Summary:
Whenever it is important, Itachi is always late. ItaNaru
Pairings:
Itachi x Naruto
Warnings:
Little bit of swearing, slightly sickly ending because it's Christmas-time and I say we need happiness. :) It's a Christmas-fic without the Christmas. In otherwords, with a happy ending.
The Rise of a King and the Fall of a Queen.
Itachi is late, as always. Whenever it is important, he is late.
Brushing the scattering of raindrops off of the front of his cloak, Itachi turns to view the silent cave, Sharingan glinting sadly in the dimming light. Madara is there - when isn't he? - surrounded by Zetsu and Kisame. It's a sad gathering, a trio of the mighty Akatsuki, but this isn't what catches Itachi's attention.
And this is why he is late.
"You see the mighty Kyuubi fall on this day," that is Madara, Itachi's mind dully notes as his feet take him automatically to the body's side. It can't be Naruto, he refuses to believe it, because Naruto is full of life, he's the one Itachi entrusts the safety of Konoha to and to see him here... it means he was wrong. Again.
"You were late," the voice picks up again and Itachi looks at the man he hates with cool indifference.
"You did not say it was this urgent."
Madara turns, ignoring the body on the ground as if it is a rag doll. Kisame is shifting uneasily, his hand seeking to hold back his sword. Itachi understands how Samehada works and realises now that the body isn't a corpse. Somehow, Naruto survived death.
"Get rid of it. I'm surprised it's still alive, but then again not all of the Kyuubi was taken out."
Itachi blinks in hidden surprise. Confirmation had been given in a second, and before he can be late again, Itachi moves forward, taking Naruto in his arms. There's no doubt it is Naruto now, with blond hair and scarred cheeks. He looks pathetically frail, and he should; three days having part of his soul sucked out and still living deserves an award.
No one says anything as he leaves, though Itachi can feel Zetsu watching. The strange man was the only one who questions Itachi, always will, with an open mind. Zetsu is a strange one, and Itachi doesn't know if he likes him or not.
Itachi walks, knowing that if he stops he will not start again. With every step he remembers Naruto's smile, his optimism, his light... and now he lies grey and gasping in Itachi arms.
He heads away from Konoha, away from the bad memories. He briefly wonders how the Akatsuki got to Naruto anyway, but pushes the idea away when a shuddering whispering escapes Naruto's throat. Getting Naruto back to being Naruto is the priority, not wondering about the past.
Itachi isn't sure how long he walks for, but he knows when he should stop. The soles of his feet hurt from walking, his face is wet from the rain (and tears), and Naruto is shivering now. If not for his own health, Itachi needs cover for Naruto. Naruto is important, he has to live.
They check into a hotel, the woman behind the desk doesn't bat an eyelash at the state they are in, something Itachi thanks her for in silence. They are directed to their room and Itachi walks, in his own world, until they meet a wooden door. The door opens and Itachi has found their Sanctuary for the next few weeks, maybe months.
He is careful when placing Naruto on the bed, gently lowering his own body so Naruto is not discomforted any more. It's something silly, really, because Naruto is in agony now. It's written in the very skin he wears, in the way his eyes are screwed up.
Itachi feels helpless.
For all of the medical training he had picked up, he can do nothing but hold Naruto's hand in his, whispering words to the blond. All through the night Itachi stands his ground, not succumbing to sleep even though that is the very thing he craves at the moment. It pays off, eventually, when (as dawn approaches, and Itachi isn't sure if this is a good thing or not) Naruto sinks into a deeper sleep, his muscles relaxing for the first time since they have arrived.
All is silent in the room, and their first morning together in the little Sanctuary hotel room is spent with Naruto on the bed as a patient and Itachi crumpled over the side of the bed.
Itachi wakes with a pain in his side, but it lessens as he sees the fruits of his labour. Naruto is no longer grey.
Elderly stars slide down the morning sky, slipping away to find a place to die.
It is three more days before Itachi can get Naruto to open his eyes. He has been feeding him water and broth five times a day, little and often. The soaked bread Itachi used to transfer the broth doesn't taste good after it's used, but Itachi eats it anyway. He hasn't left Naruto's side yet, and doubts he will.
It is around noon that Naruto first wakes, and Itachi bolts up from the floor where he sat, eyes wild and hands grasping at bedcovers.
"Naruto?" leaps from his mouth and the blond stares at him blankly, almost in recognition (yet something terribly beyond it). It is two seconds later that his companions head softens again and his eyes roll back in his head.
He is asleep again.
But it is a start. Naruto is recovering.
The second time he wakes is sixteen hours and thirty two minutes after the first time. This time Itachi is next to him and silent. The boy is awake a little longer, long enough to drink with his own throat muscles, nevermind the fact that his hands are useless at this point and Itachi holds the cup up to his lips. After three small sips he sinks down like a robin struck in the breastbone, crumpled yet beautiful in the snow.
The third time, Itachi hears Naruto speak. It scares him, even now remembering.
"Who am I?"
Itachi freezes, eyes locking with blue orbs, realising that no, it isn't a joke. Naruto doesn't know who he is.
If Itachi was any less of a person, he would tell Naruto lies, get the blond to fit to the image of what Konoha and the world needed. But he isn't any less of a person. Itachi sit down on the bed, holds the glass out for Naruto to accept or refuse, and begins his slow story.
In that talk, Naruto learns his name, where he comes from and the name of his closest people. If Itachi thinks that this will trigger anything, he is sorely dissapointed. Not even the name 'Sasuke' brings recognition forth and he nearly leaves their Sanctuary that day in frustration.
He doesn't, of course, because Naruto wakes again and looks at him with doeful eyes.
"I trust you," he whispers in his child-like hoarse voice, the voice that had screamed for hours back with the Akatsuki. Itachi doesn't know what to say to this and turns to look out of the window, fighting unexplained tears that have sprung up to the corners of his eyes.
There and then he will blame lack of sleep. In a month he will blame the stresses of his past. In a month and a day, he will realise it is something else entirely, and despair.
I want to erase every nasty thought that bugs me every day of every week.
"I am Naruto. You are Itachi." The words are said slowly, as if a child is speaking. Maybe it is a child, for Naruto could suffer worse damage than what is seen, but Itachi doesn't want to think about it. He wants to remember the good things, the things that make him feel comforted and not the things that give him nightmares.
Naruto hasn't noticed them yet, thankfully. Itachi knows he cannot let them continue, but he can't find peace with himself while Naruto is like this. He hasn't meditated in days. He hasn't slept a full night's sleep in days. He hasn't eaten a hearty, full meal in days.
"We are friends."
Itachi feels cold, suddenly, and looks away, averting his eyes from the beaming child in the bed. That is what Naruto is now, a child trapped in the body of a growing man. His mind remembers the basics (such as eating, going to the toilet, dressing and laughing), but he forgets about social expectations. More than once Itachi has caught Naruto staring at him in what one could deem a rude manner. Itachi knows it's because Naruto likes the colour of his nails. He told him that a while ago.
They have been in their Sanctuary for nearly three weeks and Naruto seems healed. Body-wise, of course.
"We are friends," Naruto insists, pulling gently on Itachi's sleeve as Itachi stands to look out the window. He does that a lot. Looking out of the window, that is. When he looks out at the world, Itachi can forget for a brief moment what he did.
He can forget he was late, can forget that Naruto can't be saved by a miracle cure. He can forget about Sasuke and the burden of being an Uchiha. He can forget Madara, Konoha, being a Shinobi and countless other things.
And then he will hear that voice, the small, piping pitch that has burst from his weakened patient. This voice will call him back, set him straight, let Itachi know that all he needs to do is care for someone. To Naruto, he is Itachi the friend. Naruto doesn't know he was late, he doesn't know anything outside of the Sanctuary.
And Itachi doesn't know if this is a good thing or a terrible thing.
"You are Itachi and you are my friend," Naruto says, his voice cracking with anger. It is Angry Days Itachi hates the most, because once Naruto is in one of his swings he won't calm down until supper.
"I am Naruto and you are Itachi my friend!" Naruto's voice is getting louder and Itachi moves from the window, his face open and a smile for Naruto on his lips.
"Of course I am, Naruto." Itachi says the name as much as he can. Maybe saying it will help trigger something inside. His words do seem to placate Naruto, and Itachi wonders if maybe this isn't an Angry Day after all.
"Good. You are always my friend. Forever."
Itachi nods and Naruto beams, a smile he has seen so many times before from afar and yet it is alien. It is blank behind the stretch of skin and Itachi nearly pulls away, back to the window where he can forget.
"Forever Itachi. Say it."
"Please," Itachi reminds gently. Naruto huffs, bristling at the soft reprimand.
"Say it please," he repeats, grinding his back teeth in annoyance.
"We're friends forever, Naruto. Just you and me."
Naruto smiles again, and a weight drops deeper around Itachi's heart. He has to lie; Naruto wouldn't understand half of the things that had happened to him with this mind.
Itachi was too late to save his mind being ruined by the Kyuubi's extraction (well, part-extraction anyway), but he wouldn't be too late to save Naruto as he was.
Sometimes things were better when they were simpler.
And Itachi knows, again, that this is yet another lie.
One life with one dream on repeat, I'll escape if I try hard enough.
It is another four days before Itachi thinks Naruto can walk outside. He is more like a child as they leave the door, Naruto's bird-bone wrists jutting out as he clutches Itachi's arm like a lifeline. Perhaps, Itachi allows himself to muse, it is a lifeline.
The woman at the reception ignores them as they pass, though Naruto stares at her. Itachi realises she is the first woman he has seen since waking up and looks down in concern. He needn't worry, however, for Naruto looks up at him with a smile.
"She seems nice."
They leave the hotel and Naruto sighs in the warm breeze. People pass around them, ignoring the two opposite men, and Itachi can focus on Naruto and Naruto alone.
"Would you like something to eat?"
Naruto is jovial, exclaiming praise to Itachi, and Itachi leads him to a ramen bar he took note of a while ago. He orders the noodles and Naruto shifts impatiently in his seat, craning around to look at everything and everyone, like a small child.
A bowl is placed under his nose and Naruto smiles, breaking apart his chopsticks and digging in. It is a millisecond later that the blond draws back, his tongue sticking out of his mouth and eyes scrunched up.
"Hot," he mutters, remeniscent in tone of the person he really was. Itachi looked at him out of the corner of his eye, sure for a moment it was the real Naruto... and looked away when he saw the childish innocence.
They finish slowly, Itachi not worrying about time. It wasn't as if he had anything to do now; the Akatsuki didn't need him now that they had all they needed, Konoha didn't need him any more than they needed a war and Sasuke... Sasuke didn't need anybody. Itachi had misjudged the amount of darkness inside of Sasuke's soul and had thought Naruto would be able to swallow the darkness with his light.
That was an impossible feat now, of course. Naruto, the old one, was gone and Itachi had to help this one. He was a child, yes, vulnerable and needing someone to look after him.
They leave the restaurant a little later, Naruto again looking at the market delights. Itachi smiles when Naruto smiles, and considers briefly why he does so. The answer isn't so clear.
"Come on Itachi, let's go in here!"
Itachi frowns as they enter an outdoor stage-theatre, puppets waiting on stage. It is meant for children, really, but Naruto looks at home amongst the youngest of the group, smiling and cross legged as he waits for the show to come alive.
Itachi pays little attention to the plot, a story about glorious Shinobi and daring Kunoichi. It's no doubt that this town has high hopes for their children to grow up and get away. It is a prosperous village, yes, but little left for younger people. Parents want a noble and proud career for their children, one that pays well. They don't realise that money isn't all that the job pays in; Itachi remembers dreams where he has woken in sweats, nightmares really, and can't remember his name.
Instead, he watches Naruto. Naruto's face falls and brightens through the play, yet it is not until they are back at their hotel that Itachi wonders if there is something more, something else he failed to notice.
But Naruto smiles his vulnerable smile, teeth flashing, and Itachi caves, ignoring his thoughts and smiling back. Naruto then presses a flower into his hand with a whispered ending,
"Itachi is my friend, I love him the most."
Itachi wishes this could be true, but it isn't. Naruto doesn't love him. Not if he was Naruto.
Finding it hard to breath and hard to fight the feeling that my heart just burst like a glass balloon.
It is a month and a day, Itachi wakes differently to any other day. He knows Angry Days, but Naruto has never woken to an Angry Day. Today of all days, Naruto is lying on his bed crying, shouting, and Itachi is glad he took the precaution of warding their room with a silencing Jutsu, generally used for torture-concealment.
"No, no, no!" The scream wrenches from Naruto's throat, unhumanly and powerful. Itachi knows the Kyuubi is still in there and wonders if these Angry Days show more of the Kyuubi than Naruto.
"Calm down Naruto, it's okay." Every Angry Day Itachi will console Naruto. It tires him out and he always falls head first into his own bed after Naruto has fallen asleep, but he survives them patiently. He is unsure now; all other Angry Days have been triggered in the afternoon.
"No it's not okay! How do you know that? It hurts so much and my head..." Naruto screams in frustration and anger, flinging his arms around so that the bed rattles. If he hadn't spoken, Itachi knows he would think Naruto posessed.
"I don't know anything," the growl continues and Itachi is, yet again, patient. "It hurts in my head and there's a block and nothing else. I don't know and I hate it, hate it, hate it, HATE IT!"
Itachi backs off, wiping his cheek where a drop of spittle has landed. He expects it, now, after the first time Naruto spat. He doesn't care and simply moves forward again, stilling Naruto shaking arms with his strong hands.
"You know more than you credit yourself with, Naruto. It's tough, I know, but you just have you-"
"You know nothing!" Naruto sits bolt upright, his eyes alight with fury and his jaw clenched so tightly Itachi worries for his teeth. "I hate you Itachi, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you."
Itachi has heard it before and ignores it. It hurts, as always, because Naruto is the only one Itachi cares for and acknowledges the care. Sasuke doesn't need it, the Akatsuki... well caring for them would be laughable, and he cares for Konoha to the ignorance of the world.
"Come on. Let's have breakfast."
The Angry Day gets worse. Naruto refuses to eat both breakfast and lunch, throwing the food either at the wall or at Itachi, screaming as he does so. He is constantly moving, flinging himself around the room or tearing at his head. He has deep pink scratches on his face, and Itachi has already tried to place gloves on him. Naruto bit him after that.
The evening draws closer, and Itachi wants to sleep. Naruto is prowling in the bathroom, the door open, and a shampoo bottle is thrown out, landing next to Itachi.
He doesn't know why Naruto regresses like this. He assumes this is the real Naruto, angry at being forced into childishness. It is the new Naruto's adverse reaction to the sealing. The Kyuubi flickers underneath, true, but so does Uzumaki Naruto. He is still in there, and Itachi quenches the false hope. He won't get Naruto back, not like this.
"Why is it you?" Naruto is at the door to the bathroom, toothpaste in his hand. He throws it on the ground and glares at Itachi. "Why are you the one here? I want to go home. You're not my friend, I hate you, hate you, hate you!"
Maybe it is because the words are so close to the truth that Itachi leaves, maybe it is because he is so tired he can't face it. He stands from the beds he had been sitting on, grits his jaw against the anger rising (he hasn't felt anger like this since Konoha asked him to kill his family), turning away from furious eyes before he does something he'll regret in the morning. Even if he hasn't been active this past month, Itachi is still a Shinobi.
He closes the door, leaving a no doubt fuming blond behind. Some days he can't take it, and Itachi knows there are huge shadows marking his face, next to the bruise on his cheekbone where Naruto hit him with the back of his knuckle. The teeth marks on his arms glow darker for a moment as he enters the busy bar, but Itachi doesn't care.
He's here to forget.
Three hours later, he can only just remember his own name. He is unsure if he asked for the name of his companion or if he has forgotten it. The woman is drunk, Itachi knows that they make a great pair at this moment in time, and he indulges her. She would not be his first choice, but he has to get as far away from the truth as possible, picking a woman who has Uchiha colouring.
Which of course brings up more painful memories of his time with Shisui, but Naruto is all that matters now.
And Naruto hates him.
The woman leads him to her flat and they have sex. It isn't the first one night stand Itachi has had, but it is the longest time since. There is nothing but the need to fuck, and the woman ends up screaming some other name anyway, rolling over when it's done and falling asleep.
Itachi follows suit.
They wake in the morning and the woman stares with disgust. Itachi supposes he looks at her like that too, but it doesn't stop either of them fucking again. It's different in the light; he can't pretend that it's Naruto.
When they're done, and Itachi pulls his shoes back on, the woman turns with a curious glint in her eyes.
"So who's the one you're in love with?"
Itachi stares blankly, the thought never having occured to him. The woman shrugs, thanks him for the sex and Itachi leaves.
Naruto. That is who he loves. The person who will hate him forever.
You never told me what it was that made you strong and what it was that made you weak
Itachi enters the hotel room quietly. He still stinks of alcohol, cigarettes and sex, but Naruto doesn't seem to care. He rushes as the door handle turns, and Itachi is greeted by an armful of blond.
"It hurts," he says, eyes wide and afraid. Itachi is unsure if this means he is still thinking of Angry Days, or if it is something else. "You left and it hurt."
Itachi feels like crying. Vulnerable, childish Naruto is back, and he hates him for it. The Uchiha is unsure if he would prefer Naruto to remain angry at him, because at least then there is no chance of raising hopes.
"I'm sorry," he says and means it from his heart. Naruto looks sad, and Itachi knows now why he feels sad too. He loves Naruto, always has deep down, and Naruto affects him like no other.
Naruto's eyes cloud over for a moment, and Itachi wonders if the Angry Day shifted something in him, or maybe Itachi's abandonment.
Because that's what it was. Itachi hates himself. He abandoned Naruto when he needed him to fuck a stranger. What for? He loves Naruto, and he had to forget. It is a pathetic excuse.
They spend the day quietly, Naruto curled up on his side on Itachi's bed as Itachi walks around the hotel room, clearing up the mess Naruto made in his Angry Day phase. There are toiletries all over the carpets and it takes a few hours before Itachi is satisfied the house maintenance won't mention anything.
"Can I give you a kiss?"
Itachi freezes as if someone has placed an iceburg down the back of his clothing. Naruto's face peers over the bed and Itachi is dangerously aware of every inch of himself. Every hair stands on end as Naruto rises up so he is level with Itachi.
The kiss is gently, no doubt something he has seen children give to their mothers, yet it unleashes emotions Itachi did not realise he was holding back. Instead of screaming as Itachi pushes him back, Naruto looks on curiously, his head dipping as Itachi kisses him properly, how he dreams of kissing Naruto.
Itachi makes love to Naruto. As saccharine as it sounds, he can't think of it as anything else. Naruto quivers underneath him, eyes wide and curious, and Itachi is softer with him than he will be with anyone, past or future.
Naruto sleeps in Itachi's bed that night, content and curled up beside Itachi. Itachi lays awake, loathing himself as he realises what he has just caused.
He feels dirty, disgusting. Naruto has the mind of a child, hates him, thinks of him lower than scum... and he took away his innocence. Naruto is vulnerable, and trusts Itachi.
Itachi wants to die.
Last night's love affair is looking vulnerable in my bed
Naruto wakes up alone, and his head hurts. He remembers. His body feels on fire, every nerve pulsing as he recounts the most recent of his memories, and he fights the urge to moan. Itachi isn't here, and he is worried. The last time Itachi left he hurt himself, without realising it.
Naruto was aware of it, but Itachi didn't know. Itachi sought to hurt himself, constantly punishing himself for things beyond the blond's comprehension. Itachi loves him, Naruto knows that much, but won't let himself love Naruto. It didn't make sense, but Naruto swears it is the truth.
The room is still dark, dawn being a few moments ago, and Itachi is shrouded in darkness. Naruto leaves the sheets, naked and unafraid. Itachi has seen every inch of him, worshipped every inch of him, and loves him.
"Itachi," he begins, and the Uchiha's head rises from where it was clutched between hands. Naruto can see blood vessels in the whites of his eyes and dark shadows. There are tooth marks on Itachi's pale, bare arm, and Naruto's stomach sinks as he realises he was the one to bite Itachi out of anger.
Naruto hates Angry Days. He is thankful, though, and knows he will never have such a huge Angry Day again.
Itachi shouldn't love him, not after everything Naruto has put him through (and will continue to put him through), but he does. Naruto is thankful of this too. Itachi has healed him, maybe not fully, but everything is there.
"I'm sorry Naruto." Itachi's voice is weak and full of hatred. Naruto doesn't flinch, realising Itachi hates himself at this moment. "I hate myself," he finishes, and Naruto's eyes widen. He has told Itachi so many times that he hates him yet it is a lie. Naruto doesn't hate him at all.
"I'll take you home. You'll be safe there, and far away from me. You may not agree at first, but it's for the best."
Naruto smiles, ignoring the way the window lets in a draught. He is cold, near shivering, but he has realised something. He realised it on the Angry Day, and knows he can never let it go.
"I love you Uchiha Itachi."
You never told me what it was that made you strong and what it was that made you weak
Itachi wants to curl up and die. He sees Naruto moving through the room, vulnerable in a different way. He is so trusting that he doesn't care who sees him, walking towards Itachi with no clothing. Humans, let alone Shinobi, rarely felt comfortable to shed everything to a partner, but when had Naruto followed the rules?
Itachi's heart plummets when Naruto is silent after he says he will take him home. For a moment he thinks that the blond will just accept it, and then thinks he will fly into a rage.
There is no forever, at least not for this Naruto and Itachi.
And then he speaks. Five words that, alone, are insignificant.
"I love you Uchiha Itachi."
Itachi knows Naruto loves him, but that is not what catches his heart. In all the time they have been here, Itachi has never told Naruto his family name.
"I love you and I'm not letting you take me anywhere. Konoha can survive without me, and it won't be forever that I'll stay away. I can visit, I can stand to lose the village, but I can't..."
Itachi watches as Naruto sinks down, his hands pressing on Itachi's knees. The words are unspoken but they both know a life without the other would be meaningless.
Itachi is wrong about a lot of things. It occurs when Naruto is involved, from the moment he survives having part of the Kyuubi ripped from him to the moment where he remembers, accepts and loves.
This time, Itachi doesn't mind being wrong.
We've got obsessions, I want to wipe out all the sad ideas that come to me when I am holding you
Notes:
I know I have yet to complete CSDR, which I really should do, but I had a great urge to write this. And considering I haven't written anything in a while I think it's good. :D Maybe not, but it's Christmas so everyone has to be nice.
So this is my gift to everyone, really, whether you liked it or not. The title doesn't really have a meaning... it's just I needed one and couldn't think of anything else that would work.
The title comes from a song by the artist the line breaks come from, Marina and the Diamonds. So the songs I used are:
Obsessions
Seventeen
Mowgli's Road
Hermit the Frog
I recommend her. She has a lovely voice.
Thank you very much for reading, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!