Chapter 1

It was a dark day out, this was nothing new I mean Seattle was practically famous for these days. But today it felt more significant, maybe it was the sterile smell or the sound of the heart monitor but the rainy day felt darker and harder. I knew it was back, I can't explain how but I just did. Ever since Tuesday I felt the same dull pain but I ignored it prayed for it not to be true, to go away. So I kept ignoring it but then on Monday, last night the pain was unbearable, so I called 911 and Dad. I could hear the suffering in his voice because he knew what this meant too.

I can't imagine how he must feel. Ray has always been one of those guys that would do anything to help people, to lessen their suffering. I can't even imagine how he felt watching me suffer a few years ago. He was completely helpless he had no one to help him through it, mom left years ago and we didn't really have any other family it was just us. That is why I fought so hard, so I could be there for him. But now he has Jane and their kids, it's not like they don't love me or ignore me. Jane is really sweet but still it's just different now. I am glad Ray has them, he deserves a family, more than me. Right now I am happier about it that I have ever been. I got diagnosed with ovarian cancer when i was 13, it took a year of chemo and surgery but I beat did a complete hysterectomy, i can never have kids of my own but I have come to terms with that. It's been 7 years since that, I have finished high school, and I am starting my 4th year of college. But right now that feels like a distant memory, I feel like I'm 13 all over again waiting to hear what is wrong with me.

When I got to the hospital they ran all the tests and now I'm waiting for the results, once again. I sent Ray home around 5 this morning, he looked exhausted and him sitting here wasn't helping anyone. He promised to come by this morning with Jane. I want to see them of course but I am scared that Jane will look at me with pity. That has always been my biggest pet peeve, people feeling sorry for me, I get it i feel sorry for me too. Being 13 and 14 is hard enough without everyone constantly staring at you like your are going to roll over and die any second now.

I am pulled out of my thoughts when Grace walks in, she has treated me ever since I was first brought here. She is the only one I have ever been able to stand. She never looked at me like some sick dying kid or a list of symptoms and treatments. She looks angelic as always in her with lab coat and perfect hair and face.

"Hey sweetie, how are you doing? What's been going on? What's new? Oh sweet girl I missed you!" She says all this while squeezing me in her arms. I know she isn't asking about the cancer, that is why i love her.

"I've been good busy with school and everything! How are you?" I say, with my first smile of the day

"Oh same old same old, as soon as i heard your name i ran up here. Why didn't you have them page me right away? You know I would have been up here in a heartbeat!?"

"Yes I know i didn't want to bother you i came in late last night. I knew you would hunt me down when you came." I say laughing

"So what has got you back sweet girl? I know you didn't just come to see me" with that I remember why i am here. Grace has a way of making you forget about all the bad in the world.

"I think it's back" I say while silently begging my voice to stay strong and not break "I felt it since Tuesday but last night it got really bad. They ran the tests and now I'm waiting"

"Oh sweetie, we will worry about that later is we have to, we don't know anything yet"

I just give her a half smile and we sit in comfortable silence for a minute or two until her phone rings.

" Sorry give me one second"

"Hello" she listens for a few seconds

"Oh sweetie I forgot about that." I quickly tell her not to cancel anything because of me

"Alright why don't you meet me up and we'll decide from then"

"I love you. I'll see you soon"

"Elliot?" I ask. I met her family a few years ago we had dinner they were very nice people but after a while we lost touch.

"No, it was Christian, remember my other son, he was in college when we had dinner?"

"Oh, yeah." I had forgotten about that it was like 5 years ago

"Do you mind if I invite him up here? He wants to go grab lunch"

"Of course not" I want to meet him i loved the rest of her family. I'm sure i'll like him too.

We talk for what seems like a few minutes but it's just about an hour. I tell her about school, I told her I decided on going into publishing and how I already have 2 offers. She tells me how proud she is of me but not at all surprised because with my passion for books and brain she always knew I was going places. Grace has always been like the mom I always wanted. She tells me about her life, how Mia is in Paris for cooking school and Elliot and Christian both have their own business. I have heard about Elliot's construction company it's huge in Seattle. Grace's phone rings again, this time she steps out. It's probably about a patient and she can't talk about it in front of me. I take that moment to examine how I feel, all I can think about is beat up. I'm filled with dread because I know what will happen but I don't know if I can fight it.

While deep in my depressing thoughts I hear a knock on the door, I assume it's a nurse to check my vitals so I just say "come in." When I actually look up I find myself staring and the hottest most handsome man I have ever seen dressed in a perfect gray suit which makes his perfect gray eyes pop even more. "Whoa" is all that I think. He's staring too, that when I realize where I am once again. God I probably look like death in this stupid hospital bed.