When she was mine
We put Vanessa to rest, her coffin covered with earth and tears. She is gone. My son is gone. Mina is gone, my wife is gone. Ethan says we're family now... me and him. It's just the two of us, destroyed by the loss of the woman we both loved.
I go to my room, and images of Vanessa flash in my mind...the little girl playing with Mina, back when she was innocent and happy, before all the darkness had touched her. Vanessa, the exotic clairvoyant, sophisticated and cold...demonic Vanessa, with her visions. Vanessa, the egyptian goddess, the mother of evil... Religious, stern Vanessa, searching for light and salvation.
But in my arms, she was just Vanessa, naked Vanessa, our bodies intertwined, her pleasure as intense as her eyes, moaning, hips moving under me.
I can't remember when it first happened...maybe a year, two years ago. I heard noises coming from her room and went to check on her. She was sitting on her bed, disheveled and sweating. She had a dream (with Dracula? Lucifer? Am not sure) and was crying and shaking. I sat beside her and hug her, like I would hug a child who had a nightmare. I kissed her face, wet with tears. She stared at me with those beautiful, piercing blue eyes, her black hair framing her face..that face, the face that launched a thousand ships, the face of the earth mother, the face of the lover every man dreams of. I kissed her lips, lightly... she kissed me back, ferociously, and suddenly we were past the point of return, naked, breathing heavily, I had to be inside her or I would die.
Since then, we were lovers. Silent lovers. We didn't talk about it. No one could know. It didn't happen every night, not even every month; It was only when she wanted me, when she summoned me, and those times I understood why all the forces of good and evil wanted that woman... she was a constellation, a black hole, she was the vital force of sex and desire and torment and love.
The last time I had her in my arms she begged me not to leave. But I had to. And now I come back to find her dead. I am dead, too. And I can't even talk to Ethan about it. Let the boy have his memories of Vanessa intact, mine will haunt me forever.
I finally fall asleep and dream of her. I will never have her again. That is my hell. That is my penance.
Oh the times I buried my head in the dark cloud of her hair, the times I had to cover her mouth with my hands so others couldn't hear her moan. All the times when she was mine...