DA REVELATIONS

Episode 6 – Instinct

Chapter 1 – Part of It

"I hate Christmas shopping," Remy LeBeau uttered under his breath. He was walking hand in hand with Rogue at the Bayville mall on the twenty-fourth of December, cursing under his breath every time someone shoved past him or caught him in the knee with their bags full of sharp-edged boxes. Christmas lights adorned the window of every store, images of Santa and reindeer and elves and candy canes were everywhere he looked.

Kids pleaded with their mothers to visit Santa's grotto while the mothers dragged their kids along desperate to get their last minute items in. Everywhere he looked he saw the 'sale' sign, everywhere he looked people were pushing and shoving past to get to the cheapest items.

"It's your own damn fault," Rogue smirked, "You shouldn't have left it so late...I mean...Christmas Eve?" she pointed out. "You're leaving it waaaaaay until the very last minute."

"I know, I know," he rolled his eyes at her, he glanced down at the one bag of items he'd bought – it included baby items, Kitty was still in hospital being so close to her due date now, and he at least wanted to have something to bestow upon her and the baby. "Chere?" he asked absently, eyeing up a jewellery store several feet away.

"Hmmm?" she asked, she was digging in her purse for something.

"What you want for Christmas?"

She picked a pack of gum out of her purse and opened it, "I dunno..." she shrugged, "anything."

"Jewellery?"

Rogue saw the store he was looking at, "from there? You kidding? That place is a rip off..."

"It's not a rip off when you're paying for quality," Remy uttered.

"I don't want anything for Christmas," she decided, she popped a piece of gum into her mouth, "I have all the useless crap I need. Last Christmas, Bobby got me a gold necklace that has literally never been out of the box."

Remy frowned, "yeah, well...that's probably cheap gold. I'm talkin' perhaps somethin' worth something...diamonds...maybe sapphires...or fine jades...to match your eyes, hmm?" he asked, his mood lightened and he smiled at her.

She took a piece of gum from the packet and popped it into his mouth for him, she smirked, "how about not."

"Why not?"

"I have all the jewellery I need."

"You never wear anything I got you," he noted.

"Okay, fine," Rogue looked at him, "remember that silver cross you got me? With the engraving?" she asked, "one christmas...?"

"Yes," he nodded, "I remember buying it in New OrLeans..."

"Buy me a new chain for it..." she suggested. "You still have the pendent, don't you?"

"Yes."

"Then that'll do," she kissed the tip of her finger then pressed it to his lips, he returned the kiss to her finger.

"How about an emerald ring...?" he asked softly as they began to walk again towards the jewellery store.

"I don't even wear ri--" she stopped herself in mid-sentence, she stopped in mid-step too. "Oh," she said, suddenly realising what he meant.

He stopped with her, "things have been...good," he pointed out, "and...maybe it's time we looked towards that...again."

"No," she said flatly, she began walking to the store window to look at the chains.

"No?" he asked, "not even a discussion?" he followed.

"I don't want to fight about this," she turned and looked at him, "We've been through this already..."

"Oh?" he asked. He knew exactly what she was speaking of, but playing stupid just seemed to work so well sometimes – especially when he particularly didn't want to remember.

"You arranged my wedding for me, my entire future and even where we were going to live – without telling me," she reminded, frowning. He could hear the emotional anger in her voice even though she tried to hide it.

"I was trying to be spur of the moment and romantic," he defended.

"Oh it was, up until I found out I was getting married in a chapel by an Elvis impersonator," Rogue folded her arms and looked at him.

"It wasn't an Elvis impersonator. It was a very nice woman Chinese lady actually," he corrected with a roll of his eyes. "But you need to understand...I was going away...and I was afraid of losing you – I wasn't in my right mind."

"I still think you're not in your right mind," she stated, she looked away from him.

"I'm a man in love – what man in love can you say is in his right mind?" he raised an eyebrow and gave her a sexy grin.

"Scott Summers."

His grin faded, "You're biased – you had a crush on him in high school," Remy stared through the window at silver chains.

"That has nothing to do with anything," Rogue looked at the chains with him, "he's always in his right mind and when Jean says no he doesn't constantly bring the subject up for discussion time and time again. You hardly ever see them arguing and if you do it's once a year."

"You sure about that?" Remy asked.

"Of course I am. Why would you even ask?"

"It's just...they been together a long time. There has to be some conflict there surely."

"What makes you say that?" she asked.

"They still have sex don't they?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" Rogue demanded impatiently.

"Sex life is pretty boring without conflict," he shrugged, mentally noting a chain that looked perfect to match the silver cross pendant.

"I wouldn't know..." she trailed off, her expression changing from angry to despair.

He moved behind her and wrapped his arms around her, "you will..." he promised.

"Right," she said pessimistically. She made him sorry he'd ever brought up the subject in the first place, it had turned a 'fun' shopping trip into depressing.

"When we finally do...it'll be...hot," he breathed warmly near her ear.

"When?" she pointed out, "when I'm sixty and my powers finally weaken enough that you can actually touch me?"

"We'll work this out and we'll be able to...go all the way," he put it nicely.

"I'm sick of bein' stuck in this innocent kid-style relationship, Remy. Not kissin', holdin hands is about as intimate as we can get. If I touch you, it has to be over your clothes..." she said quietly so they couldn't be overheard, "I can feel your body close to me, but...I can't be a part of it...not like I know I should be."

"Wait, is this about what you want, or what you think I want?"

"Why are you even asking?"

"Because you said if you touch me. Not when I touch you."

"Can't it just mean both?" she shrugged.

"Chere," he breathed, "I'm quite happy to keep things at an innocent level. As for what you want..." he brushed her hair back from her shoulder affectionately, "whatever you need..." he trailed off.

"I don't know what I need," she uttered.

"I do," he said, "You need to work on your powers with me. Then we can go from kid-style innocence to...well...more. Gotta walk before you can run..."

"Apparently I must be walking on a treadmill, Remy, 'cause I haven't gotten anywhere with this in years," The way she said it seemed to finalise the conversation, and he decided to let it go...at least for now.

He smacked her backside playfully, "c'mon, lets go get the necklace then grab some coffee."

"Okay," she tried to lighten her mood, she held his hand as they walked into the store.

Remy stopped at a jewellery counter, momentarily side-tracked by something he spotted on display. "Chere?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think...I don't know, do you think it'd be out of line if..." he trailed off.

"If what?"

"If I got Jessie something for christmas?" he asked, he looked at her seriously.

Rogue paused, "I...I don't know. Why would it be out of line?"

"I don't know...I still barely know the kid. You know how people around the mansion talk..."

"She's attached to you, maybe would be nice...since she likes you so much."

He sighed, "this...this is so goddamn hard."

"What? Shopping for people?"

"Christmas."

"Oh."

"She'd have been seven too, you know," Remy referred to his daughter, although he didn't feel the need to mention her name.

"I know..." Rogue brushed his cheek with her free hand, the suede of her glove was comforting and warm.

"I feel...guilty."

"For?"

"It's Christmas...and I'm thinking of buying the child my daughter will never grow up to be a gift..."

"I'd think...if she was watching you, and from what you told me you saw when you died, then she is, that she would want you to dote on that little girl. It's my understanding that in heaven there is no jealousy...or bitterness or any other negative feelin's."

"I know that...I heard it all before on that John Edward's show," he pointed out, "But...I still just can't help but feel like I'm..."

"You're what?" Rogue asked.

"Maybe unconsciously trying to replace my baby..." he looked distressed, "does that sound crazy?"

"No..." she answered sternly, "it's a rational thought. But you're not trying to replace her...nothing or no one can replace her," Rogue pointed out.

"Are you sure?" he asked, "Because...I'm scared that's what's happening here...and it hurts so goddamn much."

Rogue looked him deep in the eyes, let him see right through hers so that he'd know she was talking from the heart and not just from the head, "maybe this will sound corny, Remy..." she began, "But maybe...your heart can't heal because you have...all this love in you, this love that you can't give to your lil' girl...but then there's Jessie...who has very little experience of love, or of family. It's like...a girl without a father and a father without a girl...do you see where I'm going with this?"

"So what are you saying? That me and Jessie need each other – that we should take those roles in each others lives?"

"Maybe," she replied. "I think your daughter would want it that way."

"Then why does it feel so wrong?"