school newspaper. I have a pass so I can observe today", Eli answered while handing the teacher a slip excusing him from his original class.
"Great, you can take a seat right here," Mr. Perino pointed to an open desk. I watched as he sat down, taking out his notebook and pen. Since when was he part of the newspaper? I'm part of the newspaper… why did I never see him? I could feel Alli's eyes on me, and when I didn't return her gaze, she walked away. I couldn't help myself; I walked over to the desk next to his and sat down. I saw him look up a little and when he saw it was me his eyes jerked back to his paper.
"I didn't know you were part of the school's newspaper", I started.
He cleared his throat, "Yeah… I joined a few months ago", he answered quietly.
I didn't let it go, "How come I never see you around the editing room?"
He looked more uncomfortable with each word I spoke, "I- uh- I usually edit by myself", he said, still not looking at me. I looked at him long and hard. He looked like a statue. I could see a blemish on his ear from the piercing I made him get on our first date. I smiled a little just thinking about the memory.
"So how are you?" I asked tentatively. He sighed and looked up at me in one motion.
"How am I, or how is my mental state?" he asked sharply. As the words left his mouth, he looked like he instantly regretted them. But it shut me up. I fidgeted in the chair and silently counted down the minutes until this class was over. Then I had a free period to escape. The bell rang after what seemed like forever and I shot up out of my seat and walked as fast as I could out of the classroom and out to the school's entry stairs. I stood on the steps clutching my bag and stared at the football team having practice, I wasn't watching though, just thinking. The cold fall air slapped against my cheeks, making them numb and red. I heard someone open the door behind me.
"I'm sorry," I heard the familiar voice start. I turned around and saw him. Eli stood there looking extremely awkward, which was unlike him.
I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding, "No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have bothered you. Obviously you're doing great", I motioned to him as a whole. He really did look good though. His hair was wavier, his eyes seemed brighter, and he looked like an all-together content person. Because I wasn't around anymore. He had Imogen. I stopped myself from rolling my eyes at the thought of them together. So cliché.
He laughed nervously, "Don't be mad but you don't see me around the editing room because I purposely avoid you", he said, not looking me in the eye.
I tried not to show the hurt I felt, "W-Why?" I croaked.
He looked disappointed. I didn't know in himself or me, "Because you seemed so happy with how your life was going, I didn't want to ruin something you enjoyed by making it awkward or anything", he confessed. I know I should have paid attention to what he was saying but I stopped listening when he said I looked happy about my life.
"You think I was happy with how my life was going?" I asked in disbelief.
He looked confused, "Yeah?" he answered as more of a question.
I laughed in shock, "Eli, my life is just starting to get on track. My boyfriend, or should I say ex-boyfriend, turned me down when I threw myself at him, my dad didn't want me in his life, neither did my mom, Glen tried to play "father" with me, and I was almost arrested for being involved with a drug dealer who I thought was my only friend!" I practically yelled. I didn't know where my anger was coming from but it was all being brought out on Eli.
He was quiet until I finished my rant, "Well then I guess I'm sorry for getting in your way just when your life was 'back on track'". He replied sarcastically, with his lip curled in anger.
I rolled my eyes as my blood began to boil, "Get off your high horse! You don't have to rub it in my face that your better off then I am!" I yelled. I was happy it was cold out and the windows of the school were closed, otherwise we would have an audience right now.
Eli's eyes widened and he walked closer to me, "Don't be stupid Clare! You have no idea how my life has been. You want to know what's been going on with me? I've had plenty of mental breakdowns as I tried to find the right medication; I dated Imogen before I was ready, broke her camera, insulted her artwork, broke in to my best friend's apartment and scared the hell out of them, and almost pawned my dad's guitar! So don't act like your having the hardest time here Clare, ok? It's been pretty rough on both of us..." he finished with his voice getting lower.
"You and Imogen dated?" I asked. A part of me, maybe a big part of me, felt jealous.
"Uh, yeah. But we're over now. We decided to just be friends", he finished.
I huffed, "But how come we can't just be friends? When we broke up we avoided each other like the plague, but when you break up with Imogen, it's just 'oh let's be friends!'" My voice started to rise again.
"A little reality check Clare, you avoided me! You're the one who broke up with me remember? You're the one who tried to forget about me at all costs!" Eli yelled back at me. I tried to yell back in his face but my voice hitched in my throat. God Clare, please don't cry. This is the worst time to cry! But against my will, hot water filled my eyes and I looked away and sniffed, trying to be discreet. I saw through the blur of tears, Eli's face soften.
"I'm sorry," I whispered", you're happy now and that's all that matters", I tried to walk away.
"Wait, Clare," he took a step towards me and tuned me around",Why are you so convinced that I'm happy as can be?" he asked. I shrugged and tried to advert my eyes. He sighed a closed his eyes, "Well if it's any consolation, I'm not fully happy unless you are," he said in a low voice. I looked up at him. Suddenly an urge to kiss him overcame me. His full soft lips were right in front of me. He looked so warm. I needed to feel comforted some how. As much as I wanted to deny it, this is what I need. He is what I need. Before I could think logically, I leaned in and softly pressed my lips to his. I didn't touch him, didn't press too hard, I just lightly kissed him. He stood stone still as my lips were on his. He didn't wrap his arms around me or cup his warm hands around my cheeks, but he didn't pull away either. He just stood there. I pulled back slowly, my eyes on the concrete steps.
Before I could run away or say anything, he let out a huge breath, "What was that?" he looked like he was in a daze. Suddenly I became extremely self-conscious.
"I'm sorry, I-I-I don't know-" Before I could answer him his lips were back on mine. This time his arms were completely wrapped around my waist, pulling me as close as possible. I didn't mind though. My fingers tangled in his hair, and my lips moved frantically with his, wanting as much of him as I could get. I certainly didn't feel lonely now. Faintly I heard doors open, but I didn't stop to look. I couldn't stop, he was like some kind of drug that if I stopped kissing him my knees would give out and my heart would stop. Eli pulled back abruptly though as someone cleared there throat behind us. I almost fell on my face from the sudden shift in position. Eli was standing at least 4 feet away from me now looking at the person who had interrupted. I looked to see who it was and I could literally feel the blood rush to my face. Of all people, Imogen.
Okay never mind! When I first started typing this, I thought this was going to be a one shot but damnnn I want this to be a story! Haha. Tell me if I should continue! Thanks