A/N: This is a laugh at all the slash/femme slash fics out there where the two main characters have seemingly spontaneous unprotected sex. STDs can be transmitted through gay and lesbian sex as well as through heterosexual intercourse, you know. Just because there's not the issue of pregnancy doesn't mean there's not other things you have to be careful about. I probably could have made it a bit longer, and I may come back and revise it to make it so, but I didn't want to get too carried away.

Disclaimer: I don't even own the computer I'm typing this on, let alone Harry Potter.

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"Draco! Get a load of this!"

"What?"

Harry waved indignantly at the computer screen in front of him.

"Hmm… Hey, is this story about us? That's some pretty steamy stuff..."

"That's not the point! First they practically call you a whore-"

"Hey!"

"-Then they don't even give us condoms! Let alone latex gloves… And no lube either!"

"But I'm not a whore! Just because I've had my fair share of partners doesn't mean-"

"What are you two arguing about now?" Ginny said blearily from the doorway, rubbing her eyes. "Ooh! Fanfiction! That stuff is always fun. Hey, is this about you? Oh ew, it is!"

"NO CONDOMS! Draco and I use condoms even now! And we've been together ten months!"

"I'm not, I'm NOT!"

"Hey… If they have stories about Harry and Draco, maybe they have some about Hermione and me. Ooh! Let's looky looky…"

"Ginny? Harry? Draco? What on earth are you doing? It's… oh. Well I guess it's already 8:00. I should be up by now any- Ginny! Is that fanfiction! You know you were trying to give it up! You spend far to much time on the compu- hey, that's about us!"

"Harry, do you think I'm a whore?" Draco asked suddenly.

Everyone turned to look at him.

"Erm… No, of course not,"

"Wait a minute," Hermione said, having been reading over Ginny's shoulder. "Our first time wasn't like this! Who in their right mind would have intercourse in a library? In broad daylight, too! Well, I suppose it might be rather interesting, but-"

"Hermione, sweetheart, remember who we're with-" Ginny interjected, seeing the rather disturbed looks on Harry and Draco's faces.

"And we're not even using protection! This is ridiculous! Coloured dental dams are so fun…"

"That's exactly what I've been saying!" Harry roared. "What if Draco had had an STD or something?"

"Hey, what if you had had an STD? Just because you're the Chosen One and all that doesn't mean you're not susceptible," Draco pouted.

"Hermione and I were both tested before we had sex," Ginny said proudly. "But you can never be to careful."

"And flavoured dental dams are so fun…"

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A/N: So… The moral of this story is 'Be Safe, Be Happy.' With everything capitalized just because. Review please, because Draco is a review whore (Draco: I am NOT!).