The lyrics are from "Broken" by Lifehouse. Thanks to Luvtowritefics247 for the song suggestion.
I hope this is not too confusing. Check the dates at the beginning of the sections to see if the part is between the Pevensie's second return from Narnia and the accident (1941-1949), or after the accident (1949-on).
A/N This has been edited again. (23/07/2012)
The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out
Tuesday, November 3, 1941 1:24 AM, Saint Finbar's Ladies Academy
Foggy night lay over the school like a woolen blanket. But unlike a warm blanket, the silence offered no comfort. Only one student was awake to notice the disquiet though. Susan Pevensie stared at the gray ceiling. Her roommate's breathing had evened out hours ago, yet sleep proved elusive for the thirteen year-old school girl. The problems that had plagued her all day refused to leave with the sun. In fact, they seemed to grow stronger with the cold. Susan was, normally, a rather reserved girl. However, when one of the local boys, an adorable but less then brilliant fellow, had invited her to a party in town, Susan had hesitated to say no. She knew that Lucy would not approve because the boy was three years older than Susan. She knew Edmund would not approve because the local boy was not necessarily the most honorable person in the world. She knew Peter would not approve because no one was good enough for his sister, and because he would not be there to look after her. On the other hand, it was only a party. There would be quite a few older girls there and Susan knew she could use the chance to make a good impression. Besides, a little teenage rebellion never hurt. Susan silenced the little voice in her head that warned her not to go, a little voice that sounded suspiciously like Edmund. With the promise of a good time on her mind, Susan drifted off to sleep, a smile on her face.
Sunday, October 2, 1949 1:24 AM, The Pevensie Home, Finchley
The ticking of the clock is the only sound in the dark. Susan rests unmoving on the bed. Her shoes are still on her feet, her pin still in her hair. It had been a glorious party, but Susan had difficulty getting in the spirit of things. She missed Henry. That was the simple truth. There were other young men that she could go out with, but her most recent boyfriend was a hard one to top. However, there was a new boy at the dance, he certainly had possibilities. With his face on her mind Susan drifted off to sleep with a smile gracing her features.
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you
Saturday, January 17, 1942 6:32 PM, Saint Finbar's Ladies Academy
Susan stared at her reflection, her dull face stared back. She wanted to get out of her dorm room, but there was nowhere to go. Margaret, who was a year ahead of Susan, had invited her to a party that evening. But Susan was not sure if she could handle another one just yet. The few she had been to last semester had been fun, but felt wrong somehow.
The door banging sharply against the wall pulled her out of her reverie. Susan's obnoxious roommate had returned early. That sped up the decision making process. Picking up a brush she began to skillfully apply makeup. She squished Edmund's warning voice into a back corner of her mind, something she noticed was getting easier.
Susan could barely recognize the face in the mirror. With this mask in place no one could see the broken heart she was hiding. She had heard someone say that in pain, there is healing. But all she ever seemed to feel was the pain, never the healing. Maybe one day it would come. But for tonight she would lose herself in the dancing. And maybe, for a moment, forget the emptiness swallowed her life.
Tuesday, August 23, 1949 6:32 PM, The Pevensie Home, Finchley
Susan cast another glance at the door. Penelope was late. Again. She never seemed to be on time to pick up Susan for parties. Another look at the clock then Susan wondered to the kitchen. A knock on the door and Susan is there in an instant, ready to go. But instead of Penelope standing beside the door, there is a uniformed officer. Moments later, what is left of Susan Pevensie's world crashed down around her. She fell to the ground, gasping for breath. The world spun distractedly, then she knew nothing but darkness.
The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life
Golden eyes melted the ice walls and filled the hole that replaced her heart. The life she was searching for was within reach, waiting for her to reach out and grasp it. So close, yet barred by her own choices.
Tuesday, September 16, 1941 12:29 AM, Saint Finbar's Ladies Academy
Susan jolted awake, the dream already mostly forgotten, except for those golden eyes. Eyes that were full of love for her. For a moment she almost let herself remember. But it was not to be. The gold disappeared into darkness and Susan refused to reach toward the hope.
Green grass. Blue sky. Clear water. A young man and woman stood side by side, each wearing a silver crown. The third stood apart from the other two, closer to where Susan stood. He was tall and regal, a golden crown upon his head. He offered his hand to Susan.
Thursday, September 8, 1941 12:29 AM, Saint Finbar's Ladies Academy
Susan was not surprised she had dreamt of her siblings. What confused her was that they were wearing crowns. There was a thought nudging at the back of her mind, but Susan had been ignoring the little voice for too long to notice it now. So, instead, she curled up into a tight ball and tried to go back to sleep.
Sort of sad, I know. If it is too confusing say so in a review and I will clarify when I update with the second part.
Please review!