Chapter 1

Buffy awoke with a start, still breathing heavily from the melancholic dream she'd just had. Although, it was much the same as most nights she went to sleep now days, usually she didn't get any sleep at all.

She closed her eyes still seeing the horrific images vividly, rolling around in her mind like a continuous film playing over and over again. Every night she would dream of herself being in absolute bliss and every breath she took was a breath of pure ecstasy. She knew in her heart it was meant to be forever.

Suddenly her paradise would be taken away from her and it was like her body and soul were being ripped apart. Silent tears would fall every time she recalled the unbearable pain of her organs slowly being gnawed away and how the suffocating evil would overcome her body every night.

At the end of her long and formidable dreams she would finally escape the unthinkable evil but all she could see and feel when she was finally free was heartache, pain and death. No matter which way she ran she couldn't find the perfect paradise she once knew. Now all she wanted to do was hide and fade away. This strange evil had somehow changed her and there was nothing she could do about it.

"So these dreams I've been having, they're all apart of the deal right?" Buffy asked Giles as she was warming up for her next training lesson. "I mean, I've just been brought back to life by some dark magic and had to claw myself out of my own grave. I'm bound to be affected in some way right?"

"Yes, well, I suppose so. You're mind is obviously going to be affected rather severely by what you've been through and I guess these dreams are your mind's way of coping with it" He replied with a note of deep concern in his voice.

"But I ...err... wish you'd give me a bit more detail on the dreams. We've hardly talked since the... well... night and I'm really worried about you..." he added in a very soft yet strained voice.

"Hey, what ever happened to that old cross bow we used to have?" Buffy asked suddenly rummaging through her bag of weapons, trying to avoid the question. But when she saw the hurt expression on Giles' face she knew she would have to answer.

"Look, I know you're worried about me Giles, but I've just been through the worst experience of my life and when I'm ready to talk I'll let you know." She said a little harsher than she intended.

They spent the rest of her training in silence.

"Hey Buffy!" Willow and Xander greeted Buffy as she strolled in through the front door of the Magic Box later that day.

"Hey guys" she replied a little less cheerily but forced a phoney smile ate them so they wouldn't notice how upset she was feeling. She really wasn't in the mood for any more pity. She didn't know how much more she could take. She knew they were just trying to help but if anything they were just making it worse.

Every day she was finding it harder and harder to forgive them for what they had done.

If only they knew...

If only they knew the pain they had put her through. If only they knew how hard it was trying to forget the pain they had put her through. They thought they had saved her when really she was falling apart. But they could never know this. She knew how it would hurt them if they did. They didn't know where she had come from. They didn't know how happy she was. How could they? She could have been anywhere. She could have been in an awful hell dimension for all they knew.

"So how have you been Buffy? Is everything going ok?" Xander asked kindly.

"Yep, everything's great" She replied a little too cheerily.

"Well, come on in and join us. We're just trying to narrow down whatever that weird monster thing was you saw the other night and munching on a few of Xander's girly cookies that he made," Willow said with a bit of a laugh.

"I'll have you know that recipe was my great, great grandmother's recipe and it meant a lot to her so by offending my cookies you are offending my great, great grandmother, thank you very much." Xander replied to his defence.

"You should realise that doesn't actually make the cookies any less girly" Willow said laughing at Xander's sulky face.

As Willow and Xander continued to joke together the usual lonely feeling started to come over Buffy and tears began to swell in her eyes.

"Actually guys I think I'm going to patrol tonight. See you later!" Buffy suddenly told them and left before they could say another word.

Rain showered down on her as she ran blindly through the dark foreboding night. Tears rolled heavily down her cheeks as she gasped for breath. She felt like she had been running non-stop for hours on end. Finally she couldn't run any further and collapsed onto her knees. Slowly she placed her hands on the soft muddy ground and took slow steady breaths to try and regain her strength. She felt so weak and vulnerable.

Then she realised something she hadn't realised before. A dark shadow was now looming over her. Quickly, she jumped up and took a swing at his distorted face. But the stranger was quick too and held her in his strong grip before she could escape. Now she could see his face close up she knew who it was. Spike smiled down at her with his deep caring eyes that looked directly at her. Something no one had down since that awful, awful night. Although how hard she tried to fight it she knew she couldn't any more. No matter how wrong it was she couldn't deny how she felt about this creature of the night. Something about Spike had changed and something had changed about the way she felt about him. She had been avoiding this for so long but now she knew it was meant to be. Finally she let herself relax and just melted into him. Slowly she pressed her lips against his then paused for a moment, breathing in the pure passion of their first forbidden kiss. Finally she let herself go; kissing him so deep she could hardly breathe. It was like she had been holding back for so long. She couldn't control herself, letting his tongue devour her. She ran her hand slowly down his stomach, feeling his thick hard abbs, suddenly letting out a deep moan. This only enticed Spike to go further. Suddenly he was reaching down her pants but she stopped him before he could go any further. She then whispered into his ear.

"Let's go somewhere a little more private"

At that he pulled her into his crypt which was just behind a tree only a few steps away. As they entered the dimly lit cave Spike slowly picked Buffy up and gently lay her on his bed. She gave him a sly little smile and quickly began to undo his pants and ripped them off. Immediately he returned the favour and began to undo her top, slowly rubbing her breasts making her nipples go hard. Now she was moaning so uncontrollably he couldn't take it any longer. Suddenly he was inside her, slowly moving up and down, up and down... Oh it was bliss! He loved how he could make her scream. He could feel her fingers groping him everywhere, enticing him on. It was unbelievable! Harder, harder, harder, until...they had finally reached the thrilling climax. They were both screaming so loud now the whole of Sunnydale must have heard them. It seemed to last forever.

Eventually it was over and Buffy, realising what she had done, quickly rushed out of his forbidden palace and raced off into the cold and lonely night all alone.

Deep down Buffy knew this wouldn't be the end of it.