Old stuff I (anonymously) wrote from a few years back. Figured I'd finally collate these old things (and maybe give 'em a spell/grammar check). Don't mind me...
Anonymous asked: Just a short, fluffy prompt where the Hero is feeling a bit down and their dragon does everything they can to make them smile.
It wasn't my fault! This isn't fair!
Honestly! Why does everyone always blame me?! It wasn't my fault! Whatever those other humans said, the innkeeper-human did not have the right to lock me out of the inn! Honestly! So what if I scared a few kids into giving me all their sweetpalm berries? It's not my fault they couldn't understand Draconic! I'll have you know I asked them for their berries very politely! I said my pleases and thank-yous as nicely as my own Dragonlord would've done! So there! It wasn't my fault. Don't look at me like that, I'm being serious!
Oh, and the kitchen fires weren't my fault either! Really! It wasn't my fault their ovens weren't made for dragon claws! If anything, that was a serious manufacturing design that that stupid innkeeper human should really get to fixing! It wasn't my fault, really. It wasn't my fault I couldn't turn the knobs properly; again, I repeat, that was just because of bad designs that weren't me fault. So if I ended up getting frustrated and using my fire-breathing to get the oven going, it wasn't my fault, it was the oven's fault. And if my fire-breath got a little out of hand, so what? No one got hurt. At least I think no one did. So there. It wasn't my fault.
And the mess in kitchen? It wasn't that bad, they overreacted, I'm telling you. It was all that silly innkeeper's fault for keeping such badly designed kitchen tools! Really, why did all of the stuff in her kitchen had to be so badly designed? She should really invest in some good, dragon-usable spoons. And whisks. And kitchens. If I made a big mess in the kitchens, it was all her fault! The flour on the ceiling? Her fault. The jam on the walls? Her fault. The butter in Ash's pants? HER FAULT!
Anyway, I would've never made that mess if that stupid baking yaga saved some sweet rolls for me at the town bakery. Out of stock my tail! She should've saved some for me. I saved the world! I'm the world destroyer! I swear, I get no respect. Hmph! So if I made a bit of a mess in her bakery, it wasn't my fault, it was hers. And the thing is, she should've just made more when I asked! So what if I didn't have any money on me at that time? I would've paid her back even if I had to bring out my super-secret treasure stash to do it! What do you mean I'm not trust-worthy?! I'm a dragon of legend, I'm as trustworthy as anything! And then there was that whole fuss she made when I asked for the ingredients to make those stupid rolls. Honestly! If anything, she owed me those ingredients for not having any rolls to begin with! But no, she just had to make a big fuss about it. She didn't even give me that many! Heck, she even had the guts to make me find the sweetpalm berries for the jam by myself! So the mess with the kids? That was her fault, too! I swear, if I didn't know what my Dragonlord would say about it, I would've taken everything then burnt the whole bakery down with her in it! That would've shown that stupid, evil witch!
So really, none of the stuff that happened today was my fault! The scared kids, the fire in the kitchen, the mess in the kitchen, the mess in the bakery – none of those were my fault! Heck, I've been downright nice this whole day! You know who're really to blame? The Rose dummies for being Rose dummies, the bandits for being still being bands o' idiots and all the other dumbos who thought they could take on the town when me and my Dragonlord were there to defend it! Really! Those idiots've just been attacking almost day after day and my Dragonlord's been getting so tired of fending them all off that I just had to do something about it! So sure, maybe all the stuff that happened today could've been averted if I just told my Dragonlord to get the stuff I needed for me but that would've ruined the surprise, wouldn't it? I just wanted to surprise them with something nice, cheer them up a bit! Avatars know just how much they deserved it – they deserve the world and everything in it for all they've done for everyone. Heck, they deserve everything just for being my Dragonlord! So really, everything that happened in the kitchens and the bakery earlier? It was the everyone else's fault.
In fact, my only fault today was the mess my Dragonlord made in our room after I told them the whole story and they just fell over, laughing, and smushed all the leftover sweet rolls all over the floor. And honestly, the way my Hero smiled the whole evening after made even cleaning up that sticky mess seem worth it.
...Oi, if you tell them I told you that, I will eat you. You get it?
You better.
If you don't, it won't be my fault if you disappear.
It's never my fault, you know!