Since this is a comedy, I'm taking some liberties and making it slightly alternate-universe (which probably goes without saying). Niflheim's hold on the world won't be so tight and that way, the boys can travel freely. This slightly crack-ish fic was inspired in part by everyone saying how uniform the characters looked, but also by Weezer's "Undone—The Sweater Song". It brings to mind the sound of a fledgling band, perfect for one as young as Noct :)

Before the Fall

"This is Steve Jones here from Rolling Stone magazine and today, we have the Lucian prince himself in with us along with his band Royal Pain in the Ass. Noctis, this is our second time meeting and it's been, what, three years?"

Noctis nervously crossed a leg, sitting forward on the thinning couch cushion that'd seen one too many hind-quarters. Even having the rest of the group next to him didn't help much to hide his anxiety. This was the make or break interview and he knew the record label was scrutinizing him to ensure he gave a good pitch. "Yeah, it'll be about three years here in a few weeks from when we last talked before the previous album came out…"

The journalist, Steve, nodded, quickly glancing at his notes. "Right, the album, Nifl These Nutz, ended up being quite the financial success though it caused a lot of controversy and was critically mocked. Looking back now, do you have any regrets about that album?"

Before Noctis could respond, Prompto shouted out, "Hell no! We stand by our message to the Empire! Fuck Niflheim! Wait, we can cuss, right? I was told swears were okay…" he glanced around sheepishly. Ignis reached across Gladio to give him a light tap on the back and a warning look.

Noctis gave a hollow laugh, feeling his palms begin to sweat. He was used to being in the spotlight from his upbringing but this was probably more important to him than even ruling the country. He wanted RPA to succeed. Inheriting the kingdom was his birthright but this, this he'd had to truly work for. And so, he put on a smile and laughed amicably at his past, the best thing he could do.

"I must agree with Prompto that we do stick by our message but I can definitely understand the criticism. Our debut album had half the tracks being rock-rap in an age where that genre has long sailed, and the other half being angsty screaming. But at the time, Prompto and I had just formed the group in high school and it was just the two of us letting out frustration at the current state of things. Now that we've added Gladio and Ignis, their input has been great in steering us in a better direction." He gave his sweetest smile to his friends and the other two nodded acknowledgement back.

Steve instead gave a knowing smile. "So you agree that the album was shit?"

Noctis heard Prompto actually growl but ignored him. "Yeah, it was. It's exactly what you'd expect two seventeen year olds to come up with. This new album, Insomniac, is completely different and just the title alone shows how much work went into it and how much we really wanted to get it right this time." He thought that last sentence over, realized it could've been worded better and then did his utmost to hide his embarrassment. Please let him ask a question to someone else…but not Prompto!

"Prompto, you seem to prefer the old sound," Steve said and Noctis internally screamed. "Does that mean you're not a fan of this new album?"

Prompto gave the man an affronted look, as though to question how dare he ask such a thing. "I'm a fan of everything we create! I love music and that doesn't mean just mainstream junk or one to two genres. I'm open to any and everything and so, I love our first album because it was chaotic but real. That resonated with a lot of listeners. Our new album is just as real…we just decided to make our lyrics understandable this time!"

"Okay, and to Gladiolus and Ignis, I've heard you two have been friends with the prince since he was young. With that being said, was it a hard choice to join the group considering its brief history or was it an easy sale since you've known him for so long?"

Ignis finally spoke and his different accent immediately caused Steve's expression to shift to one of intrigue…as was usually the case when he spoke. "I, for one, was not a fan of the name but Noctis—Noct, as we call him—made it clear that he wasn't budging on it." He paused for a moment to cast the prince his own rueful smile, showing there were no hard feelings. "However, I could see how much this new music endeavor meant to him and so I was happy to offer my services in whichever way I could."

"He's too damn modest, this man can play so many instruments, I've lost count," Gladio said, slapping Ignis on the back hard enough to knock his glasses off, giving him flashbacks of high school. "I had to fight with chocobo-butt over there—"

"MY HAIR DOES NOT LOOK LIKE A CHOCOBO'S BUTT!" Prompto screamed.

"—In order to play the drums, but Iggy helped to straighten that out. Noct needed a backup singer and a bass guitarist and lookie who can actually do both: blondie here. I'm a drummer through and through so the switch was perfect. Now we actually look and sound like a band." As he was sitting next to Prompto, he ruffled his hair but the blond continued to sulk.

Steve turned back to Noctis, and this time he had finally settled his nerves. "Alright, before we go, Noctis, what would you like to tell everyone about your new album? Do you think this can bring back those that were distanced by the first one?"

Here it goes. "I think those that were initially unimpressed will truly like this one. This time, there's something there for a lot of rock fans." Code for it's more mainstream. "The words are still just as heartfelt but the music definitely has a polished feel." AKA, the label forced him to have ghost writers and composers. "So, I highly recommend everyone to take a listen. It can be previewed on iTunes."

"Alright, there you have it!" said Steve, shaking everyone's hands. "Go buy the new album, Insomniac, in stores April 4th!" At the mention of the date, the group held their fingers up in the Trekkie Vulcan sign, the fingers split to form a V, or 4/4. Another requirement by the label. "I'm Steve Jones from Rolling Stone magazine and I'll see you next time!"

THREE YEARS AGO

Trying his hardest to ignore the usual stares that accompanied his presence, Noctis meandered down the school hallways, nibbling on the last of a fruit tart that Ignis had made that morning. School had now ended with club activities starting up, but he'd saved the treat just for a time like right now, something to eat as he thought of what he felt like doing with the rest of his afternoon. He was technically signed up with the chess club but it was dull in comparison to, say, video games. There were already more than enough members to where his presence wasn't necessary to keep the club running; he only joined because being in a club was mandatory.

He'd just decided on going to the arcade for the third day in a row when he heard a smatter of drumming coming from a room at the end of the hall. He peeked in the small rectangular window on the door and was surprised to see Prompto sitting at a drum set. The blond counted to four by clicking the sticks together and again played the same piece. Noctis had to admit that it wasn't half bad. Except for photography, his best friend had proven to be hopeless at everything else: school, girls, cooking, girls, not tripping over his own two feet, and did he mention girls?

But this…this drumming. It resonated with Noctis, and he closed his eyes to feel the beat, tapping his foot along. After Prompto missed a note and stopped again, he pulled open the door. "Sounding nice," he said by way of greeting, walking across the room to check out the other instruments.

"Please tell me you didn't hear all of that," Prompto groaned, beginning to rise from his seat. "I'm self-taught so I know I suck. My family only funded my guitar lessons but I had to sneak and learn drums so as to not wake the neighborhood."

"Hey, it's cool," Noctis reassured him, tuning an electric guitar, but then noticed him rising. "Wait, let's try something. Since you play by ear, try to play along with this." It wasn't the right guitar for the song, but he strummed the opening notes of Seven Nation Army.

Prompto sat back down and fell into step with him, announcing, "This is an easy one. The drumming doesn't have a lot of variation." As they continued, he began to sing the lyrics.

Noctis tentatively joined him, hoping the music drowned out his voice. He then wondered what was the purpose of even singing along if he was going to be quiet. Knowing he was going to sound terrible and toughening himself up to not care, he raised his voice, doing his best to mimic the lead singer of The White Stripes. He got so into it that he didn't even realize he'd sung the entire song until he came to the ending and looked over at Prompto to see his friend staring at him with wide eyes.

"That…was…amazing! Dude, fuck the chess club, come join the music club!" Prompto said earnestly.

It was highly tempting but then Noctis remembered something. "This oh-so-prestigious academy only has a school orchestra. I guess maybe someone tried to get a music club together and that's why there's other kinds of instruments in here but looks like it failed."

That didn't daunt Prompto, who jumped up to run over and shake him by the shoulders. "Then we'll be the new club that rises from the ashes! C'mon, man, there wasn't a photography club so I got stuck with the fucking knitting club! It's full of girls who knit and talk shit about the other girls at school. It's the weirdest thing, they're like a pack of savage teenage grandmas! Creating a music club would save you and me from Afterschool Hell!"

"You actually attend that club?" Noctis snorted. "I think I've been to the chess club once and that was to announce I was joining. After that, I just do whatever I want." Well, he tried to anyways. Unfortunately, both Ignis and Gladio knew he was to be at club practice during this hour and did not hesitate to sometimes turn up unannounced, ensuring he was in the building. It was almost as though for having lost one mother, he'd gained two more.

Continuing though, Noctis said, "It's actually too late in the semester to start a new club anyways. Everyone has already picked theirs. But hey, I don't go to the chess club and you don't go to the Bitch-and-Knit club anyways so it still leaves us time to practice." Wait, practice? For what?

Prompto punched him lightly in the arm, giving a cheer. "Yeah, it still works out! Seriously though, too bad you have to be king someday. With your voice, you could make a killer rock band. Or just go all acoustic and emotional. Chicks dig that stuff."

Imagining it made Noctis feel flattered but then he focused on the 'king' part. "Who says I can't do both? The Rock n' Roll King! Oh, wait…I think I just heard Elvis roll in his grave." He shook his head, kneeling down to unplug the guitar and set it back against the wall. "I don't think Lucis is ready for that either way. It'd be a royal pain in the ass to juggle both."

"Wait a sec…royal pain in the…it's perfect!" Prompto declared, shaking Noctis in a way that only he had the right to do. "Royal Pain in the Ass, that'll be our name! It's genius!"

Noctis had to admit that it did have an ironic ring to it. "And now we roll the credits," he smiled.

"Yeah, roll credits and add a teaser at the end like a Marvel movie. This is only the beginning!"

And so it was.

Oh, and…in case any of you were hoping for relationships in this story, I believe I will hold off on that for this one. However, considering Square Enix handed us this very obvious yaoi cannon fodder on a silver platter (I swear they're aware of this!), I eventually will take advantage of them.