Disclaimer: I don't own Dragon Age or any of its related characters. This is just for my own enjoyment and the potential enjoyment of other fans like me, and no monetary gain was expected or received.
Rating: T
Spoilers: Totally AU
A/N: I debated posting this. It seems a little too personal. But another part of me said, "What the hell." Guess which part won out.
The Teyrn's Rebuttal: or; Happy Birthday to Me
Knock-knock-knock.
She went to the door, peeked through the annoying frosted glass that told her only that there was a large shadow figure on her front step, and opened the door a crack.
"May I help…" She trailed off.
He stood there, wind braids and all, in a pair of small round mirror-lensed spectacles.
"May I come in?" he asked, with a hint of wryness in his voice. Mutely, she stood aside and held the door.
"Nice place. Very…brown. Funny, didn't look like a log cabin from outside."
"I have a thing for wood paneling," she said, weakly.
"Clearly. Well, at least it smells nice."
She remembered her manners. "Won't you have a seat? Can I get you something? Coffee? Tea?"
"Thank you, no. I came to have it out with you."
"Have it out with me? For what?" she said, and gulped.
"For these, among other things," he said, and removed the spectacles. He tossed them aside. His eyes, steely grey-blue, blinked with slit pupils.
"Oh. Did I…do that to you?" she said, with a weak smile. "Sorry. If it makes you feel any better, I once wrote something similar where you ended up with hair horns like Flemeth."
"I know," he said. He stripped off his gauntlets. "That was something else I wanted to talk to you about."
"You're angry, aren't you? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. It was all just for fun, you know. I didn't think it actually had any effect."
"Silence. There is much yet I have to say."
He stepped up closer. He smelled like old leather and well-kept horses. "I remember a tale in which you…let us say 'speculated'…on the exact nature of my relationship with Maric."
She was grown very nervous now. "H-hey, if one guy is hot, two guys is hotter, right?" she stammered out.
He unstrapped his chest piece and let it fall to the floor with a mighty clatter. He wore nothing beneath it, and his chest was as hairy as she had imagined it. She was still nervous, but now she was also intrigued, and wondering what he would take off next.
"It's bad enough," he said, "that you had me make love to that blasted marsh witch. Do you have to make me swing both directions?"
"Hey, that was to save your life," she pointed out.
"Appreciated, but you could just as easily have made your Warden take the fall. More easily."
"True, but where's the happy ending in that?"
He kicked off his boots. She was absurdly disappointed. "You don't always go for the happy ending."
"No, but usually. That counts for something, right?"
"Not for Githa. You know, I really, really liked Githa. I appreciate the fact that you eventually gave me another woman, but Githa's still dead. Can't do anything about that, can we?"
"Yes, we can! She'll be back, I've just got to finish up The Return, and then I'll be ready to start you off in Kirkwall. I think I've got my hook, finally."
"It won't be the same." He took off his greaves and stood there in nothing but his codpiece. She could scarcely breathe.
"And now we come to the reason why I'm here," he said.
"Uh oh, what'd I do now?" she asked.
"You…aren't celebrating your birthday."
"I never celebrate my birthday. I'm over thirty. Celebrations don't go further than writing a fluff piece for fun and maybe frying up a steak. I've got one, by the way, if you'd care to partake. I'm not a bad cook, and there are potatoes."
"Perhaps later," he said, and reached for the straps of his codpiece. "We're going to need some protein."
A/N: And what did they do together? Why, they played Marvel: Ultimate Alliance 2 and enjoyed using their fusion powers.