Cheesy title is super cheesy. I kinda like it.
I do not own Supernatural.
"And what did you do today, Castiel?" Zachariah asked from the head of the table.
The other angels fell silent.
Cas hid a grimace as he met his older brother's eyes. "I spoke with Dean Winchester, the righteous man."
I came to him when he was watching an episode of Dr. Sexy, MD. He called it a "re-run" and explained that Dr. Wang was mad at Dr. Piccolo because she'd thought the other doctor had stolen her boyfriend when really he had to go to Brazil to meet with his estranged wife. Meanwhile, Dr. Sexy's sister had been diagnosed with a rare form of cancer and he was truly afraid for the first time in years.
"And would you say that your talk was productive?" Zachariah asked in smug voice that he implied he not only knew the answer, but what the conversation had been about.
I waited until the end of the episode to tell him about the seal. I shouldn't have, but he was smiling, he never smiles.
"I informed him of the location of a seal that we believe Lilith will try to break soon." That was when he stopped smiling. He said something no doubt intended to insult me. I told him again and left.
The last time Dean had distracted Cas on one of his visits Cas had told Zachariah. He hadn't liked his brother's response.
Dean had given him a peach. Sam had given it to Dean because he worried about his brother's health. Dean gave it to Cas because he hated peaches; it was the fuzzy skins. It had only taken one bite for Castiel to understand why fruit was often affiliated with sex and sin.
He'd finished it anyway.
That was all he'd told Zachariah and that had been enough. He didn't inform his brother of the way Dean chuckled when the juice ran down his chin and onto his shirt.
"That'll stain," Dean had said, "you should take it off and soak it."
"Dean," Cas had said seriously (Dean said he was too serious). "I've fixed my clothes after you shot and stabbed me, after they've been burnt and shredded and soaked in blood."
"Still," Dean had insisted.
Castiel liked to think he wouldn't have told Zachariah about the way Dean's eyes had lingered on his throat and hipbones, but he was glad he hadn't had the chance. Just in case.
"And? Do you think he has grown more compliant to our wishes?" Zachariah pressed.
No. "It is hard to say," Castiel hedged. "He is… complicated."
Rapahel snorted. "He is human. It should be no matter to make him do as we wish. It was a mistake to assign you to this task, Castiel. I-"
"And what did you do today, brother?"
Somewhere an angel dropped a fork. Castiel didn't look at the now embarrassed angel or Zachariah who was looking livid. He was returning the gaze of Raphael's eagle head, jaw clenched.
He should not have spoken, he should not have said it, but it was too late now, and Castiel was not a coward.
"I guarded a prophet. I kept him safe from all peril and urged him to his work when he would have hesitated or wavered."
Raphael's tone was clipped and sure. The drunk who never leaves his house and sleeps all day? Yes, I'm sure it was hard to safeguard him from internet porn. The words were heavy on his tongue, but he knew better than to say them.
They sounded more like they belonged to Dean than him.
The archangel chewed a bite of manna with a serious look on his face. "Castiel, it pains me to say it, but you do not have sufficient strength of will to cow Dean Winchester. I will find another task for you after dinner."
"No," Cas said without meaning to, but Raphael continued as if he hadn't heard him.
"Erzla, you completed your task this morning. From now on, you will take over the stewardship of Dean Winchester. I'm sure you will have no trouble making him submit."
"No," Cas repeated, louder now. "Bullying will not work on Dean. He is stubborn and willful. You can't just-"
"Can't? I can't, Castiel?"
"I know him, brother. That will not work."
"Neither is whatever you're doing. Eating peaches, was it?"
Cas' cheeks burned and there was a murmur somewhere further down the table.
"He seemed to like Anna, our Fallen companion, well enough, perhaps you should try knowing him another way."
Castiel's jaw clenched and he said nothing.
"Results, Castiel, I expect them within the week or you will be reassigned."
"Yes, brother," Cas acquiesced through his teeth.
Silence ruled the table. Many angels had ceased eating and simply stared at Castiel who was eating like there was nothing else on his mind.
Finally, Uriel, seated to Castiel's right, spoke. He told an amusing story about his recent experience with a monk in Russia. Uriel shot Cas a look out of the corner of his eye at the end while the rest of the table laughed. The look was part sympathy and part something like scorn. Cas kept eating.
He did glance up, surprised, when he felt a hand lightly patting his. Balthazar, sitting on Cas' other side, smiled weakly at him.
"He just doesn't understand," Cas muttered to his plate, too quiet to be heard by any but Balthazar and Uriel under the strains of conversation.
"I'm sure he's great, Cas, really, this human of yours." Cas absently wondered if all angels were terrible at lying. He appreciated the effort anyway.
"No, he's rude and frustrating and he refuses to listen."
Balthazar stared at him, waiting.
"He confuses me. I hate- I like- He confuses me," Cas repeated lamely.
Beside him Uriel groaned and muttered something about angels who hadn't visited earth before and naïveté. Balthazar patted his hand again and looked at him with sorrow in his eyes.
Later, Balthazar will look on as Cas hopelessly watches Dean Winchester cry in a hospital bed. He will think that he knows what will happen and he will hope that he is wrong. And when Cas is "dragged back to Bible camp" for almost defying Diving Will Balthazar will watch sadly and say not a word. Not long after, Cas will be deemed "fit to return to service," but defies, truly and completely defies Divine Will to an extreme that hadn't happened since Lucifer, and he will be killed for it. He will be brought back and Balthazar won't know why, but he will rejoice. No one will be surprised when the newly resurrected Castiel doesn't even consider trying to make amends to his heavenly superiors. He will join Dean and his brother and become part of something that will be dubbed Team Free Will.
Balthazar will think that it's for the best. Mostly he will fervently pray that Dean Winchester is as wonderful as Cas seems to think and that he will appreciate Castiel even half as much as he should.