Last night I lay by his side, and watched the moon through the window. The moonlight beam crept into the room through the glass and between the slightly parted curtain. He was sleeping peacefully. His face was calm. I rarely see him that way except when he's sleeping. He is always smiling, and talking happily. The he laughs with friends, classmates, schoolmates, the team and even the coach.
Of ten his face showed nothing but joy, happiness and relaxation. It is what makes me angry. Sometimes, I think he never takes anything seriously, including me. He never listens to me. He would sit in front of me and watch me talk about Maths, our Geography assignments and the proper essay writing technique for history but he never takes me seriously.
I pushed myself up, but still by his side. I watched the peaceful heaving of his chest. The rhythm remains the same since I was awoken in the middle of the night. He was so peaceful. The aura of serenity that surrounds him was like a holy shield, stopping me from getting nearer to him. I felt something in me burn. My chest hurts and it became harder for me to breath. I hate him. God, I hate him. I hate every inch of him. From his long hair, to his smooth forehead, down to his chiseled face, strong torso and his long legs. To the tip of his toe which showed at the edge of the blanket.
The clock on the wall showed that it was 2 a.m. Four hours to go before sun up. Before he wakes up. He is an angel. At least that is what everyone think he is. I doubted he was. And then I believe he is. And now I doubted him again. What was he to gain from me? What do I have? Money? He has a lot more of it than me. Fame is definitely out. A sense of victory perhaps. The victory of capturing a lost soul. If that is the case, I wonder why have I become so stupid. I fought the battle, long and hard. I fought him, others and the demon within me. I thought I have been blessed by God but I am not. I'm not a blessed human.
The steady humming of the air conditioner reminds me of my current state. I am uncovered from the waist up to the head. I reached for my shirt that was resting on the nightstand. I wanted to leave but I can't. I hate myself for wanting to stay on that cosy bed. The shadows of the cupboards and the furniture were looming in the dark. Then fear assaulted me. And I felt so lonely. Not a sound in the huge bedroom can be heard except his breath. And I turn my eyes towards him. He was still there. Then he moaned and stirred lightly.
His face was directly facing me now. Does God create something... somebody like him? Out of all the people in this world, why did he choose me? Or am I only one of his conquests? But he made me happy. No one has ever made me that happy before. How can I tell.
I remnembered last week. He was chatting with our classmates. He was surrounded by them. He looked just like himself. So jovial, flashing his pearly whites almost all the time. He turned towards me and out eyes met. I diverted my eyes and started walking. Away from him.... away from everyone. He called me but I walked and broke into a run. Somehow, he doesn't make me feel happy anymore. Later when he asked, I told him I had to go to the men's.
Basketball practice is even worse. Worse for me that is. I watched each of his graceful moves with envy. His successful lay-ups, the way he charged forward and fought for the rebound. He turned towards me and gave one of his famous smiles while mouthing words to remind me about our dinner. His smiles are always special. He smiles to everyone, always, all the time. I remembered that I threw up one time when I think of his smiles. I think they are sickeningly sweet. But everyone in the world loves it, except me. I was so sick that day that coach excused me from basketball practice.
I tried to touch him, but I can't. Even when he sleeps I can feel the power of his spirits. The power that can destroy me anywhere, anytime. I draw my hand. Just as I wanted to leave, his eyes fluttered open.
A/N : It feels so good to be back. I guess I am just lazy these two years. All my fics I
throw away. Hope this time I'll stay for good and I tell ya, I SUPPORT SD!!!
Even though I'm lazy, I'll be SD's fan forever..........