Today was the day. After three years of putting it off, it had to be done today. It was, largely, a coincidence; the fact that Bradley's birthday was also National Coming Out Day.
He had never thought of himself as gay. But he never really thought of himself as straight either. He guessed what it came down to was that he hadn't thought about it, at all. He'd noticed people and thought they were attractive before. But it was more of a matter-of-fact noticing. And he had, drunkenly, slept with people of both genders. More out of a need to get off than of any actual attraction.
But then Bradley came along. And he picked on Colin. But he also told him jokes, and he actually understood Colin's own brand of humor. And Bradley was so hot. It wasn't like Colin to want someone so much, or even at all. When Bradley picked on Colin, there was an undercurrent of friendship.
He wanted to tell him that first year, but it was still too new. Bradley was just getting to know him and he figured if he told him he was gay, it might mess up things.
On Bradley's second birthday while they were friends, Colin never got a chance to speak with him alone. He tried but there were too many people around and then Bradley was too drunk and he figured he wouldn't even remember later.
The third year, he figured it was too late. They were the best of friends. Now, Bradley would only be hurt that he hadn't told him. He might shout or break things, or worse, he might give him a disappointed look. He couldn't handle Bradley's disappointment. He'd seen the look before, but it was never directed at him. He knew that if it was, though, he himself might break.
But he had spent a whole year in between building himself up to it. It wasn't exactly the fact that he was gay, or bi, or whatever he ended up being. He knew Bradley well enough to know he would fine with that. It was the fact that he was gay for Bradley that he saw as causing an issue.
Bradley was too nice to reject anyone. He wouldn't want to hurt Colin's feelings and Colin wouldn't want to trap him into anything but he figured it needed to be done, if for no other reason than it making him able to move on.
And he was ready to move on. He just had to say it. If he never acknowledged it, he could never believe it himself that he had fallen for his best friend and co-star. And shit shit shit this was going to be awkward.
So he sat through drinks, spilled his minimum requirement of liquid onto Bradley's lap, and Bradley brushed him off like it was no big deal, which it probably wasn't at this point because it happened every day and Bradley was used to his clumsiness.
Then finally, finally, they were alone. Walking down the street, Bradley's arm around his shoulder, Colin never felt more at home.
And maybe he waited until the last possible second when they were at Bradley's door and he was helping him unlock it and maybe he fell into their easy laughter and friendship as they walked over, rather than complicate things. But he had promised himself and he had promised the girls that he would tell Bradley tonight or they would.
But when the door was unlocked and he was saying good night, words still failed him. So he took Bradley's wrist to still his movement and he got as far as looking at the bottom of the door and clearing his throat.
"Hey." was all Bradley said. He ducked down to get into Colin's view. And as Colin's eyes went up, so did Bradley. Until they were standing in front of each other and Colin could unstick his tongue from the bottom of his mouth and maybe say something.
So the farthest he got was staring at Bradley's cheek. He figured he was unnerving Bradley a bit now, just staring and not talking but Bradley wasn't talking either.
"Colin, what is it?" the concern in his voice was palpable, as if he was scared Colin would tell him he had cancer or something.
But he didn't say any of it. He could never explain it to Bradley.
Instead of turning around and telling him never mind, he finally looked up at him.
Actual eye contact. And he fisted his hands in his Bradley's shirt and pulled him close. And Bradley was just looking at him. He kissed him. Finally. And now it would be so fucking hard to move on because he had felt what it was like to kiss Bradley. He had touched his lips and shared this intimate moment and now he had to pull away. When he did, he saw Bradley's shocked eyes.
"So I think I might be gay. And a little in love with you. I just needed you to know so I could... move on. Any thoughts?"
"I think you should come inside," Bradley answered, before kissing him, right on the mouth. And this wasn't how it was supposed to go. Colin paused.
"Unless... have you moved on already?"
"I have a five-year plan," Colin stated.
Then he took Bradley's hand and walked them both over the threshold into Bradley's flat.