Warning: Contains homosexual pairing, rated T for language.
A/N: This is an interpretation of a Song!Fic, based on the lyrics of Evanescence's EP, Solitude. For the sake of the story, it says that Freed is the writer of the song, obviously not true. May contain spelling/grammar errors as it has only been read through once!
Disclaimer: All characters and Fairy Tail belong to Hiro Mashima. Song lyrics belong to Amy Lee and Ben Moody. Song lyrics are in bold. Character's thoughts in Italics.
Today was the day. After, nothing else would matter and all fate and decisions would be sealed. And yet, this terrible longing will never vanish, but live on with time itself. I want him to be happy I really do, but I am not sure that I can live with this. What if she hurts him? What if she breaks him? And after all of these years that I willingly suffered by his side, hoping against all reason, that one day this solitude would release my from its sweet confines. Alas, it is more persistent than the man himself; it knows no ends.
Freed's head nestled down into his shoulder, as the quivering of his body allowed a sole tear to slip.
I have loved him, all these years I have loved him, but he only has eyes for her. How much of a fool am I, to ignorantly think that my heart could truly mend one day, or that he would see me from what I truly am. Mirajane, he deserves someone like her; an unabashed beauty who can help him in his times of need. I used to help him, a privilege that after today will be forever lost in an eternal bout of emotion. He smiles with her, I see it. Before, I could convince myself through shards of reason that his happiness would be enough for me to live off of, for if anyone were to deserve it, it would be him. But, when the day arrives, the parasite I am is not sufficed with merely watching. This unearthly parasite wants to indulge in this happiness, to feel it personally…Why am I not enough to make him smile, how could I have changed in order to be granted that delicate privilege? Has his never glimpsed my sorrowful eyes and touches that perhaps linger to long, the relentless effort made to be around him? Perhaps it's better he didn't.
Fingers danced upon piano keys as the opening to the song began. As tears splashed upon white keys, the familiar pattern of motion and sound comforted the Rune knight in his meanderings. The chords wrung sadly throughout the empty room.
I was never enough, never good enough, despite all that I ever did. He still had the nerve to approach me three months ago.
The memory played smooth as film throughout his mind.
/Flashback/
Freed and Evergreen sat in the otherwise empty guild hall
"Do you really think that I should tell him?"
"Of course," Ever replied without hesitation, "You may not be able to see it, Freed, but the toll that this love has taken on you… Look at yourself you deserve better than this." She gestured to her once proud friend. The Rune knight's demeanor had changed violently after the object of his affections had taken to dating Mirajane. The red coat was rumpled, the hair not brushed and the bags under his eyes darkening everyday.
"Perhaps, I deserve better, but I could never deserve him could I? I have loved him so much to the point where it is physically painfully to not be near him. Sometimes, I'll simply sit alone in fear of the obsession and its extent. I have done this to myself for so long. Too long."
The brunette gazed at him, her heart breaking, no, shattering, for her friend. "Oh, Freed… Both of you deserve this closure. I do not see how you can hold him accountable for that which you have refused to tell him."
"Why tell him when then the answer is clear as day? Never did I accuse him or hold him accountable. Well am I aware that this is solely my fault, and mine alone. For any other, it would be enough for the lack of reciprocation to force away their attraction. But, try as I may, his denial, his ignorance is not enough to let me be free of his clutches. Once, I thought that my heart would mend, that it would have to eventually, but the universe appears to find some strange amusement of disproving me." The laugh that was uttered was completely humorless.
"Doesn't that make it all the more clear that you need to confess to him?" Evergreen asked desperately. She couldn't handle seeing Freed suffer this agony any further, the green haired man needed to do something, anything to relieve himself of this burden.
"I suppose…" Freed voice trailed off. Basked as he was in this melancholy, he took to staring wordlessly into the dark abyss of night. "What else could I possibly lose? Any respect he had for me vanished the moment I fell into this trance. Do you really think that a confession would serve to heal anything?"
She sighed, "I don't know but you can't just stay like this forever."
Freed nodded. "Does it ever feel like he left us stranded, as though he forgot and abandoned us for Mirajane?"
"…Yes. But, you must understand that he truly is enamored of Mirajane-"
"-As I am of him."
"-And," Evergreen continued, "A man in love often forgets all else, not that I need to tell you that."
In response, the green haired male found entertainment in thrumming his fingers upon the bar counter. Ashamed of himself, he hung his head; "You know, I'm disgusted with myself for despising Mirajane. After the Magnolia parade, she was like a sister to me, yet all that has been turned to cinders and aimlessly scattered… I-I love him." A ghost of a smile drifted upon his soft lips. A harsh creak followed by a bang interrupted their conversation. Two heads whipped to face the entrance of the Guildhall. All that could be seen in the shadows was the large silhouette of a man loosely clad in a long coat or cape of sorts. Stealing a look towards her friend, Ever couldn't help but noticed as the Rune knight's eyes brightened considerably and for a second, his smile was rendered real. Pity soared from within the depths of her heart.
"Laxus," he breathed.
"Freed? Ever? Why the hell are you here?" Laxus questioned. "I was looking for you guys, but I didn't see you at your houses."
The Rune knight fidgeted with his hair, "Um… Laxus, there's something that I need to tell you…"
The Lightning mage only grinned. "What a coincidence you'll never believe what just happened… I finally did it!"
"Did what?" the other two said.
Orange eyes danced with glee, "I fucking proposed. Damn! Can you believe it, it was out of the blue, but the moment was just feeling right. Gotta say, I never would have thought I had gotten hitched, but here I am and Mira said yes!"
Proposed.
"That's-that's… amazing Laxus I am truly happy for you." The word proposed stuck in Freed's mind, awakening a downpour of emotion. Laxus… Laxus was going to be married. It was all too much, but Freed nonetheless managed to produce a fake smile. This man, who he had cried for, bled for, pursued without abandoned for the majority of his life, was now telling Freed that he was to be married. Evergreen, on the other hand, merely stared up at her leader, completely shell shocked.
Proposed.
Cocky as ever, Laxus continued, "Speechless? Hell yes you are. Hey Freed, you know I was thinking, I know its all lame but would you wanna be my best man?"
Proposed.
In a flash the she-fairy's hand whipped against Laxus's cheek. The hollow sound of skin on skin contact resounded heavily, like the crack of a whip. "Laxus Dreyar," Evergreen muttered. Her shoulders shook with sobs and her brown hair covered her eyes, betraying nothing, "You BASTARD." With that, she ran out of Fairy Tail, wanting nothing more than to turn back and strangle the blonde, to let him suffered every millisecond of torture that had befallen her green haired friend.
The blow had stung, the tender touch reached up to the already reddening skin. Laxus was completely frozen in shock, never had he imagined that Ever would slap him. Freed looked away, he couldn't find the courage to look into the eyes of her leader.
Regaining speech, Laxus looked offended. "What the hell is wrong with her?"
"Who knows, she'll come around…" Freed replied sullenly.
Ignoring his monotonous voice, the blonde brightened again, "So how bout it, be my best man?"
"Of course, anything for you, Laxus." In here, the Rune knight was thankful for the darkness that concealed the moisture forming in the corner of his eyes that threatened to break him right then in there. "Well I best go look out for Ever," the green haired man said before departing.
/Flashback end/
I have always been alone. In the end, the efforts were merely futile to try and gain any form of company or comfort; I should have long accepted my fate. However, the predestination does not make the pain easier to bear. For years my thoughts have been tinged with him. How many times have I restrained myself from reaching out to touch him? From telling him how I am completely in love with him, nothing that Mirajane could ever feel for him could possibly compare. Dozens of times, I have listened to him pronouncing his love, before he who loved him most. Is it too much to want to hold him, to kiss him, to love him properly? Yes it is. It's not right to love another male, it's revolting. He's strong and dashing, I'm too weak. He's loud and unabashed, I hide like a coward.
As the intro subsided, Freed took a deep breath and sat up strait upon the black bench.
" How many times have you told me you love her?
As many times as I wanted to tell you the truth
How long have I stood here beside you?
I lived through you, you looked through me
Ooo, solitude
Still with me is only you
Ooo, solitude
I can't stay away from you
How many times have I done this to myself?
How long will it take before I see?
When will this hole in my heart be mended?
Who now is left alone but me?
Ooo, solitude
Forever me and forever you
Ooo, solitude
Only you, only true
Everyone leaves me stranded
Forgotten, abandoned, left behind
I can't stay here another night
Your secret admirer, who could it be?
Ooo, can't you see
All along it was me?
How can you be so blind
As to see right through me?
And ooo, solitude
Still with me is only you
Ooo, solitude
I can't stay away from you
Solitude
Forever me and forever you
Ooo, solitude
Only you, only true"
Finger trips trailed lethargically as the final notes of the song were played. Throughout the last chorus, Freed hadn't been able to stop his voice from cracking, thick with tears.
"Huh, you write that?"
Laxus.
The Rune knight refused to turn around, for fear that his leader would see his crying. Freed hadn't heard the taller man enter the house, much less approach him.
Since his throat was still constricted, he simply nodded in response.
"I like it, it's pretty. But we don't have time for any music shit, come on, I can't be late to my own fucking wedding." Laxus didn't bother to check to see if his friend was following him. Freed always did after all, no matter the situation.
Hastily wiping the tears away, the smaller man rose from the piano and took a few deep breaths to compose himself. Well I'm glad you like it Laxus, considering it was written about you.
The paisley tie that he had adorned that morning was stained with droplets, so he traded it for a simple black one. The tie had other plans, as it refused to be even and remained crooked. After a minute of two of waiting, Laxus returned to the room and caught his guard fiddling hopelessly with his tie.
"Here, come on, I'll help you," the blonde said as he took the tie in his hands. The Rune knight, however, refused to meet his eyes and dropped his own hands in an ashamed fashion. "Is something wrong Freed?"
The other sighed, but never looked up. "I suppose not, I just cannot believe you're actually getting married."
"Freed," the Lighting mage tilted the other's chin up, so that their eyes met, and their lips were merely inches apart. Freed's mind screamed Too close! Please don't do this to me, I can't take it when you're about to be gone and forget about me. Please. Beneath dark lashes, Laxus could see the glistening of water in his guard's eyes, the redness and puffiness was all too present. The Lightning mage spoke again, "Hey, it's gonna be okay, I'm still going to be a part of our team. So, umm, don't worry about it?"
This summoned the tiniest of smiles to the green haired man's lips. "Whatever you say Laxus."
Dropping Freed's jaw, Laxus rotated on his heel and marched out. "Alright, well lets get the hell out of here. Can't wait to see Mirajane in her dress."
"Yes, I'm sure she will look dazzling, she always does."
Laxus raised and eyebrow and teased jokingly, "Hey! You hitting on my woman, the day we're getting married?"
You couldn't be more wrong, gods you're dense. "You must credit me for more tact than that."
Freed was sat in the first row of chairs. The ceremony was to take place in none other than the Guildhall, as Laxus was practically the heir, and Mirajane worked there. To his right sat Bickslow, who was making bets with Cana on who was to get married next. To his left sat Evergreen who was trying her best to maintain an air of joy, but was clutching her comrade's hand softly in an attempt at comfort. All the familiar faces of Fairy tail had settled in, and the bustling chatter ran throughout each row of white chairs. Upon the stairs, where the marriage was to be made official, stood Master Makarov in priest robes, as he was to marry the couple. With their individual sense of gaiety, the mages managed to ignore the sorrow radiating from the first row of seating.
Suddenly, a piano started from somewhere in the guild, and the mages immediately retired to their seating. Laxus was the first to enter from the side, and stand near his father. In the bright lighting, the Lightning mages hair cast a shining glow, like a halo. His warm smile, a rare sight, light up his face and his suit effectively outlined his muscular and proud structure. Freed's jaw opened ever so slightly, as Evergreen's grip tightened in reassurance. The Rune knight was quite taken aback. He-he truly looks like a god. Why does he have to be so completely perfect? He is a creature of light and magnificence, something free, not to be dragged down by evil and torment. I'm sorry Laxus, despite how I try to be pleasant for your sake, I am not strong enough to go through this.
And before anyone could say the wiser, before Freed was supposed to walk up and join Laxus, becoming his best man, the green haired man rushed out of the building, breaths coming shallow. I'm sorry Laxus, but now I must part with my solitude, for only I am now left alone in the grand scheme of things. Forgive me, I meant not to frown upon your joy, but alas I have met my limit. Just give me some time. Freed didn't care about the scene he had most likely caused. A best man walking out on a wedding? He supposed it wasn't the first time. The cool spring air met his skin pleasantly, and pale cherry blossoms danced among the breeze. Even the sun appeared to be happy for the couple joined today, it wept not for the Rune knight who was left alone. I just need-just need something to numb the pain. Anything, he thought as he made his way into a Magnolian bar.
A glass of wine in the evening soon became a few shots, then more. The bartender glanced skeptically towards the man with such long mint hair, and formal dress. He couldn't have weighed more that 170 pounds, how he was not passed out was a mystery. As the lithe man lifted the glass to his lips, the bartender could make out he bright green guild insignia that was none other than Fairy Tail.
The man making a drink spoke up, "Hey, wasn't there a Fairy Tail wedding today?"
"Hmm?" Freed swiveled his head, "Oh yeah, I left early,"
"Oh… You carry a torch for the bride then? That would explain why you're here…"
"Well, not exactly…" the Rune knight blushed.
The older man had taken to wiping the counter down with a cloth. Besides Freed, the bar only held a few clients who had sat in the booths. "But you do carry a torch for someone, her sister or something?
"Yes, I do. But not who you would think; um, the groom…"
The bartender's eyes darkened significantly. Two large hands reached down to the counter across from the green haired man and grabbed the wood threateningly. "Get the hell out of my establishment! Filth!"
Hearing this, Freed sighed, it wasn't the most hurtful, nor the most offensive response he had gotten to his, erm, sexuality. It would have just been easier to say that I was in love with the bride, would it not? Wordlessly, the man with long hair complied and left the money on the wood. He had already gotten quite hammered to the point where he could almost forget just how much he loved the blonde, how much pain he was in because of the blonde. The alcohol had had the desired effect, as his mind was allowed to wander, as did his feet throughout the lamp lit alleys of Magnolia.
Everything appeared slightly foggy before his eyes, no longer existed the geometrical edges of building. In this stupor, he was released from his emptiness and was content to be one with the chilling night whispers that drifted through his skin. He couldn't have said where he was going, it certainly wasn't to his house, but he knew that he was indeed going. And upon his wavering steps on the sidewalk, his boots caught on a crack that sent him tumbling into the cobblestone street. Just as two bright headlights infiltrated his vision and flew closer.
Laxus had his wrist attached to the SE plug while he softly kissed his beloved. Freed's leaving had all but been forgotten in his mind, replaced by the giddiness of his marriage and the champagne. To his right, Mirajane looked like the goddess she truly was. The wedding dress made her hair look like snow, and her eyes even bluer than Laxus thought possible. It was dark that night, and he was buzzed to the point where he didn't notice a familiar figure stumbling into the vehicle's path. By the time he had, there was no way to slow down as the vehicle rammed into the anonymous figure. Mirajane gasped and hid her eyes. A flash of mint locks echoed in Laxus's mind when the body and car made impact, before rolling onto the street lifelessly. No. It couldn't be. NO. NO. FREED!
A/N: This is a test fic, originally written as a one shot. I would consider continuing the story and making it multichapter, if I get enough reviews telling me to do so. Like it? Hate it? Please let me know! Right now, my main priority is the story Revelations, which is also Fraxus, so please check it out!