Hmm, I really don't know how I feel about this. This isn't like I originally planned at all. I guess it just kind of came out that way. Eh, what can you do? Here's my bizarre mixture of angst and fluff which is totally OOC on Beyond's part. I'm sorry.
Disclaimer: I don't own, shocker, right?
Beyond remembers the first time he visited the graveyard with Anastasia by his side in her luminescent glory. Her beautiful blonde curls bouncing around her, those sparkling blue eyes the color of the ocean and sky and sapphires staring at him like they could see all of his secrets. The secrets he kept hidden from everyone. Everyone except her, of course.
She tells him that their going to her secret place, the place where she escapes the world and the pressures of Wammy House. He follows her blindly, he'd follow her to the ends of the earth if she wished it so. He trails after his precious Ana like a lovesick puppy because he's caught up in everything about her. The way she loves the world, life, everyone, him. She loves him. She doesn't look at him and see all his faults, she looks at him and see's all his benefits. Sometimes he wishes she would see his faults instead. Then there would be a less chance of her being hurt in the end, because she will be if she remains faithfully by his side.
The two best friends, Anastasia and Beyond, visit the grave of her parents. The family was in a car accident on the way to one of Ana's ballet recitals. She managed to escape the scene with only a few minor scars mutilating her pale white skin, angry red scars that stick out like blood against snow. She thinks they make her look like a contaminated freak, he thinks they make her look beautiful. They make her look real.
They, A and B, sit in silence. The peaceful, comforting silence you get only in the presence of a best friend. The kind of friend that could read your emotions, the only person you wanted to be around when you turned everyone else away. The kind of companion who made you homemade strawberry jam. That was obviously true love, in the eyes of him at least.
Anastasia exchanges a few small words with her parents tombstone, uncaring about the fact that her parents can't contribute to the conversation. She asks them questions but does not wait for their answers because she knows she can't receive any. She traces their names on the tombstone with her pinky finger while Beyond absently plucks clumps of grass from the ground. He feels out of place but doesn't care. If she wants him there then that's exactly where he'll be.
When Ana starts talking about Beyond he can feel the blood flow directly to his hollowed cheeks. He silently curses being pale because it makes the blush painfully obvious by the fiery red color in his face. He doesn't want her to see him like this. She says only good things, how he's always there for her and how they spend their Saturdays making peanut butter and jam sandwiches. She likes peanut butter, he likes jam, a match made in heaven. He feels like he's one of those eligible suitors meeting the parents of the girl he likes.
It makes him even more uncomfortable.
They leave soon after that, for they left Wammy's House without telling Rodger. He'd certainly found out by now about their absence and was probably boiling with rage. The thought alone makes the trip worthwhile but not as much as the contented smile etched upon Anastasia's face. No words are exchanged on the two mile walk back to Wammy's, no words are needed to be said.
…
Beyond remembers the second time he visited the graveyard with Anastasia by his side. It's different, very different. It's one year later and his best friend is slowly deteriorating right in front of his eyes. The pressures of Wammy's House are growing too strong. Knowing that any day the current L could be killed resulting in her having to take his position is weighing heavily on the blonde's shoulders. Their test results are nearly identical, depending on the day either one of them could be plucked from Wammy's and thrown into a life of danger and mystery. Beyond is worried as well, only an idiot wouldn't be. He's taking it better then her because he was never really good with the situation in the first place.
Backup, Backup, Backup.
B tries to help her. He wants nothing more then to help her. She's just pushing him away making his fears become a reality. She's finally seeing the bad person that he is and she's disgusted by it. She's finally coming to her sense and realizing that she could do oh so much better then him. It hurts, more then he imagined it would. It feels like someone is ripping his heart out leaving an empty, searing hole in his chest.
They walk to the grave in silence because there are no words that could possibly be said. The silence is uncomfortable. Beyond glances at her occasionally trying to gauge her facial expressions. He's met with a blank and empty stare that frightens him to no end. Her happiness is gone. The twinkle in her eyes is gone. Her hair that once flowed freely down to her back is plaited in a greasy banana yellow braid. She walks with no energy or excitement. Ana is gone. She's been replaced by some weak, pathetic excuse for a girl.
The two best friends (who are growing further apart second by second) reach the gate to the graveyard. Anastasia pauses causing Beyond to stop abruptly and stare at her in question.
"I... I think you should stay behind today." Anastasia whispers softly.
Beyond can't believe it. He doesn't want to believe it. They do everything together, absolutely everything. Ever since they met each other they were like two halves of the same whole. It wasn't A. it wasn't B. It was always A and B or B and A.
Beyond only nods because he doesn't trust himself to not say something stupid. He watches as she walks away with an indescribable feeling bubbling beneath his skin. He can feel her slipping away like beach sand through his fingers. He's been reduced to watching the seconds of her life tick away right before his eyes and knowing there's nothing he can do to stop it. He's fighting an inner battle with the voices inside his head, the ones who whisper things in his ears. The ones that tell him to do things that he doesn't want to do. The ones he tells no one about because he knows that if he did he would be labeled a psychopath. Those voices.
He watches from the gate as Anastasia collapses next to her parents gravestones. He takes a footstep forward but then reluctantly stops himself because there are some battles that simply must be fought alone.
So, with reluctance, Beyond watches as Anastasia, his Ana, breaks.
He watches her break until the final night where she puts the gun to her head and pulls the trigger.
…
Today is the final time Beyond will visit the graveyard with Anastasia absent from his side but not from his memories. She's what keeps him going, his motivation. He could never forget her but it's not that he would ever want to.
The graveyard isn't comforting to him anymore. It no longer holds the appeal to him because Beyond has grown from a morbid, obsessed teenager to a brutal serial killer with a lust for revenge and the tainted blood of his victims.
Long ago had he let the insanity take control of him. Ana was the only thing that kept the real him contained and now that she was gone he no longer had to burden himself with self-control. He felt more free now and he thanked her for that. He would give up the freedom to be with her, though. He would give up absolutely anything to hold her again, to speak for only a few moments. He wanted to apologize for everything he did wrong. He wanted to tell her that he missed her.
When Beyond reaches her tombstone he places a single red rose upon her grave. He almost went with a white rose since white is the color of innocence and purity but decided against it. Red was the color of the blood that spewed from the bodies of his kills, the murders he committed brutally for her. Red was the color of his eyes that always fascinated her so. Wasn't red the color of love, as well? He doesn't consider what the two of them have as love. He considers it something so much deeper. Love was for silly teenagers and stupid children. They share a passion, an intense devotion to one another. They have something special. They always will.
"Hello Ana," Beyond greets enthusiastically as he plops down beside her grave on his butt, happy to be out of his required crouching position. L is a silly man with odd quirks. Eating too many sweets, always sitting in his odd way. He's just a sad little man with socially impolite ways. He was suppose to worship this man, feel such respect for him yet all B felt was disgust and hostility. It was worth it though, soon it would all be over.
Soon he would be with his precious Ana again.
"Are you proud of me Ana?" B questions as his skeletal fingers slowly trace the name etched in the tombstone. "I did all of this for you. I did it all so you would be proud of me." His voice is sounding slightly hysterical, something he really needs to work on keeping in check. He pauses and takes in a large gulp of air to calm his nerves. "We'll be together soon. I promise."
Somewhere, somewhere deep deep down, Beyond knows what he's doing is wrong. He knows that the voices inside his head are abusing him terribly, using him as a puppet on a string. He knows that if Anastasia was alive she would hate him for his deeds, she would call him a monster. Regrettably, he knows that he will never be seeing his previous Ana ever again. If their really is a God then A will be an angel in heaven and B will rot in hell.
But - blissfully unaware of these things that he denies knowing - Beyond attempts to commit suicide that night. He feels the fire lick at his skin, burning horribly, and knows he's now that much closer to her. The burning sensation doesn't hurt much after that. But that girl, pesky Naomi Misora, stops him at the very last second. She cuffs him and locks him away in an empty prison cell, empty of everything but his thoughts of Anastasia. She's a silly girl, sillier then L or anyone he's ever known. Naomi with her love for Raye Penbar knows nothing about having your beloved taken away from you. He hopes that one day she will. It won't hurt much, all those two have is love.
In the end Kira goes down as a hero in Beyond's book. Kira gives Beyond what he has wanted for so long.
Kira gives Beyond his Ana back.