It was 2:00am and Don was just leaving the office not knowing where to drive, Robin was in New York and Charlie was still in England, his dad wouldn't be awake, he just had to go home. He remembered what his mom told him just before she died 'never let the job get the best of you' she used to worry about him, he used to think she was just over reacting but lately it started to make sense to him about the job, especially days like these, the days that someone is killed because if him, on his orders. As he walked into his apartment he headed straight to his bedroom stripping of his blood stained clothes and changed into his sweats, his F.B.I jumper which was 2 sizes to big and his baseball cape, he went to get a beer and laid on the couch staring at the ceiling. He hated the silence so he turned on his music, Robin's CD was in the player and he recognized the song, it was the theme to M.A.S.H

'Cause suicide is painless It comes with many changes And I can take or leave it if I please.'

As much as he loved Robin he hated her music so he soon switched it of a just laid on the couch trying to sleep but the screams filled his head, the screams of the children who died at the fire fight that day, Dob couldn't sleep the guilt filled his head so he turned on the TV and to his misfortune it was the story on the new with the title on the screen 'three kids killed on the streets of LA' and saw his teams picture on the screen at the scene the previous day and as soon as he heard his name he shut the TV off, he couldn't do with the guilt, after lying on the floor he finally dozed off.

"Me...two minutes...it was me" Don was talking in his sleep again and he woke when the sound of screaming filled his head, 'it was just a dream' he thought to himself he checked his clock it was only 3:30, his breathing was heavy, he heard the screams in his head, he ran to the bathroom and splashed water on his face "you could never have known" he told himself but he just slid down the wall, it was every night now, he realised how sometimes he hated his job, the times he didn't come on top, the times innocent people lost their lives and he was helpless to them. He pulled up his sleeves to cool himself down, he saw the scars on his wrist and closed his eyes and his brain flashed back 15 years,

- just after Charlie's first day of high school all the family came over to see how charlie did, he wanted to ask his dad about a baseball tour his team where going on that year "hey dad"

"Don get dressed out of you baseball stuff" his dad yelled "charlie come here for a minute" he said softer

"But dad I just need to get you sig..."

"Not now Don" he snapped

"But dad I just.."

"Go away Don" Alan yelled, Don ran up the stairs to his room and threw his cap on his bed and slide down the wall

'the same way he felt that night'

He looked at his desk and saw his razor

'he remembered the thoughts going though his head

'who would even miss me, mum and dad would finally only have to care for charlie, my friends wouldn't miss me, and my baseball is going down hill anyway' He remembered picking up the blade and placing it on his wrist first making little slits side by side he soon heard a soft voice "Donnie I got you..."

- It took him a minute to get back to the current time but he remembered the feeling of his wrist the calmness through his body and the adrenaline pumping through his blood, he stood up and looked through his cupboard when he found his razor he just sat on floor staring at his wrist placing the blade against his skin, he was alone, just waiting for someone to save him, but they didn't, so he cut, never deep enough to die but deep enough to hear the screaming inside. His phone rang and he thought to himself 'I could end this all today'