Traitors and Treasons

Chapter 1: Love, Remorse and Regret

A/N Hi there! Let me warn you, there is a bit –okay, a lot– of angst here, but I promise there is also hope. A few days ago I was reading some Narnia fanfics and I found a story called "Why the Traitor" by ScribeofHeroes. I strongly and wholly recommend this story, so go and check it out. That inspired me to write this, as I realized that we all might be tempted, that we all may fall, but that it is not our sin what counts, but what we do after. I hope you like it, and please, let me know what you think of this!

Cair Paravel's library was a save heaven among the eternal buzz of the castle. As any capital castle, it was crowded, and the overwhelming variety of its inhabitants made the public areas of the palace a maze of living creatures. The library, nevertheless, was a quiet and peaceful place, as no noise could pass through the enormous ebony doors that guarded the enclosure, and no one dared disrupt the silence that invariably befell in those chambers.

There were thousands of books stocked up on hundreds of shelves. There were books on Narnian and World history, science, astrology, poetry, romance and epics, and there were as many legend books in the library as legends surrounding the library itself. It was rumored to be the grandest library in their side of the Wardrobe and it was said that you would always find the book you needed when you needed it. It was said the books arranged themselves –something completely denied by the staff– and that the library was the very heart of the palace, filled with secret corridors to all chamber of the Cair –Something Edmund knew for sure, but wouldn't comment about.

The library was also Edmund's save heaven during the first months after his coronation. He would run his fingers through the leathered spines of the old books, taking in their soft aroma. (For most of them were older than the Winter itself).

As it was, one day in the third month of his reign, King Edmund was searching books on Narnian Legends: The Flower of Air, The First Winged Horse, The Day of the Lunar Eclipse, The Origin of the Merpeople…The New Testament.

There he stopped. He remembered something of it, when he was little. His memories were already fading, but there was this firm memory of his mother and father, with all his siblings, as they read to them each evening from a thick book with thin paper, its spine worn and its cover almost unreadable.

Then, they were just words, just stories, just songs. Anyway, everything since coming into Narnia had been different, for better or worse. He was happy most of the time, but once in a while he would need some time. As a matter of fact, fact was the reason he has at the library at this moment.

Edmund hadn't overcame his guilt. Not yet. His treason was too fresh, and his guilt too tender.

He decided to read the book. It seem old –the oldest book he had ever seen. The cover was a rich shade of red, fairly well preserved for a book so ancient. He opened the book at the beginning and started reading.

Matthew.

As he read the miracles and parables of our Lord, he could feel his heart beat faster, his eyes grew wide and his mouth fell to form a soft O.

"An analogy" he thought, "because the one in this book could only be Aslan"

And hour later –because, captivated by the book in front of him, he hadn't realized the hour– Edmund reached chapter 26 and read "Judas Agrees to Betray Jesus". By then, Edmund's body was paralyzed, and yet, his exhausted eyes seemed glued to the paper, reading through the tears. The king was crying because he saw himself in the letters:

"…But woe to that man who betrays the Son of Man! It would be better for him if he had not been born…"

Edmund's heart suddenly cracked, and shattered to a million little pieces.

His first impulse was fleeing the room in tears, but no Narnian king could afford to be seen in such a state! Then he thought about tearing the offending book –but no. He couldn't bring himself to even touch the sacred book again. So he decided to sat, and weep bitterly at his sin. He knew Aslan had forgiven him, as most Narnians, but he found it so hard to forgive himself!

When his eyes were dry, and tears stopped to wet his navy blue shirt, King Edmund saw a golden light– no, a golden fire lit up the room. Its warmness was happily welcomed, yet Edmund's heart seemed to stop in fear. He didn't kneel, didn't breath; he just bowed his head, trembling, his eyes on the ground.

"Edmund, my son, look at me" ordered the Lion

Edmund slowly complied, until he saw the big golden eyes of the Lion –eyes that were completely filled with love. Pure, sheer and unshakable love. And yet, this made his brown eyes water again, because he knew he was not worthy of so much love.

"Your faults have been forgotten."

"Why?" he muttered.

"Because I love you" replied the Lion, "Because you love Me. Because you repented, and Edmund, because you changed. Now, My sacrifice has made you –and all sinner in these lands– anew: Your sins are forgotten. Do not undermine what I have done with you by not forgiving you yourself."

"Edmund, keep reading. Aloud." Commanded Aslan

So Edmund did, obeying, trying –and failing– not to stammer over the words:

"…Before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times…"

"…He was seized with remorse and returned the thirty pieces of silver…"

"…Then he went away and hanged himself…" There Edmund faltered, his usually clear voice barely audible.

"Stop." Edmund complied, and Aslan continued, "Tell me, My son, you who compare yourself with Judas: When you betrayed Me, don't you understand that you acted like Judas but then, redeemed yourself, acting like Peter would?" Aslan didn't have to explain which Peter he was referring to.

"Have you changed, Edmund?"

"Yes", responded the king, with little hesitation.

"You didn't do what Judas did: He knew what he was doing. You didn't. He felt remorse, but he didn't regretted it. He died a coward's death without redeeming himself. Do you understand?"

"I – I think I do, Aslan."

"Do you know who Peter was, Edmund?"

"An Apostol?"

"Yes. He saw Me there – all the miracles I did, Peter saw them, and was warned of his future sin. He fell, for he disowned Me three times. And yet, when he repented, I made him the cornerstone of My Church, and now he is with my Father in the heavens above the Earth. And it will be because of the same love that you will be one of the greatest kings My land will know, If you have faith."

'Do you always make Peters the cornerstones of your realms?' thought Edmund

"I always make people with great hearts the guides of my people, Son" Purred the Lion.

And so, Edmund fell silent. He understood the difference between Judas and Peter –It was not the treason, but how they acted after the treason. However, there was something he still didn't understand.

"Why?" Asked the boy, again, now in a whisper that nevertheless reached the King of Kings.

"Because I am love, Edmund."

Then, just as softly as He came, He went, and the library was left in dim lights and shadows. Nonetheless, His golden presence remained, faded, in the dark-haired boy, like an aura of tranquility. The boy's voice was hoarse, the point of his nose and his eyes were red from crying, and his face was paler than usual. He didn't feel joyous, nor did he feel sad. He just felt serene.

Everybody noticed the state of the King, but they were all too polite to comment. They already understood that dim gold-like glow and its implications.

Slowly, Edmund smiled. But it was not a smile of happiness or relief; it was merely the smile coming out of His peace.

Peace that would remained with Edmund during and after Narnia, forever, and always.

The same power that raised Christ from the dead is living in you –Romans 8:11

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. –1 John 4:16

This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. –1 John 4:10